"Buried Secret"
Author: Michelle
Email: michellabella52478@yahoo.com
Dedication: To Amanda, whose challenge
made me want to write B/A fic again after my decision to retire from fanfic.
Notes: // \\ denotes flashback
Sitting alone on one of the benches outside the Los Angeles Bus Depot, Buffy watched as the people passed her by. Nobody seemed to notice her, something for which she was grateful. All she wanted was to be alone with her thoughts. Thoughts of her, of Angel and of their baby; the baby he didn't even know about. The baby she had the difficult talk of raising on her own.
"Excuse me, miss," Buffy heard a voice say. Looking up, she saw a man no older than twenty-three standing to her left. "Are you okay?"
"What makes you think I'm not okay?" she questioned him.
The sandy-haired man sat down next to her, staring in her green eyes. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to seem forward or anything of the sort. You just look so sad, I thought something might be on your mind."
"There is, but it's nothing I care to discuss with a complete stranger," Buffy said. "No offense. You seem like a nice guy and all, but..."
He nodded his head. "No, I understand. But they say it's sometimes best to tell your problems to a complete stranger. We're not judgemental."
"You sound like a psychiatrist."
"Close. I'm a psychology major, working on my Master's Degree. Actually, I'm a student teacher at UC Sunnydale. My name is Riley Finn."
'UC Sunnydale. God, why doesn't that surprise me? Of course he's from Sunnydale. What if he knows Angel? What if he tells Angel he saw me? I-I can't let that happen.' "It's nice to meet you, Riley. But I should get going now." She stood up to leave.
"Where are you staying? I'll go with you, make sure you get there okay. L.A.'s not the safest place to be alone," offered Riley.
"I...I don't have anyplace to stay. At least not right now."
He eyeballed her. There was definitely something the tiny blonde wasn't telling him. But he could tell she was scared and alone; definitely something he could easily take advantage of. "Don't you have family here? You're not staying with someone? A friend, maybe?"
"No. I don't have anyone. I'm all alone," she lied. But hadn't given much thought to her living arrangements. The only thing she had been concerned with was getting the hell out of Sunnydale.
"Do you at least have a name?" he wanted to know.
"It's Anne," Buffy lied once again. "Anne Winters."
"Well, Anne Winters, since you don't have anyplace to stay tonight, you can stay with me. I have a hotel room down the street," he mentioned to her.
Buffy shook her head. "No thanks. It's really not necessary, Riley. Thanks anyway."
"I know what you're thinking," Riley began. "But don't worry, I don't bite. Trust me, I'll be a perfect gentleman."
Against her better judgement, Buffy allowed him to lead the way to his hotel room.
"Any luck, Angel?" Willow asked her childhood friend.
Angel shook his head solemnly. "Nothing. It's like she fell off the face of the planet or something. Nobody has seen or heard from her and I'm getting really worried. What if something bad happened to her?"
Willow patted his shoulder in an effort to comfort him. She could see how much Buffy's disappearance was hurting him. "Buffy'll turn up eventually. She loves you, trust me, she won't be gone for long."
"She loves me?" he repeated incredulously. "Will, if she loves me so much, why didn't she come to me with whatever's bothering her? I'm her boyfriend, Buffy knows she can tell me anything."
"Maybe this is something she couldn't tell you," she said. The redhead knew deep in her heart that her best friend had run away because of the outcome of her pregnancy test, and an obvious confrontation with her mother.
He studied Willow for a moment, seeing something flash in her eyes. Though he couldn't pinpoint it, Angel would swear it was an awareness. "You know why she left, don't you?" Angel questioned.
"No, I don't." She vehemently shook her head. Willow had never been a good liar, but in this case she wasn't lying. At least not about all of it. She really *didn't* know what caused Buffy to leave.
Feeling dejected, Angel dropped himself on the couch in his apartment. "I don't get it. Buffy and I have never kept secrets from one another. She knew she could trust me, and she knows how much I love her. I'd do anything for her. What is so awful that she couldn't tell me?"
"I wish I knew, Angel."
"Was there someone else?" he wondered aloud.
"No! Heavens no! You're the only thing Buffy ever thought about. Angel, you're her entire world. How can you even think she'd love someone else?"
He bit his lip and closed his eyes. "I gave her everything I could. She had all of me; my heart, my body and my soul. Do you know what I did last weekend? I went shopping for an engagement ring for her. I called my parents and told them that on Christmas Day I wanted to ask Buffy to marry me. They were happy for me; I was happy for me. I had everything, Will. And now that she's gone, I have nothing."
Willow hadn't realized how serious Angel was about his and Buffy's relationship. 'Buffy, if you only knew how much you are breaking his heart,' she said to herself. "Don't say stuff like that. She'll come back."
"I hope so. 'Cause if she doesn't, I don't know if I'll be able to go on without her," Angel stated.
When she woke up the following morning, Buffy found herself in an unfamiliar room. She didn't recognize anything, and when she sat up in bed, a chill ran over her. Glancing down, she discovered she was naked from the waist up. 'Oh god oh god oh god,' Buffy thought.
Hearing the sound of snoring in the bed next to her, she slowly turned her head and was shocked by what she saw – a blonde-haired man sleeping contentedly, a smile playing upon his handsome features. He looked familiar, but she couldn't place the man, and he certainly wasn't Angel. No, Angel was probably at his apartment in Sunnydale, blissfully unaware that his girlfriend was lying naked in bed with a strange man.
Buffy didn't need to be told what happened the night before; it was fairly obvious to her by her state of undress that she and the sleeping man had slept together. Though she wasn't able to recall the specific details of the encounter, the mere thought of it nauseated her. How could she have cheated on Angel that way?
Disgusted with herself, Buffy silently slipped out of bed and got dressed. Without even a backwards glance, she grabbed her belongings and headed out the door, leaving Buffy Summers behind her forever. For the rest of her life, she'd be Anne Winters.
9 Years Later
"Mom! Guess what!" Steven Winters shouted as he ran through the front door of the apartment he lived in with his mother.
Buffy looked up from the article she was revising. Her deadline for it was ten the following morning, but she dropped what she was doing when her son came home from school. It was something she always did, no matter how busy she was. "What is it, honey?"
Her eight-and-a-half year old son grinned at her, proudly displaying his missing front tooth and a piece of paper with a 100% written in red ink. "I lost my tooth! You know, the really wiggly one. And Mrs. Hatmer gave us our Spelling test back today and I got a hundred! A hundred! I studied and studied all night and got a hundred."
His mother took the paper from Steven and gave him a big smile. He reminded her so much of Angel; Steven had his dark hair and chocolate eyes, as well as his personality. She remembered Mrs. Williams showing her photographs of Angel as a child, and their son was the spitting image of his father. Sometimes, at night, she'd stand in the doorway of Steven's bedroom and watch him sleep, imagining Angel was standing there with her, just as proud of their son as she was. But she knew that wasn't to be.
"That's great, sweetie." Buffy inspected the gap between Steven's teeth. "Did you bring the tooth home with you so you can leave it for the tooth fairy?"
Steven reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out the tooth, which he'd wrapped in a tissue. "Got it. How much do you think the tooth fairy's gonna leave me this time?"
