"Beyond Forever"
Author: Ashlee
Contact: ashlee_999@hotmail.com
Notes: Angel doesn't have a soul and never came to Sunnydale. This story takes place at the beginning of season two.
Buffy managed to make it through her bedroom window and change into her robe moments before her mother entered the room.
"You awake, honey?"
Buffy was barely able to hide the sigh of relief that she hadn't been caught as she sat on the edge of the bed and nodded, holding the top of the robe closed.
Joyce walked forward with a worried expression on her face. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked, feeling her daughter's forehead. "You don't look so good."
"I'm a little weak," Buffy said truthfully, hoping that her mother would leave before the blood began to seep through the thick terrycloth.
"Why don't you stay home and rest today," Joyce said as Buffy nodded. "I'll be working late, but I'll make sure and check on you when I get home."
"Thanks, Mom," Buffy said with a soft smile as Joyce walked out of the room.
Buffy waited until she heard the click of the front door closing before walking over to her vanity. Carefully peeling the layer of fabric away from her neck, Buffy cringed at the damage. Even with Slayer healing, it would take several days for the wound to close.
Buffy curled up on her bed and let more tears fall.
'You had sex with a soulless monster,' Buffy thought, mentally slapping herself. 'And you're surprised by the outcome?'
Joyce entered her house later that night, quietly climbing the stairs and checking on her daughter. She slowly pulled the door shut after seeing that Buffy was asleep and walked back downstairs.
Fixing herself some hot chocolate, Joyce was surprised at the knock on the door. She was even more surprised to see a handsome man on the other side.
"Mrs. Summers?"
"Yes," Joyce replied in confusion.
"I'm William Sinclair," he said with a friendly smile. "I hear you're the person to talk to if I'm looking to buy some art."
"Well... yes, but I have a gallery for that."
"I understand, but... this is kind of embarrassing," he said with a sheepish smile. "I have a very serious allergy to the sun... this is my only option."
"Oh, I'm so sorry," Joyce said with a smile. "Won't you come in?"
Spike smiled as he crossed the threshold.
Buffy stirred in her sleep, slowly opening her eyes. She was surprised to see her window open with the curtains fluttering in the cool breeze.
"Mom?" she called softly, sitting up in bed.
Panic ripped through her system when she felt a hand clamp down on her mouth and a body pressing her into the bed. Buffy's breathing sped up as her vision focused in the dark room. Her eyes widened when she saw Spike lying on top of her, and she immediately began squirming beneath him, trying to break his hold.
"Easy, Slayer," he said in a soothing tone. "I'm going to take my hand away, and when I do, you're going to be a good little girl and not scream, right? I'd hate for something to happen to that lovely mum of yours."
Buffy swallowed, realizing her mom must have invited him in as she nodded her acceptance. Spike slowly took his hand away but kept his body in place. He didn't say anything for several long moments before tilting her chin to look at the swollen skin, caked in dried blood, the remaining evidence of his treatment of her earlier that morning.
He felt anger flow through his body as the demon burned below the surface when he felt her body trembling beneath him.
"What?" he asked sharply as her eyes met with his.
Buffy looked into the blue depths, seeing flecks of amber sparking in them as he held the demon at bay. "Wh-what are you doing here?" she asked in a whisper.
"What do you think I'm doing here?" Spike challenged.
Buffy's trembling worsened the more she tried to control it. "Please don't hurt me," she whispered, the girl speaking instead of the Slayer.
Spike's eyes flashed yellow for a brief moment. "Relax, Slayer. If I wanted to fuck you, I would already be inside you right now."
Instead of relief, Buffy felt tears come to her eyes as she looked away. "Leave," she said in a choked voice.
"No."
Buffy's eyes came back to his, her jaw clenching. "Why? Are you wanting to finish what you started?"
"I didn't bite you on purpose," Spike said, softening his tone even though the demon wanted to beat some sense into her.
"So your fangs just found their way into my jugular, but you had no intention of hurting me?"
"Something like that."
"Well, you did," Buffy said, blinking back tears and turning away. Involuntarily giving him a perfect view of his mark on her, Spike felt an overwhelming sense of pride and... remorse.
'You're a vampire,' he thought, trying to get control over his emotions. 'You're not supposed to feel bad about hurting the Slayer. You're supposed to be finishing the job. You could take her right now, just like this morning, drain her dry and leave her.'
But he couldn't. It pained him to even think of the girl beneath him, losing the vibrant quality and turning into nothing but a dead shell.
"I'm not going to say I'm sorry for doing something in my nature," Spike said through clenched teeth. "You knew what you were getting into."
Buffy finally turned back to look at him, both noticing how close their lips were. How intimately entwined their bodies were. Spike saw the tears slip down her cheeks and felt his undead heart clench, which also made him angry.
"Stop it," he growled, his eyes narrowing as he looked at her.
Buffy's chin quivered as Spike's dominant nature came to the forefront.
"I said... stop it."
Buffy continued to let her tears fall. "I don't have to listen to you."
Whatever scrap of control Spike was holding onto snapped. "Do you want to test me?" he asked in a low tone.
