"Whispers in the Dark"
Author: Ashlee
Contact: ashlee_999@hotmail.com
Notes: I know everyone is sick of Riley and he's definitely not a favorite character of mine, but I'm trying to keep this story as semi-canon as I can and it just wasn't believable to me that Buffy would drop Riley and jump into Spike's arms (as Willow said, "Sweet girl, not that bright!") I promise much Spuffyness is in the future, but it will take a little while- not too much longer, but I know some people have to be getting frustrated. Thanks to everyone reading!
Blind Ambition
"Is this really necessary?" Buffy asked skeptically, watching Spike and Giles move around the training room of the Magic Box.
"Yes," they replied simultaneously.
"Why?" she asked, putting an appropriate amount of whining into her voice to get the point across.
"Because Spike told me about the close call last night, and we both feel you need a little more work," Giles said.
Both men watched as a pout grew on Buffy's lower lip before she turned to Spike. "Traitor," she muttered halfheartedly.
"Sorry, luv, but I'm not taking anymore risks with you," Spike replied, walking toward her with a blindfold.
Buffy felt a tremor of fear go through her at the idea of being deaf and blind before Spike gave her a soft smile of reassurance. "You're safe," he said, looking into her eyes. "We're just going to work on your other senses."
"But it's not like it will help. We don't have any chained up vampires that we can use, and I always know when you're close by."
Giles raised an eyebrow as Spike smiled with pride. "True, but you're not getting out of this."
With a heavy sigh, Buffy nodded her agreement. Spike slowly moved behind her, slipping the blindfold over her eyes and knotting it. He could hear her heartbeat pick up and lightly ran his hand over her back to assure her that everything was alright before moving to stand in front of her.
"Don't think I don't know what you're doing," Buffy said, turning her head from side to side as if she was searching for them in the darkness. "You're just doing this so you can take funny pictures of me."
Spike smiled, gently running his hand along her cheek. His smile broadened when she leaned into the caress, a move that did not go unnoticed by Giles.
Letting his hand travel down her arm, Spike squeezed her hand, signaling that they were ready.
Buffy took a steadying breath, instantly knowing when Spike moved away from her. Her heartbeat increased when she felt his demon emerge. Turning in a circle, she didn't realize when she closed her eyes against the blindfold, tuning into him.
"How's she doing?" Giles asked as Spike walked around the Slayer in a circle.
"She's adjusting," Spike replied, feeling a little strange that they were talking about a woman who was standing no more than five feet away.
"Is she in danger if she goes out alone?"
Taking a moment to stop and shoot the Watcher a glare, Spike replied, "She's standing in front of me in a blindfold because of last night's patrol. What do you think?"
Giles nodded, watching as Buffy seemed to adjust and slowly move toward Spike. The blonde smiled as he moved away, leading her in a circle.
"Attack her."
Spinning around to face Giles, Spike looked at him in disbelief. "Are you insane?"
"Don't hurt her, Spike. Just let her know what it would be like to fight blind."
"She's not just blind, Rupes. She's deaf, in case you forgot."
"Exactly," Giles replied. "Which is precisely the reason I want you to do this. I'm trying to keep her alive, Spike. And somewhere, deep down, I know that's what you want as well."
"Not deep down," Spike muttered.
"What was that?"
"I said, it's not deep down," he repeated, looking the other man in the eye. "In fact, it's pretty close to the surface."
"What are your feelings for her?"
Spike backed away as Buffy grew more confident, picking up her speed and walking directly toward him.
"I don't know," Spike replied honestly. "There's a connection between us."
"What kind of connection?"
"I don't know what it is."
Buffy whipped around, landing a kick to Spike's side, causing him to fall back on the mats. Springing up, Spike blocked her other moves before she smashed her fist into his nose, sending him reeling back.
Whipping off the blindfold, Buffy glared at the two men.
"It means that I can understand him without looking at him and he should have remembered that," she said, throwing the blindfold at Spike and walking out of the training room.
"Bloody hell."
"She can understand you?"
"What did it look like?"
"Only you?"
"As far as I know," Spike replied. "I better go find her."
Giles nodded as Spike ran out of the room and out of the shop. He saw Buffy down the street and jogged toward her, not surprised when she turned to face him.
"What?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
"What did I say to make you mad?" Spike asked, stopping in front of her.
"What did you say?" Buffy asked in disbelief. "It doesn't matter what you said, Spike. It's the fact that you were talking about me as if I was invisible. The two of you were having a conversation and it's like I wasn't even in the room. I thought the objective was to help me, not talk about me behind my back. It's like I'm nothing to you."
Slowly approaching her, Spike made sure to keep eye contact. "I'm sorry," he said honestly.
Trying to hide how hurt she really was, Buffy crossed her arms over her chest in a protective manner.
"Forgive me?" he asked with a pout that brought a brief smile to her face.
"Don't do it again."
"I promise."
Buffy nodded, turning around and smiling when he fell into step with her. "Are you walking me home?" she asked playfully.
"I figured it's the least I can do."
The two walked in comfortable silence until they reached her house.
"You can come in if you want to," Buffy said. "You haven't seen my mom in a while, and I'm sure she'd be happy to see you."
"Raincheck?"
"Do you have a hot date?" Buffy asked, trying to keep her tone lighthearted.
"No, Slayer," he said with a smile. "Believe it or not, I actually just want to go home and get some rest." At Buffy's confused look, he continued. "Harmony's not there to yap at me, so I can actually enjoy the quiet."
Buffy laughed and nodded as Spike turned around to walk back down the path.
"Spike?"
She waited until he turned around before approaching him. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she left a soft kiss on his cheek, smiling when he pulled back to look at her in surprise.
"I just wanted to say thank you. You've had to deal with me adjusting to the situation, and then there's the mood swings-"
"I've been dealing with the mood swings for a lot longer," he said, chuckling when she smacked him on the shoulder.
"I was trying to be nice."
"Thank you, luv," he said, his voice and eyes softening as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
Buffy relaxed against his touch, leaning closer to him. "You're the only one I feel like I can trust."
Tilting his head to look at her, Spikes brow furrowed in confusion. "What about Giles?"
Buffy shrugged. "I trust him…to an extent. I just trust you more."
Spike's face lit up in a smile as he took Buffy's hand, leaving a tender kiss on it. "That means a lot, luv," he said, watching Buffy's smile brighten. "I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Count on it."
"Good night, pet. Tell your mum I said hello."
"I will," she said, waving at him and disappearing into the house as Spike walked toward the cemetery.
Neither noticing Riley watching the entire conversation from the shadows.
High Stakes
Spike had just settled in for the night with a tall glass of blood in one hand and the TV on when he heard the loud bang of the crypt door as it flew open and smashed into the wall. If he didn't know better, he would have thought it was Buffy, but he would have sensed her long before she walked through the door.
Turning around, Spike stood up and glared as Riley walked into his home.
"What do you want, Soldier Boy?" he asked with a bored expression.
Not saying a word, Riley walked up to Spike and punched him in the nose.
Reeling backward, Spike slammed into the wall with the force of the blow.
"What the fuck was that?!" he yelled, holding his hand up to try and stem the gushing blood.
"Stay the hell away from Buffy," Riley said in a menacing voice, his eyes trained on the blonde.
"And if I don't?"
"Then you'll be on the receiving end of my stake."
To emphasize the point, Riley slammed another punch into Spike's jaw.
"Maybe you're forgetting something, you berk," Spike said, spitting a mouthful of blood on the floor. "Her Watcher is the one who wants me to stay close to her. If you don't like it, you can take it up with him."
"Why should I have to when intimidating you works so well?"
Spike's jaw clenched as he stared at the bigger man. "You actually believe that you intimidate me?"
"Considering I could kill you right now and you couldn't do a damn thing about it? I'm thinking yes."
"That's not intimidation, mate," Spike growled, resisting the urge to wipe the look off his face.
Immediately folding over when Riley's fist impacted with his stomach, Spike was barely able to refrain from gasping for air.