"Well, I'm not sure what the going rate is for front teeth these days, but I'd say around two dollars. I'm not the tooth fairy, so I don't know," his mother explained. "Now, let me see that Spelling test."
The third grader handed his mother the test, and watched anxiously while she went over it. "Are you happy, Mom? I was the only one in my whole class to get a hundred."
"I'm very proud of you, Steven," Buffy told him. "Why don't you hang it up on the refrigerator for everyone to see?"
"Okay. Can I call Lindsey and tell him? He said to tell him how I did."
Buffy shook her head. "Lindsey's in court all day today, Steven. He can't get any calls; the judge won't be very happy with him if his cell phone starts ringing in the middle of testimony. You can tell him at dinner tonight. And since you did so well on your Spelling test, you get to pick what we're having."
"I want cheeseburgers!" Steven said enthusiastically.
Buffy chuckled. "You got it, bud. Now, go start your homework and if you finish it early enough, you can watch a movie after dinner."
"X-Men 4?"
"If you want. But you have to finish your homework," she reminded him. "All of it."
"I will!" Excited at the prospect of being able to watch his favorite movie, Steven skipped to his bedroom to start his homework.
"So, how was your day?" Lindsey McDonald asked his girlfriend that evening as they cuddled on the couch in the living room. The couple sat with a bowl of popcorn on Buffy's lap in the darkened room while Steven sat on the floor, concentrating on the movie.
"It was okay. Worked on the article I'm writing for Reader's Digest. And I did some preliminary outlining on the article about single mothers," she informed him. "And I talked to my mom this morning."
Lindsey nodded. "How did that go?"
"She wants to see Steven."
"When?"
Buffy frowned. "This weekend. I don't have a problem with her seeing him, but she wants me to drive down to Sunnydale instead of meeting halfway like we usually do. I'm not sure if I feel comfortable going back there."
"It's been nine years since you left, Anne. Maybe it's time to bury those old demons and face the past."
"I get what you're saying. I'm just afraid of who I might see, and who might see me and Steven if we do go to Sunnydale."
He nodded in understanding. "I get it. You're afraid of running into Steven's father."
"That's part of it."
Sighing, the lawyer wrapped his arms around Buffy's waist. There was still so much about his girlfriend of two years he didn't know, so much she wouldn't share with him. He wished she would open up with him about her past. "Did things really go that badly with him? I never understood why you're so afraid of going back to Sunnydale."
"There would be too many questions to answer if I go back. When I left Sunnydale, I just took off. It was right after I found out I was pregnant. I never even said goodbye to my friends, I just left my mom a note and took the first bus to L.A.. I didn't even call my mom until after I had Steven."
"And his father?" Lindsey questioned.
"Doesn't even know he exists."
"Don't you think he has a right to know he has a son, Anne?"
Buffy shook her head. "We were too young, Lindsey. I was barely seventeen and he was eighteen when I got pregnant. Trust me, he's better off not knowing where we are, or that Steven is his child. I'm sure he's off living a wonderful life, married with his own children. He doesn't need us ruining what he has."
The sound of the doorbell ringing interrupted Joyce Summers' train of thought. She had called Buffy earlier that day to schedule a date when she could see both her and Steven, but had only been given the runaround. Every month they met at a neutral place halfway between Sunnydale and Los Angeles, although this time Joyce didn't want to make the hour-long trip to the playground they usually meet at. No, she wanted Buffy and Steven to come to Sunnydale. She assumed Buffy believed she had an ulterior motive, which wasn't the case.
Drying her hands on the towel hanging off the oven door, she made her way to the front door. When she opened it, she found her daughter's ex-boyfriend standing on the front porch. "Angel," Mrs. Summers said in surprise. "I wasn't expecting to see you here."
"I apologize for not calling first," he told her. "I was driving home from Kate's apartment and thought I'd stop by. Hope I didn't disturb you."
"Not at all. Come in, I was finishing up the dishes but that can wait." She held the door open as Angel walked through and entered the living room. "Is everything okay?"
Angel nodded, sitting down on the couch. "Yeah, everything's great. Don't have much to complain about."
"And things are going well with Kate, I presume?" Mrs. Summers questioned.
He managed a small smile when he thought about his girlfriend of eighteen months, Kate Lockley. They'd met when she spoke at the elementary school he taught at and began seeing each other shortly thereafter. At first she reminded him of Buffy with her small build and blonde hair, but he quickly realized their differences and started to fall for the female police officer. "Things are good. I haven't been this happy in years, not since..."
"Since Buffy left," she finished.
"Exactly. And that's the reason I stopped by, Mrs. Summers. I loved Buffy, so much so that I thought I'd never get over her leaving. It tore my heart in two and I honestly believed I'd never fall in love again. And now I think I have."
"You feel guilty for falling in love again. With Kate."
Angel bit his lip and nodded his head. "Yeah. I know it's been years, and a part of me still thinks Buffy's going to walk through that door and back into my life. And I know for a fact I'd welcome her back with open arms. But I need to accept that she's probably not coming back and move on with my life. I'm pushing thirty, I can't keep pining away for the love I lost when I was nineteen. I want a wife and children, and I know I'm not going to have it with Buffy no matter how much I still want to."
"Are you asking me for permission to move on?"
"In a way. You're my last remaining link to her and I feel like I need to ask your permission before I take things any further with Kate," Angel explained.
'Oh, I wish I could tell you, Angel, that you have a permanent link to her. Your son, who looks so much like you.' She wanted so badly to tell him about Steven and where he could find them, but she knew Buffy would never forgive her, then possibly take off forever. "You know, I've always thought of you as a son as soon as I realized how much Buffy loved you. Angel, you deserve to be happy; I can't begrudge you your happiness just because you found it with someone other than Buffy. And I know she wants you to be happy, too."
"You really mean that?" he asked.
"Of course I do."
Angel let out the breath he'd been holding. "Have you, um, talked to her recently?" He knew she still heard from Buffy occasionally.
"Not too long ago. She–" Mrs. Summers was interrupted by the shrill of the telephone ringing. "It's like Grand Central Station in here today. Hold on a second while I answer that."
She walked into the kitchen and picked up the phone on the fourth ring. "Hello?" she answered.
"Hiya, Mom. It's me."
Mrs. Summers' heart nearly stopped. "Buffy? Is everything okay?" She tried to keep her voice low so that Angel didn't hear her. What she didn't know was that he *had* heard her and was on his way over.
"I'm fine, Mom. So is Steven. I'm only calling to let you know that we'll be there Saturday if you still want us to come."
"I'd love it."
"We'll be there after one on Saturday," Buffy told her. "Steven's looking forward to going to Grandma's house. So am I."
"Me, too, honey. I think–"
Angel grabbed the telephone from Mrs. Summers' hand. He needed to talk to Buffy, needed to hear her voice after all these years. "Buffy? Buffy, is that really you?" he demanded breathlessly.
There was silence on the other end of the line for several moments. Angel feared she'd hung up until he heard the sound of her breathing. "A-Angel?" she asked, her voice so low it was nearly a whisper.
"It's really you. Where are you? Where have you been? Why did you take off like that? I need to see you."
"I c-can't. No. I–" She hung up the phone.
"Buffy!" shouted Angel. He pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at the receiver in shock. "She hung up on me."