She merely stared at him in a silent challenge. Spike angrily ripped away the sheet that was separating them, his hands moving to her robe when her soft voice entered his consciousness.
"Please don't."
Spike stopped, not because of the words, but because of her tone of voice. It was the sound of soft acceptance if he'd decided to make good on his threat, but at the same time, understanding what he was trying to do.
The demon viewed sex as dominance and who better to demonstrate that with than the Slayer?
Spike took a deep, unneeded breath, sitting up as Buffy closed her robe a little tighter. Spike leaned forward, putting his face in his hands as he shut his eyes.
"What's happening to me?" he asked himself.
Buffy heard the soft question as she sat up, moving closer to him and laying her hand on his back. "You really didn't mean to bite me?"
Spike pulled his hands away, seeing her reflection in the mirror... alone. "I didn't," he said softly. "But I should have."
"Do you want to kill me?"
Spike clenched his jaw, turning to face her and seeing the look in her eyes. "I did."
"I know that... but what about now?"
"I'm not supposed to want you," he replied, not giving her a straight answer.
"Do you love me?" she asked quietly.
Spike took a deep breath. "No."
Buffy quickly hid the hurt on her face as she nodded, standing up and walking over to the window. Spike sighed as he stood up, walking over to her, not understanding the need to comfort her.
"It's not that easy for a vampire to fall in love, kitten."
Buffy nodded, hugging her arms around her body. "Have you ever been in love?" she asked, staring out the window.
'Now is not the time to bring up Drusilla,' he thought. 'You're a vampire... soulless demon... lie to her.'
"No," he mumbled, perplexed at the feeling of guilt he felt.
"Do you care about me?" Buffy asked the question she'd wanted to ask him that morning. At least, before everything went horribly wrong.
Spike stayed quiet, wrapping his arms around her waist and nuzzling her tender neck. "What are you asking me, Buffy?"
"Would you care if I died?" she asked.
"I've already told you, pet-"
"No," Buffy said, shaking her head, needing to get some kind of understanding about the man behind her. "I know you don't want to kill me anymore. I'm asking you... if I died tomorrow... would you care?"
Spike's arms tensed around her waist, giving her the answer she needed.
Spike looked at the window, sensing that he had an hour before sunrise. He glanced at the sleeping girl in his arms, feeling a smile play on his lips as she snuggled closer to him, seeking the comfort he was providing.
Gently brushing a soft kiss to her forehead, Spike began disentangling himself from her when she stirred.
"No," she murmured, her eyes still closed.
"I have to go, baby," he whispered, wishing that he could hold her in his arms all day.
"Just a few more minutes?" she asked, opening her eyes and giving him a small pout. "Please."
Spike smiled before giving her a small nod. "Okay... a few more, and then I have to go."
Buffy pulled Spike back to his previous position, slipping her hand under his shirt and feeling the corded muscles that tensed beneath her touch as her fingertips ran along his abdomen.
Spike closed his eyes, relaxing against her soft touch as she left soft kisses along his neck. Spike felt a low rumble in his throat as she nibbled on his tender flesh.
"Why would you want to do that, luv?" he asked in a teasing voice. Spike's eyes flew open when he felt her straddle him, pushing her lower body against his. "Don't start something you can't finish," he said in a warning tone, one eyebrow raised.
"Wasn't planning on it," she said with a soft smile as she untied the sash on her robe, letting the material slide away from her body.
Spike reminded himself that he didn't need to breathe when Buffy moved seductively against him. His hands grasped her hips, pulling her closer as he grinded against her. Buffy leaned forward, leaving a tender kiss on his lips. Her tongue never entered his mouth- they merely let their lips brush together in gentle caresses.
Spike slowly broke away from her, letting his lips trail along her jaw and down to her throat. He paused when he felt Buffy tense as he lightly dragged his tongue over his bite mark. She immediately sat up, fear in her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I can't do this."
Spike watched as she practically jumped off of him, slipping her robe on before he stood up and caught her by the arms.
"Spike, don't," she whispered, panic in her voice.
"I'm not going to hurt you, luv," he whispered. "What's wrong?"
Buffy briefly closed her eyes, remembering the fear and vulnerability she'd felt the day before. It only set her on edge again.
"If we... if you and I... "
"You're worried I would bite you," Spike said with a sigh.
"You could have killed me, Spike," she whispered. "That's not exactly a feeling I want to get to know better... I've already felt it more than I'd like."
Spike couldn't deny it. He had no control over the demon, and it was a threat to her in any kind of intimate setting. He loosened his grip on her shoulders, tightening his jaw as he looked out her window.
"I should go," he mumbled, grabbing his duster off the end of the bed.
"I wish you wouldn't," Buffy said softly.
"This isn't going to get easier, Slayer," he growled in a harsh tone with his hands gripping the window frame. "It was a good time... maybe we should leave it at that."
Spike waited for her response, his brow furrowing when none came. Turning around, he saw Buffy hugging her arms around her body, fighting the tears in her eyes as she looked at the floor.
"I'm sorry, kitten," he said softly, his expression softening. He watched as she raised her eyes to his before he threw his duster down with a sigh. "I just don't know what to do with this."
