SUMMARY: Special place? Need to meet right now? Well here we go. This is post Flooded and Carpe Noctem.
Author's Note: The song below is Bette Midler. The title is Carole King. My apologies for the suckage.

"Old friend, there were times
I didn't want to see your face
or hear your name again.
No those times are far behind me.
It's so good to see your smile.
I'd forgotten how nobody else
could make me smile the way you do.
All this time, you're the one I still want beside me.

I must have traveled down a thousand roads.
Been so many places, seen so many faces,
always on my way to somethin' new.
Ohh, but it doesn't matter,
'cause no matter where I go,
every road leads back,
every road just seems to lead me back to you"

****

His cell was off. He hated the damn thing to begin with but right now he was terribly afraid that if it was left on, someone or something would stop him from getting to her. Right now.

It had only been an hour since he had called her. Sixty-five minutes almost exactly. He glanced up on the clock on his dashboard and mentally ticked off another minute; sixty-six.

Really, this was all too much. He'd dealt with it. At least as well he could have. He'd pushed it down as deep as he could get it and then tried to keep fighting.

But Marcus had got him thinking. And then Cor had burst forth from the Hyperion, nearly falling over her words to tell him that she was alive; his Buffy was alive.

Really, it was all too much.

Marcus had lived a nearly full life but wanted to stay young forever. Angel wanted to die one day of old age and not a sword to the gut. Marcus wanted to sleep with every woman who crossed his path; Angel just wanted one woman.

Buffy.

Dear God.

Willow hasn't told Cor much beyond the fact that they had saved Buffy from hell. Which brought up a lot of questions but none of those really meant all that much beyond the fact that Buffy was alive. She was okay.

Maybe.

He frowned when he remembered their short conversation. He had asked her how she was and she had stammered a bit when she had told him she was alive. He had known right then and there that he had to see her; something wasn't right.

"The special place?" she had asked, so very quietly.

"Yes," he had replied, a small smile touching his lips. "That will be fine. Now?"

"Yes. Now. Right now."

It was strange. How very abrupt. How very them.

"We just knew," he muttered to himself, knowing how silly it was that he was talking aloud. He sighed and gazed at the clock. Sixty-nine minutes.

Night was beginning to turn from a light gray shadow over the valley to a dark blanket with tiny holes in it. It was going to be a rather bright and starry night.

Good.

That was right anyways.

Seventy-two minutes. Maybe five away.

From Buffy.

Oh God. Buffy.

***

I've been standing here for about twenty minutes. It's pretty cold but I don't really want to sit in the car. I want to feel the cold. Because it's not as cold as chilled as I am.

Inside.

It's all empty.

Things are still coming back to me but everything is slow and very little of anything feels real. I touch a wall and I feel like my hand should be moving through it.

Like before.

It's not just like the movies but it's very very close. It's more of a feeling than a reality. Like you're nothing and yet still part of everything. At first, it's scary and frustrating. I can remember trying to touch someone and my hand sliding right through them. I screamed. No one heard me.

I called out for Xander to turn and look at me. He couldn't. I tried to touch him again; to wipe the tears from his eyes. It didn't work.

I wanted to cry and as I tried to embrace him, so full of need to hold my friend and to tell him that I was ok, it happened. It really did. Somehow or another, I was holding him.

It was the day of my funeral and my friends were all there. They had considered burying me during the day but Angel had specifically asked them not to.

"She was born in the sun; let her sleep there also. Please."

Oh Angel.

No. Not yet. Soon enough.

Anyways, it's not every day you see yourself getting lowered into the ground but it's funny how much stranger it is watching it as a spectator. I wanted to scream and say things but I didn't have a voice.

So I just held Xander.

I stopped him from falling.

I wonder if he knows?

He started to crumble and no one was near him. Anya was standing next to my sister and Willow and Tara were holding each other. But Xan..oh Xan..his knees just gave out..

He was standing over my grave, a handful of dirt skittering through his fingers and tears beginning to cascade down his cheeks. And he looked so hopeless and like he didn't understand.