"What's the matter?" Spike muttered. "Afraid I'm gonna steal your girl?"
"Like you could."
"Then what are you so worried about?" he asked, straightening and gritting his teeth against the pain in his ribs. "Do you not trust her?"
That earned Spike another punch to the stomach. "Stay away from her or I will kill you."
"And what am I supposed to tell the Slayer and her Watcher?"
Spike's eyes widened a split second before the stake came crashing into his chest, piercing his unbeating heart. Unable to do anything but groan and weakly try and shove Riley away, he closed his eyes when the stake was pulled out, Spike's hand immediately covering the gaping hole.
"What the bloody hell…"
"Plastic wood-grain. Looks real, doesn't it?" Riley asked, grabbing Spike's shirt. "Don't think I don't know what's going on with you, Spike. Stay away from her. Or we'll do this for real next time. Tell her about this…and I'll make you beg me to kill you."
Walking out the door, Spike finally allowed the pain to settle in as his body fell to the floor.
Buffy eagerly walked toward Restfield Cemetery, looking forward to patrolling tonight. Giles had been reluctant to let her go to the graveyard alone, but Buffy quickly assured him that she would be meeting up with Spike and he wouldn't let her get hurt.
Seeing his crypt in front of her, a rare smile graced her features as she sped up her pace. She quickly knocked on the door before opening it. She knew knocking wasn't customary for her and it would probably surprise him, but it felt like the right thing to do.
"Spike," she called, walking through the door and keeping an eye on her surroundings. She smiled when she saw him seated in his chair, watching a tape of ‘Passions'. "Hi!" she said with a bright smile, walking around the chair and turning to face him. She frowned when she saw the serious expression on his face. "What's wrong?" she asked, sitting down on the arm.
Spike looked up at her, surprised at the upbeat expression in her eyes. "Ummm…nothing," he said, shaking his head.
"Something," Buffy replied with a playful smile, poking him in the shoulder.
The lighthearted teasing in her tone made this even harder. "I can't go patrolling with you, pet."
Buffy frowned. Spike was facing her, and she could clearly read his lips and understand him, but he wasn't making eye contact, and that was starting to worry her.
"Oh," she said softly, obviously disappointed. He hated being the one who caused her good mood to evaporate. "Okay…well…maybe tomorrow then?"
"I can't patrol with you anymore, Buffy."
Her open expression immediately dissolved, leaving the shell of the woman who had been walking around lately. "Can I ask why?" she asked softly.
"It's complicated," Spike muttered.
"And you're not going to tell me?"
"I wish I could…but I just can't, luv."
"I get it," Buffy whispered, standing up and walking toward the door. She jumped when Spike caught her by the arm, moments before she walked through it.
"I'm sorry," he said with remorse evident in his gaze. "I wish it could be different."
"So why can't it?" she asked miserably. "Is it me? Are you just tired of me?"
The question echoed the similar sentiment that she asked Angel after they made love. This situation was so different, and somehow, the weight of what he was going to say would impact her much more than anything Angelus said to her.
"It's not you," he said, shaking his head. "I just can't…be around you anymore."
Buffy nodded, turning around before he could see her chin quivering. "I'll see you around," she said in a harsh voice.
Quickly grabbing her arm again, Spike turned her to face him. "It's not you," he said in a strong voice. "I…I…" love you "…care about you," he said, his eyes widening when he realized what almost came out of his mouth.
"Yeah," Buffy said angrily. "You care. Everyone cares ! Everyone cares so much that it's going to get me killed, and then you won't have me to worry about anymore."
Before he made a move to grab her again, Buffy shoved him away, sending him flying ten feet as she ran out of the crypt, letting the door slam behind her.
Spike watched the door slam and tried to swallow the lump in his throat before dropping his head into his hands.
Intervention
Walking through the graveyard, Xander and Willow followed close behind Buffy as she searched the area. Riley was busy that night and it was decided that Buffy needed to have someone with her when she patrolled.
The Slayer seemed to be hunting, and it was a little unnerving for her friends to watch. She had already taken out her aggression on three unsuspecting vampires and a demon, and it didn't seem to take the edge off her at all. She still had an angry look in her eyes as she scanned, trying to tune into her remaining senses.
Seeing a vampire in the distance, her friends followed after her in concern when Buffy took off running for it, uncaring of the potential danger she was putting herself in.
Launching herself at the vamp, both worriedly watched the blonde as she threw a series of strong punches and kicks, getting knocked to the ground in the process. Struggling beneath him for a moment, Buffy managed to get in two more hits before thrusting the stake into its unbeating heart. Dust exploded around her, coating her skin and clothes. Panting as she sat up and brushed herself off, Buffy barely gave her friends a second glance.
"You okay, Buff?" Xander asked when he was able to get her attention.
"Fine," she mumbled, standing up and walking away.
Willow and Xander exchanged a look with each other. It had been a week since Spike told her he wouldn't be helping anymore, and this was always the end result of Buffy's patrols. They were starting to get very concerned about the destructive route that the Slayer seemed to be traveling.
"Is she gonna be okay?" Xander whispered to Willow.
The redhead looked at her friend who was busy scouting the area, hoping for another vampire.
"She's hurting," Willow said softly, wishing that Buffy would open up to her. After Spike told her he wouldn't be helping her anymore, Buffy seemed to shut down. She wouldn't allow anyone to get close enough to help her or even talk to her.
Both were surprised when a vampire came out of nowhere, launching itself at Buffy. She quickly retaliated, fighting him off as her friends stood by, waiting to intervene if necessary.
Slamming furious punches at the vamp, Buffy attempted to take out all of her frustration on it. Her friends were about to yell at her to stake him before they realized that she wouldn't be able to hear them. Willow could see the tears streaming down Buffy's cheeks as she pummeled the vampire, and she felt her heart ache for her friend. It seemed like everything and everyone she connected with was always taken away.
Tearing her eyes away from her friend, Willow made sure to scan the area. Even if she was at top form, Buffy would never know if something was behind her. All of her focus was on the vampire that she was beating to a bloody pulp.
Smashing her fist into its face one last time, Buffy staked the vampire and jumped to her feet. Without sparing her friends a glance, she continued walking through the cemetery, her eyes scanning the surrounding area.
The tears continued to fall down her cheeks as she walked. It had only been a week, and everything already felt too hard. She had lost the one person who she could actually talk to. She had lost the one person who didn't treat her like she was too weak to still be the Slayer.
‘Not lost,' Buffy reminded herself, trying to keep her anger close to the surface. Anger was easier to deal with than pain. ‘You didn't lose him,' she thought. ‘You were abandoned by him…soul or no soul, there was something there and it didn't matter to him.'
She had never felt so alone.
Sunlight poured into the crypt as the door smashed against the wall. Spike didn't need to turn around to know that it was her Watcher.
"What kept you?" he muttered, taking a long drink from the whiskey bottle in his hand.
"We had a deal, Spike," Giles said angrily.
"Relax, Watcher, you never paid me. You didn't lose anything," he replied, trying to keep the remorse out of his voice.
"I'm going to lose a Slayer!"
Finally looking up and meeting the other man's gaze, Spike sighed. "No, you're not," he said firmly as he sat down in his chair.
"I'm starting to think it's unavoidable," he said, watching the vampire carefully. "She's getting sloppy, Spike."
"I know," Spike replied softly, never looking at the Watcher as he took another drink from the bottle.
"You've been following her?"
Spike stayed quiet for a long minute, watching the alcohol swirl around the bottle.
"Had to watch out for her," he whispered. "Never too close or she'd know I was there, but…I had to make sure she was safe."
"Then why did you tell her you wouldn't patrol with her anymore?" Giles asked, becoming more frustrated. "She needs someone right now, and for reasons beyond my comprehension, she's chosen you to be that someone, and to have that taken away is doing more damage than the hearing loss. Why won't you help her?"