"Me neither," Buffy said in a choked whisper. She practically threw herself into his arms as he walked back to her. Spike was grateful that he didn't need to breathe since her arms were holding him in a vice-like grip. "Can I see you tonight?" she asked with a trembling voice.
"I don't know, luv," Spike whispered, holding her close.
Buffy nodded as she took a step back, looking out the window. "I guess you should go," she said softly.
"Buffy-"
"Sunrise," she clarified, gesturing outside.
Spike followed her gaze with a heavy sigh. He slowly turned back to her, letting his hand trail along her jaw, down to her neck. Spike tilted her head slightly, looking at his mark. It wasn't the neat puncture wound that his victims usually wore. This one was jagged, showing the mark of his teeth, not just his fangs. Even with her advanced Slayer-healing, this would leave a scar.
Running a cool finger along the swollen skin, Buffy surprised both of them by relaxing under his touch, feeling soothed by his tender caress.
"I'll find you tonight," he murmured, his hand never leaving her throat.
"Near the warehouse?" Buffy asked with a hopeful tone in her voice that she would be seeing him soon.
"No," Spike said softly as he shook his head. "That's not... I'm not staying there."
"But I thought-"
"Leave it alone, Buffy," he said quietly, trying to get her to drop the subject without being forceful about it.
Buffy looked down as she nodded. Spike hooked his finger under her chin, leaving a tender kiss on her lips, feeling his undead heart clench when she gave him a soft smile.
"I'll find you," he repeated, pulling on his duster.
"Okay," Buffy agreed, accepting another tender kiss from him before he disappeared into the night.
Spike walked into the factory, noticing the tension coming from his minions as they huddled in the shadows. He arched an eyebrow as he walked further into the building, feeling something familiar that he hadn't felt in years... decades.
"William, I was beginning to think you'd abandoned your family. Now, is that any way for a Master Vampire to behave?"
Spike turned around, a growl rumbling in his throat. "Angelus."
"How've you been?" Angelus asked as he wandered around the factory.
Spike stayed on guard as he watched the other man. "No complaints," he replied with as much nonchalance as he could muster. "Where's Darla?"
"Oh, she didn't really feel like making the trip on such short notice."
Spike stared at the older vampire before calmly pulling out his cigarettes and lighting one with deliberate ease. "Short notice?" he repeated as Angelus approached him. "What are you doing here, Gramps?" Spike asked, blowing smoke in his face.
"Heard my boy was going soft," Angelus replied with an evil smirk. "Chasing after the Slayer, but not for the obvious reasons. People are saying that you're in love with her."
"Don't know what you're talking about, Angelus," Spike replied. "Or what business it is of yours."
"I'd say it's my business when what you do affects me and my life."
"Affects you?" Spike repeated with a laugh. "In case you've forgotten, mate," he continued, practically spitting out the words. "I'm the only member of the Order of Aurelius that has killed not one, but TWO slayers. How many have you killed, or even fought for that matter?" he asked, watching as Angelus' expression darkened. "That's what I thought, so why don't you sod off?"
"Then why are you having difficulties with the newest little spitfire?" the other vampire asked. "The Chinese Slayer didn't last more than one fight, and what's her name from New York was gone after no more than two rounds. What's the problem with this one?"
"No problems," Spike replied, his mind flashing to Buffy straddling him less than an hour before, her naked body on top of his as she leaned forward to kiss him. "I have her exactly where I want her. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get some sleep."
Angelus raised an eyebrow and smirked as Spike disappeared into the back of the factory.
"What's the what, Giles?" Buffy asked, walking into the library after school and throwing her backpack down on the table, with Willow and Xander following closely behind.
"Well," Giles began. "We've located a nest of vampires that needs to be dealt with as soon as possible."
"Okay, I'll make a pass tonight and-"
"I really think daylight is the best option, Buffy," Giles said in his 'Watcher' voice. "The rest of us can go with you to give you any assistance you may need, but-"
"Fine, Giles. When do you want to go?"
"I have a question for you, Willie," Angelus said, sitting in a chair and propping his feet up on the long table as Spike finally reappeared. Angelus was beginning to get impatient but kept his temper in check as his grandchilde approached.
"It's Spike," he growled in response, keeping a careful eye on the other man.
"When was the last time you made a kill?" he asked, watching the blonde with interest.
Spike's eyes widened when he realized that he hadn't killed anyone since his feelings had changed for Buffy. He merely fed and discarded the dazed humans, never giving them a second thought. Never giving his actions a second thought... until now. "Last night," he lied with practiced ease.
"You're probably getting hungry then," Angelus replied with a smirk.
"Not like I can do anything about it until sundown," Spike arching one eyebrow, wondering what he was getting to.
"I think we can do something to rectify that," Angelus said with a broad smile, climbing to his feet and snapping his fingers at the minions behind him. Spike watched with a feeling of dread as two of them disappeared into one of the hallways while Angelus walked in a circle around Spike. "Consider it a... housewarming gift," he said with a devilish smile as he kept a careful eye on the blonde.