"Not supposed to be you," he had whispered. "Superman came back."

My sweet Xan.

I reached out for him and slid through. He began to fall and I went for him again and this time, in my desperation, I caught him. He still hit the ground but much softer than he should have and if anyone had been watching; they would have seen that his head was at an angle. As I cradled him.

He was crying then, almost like a baby. It didn't take long after that for the others to come over to him. Giles, who had been off to the side, head in his hands, was the first to reach him. And they held each other, clinging to what they had.

I left not long after that. My work was done. I was scared and worried but everything around me felt warm and good. It was looking I was being pulled and I heard a voice. His.

I didn't understand at first and I demanded to know what was going on. "You're not..I know you're not.."

"Time isn't real here," he had whispered before he had drawn me close.

I remember that feeling. Nothing linear. Just peace. And love. Everyone who I loved who had been hurt was okay now. And I was with him. After everything, I was back in his arms.

"Buffy?"

I turn and he's there. He looks different from how I saw him in the Big After. He's worried. And scared.

I just look at him for a moment and then he smiles. Softly at first, uncertain. It grows though as he sees me and realizes that I am really standing in front of him. A moment later, I'm holding him. Or he's holding me.

I just don't know.

****

"You're shivering," he said, still clutching her to him. He resisted the urge to lean down to kiss her, even though his body was screaming that only through such an embrace could he truly confirm that she was real. And with him.

"Yeah," she confirmed. "I like it."

He smiled and then took off his jacket. 'That's fine."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Is this jacket number three thousand?"

"And one," he confirmed, dropping a light kiss to the top of her head. He just wanted to touch her. Everywhere. It was taking everything he had not to crush himself to her.

Or to lose himself.

Everything inside of him was bubbling. He wanted to explode. He wanted to make love to her until neither of them could possibly move again. He wanted to touch her until her skin was screaming.

"You're thinking bad thoughts," she said with a hint of a smile. She slapped him lightly.

He nodded, slightly embarrassed. "You okay?" She looked at him. "No, you're not." He moved to the ground and folded her against him. "Tell me.."

"Oh Angel.."

He ran his fingers through her hair and then tipped her chin to look up at him. "We don't have to talk..I can.." he looked down at her and then gently leaned forward and kissed her nose. "I can just hold you."

She smiled, "You always do. God, my Angel..my sweet Angel..you always do."

"Honey..." Angel said, worry creasing his face.

"I'm scaring the hell out of you..aren't I?"

"Hell.." he murmured, suddenly thoughtful. "Will said they rescued you from Hell." He touched her cheek and then shook his head. She paused a moment and then repeated the action. His heart sank.

"Don't.." she warned. "Don't feel sorry for me.."

"Okay," he said, nodding slightly, reaching to pull her back to him. She placed a hand between them.

"Angel, I don't want to be here.." she said abruptly, her eyes watering a bit.

He swallowed hard, "Here? On Earth?"

"Alive," she answered dully. "I don't want to hurt anymore.." She looked up at him. "We were together there..there's no time..it was just us..I was happy. Everyone was okay..no one was dying.."

He looked at her, troubled. How could he possibly offer something better than that? What could he give her that wouldn't make the pain worse?

"I love you here," he said, looking up at her. He grazed her fingers across her cheek.

She nodded slowly. "I don't want to be without you..I don't want to keep fighting for something I've already earned..it's not fair.."

"I'm right here.." he offered.

She shook her head violently, "Until you have to go back to your world and me to mine." She looked up at him suddenly, desperately. "Disappear with me."

He sighed, deeply. "It's all I've ever wanted.."

"But something we can never do, right?" Buffy replied, bitterly. "Dammit Angel..I used to be afraid of dying..now I don't want to live..I just want to be happy..I just want to be whole..I want you. I am so sick and tired of living just to be hurt again..just to be alone..just to settle for what's close.."

"Look at me," he insisted, lifting her chin. "I am right here. "

"What does that mean?" she asked, her voice low like a small child.