"Because apparently Captain Cardboard is more concerned about his relationship than keeping the woman he loves alive!" Spike yelled, jumping up from his chair, his jaw clenching in anger.
"Riley threatened you," Giles said quietly, looking at the floor in disbelief.
Spike didn't say anything as Giles sat down, trying to understand what he'd just been told.
"Spike…even if Riley threatened you, I can't imagine why you would listen to him. The chip keeps you from harming him, of course, but I think you of all…people, would find a way around certain aspects of it."
Taking an unneeded breath, Spike looked at the bottle, unconsciously scratching his chest where the stake had been plunged in. "The ponce was serious," he finally muttered. "No, I'm not scared of him, but I can't very well help the Slayer if I'm dust in the wind, now can I?"
"Of course," Giles said with a nod of comprehension. "This is the safest way to keep both of you alive…until now."
Spike watched in confusion as the other man jumped up and left the crypt.
Longing to Hear You
Giles was surprised when the door opened to reveal Buffy. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot, her skin was pale, and dark circles shadowed the delicate skin under her eyes.
"Hi, Giles," she said in a weak voice, stepping aside to let him in.
Crossing the threshold, Giles closed the door and followed the Slayer into the living room. His frown deepened when he watched her curl up on the couch, wrapping a blanket around her small form as if she was trying to protect herself.
"How are you?" he asked softly, not really needing an answer, since she was doing a fine job of letting him see how she was.
"I feel alone, Giles," she whispered, knowing that she could be honest with him. "And I know what you're going to say," she continued, cutting him off as he opened his mouth to reply. "You're going to tell me that I'm not alone. That I have friends and family who care about me and want me to be safe. That I'm strong enough to face anything, but…I'm not," she murmured.
"And Spike made you feel as if you weren't alone? That you didn't have to do this by yourself?"
Buffy nodded looking down at the floor, not trusting herself to respond.
Touching her hand to get her attention, Giles gave her a soft smile. "Do you love him, Buffy?"
Her eyes widened, her mouth dropping open slightly when she realized the question wasn't accusing and surprisingly wasn't judgmental. He merely was asking a question, expecting an honest response. "No," she whispered, shaking her head. "But there's something…there's something between us and I can't explain it. Giles, I can hear him…I know it sounds strange, but when he speaks to me, I can hear him. And now he doesn't want anything to do with me and…and it's just this emptiness again. Just this void of nothing, and I'm all alone."
"And you feel like this all the time?"
"Yeah," Buffy whispered, nodding slightly. "I don't know what it is. Is it because I'm the Slayer and have to rely on so many senses? Is it because I wasn't born this way and now I have to adjust? I just don't understand." Pausing for a moment, Buffy let a brief smile flash on her face as she looked at her Watcher. "Who would have thought that silence really is deafening?"
Giles smiled at the comment, relieved to see a small part of the Slayer come shining through. "But the silence speaks as well."
"Now you're going to get all proverbial on me."
"You started it," Giles said with a grin as Buffy smiled. His face soon turned into a hard mask as he looked down at his hands, making sure that Buffy could still see his lips moving. "What if I was to tell you that it wasn't Spike's decision to stop patrolling?"
Staying quiet for a long moment, Buffy shrugged. "He made his choice."
"What if I were to tell you that he was threatened by someone? Someone whom you know very well, that if he doesn't stay away from you, he will have to pay the consequences?"
"Riley?" Buffy asked, her eyes widening in disbelief as Giles nodded.
Taking a deep breath, she turned her head away from him, trying to get her thoughts in order.
"Riley threatened to kill him unless he stopped patrolling with me?"
"That's what I was able to get from Spike."
Buffy was off the couch in a flash, practically running for the door, not giving Giles a second look as she ran from the house.
"Buffy," Riley said with a surprised smile as she walked through the door. "What are you-"
"You son of a bitch!" Buffy screamed, restraining herself from slamming her fist into his nose.
"Whoa, what's wrong, baby?"
"Don't you dare ‘baby' me, you bastard!"
Riley was trying to ignore the insults, noticing the tears that were swimming in her eyes. "Talk to me, Buffy, tell me what's wrong."
"What's wrong? What's wrong ! What's wrong, Riley, is that you don't care about me!"
"That's not true, I love you."
"If you loved me, why would you threaten Spike?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
His eyes widening in understanding, Riley hurriedly tried to think of something and decided that a version of the truth was his best option. "He was getting too close to you," he said, looking into her eyes. "I was worried something could happen to you."
"Like what?" Buffy asked through gritted teeth.
"What if…what if he hurt you?"
"He can't," Buffy said angrily. "The chip."
"And what if he got someone else to hurt you?"
"Then he would have done it a long time ago, Riley," she cried in exasperation, throwing her arms up in the air.
"He could have been waiting for you to let your guard down and-"
"Stop," she cut him off, holding her hand up in warning. "He wouldn't do that…two years ago…last year, maybe he would have, but it's different now."
"Don't delude yourself- he's still a monster," Riley said, shaking his head.
"He's different now. And if a ‘monster' can be more open to change than a human being, I'm willing to trust the monster," Buffy paused, taking a deep breath. "It's over, Riley," she whispered.
"Buffy, no," he said with wide eyes. "Look, I know you're angry and I'm sorry. I was just trying to keep you safe-"
"Trying to keep me safe?" she cried. "Trying to keep me safe by taking away the one person who can help me?"
"I can protect you."
"I don't want protection, Riley," Buffy said angrily. "I want help. I want the ability to look in the mirror and not see this glaring weakness of mine, and he was doing that. I don't need a guardian, I need a partner."
Buffy turned to walk out the door when Riley stopped her. Turning to look at him, she saw the anger clouding his eyes.
"And you want him to be your partner?"
"I want to be able to know that when I patrol I'm safe."
"I can keep you safe."
"Have you not listened to a word I've said? I want to be safe, not have someone standing watch over me. Spike is able to do that."
"He's a soulless thing."
"Maybe," Buffy said with a shrug, opening the door. "But I trust him. I trust him more than I trust you."
Walking outside, Buffy paused to take a deep breath. That was easier than she ever expected. Leaning against a nearby brick wall, she worked on steadying her breathing. Maybe she'd been too hard on Riley, but he had no right to treat her like she was his and dictate her life. She'd already been through that with Angel. She needed someone who treated her as an equal.
But first she had to straighten things out with Spike.
In a Heartbeat
"Spike!"
Immediately on his feet, Spike turned toward the door as Buffy ran through, stopping when the door slammed behind her.
"What are you doing here, Slayer?"
"I had to see you," she said, panting lightly from her run. "I…I know what happened."
"Bollocks," Spike muttered, looking around the crypt for anything resembling alcohol. He wanted to be completely numb by the time Soldier Boy came looking to make good on his threat. "What do you know?"
"I know that Riley threatened you," she said softly, taking a few more steps into the crypt. "I know that he told you to stay away from me. And I know that he doesn't care about me."
Spike finally looked up into Buffy's eyes, seeing the emotions swirling around in them. The pain, the hurt, the betrayal. Her eyes had never been so expressive, and it was more than a little unnerving to him. The Slayer had always been very closed off, and he realized that now, when she had been stripped of one of her most basic senses, she was opening up in ways he didn't even think she was aware of.
"He cares about you, luv," Spike said with a heavy sigh. He hated defending the wanker, but in Riley's twisted, black and white version of good and evil, he knew that he really did care about Buffy. He obviously cared enough to want to be with her at all costs when he felt the relationship was threatened, even if it wasn't for the best reasons and his actions could have cost the Slayer her life.
"How do you know?" Buffy asked, feeling the full effects of what Riley had done now that she was able to slow down enough to think.
"He'd be a bloody fool not to," Spike replied, looking directly into her eyes.
Buffy felt the warmth spread through her when the comforting resonance of his voice broke through the fog and entered her subconscious.
Noticing her shoulders slump, Spike tilted his head to look at her. Buffy smiled when she finally raised her eyes to look at him again. "I can hear you," she whispered, relief evident in her voice. "It's just…I missed that."