Spike eyed him warily, but his attention was soon drawn to the hallway as a girl was dragged out by two of the minions.
'No problem,' Spike thought. 'Kill the chit and get the old ponce off your back. You're still a demon- it's not like you haven't done it before.'
As the girl got closer, Spike felt his stomach drop when he noticed the strong resemblance to Buffy. The girl's hair was a little longer, but it was the same shade of blonde. Her eyes were the same color of green. Angelus had really done his homework when he thought of this little 'present'.
'My Grandsire and his fucked up mind games,' Spike thought bitterly.
"Go ahead, Spikey," Angelus said with a grin. "Enjoy."
Spike swallowed hard as the girl looked at him with pleading eyes. He tightened his jaw, bringing his demon forth before quickly snapping the girl's neck and sinking his fangs into her jugular, ignoring the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach as he drained the lifeless body.
He let the limp bundle fall to the floor, staring at his grandsire when the doors to the factory burst open. A flurry of activity seemed to overwhelm the vampires as the minions who tried to fight off the intruders began dwindling in numbers. Spike was about to join in the fight against whoever dared to disturb his home when the crowd seemed to part and he caught a glimpse of the woman who had spent last night in his arms.
Buffy quickly staked a vampire, moving further into the factory and stopping cold when she saw the two vampires. Her 'spidey sense' was practically making her recoil from the power of the two men, seconds before she realized who was standing there.
Spike reverted back to his human face as Buffy stared at him with wide eyes, seconds before turning her gaze to the dead girl at his feet.
She felt like she was moving in slow motion, putting the pieces together. The girl, who, from this angle, bore an uncanny resemblance to her, Spike being in demon form moments ago, the blood that was still dripping from his lips...
Buffy put her hand to her mouth as she felt the bile rise in her throat. "Oh my God."
"Oh my God," Buffy repeated before slowly backing away from the sight before her, uncaring of any possible danger that could be behind her. She was more focused on the danger in front of her.
Spike watched her, putting an impassive look on his face as she bumped into her Watcher.
"Buffy?" Giles asked, keeping a careful eye on the two vampires.
"Get out of here, Giles," Buffy said in a low tone.
"Buffy-"
"I said get out."
Spike felt his body calling for hers as she shoved her Watcher and friends out into the sunlight. With one last look at Spike, Buffy felt the tears gathering in her eyes before she followed them.
"Well, that couldn't have gone better if I'd planned it," Angelus said with a gleeful smile.
Spike shot his grandsire a menacing look as Angelus stared him down.
"So, you claimed her without her knowledge, did you?" the older vampire asked with a smirk. "I could smell your scent all over her. Strange how she didn't want to stick around, considering how much you've 'bonded'," he said with a laugh before disappearing to the back of the factory.
Spike slowly approached the door that Buffy had gone through, careful to avoid the light as he silently willed the sun to go down.
"Would you like to tell me why we just ran out of there?" Giles asked, looking over at Buffy as she hugged her arms around her body.
Willow gave her friend a nervous look, having recognized one of the vampires as Spike, vaguely remembering seeing the blonde at the Bronze.
"Um... they were too powerful," Buffy replied, avoiding Giles' eyes. "Both of them together... I never would have been able to take them on."
"Well, that's why we were there, Buff," Xander replied.
Buffy shook her head. "It's too dangerous," she replied as she caught Willow looking at her. "You guys stay inside tonight, I'll patrol."
Giles knew there was more to the story but decided to leave the young girl alone. She carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. If she didn't feel up to fighting, then he couldn't push her to it.
Buffy was hurriedly packing a bag for her mother when she heard the front door open and close.
"Buffy?"
"I'm upstairs," Buffy called, zipping up the bag.
"What's going on?" Joyce asked, standing in the doorway.
"I need you to go stay with some friends tonight," Buffy replied.
"This is unexpected," Joyce said, sitting down on her bed. "And why are you kicking me out of my own house?"
"Mom, we need to talk about some things."
"Such as?"
"Mom... I'm a vampire slayer."
"How did she take it?" Willow asked.
Buffy propped the phone between her shoulder and her ear as she checked over her weapons. "Better than I expected, but still not great."
"Understandable," Willow replied. "Now tell me what's going on with you."
"What do you mean?" Buffy asked, a tremor making its way into her voice.
"I saw your reaction in the factory, Buffy," Willow said gently. "What happened between you and Spike?"
"How long do you have?" Buffy asked with a small laugh before sighing. "He's just... he's been so nice, Wills. Well... as nice as a soulless monster can be."
"What does that mean?"
"He's temperamental and stubborn and... and I thought I was falling in love with him," Buffy trailed off in a whisper.
"Oh," Willow said in a soft, shocked tone. "And now?"
"I let myself forget," Buffy whispered. "Who he was... what he was."
"Do you think you can kill him?"
"I slept with him, Willow," she said softly, feeling tears streaming down her cheeks. "I know it was probably a mistake, but he... "
"He... what?"
"He made me feel things that I never... and now a demon has an all access pass to my house and what am I supposed to do?"
"I don't know, Buffy."
Buffy slowly looked up and saw the sun setting.