Mrs. Summers shook her head. "Why did you do that, Angel? You probably scared her half to death, no wonder Buffy hung up like that."
"I needed to talk to her."
As much as she cared for Angel, he'd made a big mistake by attacking Buffy on the phone the way he had. She didn't blame her daughter for hanging up on him. "Then you should have given me a chance to tell her you were here, given her the opportunity to decide if she wanted to talk to you."
"And she didn't want to," he deduced.
"Apparently not."
Angel cast his eyes to the ground. He'd been wrong to do what he did. And it might have cost him the woman he still loved with his entire being. "Mrs. Summers, you know why she left, don't you?"
"Yes, I do."
"Is it because of me? Was it something I did? Is that why she acted the way she did on the phone?" he wanted to know.
"I can't answer those questions, Angel. Any chance you had of finding out why Buffy left was blown when you played twenty questions with her just now. Now I don't even know if she trusts *me* anymore."
"I'm so sorry. I didn't think."
She sighed. "No, you didn't. Move on, it's what Buffy wants you to do. I think that would be best for everyone right now."
Buffy's entire body was shaking after she slammed the telephone down. The last person she expected to hear on the other end of the telephone was Angel. It took her by surprise, and she found herself so overwhelmed with emotion she had to hang up the phone. She couldn't answer his questions and the sound of his voice made her want to cry.
"Anne?" Lindsey asked. "What's wrong?" He'd come into the kitchen and found his girlfriend shaking like a leaf.
"He was there."
"Who?"
"Steven's father. He was at Mom's house. He took the phone away from her and started asking me all these questions I couldn't answer."
Lindsey made his way over to embrace her. "What did you say to him?"
She shook her head and let her boyfriend hold her. "Nothing. I couldn't say anything, Lindsey. I hung up on him because I was scared."
"You don't think your mom had anything to do with it, do you?"
"No, she had no idea I was calling her tonight. He probably just stopped by and happened to be there when I called."
"What are you going to do?"
Buffy looked up into Lindsey's blue eyes. "Well, I'm definitely not going to Sunnydale on Saturday. I can't go back there, not now. Maybe not ever."
"Mom? Why aren't we going to Grandma's house today?" Steven asked his mother Saturday morning as he and Buffy sat down for breakfast at the kitchen table.
Buffy poured milk into her son's cereal bowl. "Because I called Grandma and she's not feeling well. We're gonna have to see her another time. I'm sorry, honey. Maybe in a couple weeks."
"How come Grandma never comes to visit us?"
She sighed. Steven was an intelligent boy who liked to ask a million questions. There were times when his inquisitive nature grated on her nerves, but she never let him see it. "Because she doesn't like to travel long ways. Maybe you can call her when we get home from shopping. Now, the faster you eat your breakfast the faster we can buy you the new clothes you need."
He scrunched his nose in distaste. "I hate shopping."
"Well, if you'd stop growing so darn fast we wouldn't have to buy you new clothes every two or three months." She rubbed her knuckles across the top of his head, messing up his chestnut brown hair.
"I can't help it. I'm a growing boy. That's what Lindsey says."
"You certainly are, Steven. You're going to be a big boy. A very tall boy."
He turned his head to look at his mother. "Mom, was my real dad tall?"
His question took her by surprise. Steven almost never asked questions about his father. Buffy had explained to him that he never met his father and that he lived far away, but that she had lived his father very much. "Yeah, he's a tall guy. A lot taller than me, so you better hope you get to be as tall as him. You don't want to be short like your mom, do you?"
"No way! I wanna be tall, even taller than Lindsey!" he exclaimed.
"Then eat your breakfast."
Buffy held up a black and red striped polo shirt. "What about this one, Steven? Wanna try this one on?"
"Ew! I don't like stripes. I only like black and blue and green," the eight-year-old told her.
'Just like Angel,' she thought. 'Always wearing dark colors.' She found it funny how much alike father and son were, despite never having met. "All right. We'll look for black and blue and green. But it wouldn't kill you to add a little color to your wardrobe."
"Yes it would."
"Brat," she mumbled. Steven grinned and grabbed a navy blue shirt off the rack, handing it to his mother. She looked at the size and handed it back to him when she saw that it was her son's size. "Go try it on and I'll find a few more shirts for you."
Steven took off in the direction of the changing room. "Black and blue and green, Mom!" he called.
"Yeah yeah yeah."
As she searched through the rack for more shirts, Buffy didn't notice when a tall, sandy-haired man came up behind her. Finding three more shirts for Steven, she turned around quickly and walked right into the man. "I didn't look where I was walking. I'm so sorry," she apologized.
"I thought that was you, Anne," the man said, giving her the once-over. "The brown hair threw me for a minute but your voice gives you away."
Lifting her head, Buffy looked into the blue eyes of the graduate student she had run into her first day in Los Angeles nine years earlier. After waking up in his bed, naked and with no memory of how she got that way, she tried to forget Riley Finn ever existed. "Oh."
"I was wondering whatever happened to you."
"Why?" she wanted to know.
Riley reached out to touch Buffy's cheek. She backed away until her back made contact with the hangers on the rack directly behind her. "Because I was worried something might have happened to you. You weren't there when I woke up in the morning."
"Can you blame me?" Buffy accused. "I woke up, naked as a jaybird, in the bed of a man I'd only known a few hours. Especially when I don't recall how I'd gotten in that position in the first place."
"You wanted to just as much as I did."
"Really?" She didn't believe him, not for a minute. "Did I outright tell you I wanted to sleep with you? Because I highly doubt I did willingly." 'Not when I knew I was pregnant and still very much in love with my baby's father.'
Riley frowned, not liking what she was implying. "Well, you definitely didn't say no."
"Did I have a choice?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Figure it out for yourself, I'm sure you're a smart man."
When she tried to walk around Riley to get to Steven in the changing room, she found her son standing to her right with a quizzical look in his brown eyes. "Mom? Who's the stranger you're talking to?" he wanted to know.
Riley bent down to Steven's level. "My name's Riley Finn. I'm an old friend of your mom's. What's your name?"
"I'm Steven Winters."
"Well, hello, Steven Winters. How old are you?" Riley asked. The boy didn't look much older than seven or eight years old.
Steven held up eight fingers. "I'm eight-and-a-half. But I'll be nine in a couple months. Mom says I'm gonna be a big boy when I grow up. Just like my dad."
"Steven, did the shirt fit you?" his mother questioned.
The young boy nodded his head. "Uh-huh. It fit perfect. Are we gonna get it?"
"Yep." She handed him the other shirts she held. "Go stand in line by the cash registers. I'll be there in a minute."
"Okay. Bye, Riley," Steven said before running toward the checkout lines.
"Cute kid," Riley commented. "Eight-and-a-half years old, huh? If my math's right, that means you got yourself pregnant around the same time we met. You aren't by chance hiding my son from me, are you, Anne? 'Cause that wouldn't be a wise thing to do."
Buffy took a deep breath. Though she didn't want to be, she found herself somewhat intimidated by Riley Finn. "Steven's not your son. He doesn't have a father. Just me." 'Liar. He does have a father. You just never told him he has a son.'
"Then you won't mind proving it. I have every reason to believe that little boy is my flesh and blood child. The age is about right. And if he is, I have rights," he said, his voice getting threateningly low.