Spike watched as tears came to her eyes before she hurriedly blinked them away.
"I don't want to stop patrolling with you, Spike."
"Look, pet, I don't think it's such a good idea, considering-"
"I broke up with Riley."
"Bugger," Spike muttered, biting his bottom lip as he looked down. Captain Cardboard was definitely going to have it in for him now.
"He doesn't even care enough about my well-being to trust me around…to, um…to trust my strength," Buffy said softly, looking away when she realized what she'd almost said. Why would he be worried about trusting her around Spike? It's not like she thought of him in a sexual way. It's not like she looked at the lean torso that was both hidden and enhanced by the tight black t-shirt he wore. It's not like she studied the hard lines of his body- his broad shoulders, his slim waist, leading even lower to…
Spike's head nearly snapped up when he caught the scent of her arousal filling the room. Quickly looking away before she realized what he was thinking and ran out with her virtue fluttering, Spike hid the smile on his face as he turned around, pretending to want something to drink and desperately wishing that he knew what she was thinking.
"So the connection isn't gone?" he asked with his back to her, deciding to change the subject and test his theory at the same time.
"If you mean, can I still hear you when you're not facing me, I think I just answered that."
Spike turned around with a smirk, crossing his arms and smiling when she nervously licked her lips, her eyes traveling over the exposed muscles of his forearms and biceps. Oh yeah, he knew what she'd been thinking of.
"We never have really talked about that," he said with a grin. "I'm surprised your Watcher hasn't been researching it in every spare second."
"Who says he hasn't?" Buffy replied with a shrug. "I'm not exactly in the loop anymore."
Spike frowned at the despondent tone of voice. "You're the Slayer," Spike replied in confusion.
"Thanks for telling me. I never would have figured that one out without you."
"Careful now, Slayer. It would seem I'm the only friend you've got."
"Is that what you are?" Buffy asked quietly. "A friend?"
"Is that what you want me to be?" Spike countered, watching her carefully.
‘What do I want him to be?' she wondered silently.
"I want someone I can count on," Buffy said softly, raising her eyes to his.
"Then that's what you've got," he replied honestly.
"So what do you want me to be?" she asked, insecurity creeping into her voice. She wasn't even sure she wanted to know the answer to that question.
"What do I want you to be?" Spike repeated, opening his mouth to answer before he snapped it shut as a word echoed through his head. ‘Mine.'
Shaking his head to clear it, Spike looked into the wide hazel eyes of the young woman in front of him. "Would it be redundant to say the same thing back to you?" he asked with a smile, trying to cover up what he was thinking.
Staring at him for a long moment, Buffy closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around his lean waist. She needed the reassurance of this moment. She needed to forget the flashing neon signs over their heads that screamed ‘Mortal Enemies.' She needed to be a girl taking comfort in a man she considered to be a friend.
Spike's arms wrapped around her waist in surprise. He could have sworn he felt his heart begin beating at her close proximity when he realized that it was hers. The soft thudding against his chest reverberated to him, creating an echo inside him that made him feel alive. Swallowing the gasp of surprise, his arms tightened around her as he let his eyes close, enjoying the feel of her in his arms.
Resisting the urge to brush a kiss to the top of her head, Spike lowered his head, preparing to say something to her, even though he didn't know what to say.
Opening his mouth, his eyes snapped open when he realized what he was preparing to say- ‘I love you.' Gulping back the fear that welled up inside of him, Spike slowly pulled away from her. He didn't want to love. He didn't want to love the Slayer of all people, but looking into her eyes, he knew it was inevitable. Distancing himself from her, Spike took an unneeded breath, avoiding her strong gaze.
"Do you want to patrol?" she asked quietly.
"Sounds good," he replied, trying to keep his voice normal and cringing when it was much higher than he was used to. Yep, he was in trouble now.
Betrayal of Trust
Trying to resist the urge to stare at her as they walked through the cemetery, Spike shoved his hands in the pockets of his duster. He half-expected Riley to jump him out of nowhere, but he realized as long as Buffy was with him, he wouldn't try anything.
They had been patrolling for over two hours and staked five vamps.
"Why did you listen to Riley?" Buffy blurted out all of a sudden, causing Spike to look at her.
"I didn't," he mumbled, looking away. "Not really."
"What do you mean?"
"Had to watch after you," he said softly.
"You…you followed me?"
Spike merely nodded as Buffy's eyes widened. Walking in silence for a few more minutes, she finally decided to change the subject, since he seemed to be unusually quiet tonight.
"I need to stop by the Magic Box. I haven't checked in with Giles."
Allowing a smirk to play on his lips, Spike looked at her, trying not to think of how the moonlight made her look more beautiful than he would have thought possible. "You never have bothered to check in before, pet. Why start now?"
Buffy smiled, wrapping her arms around her body and trying to ward off the unusually chilly air as they walked. The temperature continued to drop the later it got. "Giles is one of the only people to make an effort since I lost my hearing…I guess I can be a good little Slayer and try and behave sometimes."
Spike chuckled at her tone of voice before seeing her shiver in the cool air. Quickly shrugging off his duster, he turned to face her, giving her a soft smile when she stopped and looked at him. Buffy sighed gratefully when his coat was draped over her shoulders before looking up at him. She noticed the unguarded look in his eyes as he adjusted the collar around his neck. She didn't know if it was her imagination or if he was showing her genuine affection. His hands lingered where they were for a moment before he tapped her on the edge of her nose, giving her a grin. "Can't have you freeze to death, now can I?"
"That would definitely not be of the good," she said with an answering smile as they began walking again.
"But if we run into any baddies, you guard that coat with your life."
Buffy giggled, looking down at the sleeves of the duster, rolling them up so they didn't encase her hands. "Where'd you get this coat, anyway?"
Spike froze, wondering if he should let her know how he really got it or tell a little white lie. "It belonged to the last Slayer I killed," he muttered, unable to look in her eyes.
All humor immediately disappeared from her face as she stopped walking, turning to look at him. "You're serious?"
"I am," he replied, turning to face her. "But I'm not…whatever I was back then."
"A demon," Buffy said in a much harsher voice than she intended. "So if you could undo it, you would?"
"Never said that," Spike said quietly.
"You'd kill her again?"
The demon tried to battle its way to the surface. Wanting to scream and shout that it would gladly snap a neck or rip the throat out of anyone that was put in his path. But looking into Buffy's eyes, William made his way to the surface. "I don't know," he replied honestly, feeling his stomach drop as Buffy took a step away.
She knew she shouldn't react this way. He was a soulless chipped vampire, but something inside was telling her that he was more than that.
"It's a lot of factors to consider, pet."
"Like what?" Buffy asked, self-consciously crossing her arms over her chest.
"I never would have met you," he said softly.
"Wh-what do you mean?" she asked with a nervous tremor making its way into her voice.
"If that Slayer hadn't died, the line would have changed…you might never have been called-"
"And you wouldn't have shown up in town wanting to kill me," she finished for him. "So I could have lived the life of a normal girl."
Spike closed his eyes before slowly turning away from her. "I'm sorry," he whispered as he walked away.
Buffy hesitated for a brief moment before following him. "Don't be," she murmured, unable to look him in the eye. "I'm not saying what you did is okay, but I know how to appreciate life now. I never would have figured that out before. Granted, I have a shorter lifespan," she said with a grin.
"Don't joke about that," Spike said sharply, looking at her as they approached the door of the Magic Box. "You're going to live a long life, Slayer. I'm going to see to that."
"You are?" Buffy asked in surprise, her breath coming out in sharp pants when he gently tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.
"You're going to be around for a long time, luv."
Buffy felt as if she was getting lost in his eyes as he leaned forward and left a soft kiss on her cheek.
"We better get inside."
She could only nod as he opened the door to the shop.
An hour later, Buffy was about to walk out the door when Spike stopped her. His hand lingered on her arm, causing a small tingling sensation to spread through her body as he turned her to face Giles.