"Are you going patrolling tonight or waiting for him to come to you?"
"I haven't really thought that far ahead," Buffy said softly. "Although, my house probably isn't the best place for a fight."
"And if he just wants to talk?"
"I don't know if I can... I just feel like I've been manipulated. He killed a girl that looks like me, Willow. Right before we walked in, and what if... what if I had just been a minute earlier?"
"I'm sorry," Willow said quietly. "But you can't go through life with 'what ifs'."
"You're right. I better go."
"Be careful, Buffy."
"I promise," she replied before disconnecting the call.
Buffy took a deep breath before grabbing her weapons.
Buffy twirled a stake as she sat on a headstone later that night. She hadn't seen or sensed Spike, and she was feeling grateful for that.
As soon as the thought crossed her mind, Buffy's senses heightened as she felt someone get close to her.
Springing off the headstone, Buffy scanned the area looking for the presence. The feeling confused her as she looked around, sensing Spike, but unsure whether it was him or not.
"You're the Slayer," a calm voice said in the darkness.
"Who's asking?"
Buffy watched as a tall dark-haired man appeared from behind a crypt. He looked vaguely familiar, and Buffy's mind flashed back to the factory, remembering he was the vampire next to Spike.
"Who are you?"
"You don't know?" he asked in a mocking tone. "I would have thought they'd have the Slayer do her research."
"I'm not much for homework," Buffy replied, crossing her arms over her chest. "Stake through the heart, sunlight- it's all pretty clear to me."
"I don't think you should be trying that, Slayer."
"Why's that?"
"Because then who will tell you what you want to know about Spike?"
"I know him pretty well," Buffy replied skeptically. "I've never seen you before. How do you know him?"
"I'm family."
"Family?"
"The name's Angelus... heard of me?"
"Can't say that I have."
Buffy saw a flash of disappointment on his face and had to suppress a smirk.
"What are you planning on telling me?"
"Has Spike ever mentioned Drusilla?"
"Who?"
'The woman he was in love with," Angelus replied.
Buffy felt her stomach drop as she stared at the man. "H-he said he's never been in love," she said softly.
Angelus let out a loud bark of laughter. "He lied."
Buffy walked into her house feeling emotionally drained as she headed up the stairs to her room. Closing her bedroom door behind her, Buffy leaned against it, letting the tears spill down her cheeks as her hands covered her face before running through her hair.
She nearly jumped out of her skin when she sensed his presence. She had been too distracted with her emotions, but now her eyes snapped open, adjusting to the dark room. She felt her breathing speed up when she saw him sitting on her bed, his hands clasped in front of him as he watched her in the dim light.
"Buffy-"
"What the hell are you doing here?" she asked in a low tone, setting her jaw in preparation of what was to come.
Spike stood up, about to respond, when Buffy crossed the room, letting her fist fly into his nose. Spike immediately backhanded her, more out of reflex than necessity. Buffy reeled back, her hand coming up to her jaw as she looked at him in surprise.
Spike's eyes widened. "Buffy, I didn't-"
His words were immediately cut off as Buffy kicked him in the stomach and threw another punch at his jaw. Spike grabbed her shoulders, throwing her into the door and covering her body with his, repressing any further movements from her.
"Stop it," he growled before his lips crashed down on hers.
Buffy resisted for a brief moment before kissing him back, battling his mouth with hers. A new fight was created with their teeth and tongues. Spike's hands went to the waist of her jeans, practically ripping the pants and her panties away from her body. Buffy pulled back for a brief moment, before pushing him onto the floor and straddling him.
Spike stared at the woman above him. Her chest heaving as she panted for air, her hair spilling around her shoulders as she stared into his eyes. Buffy grabbed his shirt, ripping it open and letting the buttons fly everywhere, while whipping off her own shirt and bra.
Spike felt his eyes flash amber as he watched her run her fingernails down his chest leaving deep scratches and reaching to unbutton his pants, jerking them down his hips. For good measure, Buffy threw another punch at his face, gasping when Spike rolled them and entered her in one swift movement, not giving her time to adjust as he plunged into her.
Buffy began to gasp and moan, trying not to get lost in the sensations. She was rapidly losing the battle of wills before Angelus' voice entered her subconscious. *They were in love for over one hundred years. I've never seen a man more devoted to a woman.*
Tears built up in her eyes as Spike's words haunted her.
*It's not that easy for a vampire to fall in love, kitten.*
Angelus seemed to overlap her memory, blurring with Spike's voice. *He loved her from the beginning. Dru just brought him home one night, and he was whipped from that point on.*
Buffy's tears finally spilled over as she slapped Spike.
"I hate you."
Spike seemed surprised for a brief moment before his calm mask fell back into place.
"I hate you!" Buffy screamed, pounding on his chest.
"I know," Spike said quietly, never stopping his movements and noticing that Buffy's hips were still rising off the ground to meet his thrusts.
"I hate you," she whispered. Spike noticed it sounded more like 'I love you' but didn't say anything.