"I have nothing to prove, Riley. Now leave me alone."
He grabbed her wrist, holding her tightly. "You'll be hearing from me. Very soon. If that kid is my son, I'll take him away from you faster than you can say custody battle. I've got plenty of friends in high places, I work with the FBI. And it'll cost you money I'm certain you don't have to keep him."
"Why do I have to pack my clothes?" Steven whined. The moment they got home from the store his mother made him go into his bedroom and put his clothes in a suitcase.
"Because we're leaving Los Angeles."
He knitted his eyebrows together. "Where are we going? Is Lindsey coming with us?" he asked excitedly. He loved going on trips.
"Nope. Just you and me. Hurry up."
"You didn't tell me where we're going yet."
"To see Grandma." Buffy started tugging clothes off hangers and throwing them haphazardly into suitcases. "In Sunnydale."
Steven didn't budge an inch. "I thought she was sick."
"Steven..." she warned. "Stop being difficult and help me."
Two-and-a-half hours later, the two stood on the front porch of her mother's house, each holding two suitcases full of clothes.
"Can I ring the bell, Mom?" Steven asked her.
"Sure."
The door opened a minute later, revealing a very surprised Mrs. Summers. She never expected to see her daughter and grandson on the other side. Buffy had called the night before and said they wouldn't be coming after all. Given what happened with Angel over the phone, she couldn't say Buffy's decision shocked her. "Buffy. Steven. You're here," she greeted.
"Hi, Mom."
"Hi, Grandma!"
Mrs. Summers grinned at Steven and scooped him into her arms. "You've grown an inch since last time I saw you. Come on in, you two." She put Steven down and saw the suitcases sitting on the front porch, but didn't comment on them.
"Thanks, Mom," Buffy said. "I should have called first."
"It's no problem. Steven, why don't you get yourself some cookies," his grandmother suggested. "They're in the refrigerator. The kitchen's right down that hallway."
"Cool!"
Once he was out of earshot, Mrs. Summers turned to her daughter. "What's with the suitcases, Buffy? You and Steven can't possibly need all of this for a short visit."
"This isn't a short visit, Mom," Buffy explained. "We're here to stay."
"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Mrs. Summers asked her daughter a few hours later. Tired from the long drive to Sunnydale, Steven had fallen asleep on the couch and Buffy carried him into her old room so that they wouldn't wake him up.
Buffy sighed heavily. She'd been anticipating the question from the moment she walked into the house. "It's complicated, Mom."
"If you're going to be staying here in Sunnydale, in my house no less, you are going to tell me what's going on. I don't particularly care how complicated it is."
"How do you do that?" she questioned with a laugh. "How do you manage to still scare the hell out of me at the age of twenty-six?"
Her mother smiled. It felt wonderful to have her daughter back home again. "It's the 'Mom' gene. Don't worry, as Steven gets older you'll develop yours. Now, are you going to tell me why you're back? After what happened the other day when you called, I never imagined you'd come. And you told me yesterday you definitely wouldn't be."
"Yeah, I know. I didn't plan on coming, I'll admit to that. Mom, I was so freaked out when I heard Angel's voice on the phone. God, I just froze, I didn't know what to do or to say. All these emotions were pouring over me and I was sure if I stayed on the phone I'd have spilled everything."
"He deserves to know everything. Steven is his son," Mrs. Summers pointed out. "And don't you think Steven has a right to know his father?"
She shook her head in agitation and ran her hands through her brown hair. "I know. Look, I can't deal with this right now, I've got too much on my mind."
"Tell me. It'll make you feel better if you let it out."
"But it won't make it go away, which is what I want."
Mrs. Summers got out of the armchair and sat on the couch next to Buffy. Her daughter looked like she was on the verge of tears. "Did something happen with Lindsey? Did he do something to hurt you? Or Steven?"
"Lindsey. Oh god, I never told him we left!" she exclaimed, worry consuming her mind. "He's probably worried sick, wondering what happened to us. I need to call him right now."
'I guess that answers my question,' Mrs. Summers thought. "You can give him a call after you tell me what happened. Obviously something frightened you more than the prospect of possibly running into Angel. What is it?" It was like pulling teeth to get Buffy to give her an answer.
"I-I don't know where to start."
"The beginning is usually the best place," her mother said.
Buffy nodded. "All right. Believe it or not, the beginning is the day I left Sunnydale. Big shock, huh? I took a bus to Los Angeles, thinking maybe I'd go to Dad's house. I must have been sitting there for hours on the same bench, trying to decide what I was going to say to him when I got there. Then I thought about it some more and decided not to. First, I knew you'd have called him right away, looking for me. Second, I knew he'd be pissed at me for both running away and for letting myself get pregnant. And third, he'd make me come home to face my problems. The last place I wanted to go was home.
"When I was there, this guy came up to me. Really nice, really good-looking and genuinely concerned. He offered to give me a place to stay for the night since I didn't have anyplace else to go. Before you say it, I know it was a stupid thing to do, but I didn't have a whole lot of options. It was either that or sleep on the street. When I got there, he gave me something to drink and let me lay down. I don't remember what happened after that, I just know I woke up in his bed the next morning without my clothes on...and...and he was asleep in the bed next to me. I took off and never looked back."
Mrs. Summers put her arms around her daughter. "Honey, why didn't you tell me this before? Whoever this guy was, it sounds to me like he slipped you something and took advantage of you."
"Because I just wanted to forget it ever happened. And for a while I did forget. I got a job waiting tables, got an apartment and then Steven was born at the end of October. Everything was going so well, Mom. We had a really good life going for us. I got my GED, put myself through college and supported my son on my own. I started seeing Lindsey, we were really headed someplace." She took a deep breath. "It's amazing how one trip to the department store completely turned my world upside down."
"I'm afraid I don't follow."
"He was there while Steven and I were shopping for new clothes this morning. Riley Finn, that's his name. Well, he started acting all nonchalant and tried to pretend we were old friends or something. Until he saw Steven, that is. Then he changed his tune. Accused me of keeping his son from him for the past eight-and-a-half years. And he wants to take him away from me. Nobody, I repeat *nobody*, is taking Steven away from me."
Her mother saw how upset the encounter made Buffy. But it seemed as if she was getting worked up over nothing. "Buffy, this Riley fellow has no claim to Steven. You know this as well as I do. Angel is Steven's biological father. I guess I don't understand why this is upsetting you so much."
"I'm upset because my stupid mistakes are coming back to haunt me; not just me, though, my son is involved this time. I don't want anyone hurting him or disrupting his life."
"And you don't consider moving to Sunnydale without giving the boy a chance to adjust to the idea disrupting his life?" Mrs. Summers countered.
She looked into her mother's concerned eyes. "He's safe here, Mom. Riley can't find us here, he can't threaten to take my son away from me if he can't find him. Steven's just a little boy, he doesn't need to be put through a battery of blood work when I know the truth. Riley isn't his father."
"What about Angel?" asked her mother. When Buffy didn't respond, she continued. "That's what I thought. Sunnydale's a small town, Buffy. You're bound to run into him sometime. Even if by some weird twist of fate you don't cross paths with him, he's going to find out you're back in town eventually. Trust me, he'll be here the moment he does. He's a good man, a successful man, a man who would lay down his life and die for you, even today. Did you know he still asks about you? I know for a fact he still loves you very much. Don't you think he'd want to know you two have a son?"