"Buffy, do you feel okay getting home by yourself?" Giles asked.
"Yeah," she answered skeptically, her brow furrowed as she looked at her Watcher.
"I need Spike to help me with a few details regarding the demon that attacked you."
"Okay," she said softly, giving Spike a last look before she walked out the backdoor.
Spike was skeptical as Giles led him back to the main room of the shop, walking behind the counter and opening up the drawer. He tightened his jaw when he saw the wad of cash that was pulled out.
"You've kept up your end of the bargain," Giles said, counting out the bills and laying them on the counter. "Kept an eye on her, even when you didn't have to. I think you've earned it."
Spike looked at the money with trepidation for a moment before hesitantly picking it up and stuffing it in his pocket.
Buffy was a few feet out of the Magic Box when she realized she was still wearing Spike's duster. Turning around, she walked back in, already taking off the coat and offering it to…nobody. Walking toward the open door that led to the main room, she stopped when she saw Giles holding a stack of cash, studying his lips as they began moving.
"You've kept up your end of the bargain. Kept an eye on her, even when you didn't have to. I think you've earned it."
Looking at them with tears in her eyes, Buffy watched Spike look at the money before taking it from the counter and giving Giles a brief nod.
Backing away from the door, she let the duster fall on the ground before running out of the shop. The two people she thought she could trust had been arranging a business transaction behind her back. A sob ripped from her throat as the betrayal washed over her.
Death Wish
Spike walked through the back of the Magic Box, frowning when he saw his duster lying on the floor. Picking it up, he briefly brought it to his face, inhaling the sweet smell of vanilla and honeysuckle before he realized that something didn't feel right. Closing his eyes, he pictured Buffy leaving the shop and easily remembered the duster wrapped snugly around her small frame.
Looking at the open door that led to the main area of the shop, he felt his heart tighten at the thought of what she could have witnessed.
"I would have sensed her," he muttered to himself. "I would have heard her or…"
He trailed off, realizing that he had been distracted with Giles and the blasted money. Knowing that there was a possibility that she could have seen something that she might not have understood nearly had him gasping for unneeded air. He could almost sense the different emotions that lingered in the air.
"Bloody hell, she must have seen."
Without another thought, Spike ran out of the shop, hoping that Buffy didn't have too much of a head start.
Walking toward her house, Buffy had veered off toward a nearby cemetery, not wanting to have to face her mother just yet with tears streaming down her cheeks- she needed to get her emotions under control.
Everything had been turned on its axis, and Buffy didn't know how much more she could take. When the vampire caught her off guard with a hard hit to her jaw, she found herself falling, landing on her back on the hard earth. She tried to fight back but was too overcome with the raging emotions, putting very little force behind her punches.
‘Nothing means anything anymore,' she thought as the vampire eagerly pinned her body with his.
Buffy closed her eyes as the alarms sounded through her body, waiting for the fangs to pierce her jugular. She just wanted it to be over. She wanted the pain, the confusion, and most of all, the betrayal to be nothing but a distant memory. SHE wanted to be nothing but a distant memory.
Nothing could have surprised her more than the feeling of the vampire disintegrating on top of her. The dust falling around her as she looked into the cold blue eyes of a man she thought she trusted.
"What the bloody hell was that?!" Spike yelled, jerking her up by her arms and giving her a hard shake. "Are you trying to commit suicide? Because that's what it fucking looked like!"
Buffy had never seen Spike this angry, but she turned away, wanting to ignore him as she brushed herself off.
Spinning her around, Spike grabbed her arms and held them in a bruising grip, ignoring the warning zaps that the chip was sending through his brain. "Do you want to die?" he asked, giving her another shake for good measure, trying to get her to look at him.
"What do you care?!" Buffy yelled, trying to break free of his hold.
"Because I care about you," Spike said, his grip loosening slightly. "You're the strongest Slayer I've ever been in contact with, and I'll be damned all over again if I let you go out that way."
"I'm not the Slayer!" she screamed as tears ran down her face. "I'm nothing anymore. I'm a shell of the Slayer and I haven't had a chance to be a girl! I've been the Slayer since I was fifteen, and I was never able to figure out who BUFFY was! Now, I don't even have that…I'm just a liability."
"Where the hell are you getting this?" Spike asked, his eyes softening as he took a step back and looked at her.
"Let's just say I had a sudden realization tonight."
"And that would be?"
"Why don't you go ask your business partner," Buffy said bitterly. "What? You don't have any more business transactions to make tonight?" she asked, her arms crossed in front of her chest.
Spike knew that he would have to approach this very carefully. "Slayer-"
"Don't!" she yelled, fighting the tears in her eyes, pointing a finger at him in warning. "I don't want to know. Whatever you're about to say…I trusted you," she trailed off in a whisper as tears continued to stream down her cheeks. "I thought we had something special, and it was all just for money." Buffy covered her face with her hands as the sobs racked her body.
She jumped when she felt his arms wrap around her and quickly pulled away, landing a solid punch to his nose that sent him reeling back. Spike hurriedly steadied himself and blocked her other hits.
"I trusted you!" she screamed, her emotions taking over as she cried. "You said you were my friend!"
"I am," he said quietly, letting her take out her anger and frustration on him, only bothering to block the worst of her hits, knowing that she would need to get this out of her system. He held his arms out to his sides when he felt her strength dwindling as her fists weakly hit his chest. Wrapping his arms around the young woman, Spike dropped to the ground with her when her legs gave out.
Stroking her hair and holding her in a firm grip as she cried, he planted soft kisses in her hair, letting his hands trail along her back, trying to soothe her.
After a few minutes, he felt Buffy pull away but held her at arms' length, forcing her to look at him. "I never wanted to hurt you," he said, his eyes never leaving hers as silent tears slipped down her cheeks. "I didn't take the money."
Her eyes widened as she looked at him. "You didn't?"
Spike shook his head before answering. "No."
"Wh-why not?" she asked, her voice trembling.
Hesitating for a moment, Spike leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. It was barely a caress, but it was enough to elicit a response from her. She eagerly leaned forward, craving his touch as she deepened the kiss, holding him to her.
Breaking away after a moment, each breathing heavily, Buffy looked into his eyes again. "Why didn't you take the money?" she asked again.
"Because I love you."
Denial & Acceptance
"Love? You…you love me?"
Spike was staring at her through eyes that were filled with so much emotion, Buffy felt short of breath. "I do," he whispered, waiting for the hardening of her features or the moment when she would shove him away and try to get as far away from him as possible.
"Since when?" she whispered, surprising him by not distancing herself from his embrace as they still sat on the ground.
"Remember the night at the Magic Box? The night when Riley collapsed?"
Buffy nodded, her eyes widening. "The night that I actually heard what you said for the first time?"
It was Spike's turn for his eyes to widen. "Yeah," he whispered, his brow furrowed together as he tried to understand what that meant. "I just didn't know what I was feeling."
Buffy stayed quiet as he ran his hand gently over her hair.
"Come on, pet, let's get you home," he said, trying to change the subject as he helped her to her feet.
"Spike, I don't think-"
"Leave it, Slayer," he said in a harsher tone than he intended, regretting it the moment that he saw the hurt in her eyes. Tightening his jaw, he avoided her strong gaze, trying to get his emotions under control before he looked at her again. "It's not a big deal," he finally mumbled, feeling her eyes bore into him. "I just don't want to make a thing out of it."
"It is a big deal," Buffy insisted, grabbing his arm and forcing him to turn and look at her.
"Why?" he asked, keeping his expression closed off so she couldn't see what he was feeling.
"Because that's not something that you just blurt out and then pretend that it was never said!"
"Look, I know how this will play out. I stand in front of you with my heart on my sleeve and you throw it back in my face. Forgive me for not wanting that to happen tonight."
"Is that really what you think?"
"Slayer, the only reason you're standing in front of me is because you lost your hearing. If that wasn't the case, you would still be barging into my crypt and beating me up for information." Spike stopped when he noticed the look of pain that crossed her features.