"It means we're adults, Buffy. We can handle this. I..I don't think I can let you just disappear again either..I don't think I can settle for just seeing you every couple of months..I'm a selfish bastard..I need more.."

She smiled then, "I think that's the most romantic thing you've ever said to me.."

"It is?" he asked, startled.

"Angel, you've always been so willing to let me go. I know it makes sense..we can't have what we want..I get that.."

"Not yet.."

"Huh?"

"Nothing," he said quickly, thoughtfully. "Go on."

"Okay," she said, eyeing him curiously. She shook her head. "I'm lost.."

"No, you're not.." he said with a smirk. "You were telling me we can't be together.."

"And you said 'not yet'..I want to go back to that.."

"Buffy.."

"Angel.."

"Now's not the time.."

"Wait.." she murmured. "Wait..I remember.."

"What?" he moved closer to her, pulling her tight against him.

"You gave it up to be with me.."

"Huh? Buffy..you've lost me.."

"No," she shook her head and then reached up to grab his head. "You got your shanshu..and you asked for eternal sleep. You said life as a human was worthless without me..and you came to me.."

He looked down at his hands. It hadn't happened yet. It would have happened eventually. He'd made that choice almost immediately but it hadn't been confirmed until he had been in Marcus' body. Humanity was a gift but without her, it would just be an empty box with a huge bow on it.

"Now, I'm right here," she whispered. "You weren't going to tell me.."

"I don't know when," he croaked out. "It wasn't fair.."

"Nothing is," she said bitterly. "I make my own choices."

"But.."

"I know..but..Angel please..I need you.."

"Honey.."

She hit him then. Hard and full. His eyes snapped and he moved a hand to his cheek, stunned. She immediately looked like she was about to start crying. She reached out for him and touched his hand.

"I'm sorry..I'm sorry.."

"Buffy, what's going on?" he asked, gently.

"I can't remember.."

"I don't.."

"Angel..I can't remember when you shanshu..I can't remember but I don't care..I'm just so scared and alone.."

"What about.."

"Will and Xan?" she asked. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "I love them so much..so why did they hurt me?"

He swallowed hard, a rock forming in his throat. "Because they're as lost without you as I am. Nothing is quite real. We can go on..we can play the part, feel the words..but how do you continue fighting when you stop believing you'll win?"

"I did win," she whispered.

"And you'll keep fighting.."

"I don't want to.." she said, the tears starting to spill down her cheeks.

He pulled her against him and pressed a kiss to her lips, holding it for a good long beat. "I love you so much.."

"Then don't let me go..please don't let me go.." The tears were becoming a steady streaking stream.

"Shh..shh..I won't, love. I won't." He pressed his lips to the top of her head and closed his eyes tightly, praying desperately for strength. They didn't both need to sobbing.

After a long moment, he pulled her towards his car and then into it. He brought the top down and then pulled them into the backseat. She looked up at him, "You dog.."

He chuckled, "Shush." He reached down and pulled a light gray blanket across them. "Come here," he said, patting his chest.

She placed her head against him and sighed. "Just hold me like this."

"Always. Forever. Whenever you need me."

"You promise?"

"Never more," he said, sliding his hands under her shirt to rest on her back. She giggled and responded by placing a palm against the cool of his chest. "Now close your eyes. I'm gonna go back to being a selfish bastard now and tell you that I just want to feel you in my arms."

She smiled up at him. And then her eyes flittered."I was wrong," she murmured.

"Hmm?"

"This..right here..with you now..this is heaven."

He smiled, "You have no idea."

***

We found this mountain four years ago when we were still dating. I'd wanted to take her out for a date but the place we went had been packed so I'd brought her here. On the back of my bike.

This has been our special place since.

"Morning is coming," she murmurs, groggy.

"I know," I say, not happy.

She leans down and kisses me, very hard. Desperately even. "You will call me tonight." It's not a question.

I smile. I nod. I know this woman. God, I know her.

She finally moved off me and then she stops. "Forever," she whispers.

I close my eyes. "Forever."

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