Unable to listen to what her mother was saying, Buffy stood up and paced the carpet. "Stop it! I can't deal with this right now. Angel's got a great life, he makes a good living...good for him! He deserves it. He has everything he wanted. That's all the more reason for me *not* to tell him about Steven. What am I going to say? 'Hi, Angel. Good to see you again after nine years. Oh, by the way, remember my seventeenth birthday when we slept together for the first time? Well, guess what? I ended up pregnant. Congratulations, it's an eight-and-a-half year-old boy.' No, I'm not going to disrupt his life any more than I'm going to disrupt Steven's. Angel doesn't need me screwing up his life the way I screwed up mine."
"You can't keep it from him forever. He'll figure it out, Angel's not stupid."
"Then I'll keep it from him as long as I can," Buffy stated. "What he doesn't know can't hurt him."
Buffy held the cordless telephone in her hand for what seemed like an eternity. Her mother had given her Willow's phone number the night before, informing her that she should call her high school best friend and let her know she was back in Sunnydale. For as much as she wanted anonymity, Buffy knew it would be good for her to hear Willow's voice. But actually dialing the numbers was proving more difficult than she originally anticipated.
With Steven outside in the backyard playing catch with his grandmother, Buffy had the free time she needed to make the phone call. "Oh, screw it," she said, punching the seven digits of Willow's telephone number.
On the third ring the phone was picked up. "Hello?" a perky female voice answered.
"Is W-Willow there?" Buffy asked, knowing very well that it was Willow on the other end of the line.
"This is her...Buffy? Oh my heavens, is that you?"
The dark-haired woman sighed heavily. It felt so good to hear Willow's voice after all the years that had passed. "Yeah, Will, it's me. Um, how are you doing?"
"I'm great, but who cares about me? I want to know how you are! Where you are! What happened to you?"
"Well, I'm back in Sunnydale if you can believe it. At my mom's house to be more specific."
Willow was giddy. She covered the mouthpiece of the phone and signaled to Oz. "It's Buffy!" she hissed. When he gave her the thumbs-up sign, she shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You're back home? For how long?"
"Indefinitely," Buffy told her. "I, uh, was hoping we could get together today. Unless you're too busy or something."
"No!" exclaimed Willow. "I can't wait to see you. We can meet here, at my house. When do you want to come over?"
Buffy glanced at the clock, seeing that it was only eleven-thirty in the morning. "How about one? There are some things I need to take care of first."
"Great. I'm at 2105 Parkhurst Boulevard. I'll even make lunch for us."
"You don't have to go to any trouble."
"Oh please. See you at one."
Buffy hung up the phone and made her way out the back door, standing on the porch watching her mother and son toss a tennis ball across the yard. The sight warmed her heart. "Mom!" she called.
Mrs. Summers looked up and signaled to Steven to hold on a moment. She walked over to where her daughter stood. "Is something wrong, Buffy?" she wanted to know.
"No. Why do you always ask me that?" she teased. "Seriously, though, do you think you could watch Steven for a few hours this afternoon? I-I called Willow and I'm gonna go over to her place for a visit. Do you mind?"
Her mother shook her head. "Not at all. You know, her house is right down the street from–"
"I know, I know. From where Angel used to live," finished Buffy. 'And where Steven was conceived.'
"Actually, I was going to say where he still lives. He's still in his apartment. He bought it outright a couple years ago," Mrs. Summers informed her.
Buffy's expression didn't change. "Nice try, Mom. I know what you're trying to do, but it won't work. I'm not ready to face Angel yet. Look, can we please not talk about it?"
"All right. But you're going to have to face the past sometime."
"Baby steps. Right now I'm concentrating on making things right with Willow. I'll cross the Angel bridge when I come to it."
Willow stared in awe when she opened the door for Buffy. She couldn't believe how much her best friend had changed in the nine years since she'd left town. Gone were the long blonde locks Willow was used to, replaced with shoulder-length brown hair. "Buffy?" she questioned.
The brunette gave her old friend a shy smile. Willow, on the other hand, hadn't changed much except for a more stylish cut for her red hair. "Hey, Wills. Long time no see."
"Oh my gosh, your hair!" Willow squealed. "Get in here and sit down. I made sandwiches and there are sodas in the fridge."
Stepping through the front door, Buffy glanced around the living room. The house was eclectically decorated, with framed portraits of avant-garde art and promotional concert posters adorning the walls. It was definitely decorated by Willow and Oz, she could tell. "Your house is beautiful," Buffy commented.
"Thank you. Oz is in the kitchen reading the paper if you want to go in and say hi."
Buffy smiled, feeling so welcomed. Willow treated her as if she'd never left; like they'd just seen each other yesterday. She made her way down the hall to the kitchen, finding Oz sitting at the table reading as Willow had said. He looked up when she entered the room.
"Hi, Oz," she greeted.
He lifted his eyebrows. "Hey. Nice hair."
"Thanks. How've you been?"
"Fine. You?"
She smiled once again, loving the fact that Oz hadn't changed a bit in the past nine years. Still as taciturn as ever. "Fine." Biting her lip, Buffy went back into the living room and sat down on the chair across from Willow. "Oz looks good."
"Yeah, he does. He's been on Cloud Nine ever since I told him about the baby," Willow said with a grin.
"The baby? You're pregnant?"
Willow nodded. "Three months along. It'll be our first."
"Well, I guess congratulations are in order. Good for you, I'm very happy for both you and Oz," Buffy stated.
"Thank you. But enough about me, I want to know about you. Like, what have you been up to for the last nine years? And where the heck were you? Why'd you run away the way you did?"
"Wow, that's a lot of questions. What do you want to know first?"
The redhead frowned. "I want to know why you took off like you did. We were all so worried for such a long time. We were afraid something had happened to you."
Buffy shook her head. "I'm sorry for worrying everyone. I just had to leave and I apologize for taking off."
"I don't get it."
She took a deep breath. "Do you remember the day before I left? Do you remember what was going on with me?"
"Not really, I..." Willow let the sentence trail off when the memory of that morning came back to her. "Oh, Buffy, you were taking a pregnancy test. And your mom found it. Oh geez, is that why you ran away? Because of your mom? Did you two have a fight over it?"
"No. Will, the test came out positive," Buffy informed her.
The redhead's eyes widened. "It was positive? You were pregnant?"
"Yeah, I was. And that's why I left, and now it's why I'm back."
"Okay, I'm afraid I'm still confused. You were pregnant, why on earth did you leave? Even if you had a fight with your mom, you could have come to me. Or Angel. Oh god, Buffy, you never told Angel were you pregnant!"
"No, I didn't."
"Why not?"
Buffy rubbed her temple and then ran her hands through her hair. She hated having to explain her actions, especially when she didn't have a solid explanation for them. "I couldn't. That's the only thing I can say. I didn't want to tie him down with the responsibility of a child. Dumb, I know. But it's all I can say. I'd had this dream that Angel didn't want the baby and I couldn't stand the thought of him making me get an abortion. I thought it would be better if I left. So I packed my bags and left town.