"Maybe," she murmured, looking down at the ground. "Probably…but things are different now."
"No, they're not."
"Why?" Buffy asked angrily. "Because I have a disability now? Who cares, Spike! Everything that ever led to anything has had events that set it up! Do you think I would have been with Angel if I wasn't the Slayer?" She ignored his grimace at the mention of Angel as she continued, "Do you think that I would be with Riley if Angel hadn't left town? Do you think that you would be here if Drusilla hadn't left you? Because by your reasoning, I shouldn't be with you, because if Dru didn't leave you, you wouldn't have that chip in your head."
"That doesn't make one bit of sense," Spike replied in exasperation.
"Doesn't it? If I wasn't deaf, we wouldn't be standing here right now. If you didn't have that chip in your head, we wouldn't be standing here right now. It seems pretty cut and dry to me," she replied, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Does that mean you love me?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, preparing himself for the answer he knew would be the only and final blow.
Buffy stared at him for a long minute before speaking. "It means…I'm not against the idea."
Spike's eyes widened a fraction before closing off his emotions once again. "You don't know what you mean," he replied, turning away and walking in the direction of her house.
Buffy stood behind him, fighting the tears in her eyes. She tightened her jaw, slowly following behind him and waiting for him to turn around. When he finally did, Buffy did the one thing she never expected to do again. Walking up to him, she slammed her fist into his jaw, suppressing the smile as he regained his footing.
"What the bloody hell was that for!?" he yelled, holding a hand to his throbbing jaw.
"For being an idiot," she replied, walking past him.
Spike quickly caught up to her, grabbing her arm and spinning her around. His flashing eyes seemed to turn remorseful as he looked at her face and saw the pain in her eyes. "What's wrong?"
"You just…you ask me if I love you, and I give you an honest answer and…why ask me if you already had your mind made up about what I was going to say?"
Spike sighed before looking around the area. They were a few blocks from Buffy's house, and it was getting late. "Let's get you home, pet."
"You're just going to ignore this, aren't you?"
"What am I supposed to do?" Spike asked, feeling his heart tighten at the simple words.
Taking a deep breath, Buffy stepped forward, slipping her hand into his, tightening her hold as she looked into his eyes. "You're supposed to see if this can work."
"You don't love me, Buffy," he whispered in a resigned voice.
"No," she said softly. "I don't…but I didn't love Riley either. Love doesn't seem to come easy for me, but that doesn't mean I don't want to try and see what's here…because I can tell you right now, I already have more of an understanding relationship with you than I ever did with Riley."
A slight smile graced Spike's face as he looked into her eyes, seeing the honesty reflecting in them.
"Walk me home?" she asked, biting her lip as she waited for his answer.
Looking down at their joined hands, his smile broadened. "You know I will."
Setting a comfortable pace, both stayed quiet, enjoying the simple feel of the other as the walked through the darkened streets. Neither wanted to break the tranquility of the moment, each wanting to remember it forever.
Turning onto Revello, Spike's hold tightened on her briefly before he moved to let her go. "What are you doing?" Buffy asked, her fingers clasping around his.
"I didn't think you'd want anyone you know seeing us."
Buffy frowned. It was definitely going to be a difficult conversation, considering she would have to tell her friends that she had just broken up with Riley and she was starting something with Spike, but she strangely realized that she didn't care what they thought.
Walking in silence for a few more moments, Buffy climbed one of the steps leading up to the porch and turned to face him. "Spike," she whispered, taking his other hand in hers, feeling a calming sensation at the linked feeling. "I need to ask you something, and I don't think you'd lie to me, but-"
"What is it, luv?"
Hesitating for a moment, Buffy took a deep breath. "The chip…if you ever got the chip out, would you-"
"No," he replied, cutting her off. "I wouldn't hurt anyone."
He felt a strange feeling of hurt wash over him at the disbelief in her eyes.
"You don't believe me?"
"It's just…you haven't even had it for a year and-"
"And how could a soulless demon reform in less than a year's time?"
"Well…yeah."
"Easy answer, luv," he replied, tucking a lock of silky hair behind her ear. "You." At her surprised look, he continued, "I've been having feelings for you for a long time- I've just been ignoring them. You make me want to change, Buffy."
She felt tears come to her eyes as her chin quivered with emotion. Not giving any thought to what she was doing, Buffy brushed a tender kiss against his lips. She had to smile at Spike's shocked expression when she pulled away. He'd obviously never expected her to initiate a kiss between them, and the look on his face was priceless.
"I better get inside," she whispered, reluctance evident in her voice.
"Okay, luv," Spike said softly. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Spike felt like he was in heaven as her lips brushed against his once more, eliciting a moan from him before slowly pulling away. "Good night, Buffy."
Buffy watched as he turned around and disappeared down the street before walking into her house, feeling more relaxed.
Spike had an uneasy feeling the entire walk back to his crypt. He was so distracted by everything that happened with Buffy tonight, he hadn't been paying attention to his surroundings.
"We need to talk."
Turning at the sound of the familiar voice, Spike raised an eyebrow, surprised that he'd let his guard down. "What do you want, Soldier Boy?"
Déjà Vu
An uneasy feeling washed over Buffy as she said good night to her mother. Pausing on the stairs, she tried to tune into her emotions, wondering what was wrong with her. Turning and walking back down the stairs, Buffy saw her mom sitting on the couch watching television, exactly the way she'd left her less than a minute ago.
"Mom…do you feel that?"
"What, honey?" Joyce asked, looking at her daughter in concern.
"It feels like something is wrong and I don't know what."
Joyce looked deep in thought for a moment before answering. "Do you think it's a Slayer thing?"
"I-I don't know…the only time I've ever felt anything like this was when Angel was poisoned, but I was standing right there with him and it wasn't this strong."
"Do you think it's-"
"Spike!"
Before Joyce could respond, Buffy was out the door and running toward the cemetery.
The feeling got stronger as she approached the crypt. Putting on a burst of Slayer speed, she practically knocked the door off the hinges in her rush to get through it.
"Spike?"
Looking around and calling his name, Buffy tuned in every sense to locating him. "Spike, where are you?"
‘Come on,' she urged silently. ‘You know I can hear you, answer me.'
Walking toward the back of the crypt, she frowned when his presence didn't seem as strong. "Spike?" she whispered with tears in her eyes, praying to anyone and everyone that he would answer.
Taking several deep breaths and forcing herself to calm down, Buffy closed her eyes, letting her feelings take over. After an excruciatingly long few seconds, her eyes flew open before she ran to the door again. Pausing for a brief moment when the night air hit her face, Buffy turned left and ran a few paces, nearly tripping as she skidded to a stop. Feeling her breath catch in her throat, she dropped to her knees, choking back the bile in her throat as she looked at the beaten vampire in front of her, lying in a pool of blood.
Cuts and bruises littered his face and body. Swelling was already beginning, and blood was pouring out of open wounds. She felt her heart stop when she realized that he was unconscious.
Dropping to her knees, Buffy's first thought was to check for a pulse until her brain kicked in and reminded her that she wouldn't find one no matter what.
"Spike," she whispered in a hopeful tone, gently touching his chest, wondering if a vampire could die from blood loss.
As gently as she could, Buffy maneuvered him into a better position and picked him up. Slowly moving him toward the crypt, she was careful not to jar any of his potentially broken bones as she walked through the door.
With a sigh of relief, Buffy laid him down on top of a nearby coffin, trying to keep the tears from falling as she ran for the refrigerator and came back with a brimming cup of blood.
Slowly moving him so she was cradling his head in her arm, Buffy tilted the blood toward his mouth, hoping that the scent would entice him, even in his unconscious state.
Holding her breath when he took a small swallow of blood, she felt her heart drop in her chest when he immediately choked on it and spit out the mouthful.
"Spike, you need to drink," she whispered as she finally let her tears fall, lowering her head to his chest as her body shook with the force of her sobs. "I can't lose you…I can't!"