Tears continued to stream down her cheeks as he plunged into her. "I hate you," she whispered again, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer to her. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you... "
Spike held her, kissing along her shoulder and neck, realizing that she wasn't tensing up from having him so close to her. He continued his movements and soothing gestures as she cried and weakly pounded her fists against him. He squeezed his eyes shut, knowing that she was too overwrought with emotions that she didn't know what to do.
Buffy could feel her heart racing as they violently thrust against each other. Spike felt her body trembling beneath him. He thought it was her quiet sobs at first, but soon realized that she was seeking her climax. He pushed into her with renewed vigor, sending her over the edge with a strangled cry.
Spike closed himself off to everything. His emotions, the demon... her. Seconds later, he was following her over the edge but was so detached from the situation there was no danger of his demon coming out. This was an act of release, not intimacy... for both of them.
Buffy's walls were still fluttering around him when she shoved him away, climbing to her feet. Spike watched as she searched through her wardrobe, pulling out fresh clothes and quickly dressing as he buttoned his jeans. Spike looked up and saw her putting on her shoes.
"Look, pet, I know you're mad about the girl, and I'm..."
Spike stopped when Buffy's eyes snapped up to his, confusion etched on her features.
"The... oh my God," she murmured, her hand coming up to cover her mouth as fresh tears slipped free. She had completely forgotten about the dead girl in the factory. She was too consumed with jealousy and hatred and something else that she really didn't want to identify to remember what had occurred earlier in the day.
Spike took a step forward, tilting his head in uncertainty. "You didn't remember?"
Buffy turned away from him, biting her lip as she tried to push down the anguish inside of her. She had just screwed a soulless demon who she was sworn to kill. Spike slipped behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and preparing for the blow that never came.
"Then what's wrong?" he asked, not surprised when Buffy pulled away from him. She slowly turned around to look him in the eyes before speaking.
"Were you ever going to tell me about Drusilla?"
Spike's eyes widened as his body froze.
"Who was she?" Buffy asked, testing the waters as she crossed her arms over her chest, staring at Spike.
"What do you know?" Spike retaliated.
"Why should that matter?" Buffy asked. "Are you planning on lying to me again?"
"Damn it, Slayer, you weren't supposed to find out about her!"
Buffy set her mouth in a hard line before turning away from him to stare out the window. "That was made crystal clear," she muttered under her breath.
Spike heard the quiet statement and sighed. "There was never a good time to tell you," he said softly, moving to wrap his arms around her waist. Buffy swatted his hands away, whirling around to face him with fire in her eyes.
"How about the time I asked you if you'd ever been in love?"
Spike clenched his jaw, taking a step forward. Buffy suddenly sensed the power he exuded as she took a step back. "You're treating me like I'm one of your soddin' boyfriends, Slayer," he growled. "I'm not human. I don't give a shit about your feelings... or you, for that matter."
"Is that a fact?" Buffy replied, getting more enraged as she took a step toward him. "Then I guess it won't bother you if I go to one of my 'soddin' boyfriends' to fill the needs you won't be meeting."
"Tread lightly, little girl," Spike replied in a menacing whisper.
"Why should I start now? You don't care about me, why should I care about you?"
Spike grabbed Buffy's arm in a bruising grip as she tried to walk past him. She immediately shrugged him off, only to have him grab her shoulders. Buffy didn't hesitate as she struck out at him, landing a solid hit to his nose, sending him reeling backward, only to be met with a powerful high kick to his head. She ran downstairs and out the front door, slamming it behind her.
"Keep the damn house for all I care," Buffy grumbled, wishing that she could run into a demon so she could work off some of her aggression.
She broke into a run, wanting to put as much distance between herself and the bleached vampire as possible. She stopped when she felt a powerful sensation wash over her. Before she had a chance to react, Buffy was practically jerked off her feet when she felt two hands wrap around her neck in a choking grip.
Spike followed Buffy's scent to a nearby park, breaking into a run when he caught the scent of her blood. He felt his heart seize in his chest when he saw Buffy in Angelus' arms, his fangs deep in her neck.
"NO!"
Angelus looked up as Spike approached. "Any closer and I snap her neck."
Spike gulped as he listened, catching the faint heartbeat and saw her eyes open. She was pale with the blood loss, and Spike felt his demon howl at the fact that Angelus had reopened the wounds he'd left on her neck mere days ago, covering Spike's bite with his own.
Buffy struggled to stand up straighter, fighting for her strength to return as Angelus laughed at her.
"What the hell do you want, Angelus?"
"I thought that would be obvious, Willie. I want her."
"No," Spike growled.
"Fall in line, Spike," Angelus hissed at him. "What's yours is mine. Haven't you figured that out by now?"
"Funny thing about 'the line', Gramps," Spike replied. "It only matters if you give a damn about it... she's mine!"
Spike kept a careful eye on Buffy as his grandsire's hold tightened around her small form.
"And besides," Spike continued. "What will Darla say?"
"Who do you think brings me my playthings? You lived with us for decades and you don't remember? She brought you quite a few toys of your own, if I remember correctly."
Spike saw Buffy shudder at Angelus' words. "Let her go," he said in a low tone.
"Don't worry. I'll let you have one last go before I finish her off. I'm sure she's just full of stamina."