"I hopped a bus to L.A. and I've been there ever since. I have a job as a freelance writer for several national magazines, making enough money to live comfortably. Steven and I lived a pretty normal life with Lindsey until the other day."
"Lindsey?" Willow questioned. "You had a girl?"
"No. Lindsey is my boyfriend. Steven is my son. He's...the most perfect little boy in the world. He's my little angel. No pun intended."
"Do you have a picture of him?"
Reaching into her purse, Buffy pulled out Steven's most recent school photo. She handed it to Willow. "Here you go."
Willow studied the picture of Steven. The boy looked much like Angel had at that age, with his floppy brown hair, brown eyes and mischievous grin. She'd be willing to bet father and son shared the same temperament as well. "You may not want to hear this, but he looks almost exactly like Angel."
She nodded. "I know he does."
"He has a right to know he has a son. You're not going to be able to keep Steven from him forever. Sunnydale's a small town, someone's bound to put two-and-two together."
"Angel's moved on, he doesn't need me coming back into his life and screwing it up for him. 'Hi, Angel, remember me? Guess what? We have a son.' No, I can't do that."
Willow rolled her eyes. "That's plain ridiculous and you know it. Yeah, sure, he's moved forward. He's seeing someone, but he never forgot you. Angel still loves you. And do you know something else? He never would have left you and Steven, or made you get an abortion. He's a stand-up guy and he'd have done anything for you. And he probably still would. Whatever reason you came back home, whatever freaked you out enough to come back to Sunnydale, you should tell him. Angel will protect you and Steven with his life. Give him a chance to prove it." She chuckled. "One look at you and Kate will be history."
Buffy eyed her. "Who's Kate?"
"His girlfriend. Don't worry, they're not serious."
"H-How long have they been together?" she wanted to know.
She could see the jealousy in Buffy's green eyes, telling her that she still harbored deep feelings for the father of her child. "About a year-and-a-half. She's been pushing him to make more of a commitment but Angel's hesitating. Because of you."
"I don't want to keep him from having the life he wants," Buffy said, tears burning her eyes.
"Don't you see that you are? The life he wants is with *you*, has been since he was sixteen. He wanted to marry you. He was going to ask you at Christmas if you hadn't run off. And trust me, finding out you were pregnant wouldn't have changed his feelings for you."
The brunette wiped her eyes. "Can we not talk about this right now?"
"You're still in love with him, aren't you?" Willow asked.
"I'll always love him, Will. He's Steven's father, he gave me the most precious thing in my life. But is there a chance for us in the future? I don't know. I honestly don't."
After leaving Willow's house at four o'clock, Buffy stopped at the grocery store to pick up ravioli for her mother. Mrs. Summers had asked her to buy some for dinner because she forgot to grab it when she went shopping earlier that morning. While she stood in line at the checkout, a couple came up behind her.
"Are you sure you don't want to stay over tonight?" the woman asked.
The man shook his head. "I'm sure. I have to be at work early tomorrow morning," he told her.
Buffy froze in her place. The man's voice belonged to Angel; she'd recognize it anywhere. And she was fairly sure the woman in line with him was Kate. As much as she wanted to turn around and look at him, she couldn't risk him seeing her. Not yet, anyway.
"Oh, come on, Angel. I can make it worth your while."
"I'm sorry, I can't."
Truth of the matter was, Angel hadn't felt much like spending time with Kate recently. Not since he heard Buffy's voice over the telephone a few days earlier. Feelings he was certain he'd suppressed for years came rushing back with a vengeance. Though he knew he'd always love Buffy and wonder what might have been, he'd begun to move on. But after talking to her and hearing her reaction to speaking with him, Angel became convinced she felt the same way for him that he felt for her. Angel still wanted to be with her, and was confident he'd find her again.
Kate also noticed a chance n her boyfriend recently. He'd been more quiet and withdrawn than usual, and wished she knew what was bothering him. At first she thought it was something she'd said or done, but he assured her it had nothing to do with her. Though she wasn't a jealous person, Kate worried he might have found someone else.
"Miss?"
Buffy looked up in surprise, seeing the cashier glaring at her expectantly. He held the bag of ravioli in his hand. "Oh, I'm sorry. What did you ask me?"
"Cash or credit?"
"Cash." She dug a five dollar bill out of her purse. "Here you go."
Angel turned his attention from his girlfriend to the woman ahead of them in line. He could only see the back of her head, but he recognized the tingle that made its way through his body. It told him Buffy was near. He'd heard what sounded like her voice and thought maybe the young woman was her. "Buffy?" he whispered, looking around the checkout lanes to see if she was there.
Turning slightly, Buffy knew he'd heard her. Grabbing her change from the cashier, she picked up her bag and made her way to the exit before he caught sight of her.
"Angel? Is something wrong?" Kate asked her boyfriend. She'd heard him whispering another woman's name.
When he didn't see her, Angel shook his head. "No. I-I thought I heard someone's voice I recognized. But I guess I was wrong."
Something nagging in the back of his mind told him he wasn't wrong. Buffy had been there. And he had missed her.
"Why can't I go with you?" Steven asked his mother the next morning. He looked up at her with his big brown eyes pleading to go back home with her.
Buffy bent down and kissed the top of her son's head. "Because you'll be bored, Steven. I'm only going home to pick up the rest of our clothes and stop by your school to talk to your teachers. You can stay here with Grandma until I get back tonight."
"We're not going back to Los Angeles, are we?"
"No, honey. We're not. At least not for a little while. Don't you like it here?" she questioned him.
Steven shrugged his little shoulders. "It's okay, I guess. But I miss my stuffed animals. And all my friends. And Lindsey." His face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Are you bringing Lindsey back with you?"
"No, I'm not. Lindsey can't just up and move to Sunnydale without any notice," his mother stated.
"Why not? We did," Steven pointed out.
"He and I don't do the same kind of work. Lindsey's a lawyer, I'm a writer." She sighed. "I'm sorry. I know I just sprung this on you, but I'm only doing it for you. For us."
"Is it because of that man you were talking to at the store on Saturday?"
Steven's astuteness sometimes surprised Buffy. For such a young boy, he certainly was aware of what was going on around him. "Yes, Steven. He's someone I knew a long time ago. Before you were born."
"Is he my dad?"
"No. No, your dad..." 'Was the love of my life,' she thought. "Never mind. You just stay here and mind your grandmother while I'm gone. I'll be back a little bit after dinner."
Steven pouted. He wanted to go with her, but knew better than to argue with his mother about it. "Okay. Mom?"
"Yes?"
"Be careful."
"I will."
Buffy's first stop once she arrived in Los Angeles was the offices of Wolfram & Hart. She hadn't gotten a chance to call Lindsey over the weekend to let him know where she and Steven were, and she wanted to tell him face-to-face what happened. Though she'd only been to his office twice before, Buffy knew exactly how to get there.
His secretary smiled and waved her in, telling her Lindsey was alone in his office. Knocking lightly, she waited until she heard him invite her in before entering.
When he laid eyes on his girlfriend, Lindsey dropped his pen on his desk and made his way to her side. "Anne! Oh my god, where have you been? I've been worried sick about you and Steven," he said.
Buffy stood completely still as he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry, Linds. I didn't mean to worry you. It's just that something happened and I took Steven to Sunnydale. We've been staying with my mom."