"Buffy?"
Jerking her head up at the hoarse voice, Buffy gasped when she saw one eye open. "It's me," she whispered, tenderly trailing a hand over his battered cheek. "I'm here."
With a painful grimace, Spike reached up and took her hand in his, leaving a tender kiss on the palm. "Why the long face, pet?" he asked with another cringe.
"I thought…I thought I'd lost you. What happened?"
"It's not important," he mumbled, turning away from her.
"Yes, it is," she replied, walking around the coffin so she could look at him again. "Who did this to you?"
Seeing the resolve in her eyes, Spike sighed and immediately regretted the action when his ribs protested.
"It was your lover boy, Slayer."
"Riley?" Buffy asked in disbelief, her eyes glazing over. "Wh-why?"
"Apparently, I'm taking advantage of what's his," Spike replied before coughing up even more blood.
Quickly rolling him, Buffy's chin quivered at the amount of blood he was losing. "I'm not his," she whispered, more to herself than him.
"That's not what he says," Spike whispered, resting his head on his arm as he closed his eyes.
"No! No, Spike, don't close your eyes, you have to eat!"
"Too weak, luv. Got some bones that need mending."
"You'll get stronger, just drink."
"I just need to rest," he said, his voice getting weaker.
Sitting down on the stone surface, Buffy pulled him up into a sitting position, forcing him to look at her. "You need blood, Spike."
"Where the bloody hell is it?" he asked in a resigned voice.
Taking a deep breath, Buffy nervously licked her lips before moving forward and tilting her head. Spike's mouth dropped open when he realized what she was doing as he tried to move away. "Can't do it, Slayer…I won't do it."
"You have to."
Unconsciously licking his lips as he eyed her neck, Spike painfully shook his head. "I'll hurt you…the chip."
Watching as she moved closer to him, Spike had never been more nervous or aroused as she pressed her chest to his. "Then don't hurt me," she whispered, feeling the demon come forth as tingles of warning and anticipation went through her body.
The bloodlust was raging in him as his tongue lightly swept over her neck. He felt her heartbeat speed up in response and took a moment to run his fingers through her hair, making sure she was relaxed. The demon was oddly quiet during the tender display, not screaming at him to take what she was offering.
Spike's brow furrowed when he realized that he saw Buffy as his mate. The realization almost propelled him away from her before he realized that she was accepting him…all of him.
"Spike?" Buffy whispered, gasping when she felt his fangs plunge into her neck, her eyes closing as he began taking deep pulls of her blood.
Feeling her heart beating rapidly, Spike pulled her closer to him, forgetting the pain he was in as he bit down harder, moderately surprised that the chip wasn't firing. Letting his hand come up to the back of Buffy's head, he held her to him as he continued to drink the sweet liquid.
Buffy began to feel her strength draining out of her with each swallow of blood. The feeling of déjà vu was almost too much for her as she arched her back, pushing her body against his while she waited for the all too familiar feeling of oblivion to surround her. She was beyond the point of asking him to stop, and a larger part of her was enjoying having him connected so intimately to her that she knew she wouldn't ask even if she could.
Hearing her heartbeat dwindling, a warning seemed to pass through Spike, recognizing that she could be in danger before reluctantly pulling away. Letting the demon recede, he immediately panicked when he saw Buffy's glazed over eyes.
"Buffy?"
Trying to shake off the feeling of helplessness, Buffy felt herself lowered onto the hard surface, vaguely making out Spike's concerned eyes as he looked at her.
"I'm sorry, luv. I didn't mean to take so much."
Taking a few deep breaths, Buffy allowed her eyes to focus and offered him a weak smile.
Listening intently to her heart, Spike stared at her worriedly. "Are you okay?"
"I'll be fine," she whispered. "I've had it worse than this."
Spike continued to stare at her, periodically checking her breathing and heart. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Hold me?" she whispered hopefully, smiling when a soft smile lit up his face.
"I can do that."
Buffy relaxed as he lay down next to her and pulled her against his strong chest, marveling for a moment that he must already be feeling better.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, brushing a kiss along her forehead.
"Don't be," she said in a soft voice. "I'm not."
Drained
Slowly opening her eyes, Buffy groaned at the pain in her body, immediately closing her eyes once again. She felt like she'd been hit by a truck, and as the memories returned to her, she was almost regretting not going to the hospital. At least when she'd allowed Angel to feed from her, she'd woken up with enough pain medication flowing through her to keep her numb to the actual pain. Of course she'd been much closer to death at the time, and that was a feeling she wasn't looking to relive anytime soon.
"Buffy?"
Turning toward the soft-spoken voice, her eyes fluttered open, and Buffy had to smile at the worried look on Spike's face.
"How are you?" he asked nervously.
"I'll be fine," she murmured, her voice tinged with pain as she rolled toward him, seeking comfort. She frowned when something felt different. Looking around, Buffy realized that Spike must have moved her to the bed at some point. The soft mattress and silky sheets caressed her body, doing their part to soothe the aching in her sore muscles.
"You shouldn't have done that, pet," Spike whispered, tracing his fingertips along her cheek.
Breathing a sigh of relief at the comforting feeling of being able to hear him and feel him, Buffy snuggled closer to his body, tucking her head under his chin and trembling when his hands traveled lower, slipping beneath her shirt and stroking the skin he came in contact with. "I had to do it," she murmured. "It was my fault."
"It wasn't," Spike insisted, pulling back to look at her. "Your ex boy wonder is the only one to blame."
"But if it wasn't for me, he never would have shown up wanting revenge," she said softly, leaning back to study him for a moment. There was no swelling in his face and some of the bruises had already faded. The cuts were closing, making it look as if Spike had been in a fair fight and he was simply healing from a few injuries. Her memory blocked out the way he looked when she first showed up and the thought of what could have happened if she hadn't been there. Her Slayer's blood was doing what it was supposed to do, and that's what she needed to focus on.
Seeing tears shimmering in her eyes, Spike tilted his head to look at her with a worried expression. "What is it?" he asked in a whisper, causing her eyes to travel to his again.
"What if I hadn't been here?" she said in a choked voice. "What if I hadn't felt that something was wrong? The sun would have risen and you…"
"You felt something?"
Buffy nodded, sniffling slightly as he studied her. "I can't explain it. I just got this confusing feeling, and then I realized that you were in trouble and I got here as fast as I could."
Looking up at him to gauge his reaction, Buffy was surprised at the confusion written all over his face.
"What are you thinking?" she asked, watching as he turned to look at her, his brow furrowed.
"It's not important," he replied, shaking his head. "I was just trying to figure out how we're feeling each other."
"And that's not important?" she asked, a pout forming on her lips.
"It's important, luv," he whispered with a smile. "Just confusing."
"Yeah," she agreed in a soft voice, seeing Spike's expression change once again. "I'm not a mind reader, Spike. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours."
"It's just…if I didn't know better, I'd say we were mated."
Buffy stayed quiet, avoiding his gaze as she picked at the invisible lint on the sheet. Spike studied her for a moment before drawing her attention back to him. "I'm not a mind reader either," he said with a playful smile that Buffy didn't return.
"If we were mated…that's like a form of marriage?"
"Yes, luv, but we're not."
The disappointed look on her features didn't go unnoticed by him, but he chose not to say anything about it.
"Why don't you talk to your Watcher and see if he can find out anything," he suggested, pulling her closer to him.
"Yeah," she murmured, looking up at him with wide eyes that were more expressive than he was used to seeing.
Slowly lowering his lips to hers, Spike gently kissed her, eliciting a moan when he tried to pull away. Buffy eagerly sought out the comfort the kiss was providing and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her as his tongue slipped past her lips to brush against hers.
Pulling away breathlessly after a moment, she saw Spike looking at her with lust-filled eyes. The startling navy shade almost made her jump with the intensity of his gaze. "I love you," he whispered, pressing another kiss to her lips before breaking away all too soon.