Buffy's eyes widened slightly, sending Spike a silent message, before throwing her head back to connect with Angelus' nose. He quickly stumbled backward, howling in pain as Buffy collapsed. Spike felt torn for a brief second but immediately leapt on his grandsire, pummeling the older vampire while he was still throbbing from the previous hit.
Buffy gasped for air, trying to overcompensate for her blood loss as she watched Angelus flip Spike over his head and regain the upper-hand. Spike jumped to his feet, both circling the area, keeping a close eye on each other as their demons snarled.
Buffy tried to search her pockets, hoping for a stake, when she remembered she wasn't wearing the same clothes she had on earlier. She could see a small sign sticking out of the ground, but it was at least twenty feet away. Praying that the sign was attached to something wooden, Buffy painfully pushed herself to her feet, trying to make her way to the potential weapon.
Spike glanced at Buffy, his eyes widening slightly before Angelus turned toward her as well. Spike felt his heart clench when his grandsire rushed at her with a snarl. He quickly looked in the direction Buffy was heading and felt his body flood with relief when she reached for the small sign in the ground, before her small form was thrown to the ground.
Spike ran as fast as he could, snatching the sign out of the ground and thrusting it into Angelus' back, piercing the unbeating heart, before his fangs were able to sink into her jugular for a second time. He felt a tiny pull when he watched his grandsire explode into dust but quickly pushed the feeling away when he saw the weakened Slayer.
"Buffy," he said softly, falling to his knees in the soft grass. "Stay with me, luv."
"Spike," Buffy said weakly. "Am I dying?"
Spike clenched his jaw, listening to her heartbeat and noting that it was stronger than he would have expected.
"No," Spike said gently, running his hands through her hair before hoisting her into his arms. "You're the Slayer," he continued with a reassuring smile as she rested her head against his chest. "It takes a lot more than a little bite to take you down."
"Where are we going?" she whispered.
"I'm going to get you some help, luv."
"I thought you didn't care about me."
Spike took a deep, unneeded breath. "I lied."
Note: I was going to have Angelus stick around a little longer, but this story was ultimately about Spike changing and I wanted to keep the focus there.
Buffy felt the clouds slowly fading away when she opened her eyes. A sterile smell filled her senses and she could feel pressure on her hand as she struggled to remain conscious.
"Buffy?"
Slowly turning her head, she was surprised to see Spike sitting at her side, holding her hand.
"How are you feeling, luv?"
Buffy opened her mouth to reply, but quickly closed it when she felt as if it was filled with cotton. Taking a deep breath and swallowing as hard as she could, Buffy tried again. "What are you doing here?" she asked in a raspy whisper.
"I was worried about you," he said softly.
Flashes of her memory began to come back as she remembered what happened. "You didn't let him kill me," she whispered in confusion.
"No," he whispered, watching as Buffy turned to look at him.
"Why?" she asked, tilting her head as she watched him.
"Why do you think?"
Buffy turned away with tears glistening in her eyes. "Because you want the honor for yourself," she said in a choked whisper.
Spike's hand immediately came up to grasp her chin in a strong grip. "Do you really believe that?"
"I don't know what to believe anymore," Buffy whispered as tears spilled down her cheeks.
Spike took a deep breath before standing and pacing in small circles around the hospital room. "So... this is the moment of truth, is it?" he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck before facing her again. "What do you want to know?"
"Drusilla," Buffy said simply.
Spike opened his mouth to respond but paused when a nurse walked into the room.
"Oh, you're awake," the cheery woman said with a smile, handing Buffy some water. Buffy eagerly swallowed the liquid, breathing a sigh of relief that her cotton-mouth was gone. "How are you feeling?"
Buffy gave a slight shrug. "As good as can be expected."
"Good," she said with a grin. "I'll send the doctor in, whenever he gets a chance. Right now you get some rest." The woman turned to walk out the door but stopped with her hand on the handle, turning back to face them. "You should really get some rest, too," she said to Spike before turning to Buffy. "Your boyfriend has been worried sick. I've never seen a man so concerned."
Buffy turned her gaze back to Spike as the woman left. "Is that true?"
"I thought I'd lost you," he said softly.
Buffy took a deep breath, wanting to ignore the comment until the truth was out. "Okay... back on topic."
"Right," Spike said with a nod. "Dru... Dru was my sire."
"And you loved her," Buffy whispered, already knowing this part of the story. "What happened?"
"She died," Spike said quietly, raising his eyes to Buffy's, trying to gauge her reaction.
Buffy nervously played with the blanket, swallowing the lump in her throat. "I killed her," she stated.
"How did you... "
Buffy looked up at him with sad eyes. "If it wasn't me, then who? You came to Sunnydale wanting my blood, being Mr. Cryptic and saying that you had your reasons for wanting me dead. Are you telling me I didn't dust her?"
"You did," he whispered. "In Los Angeles."
Buffy thought back to the summer, remembering the woman in the alley. Her hand unconsciously drifted to her abdomen, which still housed the scar from the attack. Spike watched her hand, coming over to sit next to her on the bed. His own hand slipped underneath hers, gently caressing her stomach through the thin fabric of the hospital gown.