He led her to the leather couch to the left of the door, holding her hands in his as they sat down. "I was afraid something happened to you two, something bad. If I hadn't heard from you today, I would have filled out a Missing Person's report. What happened, and why is Steven in Sunnydale?"
She looked down and sighed heavily. "It's hard for me to explain, Lindsey. I did some stupid things when I first got to L.A., and I ran into one of them on Saturday."
"You're not making any sense, Anne. What happened?" he demanded.
"First of all, my name isn't Anne. Not my first name, anyway. When I ran away from home, I changed it so no one would find me. I started telling everyone I was Anne Winters, but I'm really not. My name is Buffy Anne Summers." It took a lot for Buffy to admit the truth to Lindsey. But after nearly ten years, she was tired of living a lie.
Lindsey nodded. "Buffy..." he repeated, looking her over. "Yeah, I can see how you could be a Buffy. Your name doesn't matter to me. I fell in love with you, not your name. Anne Winters, Buffy Summers, it's just a name, not who you are."
"I want you to know I never lied to you. Everything I've ever told you is true, except for my name. Well, that and my hair color. Anyway, getting back to the story, the day after I discovered I was pregnant with Steven, I left Sunnydale and came to Los Angeles. My first day here I met this guy named Riley Finn. He seemed really nice and wholesome and genuinely concerned about me. I didn't have anyplace to go so I accepted an invitation to stay at his hotel room for the night. It wasn't smart, I know, but I was desperate. Seventeen years old, pregnant and desperate.
"When I woke up the next morning I didn't know where I was or what had happened the night before. The last thing I remembered was having something to drink. He must have put something in my drink because when I woke up I was completely naked and he was just as naked in bed next to me. I freaked, Lindsey. I'd had sex with this guy I hardly knew. I'd made Angel wait for two-and-a-half years before we made love and I slept with this Riley guy after only two-and-a-half hours."
He clutched her hands tightly, supportively. "You're right. Sounds to me like this guy drugged you. It's not like you to do something like that."
"That's pretty much what I figured. I got dressed and took off. Never saw him again. Never even thought about him until Saturday when I took Steven shopping for new clothes. Riley was there, he saw us and automatically assumed Steven was his son. He threatened to take him away from me, said he's going to sue for custody. I couldn't let that happen, so I took Steven, packed our things and went to Sunnydale," Buffy explained.
"I don't want to sound harsh, but I have to ask. It's the lawyer in me. Why would you hightail it out of Los Angeles and back to Sunnydale when you know for a fact Riley isn't Steven's father?" Lindsey wanted to know. "Anne...Buffy...whatever you want me to call you, he doesn't have a legal leg to stand on."
"I refuse to subject my son to that!" Buffy shouted. "Steven isn't even nine years old, he doesn't need to be treated like a human pincushion to prove what I already know to be the truth. His father is Angel Williams, not Riley Finn. And if I have to move back to Sunnydale to keep my son from getting hurt, you better damn well believe I'll do it. I'd do anything to protect Steven."
Lindsey exhaled heavily. He knew what was coming; he knew it the moment Buffy told him Steven was in Sunnydale. "You're staying in Sunnydale for good, aren't you?"
She nodded. "I think so. I'm headed to the apartment to pack up most of our stuff. The furniture will be going into storage until I find a new apartment for us. Right now we're staying with my mom."
"I'm assuming you'll be telling Angel about Steven," Lindsey surmised.
"When the timing is right. Probably when things settle down in a few weeks," Buffy admitted. "Lindsey, I don't know what to say to you, what you expect me to say."
The lawyer shook his head. He'd seen the writing on the wall; it would only be a matter of time before Buffy reconciled with her ex. "Don't say anything. I know what's happening, and I love you and Steven enough to let it happen. I only want you to be happy. And I don't want you to hesitate to call me if you need anything. You know I'll always be here for both of you."
"Thank you. I appreciate your understand and I'll be sure to keep you updated on what's going on." Buffy stood up and headed for the door. Putting her right hand on the doorknob, she stopped. "I love you, too. I wish things could be different."
"So do I."
At three-thirty the next afternoon, Steven burst through the front door of his grandmother's house. He was so excited after his first day of school and couldn't wait to tell his mother everything that had happened. "Mom! Hey, Mom, where are you?" he shouted.
Buffy walked out of the kitchen, where she'd been searching the newspaper for apartments. Though her mother told her she and Steven were welcome to stay as long as they liked, Buffy was determined to find a place of their own. She didn't want to sponge off her mother forever. "Hiya, honey. How was your first day of school?" she asked him.
"Oh my gosh, it was so cool!" Steven exclaimed, dropping his backpack on the floor. Seeing the warning look in his mother's green eyes, he picked it right back up and placed it on the chair. "My teacher is really awesome. And I made a ton of new friends. Everyone wanted to talk to me and sit near me at lunch. It was totally cool."
"Sounds like you were the center of attention," his mother commented.
Steven nodded quickly. "I was! And then my teacher's girlfriend came in to talk to us about being a policewoman. I got to hold her gun and everything. But don't worry, it didn't have any bullets in it, I asked her. Oh!" He bent down and pulled a sheet of paper from one of his notebooks. Then he handed it to her. "This is for you from my teacher."
Buffy read it over. It was a request from Steven's teacher wanting to set up a parent-teacher conference with her at her earliest convenience. She looked down at her son, a suspicious look in her green eyes. "Did you do something wrong?" she questioned.
"No!" he swore. "I was good, I promise I was. He wants you to sign it and give it back to me so I can give it back to him tomorrow."
With a nod of her head, Buffy walked back into the kitchen and signed the sheet of paper, setting up an appointment for four o'clock the following afternoon. "What's your teacher like?" she wanted to know.
"He's pretty cool. A lot like Lindsey, but they don't look like each other. Lindsey's shorter, I think. You'll like Mr. W; all the girls like Mr. W. Even the older ones."
Mrs. Summers walked into the kitchen, hearing her daughter and grandson talking. "How was school, Steven? Do you like Sunnydale Elementary?"
"I love it! Almost everyone's really nice and so is my teacher."
"Who's your teacher?"
"Mr. Williams, but he told me to call him Mr. W. Everyone calls him that because he's not as old as the other teachers," Steven told her.
His grandmother smiled and glanced at Buffy, who had since sat back down at the table and focused her attention on looking for an apartment. "Do you like Mr. W?"
"He's awesome. His girlfriend is a policewoman and she came to our class today. She showed us her gun and I even got to hold it. I told Mom there weren't any bullets in it. She told me not to play with guns."
"Your mom told you right. Guns are very dangerous, Steven. You're very smart."
"Uh-huh. I'm not dumb, I don't wanna get shot. Oh! And Mr. W wants to meet Mom for some kind of meeting thing tomorrow. She thinks I did something wrong but I didn't."
The older woman smiled to herself. 'I wonder if Buffy realizes that Angel is who she's meeting tomorrow. Won't she be in for a shock when she finds out her son's teacher is also his father,' she thought.