"I don't know what you want me to say," she murmured, tracing her hand along his cheekbone. "I mean…I know what you want me to say, but…"
"I'm not trying to pressure you. I just thought you might need to hear it again."
Buffy smiled, looking down shyly before meeting his gaze again. "I can't say it yet," she whispered, noticing the brief flash of disappointment on his face before he masked it carefully. "But I know that I can't be without you."
A brilliant smile lit up Spike's face, and Buffy realized that she rarely saw a genuine smile from him.
"I like that," she murmured, laying her head on his chest in exhaustion.
"What's that, pet?" Spike asked, his lips brushing along the top of her head, letting his hands trail up and down her arms in a soothing motion.
"When you smile," she whispered, closing her eyes and yawning. "I don't think I've seen it since we were engaged."
Spike chuckled, tightening his hold on her, unable to believe that she was really lying in his arms of her own free will.
"Get some rest," he said softly.
"I can't," she mumbled sleepily. "My mom is probably worried about me."
"You need rest, Goldilocks," he said, playing with the long strands of hair. "Sleep for an hour and I'll wake you up, alright?"
Not strong enough to argue, Buffy merely nodded, breathing a sigh of relief as she held onto Spike. Her eyes briefly opened when she felt a low rumbling run through her before smiling when she realized he was purring. Closing her eyes again, Buffy soon drifted to sleep, comforted by the calm vibration running through her.
"Mom?" Buffy called, walking into the house a few hours later.
"Buffy," Joyce said with a sigh of relief, walking down the stairs. "I've been worried sick. Is Spike okay?"
"I'm sorry," Buffy apologized, giving her mother a hug. "Spike's okay…now."
"Now? What happened?" Joyce asked in concern as they walked into the living room, sitting down on the couch.
"Riley," Buffy said softly. "Riley beat him up and…I hate to think this, but it looked like he left him for the sunrise."
Joyce gasped, her eyes widening at the implications. "Buffy, are you sure?"
"I'm not sure of anything anymore," Buffy said, her voice strained with exhaustion as she broke eye contact to run her hands through her hair. "What?" she asked, looking at her mother in confusion when she felt Joyce's eyes on her.
"Were you attacked?"
"No. Why do you…"
Her hand unconsciously drifted to her neck as she looked down at the floor.
"So you saw," she said sheepishly, biting her bottom lip and raising her eyes to her mother's.
"Spike?"
"He had to have blood," Buffy reasoned.
"And I'm assuming this took place in his crypt."
"Yeah," Buffy replied skeptically, her eyes narrowing slightly as she wondered what Joyce had up her sleeve.
"And he doesn't have blood in his refrigerator?" she asked, fighting the smirk that was threatening to play on her lips.
"I take it you don't mind that a vampire fed on your daughter," Buffy said, leaning against the cushions of the couch.
"I'm assuming it was…consensual."
Buffy blushed at her mother's choice of words. "I thought he was going to die, Mom."
"I can understand that," Joyce said with a nod. "You obviously have some feelings for him and you wanted to take care of him. It's perfectly understandable. But you are okay?" she asked, letting the concerned mother out.
"I'm fine," Buffy said, a soft smile on her lips. "A little weak, but Spike let me rest at the crypt."
"I might just have to get Spike a cell phone," Joyce said with a smile.
Buffy laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. "Amazing. I ask for one for years and then just because I lose my hearing, you're willing to get a vampire a phone."
"Well, you can't very well use it, and I'd like to know you're safe. Spike's been around for over one hundred years, so I'm assuming that he would know how to use one."
Rolling her eyes at her mother, Buffy stood up. "I'm going to get some rest. There's a Scooby meeting tonight and I feel like I'm…well…quite literally drained."
"Are you sure you're okay?" Joyce asked, studying her daughter's face and noticing that it was more pale than usual.
"I'll be fine," Buffy insisted. "Wake me up in a few hours?"
"Of course."
Walking through the cemetery just after sunset, Buffy hesitantly knocked on the crypt door and pushed it open. Spike stood up from his chair and seemed more than a little surprised to see her there. "Something wrong, pet?" he asked, hurrying over to her.
"No," Buffy replied, shaking her head. "I just…well, there's a Scooby meeting tonight and I thought…never mind."
"Buffy," Spike said with a smile, grabbing her arm before she could leave. "You want me to go?"
"I just…I would feel better if you went with me."
Realizing a moment too late that she'd said the wrong thing, Buffy opened her mouth to take back the statement as Spike's eyes hardened.
"Don't need you to protect me, Slayer," he said in a low voice.
"I-I know," she said, wishing she could rephrase but knowing that Spike wouldn't forget that easily. With a heavy sigh, Buffy realized that it was probably just better to give up on it. "Never mind," she murmured, pulling her arm out of his grasp and turning for the door.
"Buffy."
Hearing his voice, she closed her eyes, trying to ward off the feelings. It was the only sound she could hear, so of course she responded to it. Turning to face him before walking through the door, Buffy stared at him for a moment. "What?" she finally asked in exasperation.
Not saying a word, Spike closed the distance between them before pulling Buffy flush against him and crushing his lips to hers. Eagerly kissing him back for a moment, she soon found herself getting lost in the sensations.
Reluctantly pulling away and feeling a profound sense of loss at the lack of contact, Buffy offered him a tentative smile. "I better go," she said, breathing heavily from the simple exertion of the kiss.
Not letting her go, Spike looked into her eyes, studying her for a long moment until Buffy began to fidget beneath his gaze.
"Can I go now?"
"Do you really want me to come with you?"
"I did," she admitted. "But since you obviously don't want to go, I'm going to be late if I don't-"
His lips once again found hers, and Buffy got lost in the feel of him. His tongue gently brushed against hers as her hands made their way into his hair. Pulling back once more, Buffy felt lightheaded, gasping for air.
"I missed you today," he whispered, his breath so close to her that it was sending chills racing through her body.
"I wasn't gone very long," she murmured, watching her hands reach up to play along the strong muscles of his chest.
"Too long," he replied, staring into her eyes for a moment before grabbing his duster. "What are we waiting for, pet? We're going to be late."
Buffy blinked at the sudden, abrupt change of topic. "You're going?" she asked, tilting her head to study him.
"Well, yeah," he said with a grin. "I need my girl to keep me safe, now don't I?"
The smug look on his face caused Buffy to narrow her eyes at him before disappearing through the door.
"Wait up, Goldilocks," he called, chasing after her. "You didn't think I would actually pass up spending time with you, did you?" he asked, smiling when she turned to look at him.
"Well…when you put it that way, it's hard to stay frustrated with you."
"All part of my master plan," Spike replied with a raised eyebrow.
Buffy rolled her eyes as they continued toward the Magic Box. Spike could feel the tension rolling off of her in waves and longed to put an end to it.
"Look, pet…I know you're worried about your mates finding out about…whatever this is between us- I'll keep it quiet."
"That's not what I was worried about," she admitted softly.
"It's not?"
Shaking her head, Buffy took a deep breath, her eyes nervously darting around the area before coming to a decision. Taking a step closer to Spike as they walked, Buffy avoided his eyes as she casually reached out for his hand, intertwining their fingers together in a tender gesture.
Looking down at their joined hands, Spike felt his heart swell. He didn't think it was possible to love this woman more than he already did, but the simple gesture of taking his hand was not lost on him. She wasn't the Slayer right now. She was simply a girl who was nervous around someone she liked, and Spike wasn't about to ridicule or tease her about the thoughtful gesture.
Bringing her hand up to his lips, she visibly relaxed when he tenderly kissed the back of it before continuing toward the shop. After a few minutes, Buffy glanced at Spike out of the corner of her eye, smiling when she saw him looking back at her.
"Have I ever told you thank you?" she asked, turning toward him.
"Can't rightly recall, pet."
"Well, if I haven't…thank you."
Applying a little bit of pressure to her hand in a gentle squeeze, Spike gave her a soft smile. "I wouldn't have it any other way."