NOTES: This is the sequel to I FEEL THE EARTH MOVE. In the last part of that, Buffy tells Angel that he will call her that night. Please ignore the events of FREDLESS but the events of LIFE SERIAL did take place.
COMMENTS: Don't even want to start with the very sick disease that is B/S Besides, we all know how it's gonna end. We'll have the last laugh and even though my obsession with the shows is fading, my obsession with the true characters..still going strong.
FURTHER NOTES: Joss owns even if he is mistreating. The title is from a Tim McGraw song. The lyrics are Dan Hill.
DEDICATIONS: Nate, Cim, Trin. Thanks for keeping me sane. I love you guys to death. And Nate- buck up.

"I want to hold you 'til I die
"Til we both break down and cry
I want to hold you until the fear in me subsides."

****

She yawned and covered her mouth with her hand. Rolling over in her bed, she looked at her clock. It was just after two in the morning. The next day. He hadn't called yet. Maybe he wouldn't.

No. No.

He had promised.

It had been hard enough leaving him that morning; leaving his arms. It had felt like knives had been ripping through the pads of her feet with every step away from him.

She hadn't gone straight home. That had been her intention but ultimately she hadn't been in the mood to deal with all the looks and questions. Just not yet. She had driven for a couple of hours. Up through the hills. Until she had finally returned to their place.

And cried.

God, for what felt like hours.

Hard wracking sobs that had crushed their way through her body and made her crumble. When she had finally gotten back in her car and headed home towards Sunnydale, she had realized that she was just worn down. And out.

So when they had asked how it had gone, she had known that they would never understand. They would think it had all been pain. They had never understood. They probably never would.

The phone rang and she startled. Her eyebrows leapt up to her hairline and beads of sweat appeared. Angel. He had called. He was calling.

She reached out frantically for the phone, her fingers tangling with the cord. "Angel?"

There was a pause and then a light chuckle. "No..expecting him?"

She blinked. And then sighed. A small smile came over her. "Xan."

"Hey Buffster," Xander said, a hint of concern in his voice. "Don't mean to call so late but I couldn't sleep. I was worried about ya. You okay?"

"Yeah..I..I was just thinking about him."

"You want to talk about it?" he offered.

She smiled again, knowing full well that Angel was just about the last thing Xand wanted to talk about; but he would anyways. If that was what she wanted.

"No..I love you...thank you..but no. It's inside, you know.."

There was a pause and a rustle of sheets and then Xand replied almost wistfully, "Yeah..I think I know."

"It's nice isn't it..to have someone there?" she asked, twirling the cord a bit.

"It's strange..it's nice. Not sure how I got here.."

She smiled, remembering that feeling. Xand was finally starting to walk her path. "Do me a favor, Xan...don't think too much. Just enjoy it."

"You don't think it lasts?" he asked, sounding worried and more than a little scared.

"Maybe it does," she murmured. "Maybe it comes again and maybe that fire that consumes you also eventually saves you.."

"Buffy?"

"Hm? Oh. Oh, Xan..I'm the last one you should be asking for romantic advice. I suck at romance."

"No, you don't.." he offered.

She laughed. A little bitterly, a little sadly and a little bit amused. "Yes, I do. Let's see..I've only ever loved one man but he's got this itchy curse problem..worse than any STD I've ever heard of.."

"You've got a point there," Xan chuckled. Then he paused and in a very quiet voice said, "But you still love him and sometimes..."

"Yeah," she cut in, "Sometimes that is enough."

"You know I love you, right Buff?"

She grinned,"Always my Xan."

"G'night old friend."

"Night." There was a pause and then the click of the line going dead. She held it in her hand for a moment and then settled it back in the cradle.

It rang again. Almost immediately. She sighed and picked it back up. "Not sleeping well tonight, Xan?"

"No..and good evening, lover."

She blinked and caught her breath. "Angel?"

"Not Xander."

"Angel.."

"I think we got that," he said gently, clearly teasing her.

"You called."

"I said I would."

"No," she corrected, her turn to tease, "You said you would call yesterday. It's two in the morning. It's today."

He laughed. "So, why are you awake then?"

"I wanted you to say goodnight," she replied. Then she laughed. "Stupid, huh?"

There was a pause and then very softly he replied, "I don't want to say goodnight..I want to hear you for a few minutes."

She giggled. It was an insane noise and yet it felt good in a way that was almost alien to her. "Okay, what did you do when you got back to Los Angeles?"

"Took a nap."

"Well that's lazy."

"Then I went shopping?"

She wrinkled her nose," Shopping? You? There's an..image. A disturbing one."

"Hey," he protested lightly. Then he sighed. "It was pure hell, Buffy. Cordelia forced Gunn and I to go with..she has some date tonight..and she wanted to get shoes.."

"Girl has to have her shoes.."

"And then they ditched me.." he ranted on. "Apparently Gunn is better at shoes than I am.."

"I would say so.." she said with a short laugh.

"Did I tell you I hate shopping?"

"No, I know you hate shopping. Calm down, baby. It's over. Take a deep breath. You're okay now."

"You're mocking me," he said sourly. "It was traumatic."

"You sound like you're okay."

There was a pause and then he said softly, "You're alive. I'm finally okay again."

She didn't know what to say and instead found herself wiping tears from her eyes. And then, to her amazement she heard him say, "Shh...it's okay..don't cry.."

"I'm not," she protested weakly before she realized the truth. "I am.."

"That's something isn't it? That's not cold.."

She pulled her blankets tighter around her body. "It's funny.."

"What is?"

"Four years ago..this isn't where I thought we'd be.." she said softly. "But here we are. And you're there."

"No," he insisted. "I'm right here."

"Angel..do you remember heaven?"

He paused a moment and then replied,"Yes. It was with you. If you mean like where you were, I don't know that I was ever there. If you mean a moment that moves past pure bliss to absolute harmony and euphoria...I was there. In your arms."

"Now, I'm crying."

"Do you want to see me next week?" he asked abruptly.

"That's a stupid question."

He blinked. "Okay...or not.."

"Of course I want to see you, Angel..haven't you been listening? I don't ever want to not see you.."

"Oh..okay..you know you still confuse me.."

"Good..I like that..you get the dopiest look when you don't understand.."

"I don't understand you.."

"See..you're dopey," she giggled.

He chuckled. "Okay..next Thursday..can you get away?"

"Hmm...lemme check my datebook..Thursday early is no good..I've got Bo Brady then.."

"Oh..oh..you..you didn't tell me.."

"Oh Angel.."

"Oh Angel what? Look..I.."

"Honey..Bo..Hope..soap?"

"Soap?"

"Opera? Come on, love..I KNOW you watched General Hospital.."

"Did not and you can't prove it."

"Uh huh. Cassadine."

"Bite me."

"Please," Buffy said with a giggle. She heard him growl so she cleared her throat. "Okay, okay..I can tape. Where? do you want to meet?"

"Let me get all the details worked out..I'll call you back by Tuesday..just...be prepared to spend the night.."

She smiled. "Goody, sleep-over." Then she laughed. "I take it this is goodnight."

"Yeah, you sound tired."

"I am...it's been a long day."

"I bet. I love you, you know that?"

"Every moment. Goodnight, baby."

"Night love."

The line clicked and went dead after a long moment. She stared at the receiver and then ran her fingers over the mouthpiece. "Sleep well, my love." She put it down into it's cradle and then settled back into her bad.

Realizing that it was a bit war, she kicked off the blanket and then closed her eyes.

Two minutes later, she was sleeping. And for the first time in what felt like a long time, there was peace.

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