Angel couldn't wait for the day to be over. Every day had been like that for him since last Thursday evening when he heard Buffy's voice over the telephone. He heard her everywhere, seemed to see her everywhere. It was impossible to keep from thinking about her, about them and what their life would have been like if she hadn't run away. They'd have married after a two-year engagement, living in a house close to where he'd grown up. After six-and-a-half years of marriage, he'd be teaching at Sunnydale Elementary – as he was now – and Buffy would be at home with their children, writing the book she'd always told him she'd write someday. He'd spent countless hours dreaming about the life they could have shared. But that's all they ever were. Dreams.
All he wanted to do was go home. He wanted to change into a pair of jeans, park his butt in front of the fireplace and brood over Buffy. He'd done that almost every night, knowing he was alienating Kate. She didn't deserve to be treated so shabbily; after all, she was a wonderful woman whom he cared deeply for. But she wasn't Buffy. He didn't feel that tug at his heart whenever he pictured Kate. Not like he did when he pictured Buffy. The tiny blonde he'd fallen in love with at the age of sixteen was his soulmate, of that Angel was sure.
The staff meeting seemed to drag on forever. He was five minutes late for a parent-teacher conference with Steven Winters' mother. As much as he was dying to go home, and hopefully convince Mrs. Summers to tell him where he could find Buffy, Angel did not want to reschedule the meeting.
Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, the staff meeting ended. Angel grabbed his belongings and practically ran out the door toward his classroom. If he played his cards right, he could be home by five o'clock. Upon entering his classroom, he saw a short brunette woman staring out the window, her back facing him. From her stance, he could tell she was annoyed.
"I'm so sorry for being so late, Ms. Winters," Angel apologized. "There was a staff meeting I had to go to and it ran longer than I expected. I hope this doesn't put a crimp in any plans you might have had."
When she stood in silence, he braced himself for a parent's tirade. He'd been on the receiving end of them before, mostly because of a bad grade he'd given out. But the dead silence was worse. When she turned around to face him, Angel's heart nearly stopped beating in his chest. It was her. Buffy. Standing in his very classroom, looking as beautiful as she had the last time he'd seen her.
"B-Buffy?" he choked out.
Buffy stared out the window and into the courtyard of the elementary school as she waited for Steven's teacher to arrive. Their meeting was scheduled for four o'clock, but at four-ten, he had yet to show up. She wondered if he had forgotten, or if she had written down the wrong date on the slip of paper yesterday. It wouldn't have been the first time she did something like that. Buffy was watching the children playing outside so intently that she didn't hear the teacher enter the classroom.
"I'm so sorry for being so late, Ms. Winters," he apologized. "There was a staff meeting I had to go to and it ran longer than I expected. I hope this doesn't put a crimp in any plans you might have had."
As soon as she heard his voice, her heart nearly stopped. All the blood in her body rushed to her face. 'Oh god,' she thought. 'This...this can't be happening to me. I'm dreaming; Angel's not really here.' To prove it to herself, Buffy turned around and found herself face-to-face with the love of her life, and the father of her son.
"B-Buffy?" he choked out once their eyes met.
Her lower lip trembled. "Angel," she whispered. "No. No, this isn't really happening."
Angel approached her, needing to touch her for him to believe she was really standing there. Despite the change in her hair color and the fact that she was nine years older than the last time he'd laid eyes on her, Buffy still looked the same. She still made his heart skip a beat. "I knew it. I knew you were back in Sunnydale. I could feel it."
"Y-You're Mr. Williams?" she asked. "The teacher?"
He nodded. "Yes. I've been teaching here for four years now. What are you doing here?" Angel had to hold himself back to keep from wrapping his arms around her. All he wanted to do was hold her to him and never let her go. He'd already lost her once, Angel wasn't about to lose her a second time.
"I'm here for a parent-teacher conference with my son's teacher. And since you're Mr. Williams, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're his teacher," Buffy stated. She knew she'd been rambling, but she was too nervous to say anything comprehensible to him. Seeing him again was a shock to her system.
Buffy couldn't deny that Angel was just as handsome as ever. The years had definitely been good to him. His dark hair hadn't changed at all, still short and spiky, and she wanted desperately to run her hands through it. He seemed taller and broader, his black pants and dark blue shirt not hiding his muscles from the casual observer. Not that she was a casual observer; Buffy knew what was hidden underneath his sensible outfit. Or, at least, she had known nine years ago. His brown eyes looked at her with such love, Buffy found herself falling in love with him all over again.
He needed to blink several times. "You're Steven Winters' mother?" he asked incredulously. 'Buffy has a son? I'm teaching her son?'
"Yeah. And I gather you're his teacher."
"I am. I had no idea you were his mother." Angel paused, picturing his new student in his mind. "Of course you are. He looks exactly like you now that I really think about it."
'I don't think Steven looks anything like me,' she said to herself. 'He looks more like you than he does me.' But she wasn't quite ready to tell him that. "Thank you. I have to admit, I'm kinda curious why you asked me to come today. Did Steven do something wrong yesterday?"
"No, not at all. God, Buffy, I have so many questions I want to ask you. Like what happened, why you left like you did, where you've been all these years," Angel stated. "I looked for you for weeks, worried something awful might have happened to you. Then I heard your voice on the telephone Thursday night and I haven't been able to get you out of my head ever since."
"Angel, please."
"I have to know."
She shook her head. All the questions, the look in his chocolate eyes...it was all too much for her to handle at once. "I didn't come here to talk about me. I'm here because you wanted to discuss Steven. Can we talk about him instead?"
Angel eyed her. Something was amiss, of that he was certain. "Why are you avoiding my questions? You took off nine years ago without an explanation, I think as your boyfriend at the time I have a right to know."
"Not now."
"Fine. Then I'd like to take you out for dinner one night and find out what happened. And also find out where we go from here."
Buffy sighed. As much as she wanted to accept, her better judgement took over. "'Where we go from here'? I'm sorry, Angel, but I can't. I don't go out on dates with men who have girlfriends."
"Who told you that?" he wanted to know.
"My mom. And Willow. And Steven. I even saw you two at the supermarket on Sunday afternoon. Or, rather, heard you two in line behind me. Look, I didn't come back to Sunnydale to reclaim my old life, including you. I came back because of my son."
"Buffy, Kate and I aren't serious," he explained. "I don't love her, not like I loved you. *Still* love you. Why won't you have dinner with me? I want to get to know you again, maybe find out what I did to make you run away."
"You didn't do anything to make me run away. I made that decision on my own. Now, can we please talk about Steven?"
Angel gave up. He remembered Buffy's stubborn streak very well, and was both glad and disappointed that much about her hadn't changed. "All right. I hope you know I plan on getting answers to all my questions. And then some."
"I figured as much. What do you want to know about my son?"
"What's wrong with you?" Kate questioned her boyfriend that evening at dinner. He'd been quieter than usual during the meal.
"Just thinking about things," answered Angel.
She smiled. "Well, so have I. During my break today, I looked at some apartments for rent. Bigger apartments."
Angel raised his eyebrows at her statement. "Why?"
"For us. My apartment is too small for the two of us to live in, and so is this one for that matter. I think when we move in together, we should start fresh with a brand new apartment. What do you think?"
"Kate, I think we need to have a talk," Angel began. He'd been thinking about it for some time, but seeing Buffy again really solidified his decision to break things off with her. His future wasn't going to be with Kate Lockley. It was going to be with Buffy Summers.