"Am I supposed to feel sorry?" Buffy asked, more harshly than she intended.
Spike's brow furrowed as he looked at her. "It might be a nice gesture," he mumbled, pulling his hand away and standing up.
Buffy looked in the opposite direction, taking deep breaths to control her emotions. "She was a vampire, I'm the Slayer... should I be reading you the warning label?"
Spike turned around with amber flashing in his eyes. "I don't know, Slayer... should you?"
Buffy looked at him, tightening her jaw to keep her chin from quivering anymore than it was. She gave him a hard look before throwing the sheets away from her frail body and climbing out of the bed.
"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" Spike asked, walking around the bed to grab her arm.
Buffy pulled free of his grasp, grabbing her jeans off the pile of clothes on the chair and slipping them on. "Leaving," she stated simply before pulling the IV out of her hand, wincing at the twinge of pain.
Spike watched her in shock as she turned her back to him and let the gown slip from her shoulders. He controlled his reaction to seeing her naked form, but just barely as he watched her pull her shirt over her head and slip her shoes on.
"You shouldn't be leaving, Slayer," he finally said in a low tone. "You're not well."
"What does it matter?" Buffy asked, turning around throwing her arms in the air. "Slayer healing, remember?"
Spike watched for a moment as she turned and made her way out the door, bracing herself against the wall for balance.
"Buffy," he called, chasing her to the elevator when he snapped out of his daze. Slipping in before the doors shut, Spike pushed her against the wall, looking deep into her eyes for a long moment. "What the hell got your knickers in a twist?"
"Get away from me, Spike," she whispered, tears threatening to fall.
"What-"
Spike was cut off as Buffy shoved him away, walking through the doors as they opened. With a heavy sigh, he followed her out of the hospital into the night air. After a few moments of silence, Spike finally spoke. "Are you mad because I finally told you the truth?"
"I'm mad because you wish she was here instead of me," Buffy said softly, stopping when she felt Spike grab her arm.
"What?"
"You expect me to feel sorry for killing her... if she didn't die, then I would have and that's what you really want."
Spike's stomach dropped as tears began to slip down her cheeks. "I never said that," he whispered.
"But it's what you want," Buffy murmured, walking away from him.
"Bloody hell, woman, I just killed my grandsire for you!"
Buffy stopped, nervously biting her lip as she turned to face him. Her eyes were downcast, but Spike could still see the tears clinging to her cheeks. "I can't do this, Spike," she whispered in a heartbreaking voice.
"Can't do what, luv?" he asked, his tone softening as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
"I can't compete with someone you loved for over a century... someone I took away from you, I just can't... "
Buffy trailed off in a choked sob as Spike pulled her closer, letting one hand come up to the back of her head, stroking her hair as she cried. "There's no competition, kitten," he whispered. "You're here, she's not. End of story."
Buffy clung to his duster, scared that if she let him go, he would disappear. "I love you," she whispered through her sobs. "I love you so much and it scares me to death."
Spike took a deep breath, trying to keep his own tears at bay, letting his head drop to her shoulder and leaving a gentle kiss in his wake. "I know," he whispered, feeling her relax in his arms. "I love you, too."
A week later, Spike timidly knocked on the door, shoving his hands in his pockets as he stood back and waited. It had been a week since he'd seen Buffy. He had called her earlier in the week to check on her, but he was missing her.
Judging by Joyce Summers' reaction when she opened the door, Spike guessed that Buffy had come clean with her mother about who he really was.
"Miss Summers," he said in polite greeting, ducking his head so she wouldn't be as nervous.
Joyce slowly removed her hand from her heart and offered Spike a nervous smile. "Hello."
"Is Buffy home?" he asked softly, watching as Joyce nodded.
"Come in. I'll just... go get her."
Spike watched her hasty retreat up the stairs and waited until Buffy made her way down before he entered the house. He gave her a gentle smile before frowning when he saw how she was wringing her hands together.
"What's wrong, luv?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her waist.
"I thought you'd left," Buffy said softly. "I haven't seen you in a while."
"I know, baby," he whispered, nuzzling her hair. "I've been busy, but I'm here now."
Buffy nodded, raising her lips to his to accept a tender kiss.
"I want to show you something," Spike whispered after pulling away. "Will you come with me?"
"Yeah," Buffy said softly, motioning for him to stay there while she went to tell her mother she was leaving.
"Ready, pet?" Spike asked when she reappeared.
"Yeah," she replied, smiling when he took her hand in his, leading her out of the house. "Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise," he said with a smile.
Fifteen minutes later, Spike led Buffy up the path to a small house. "Surprise."
Buffy looked at him in confusion before her eyes widened. "This is yours?"
"This is ours," Spike murmured, pulling her closer to him.
"So this is what you've been doing for the last week?" Buffy asked, looking back and forth between him and the house.
Spike led her forward, opening the door. "No... this only took a day or two to work out."
"Then where have you been?" Buffy asked, following him through the door and looking around at the spacious living room.
Spike took a deep breath, shutting the door behind her. "I've been hunting."
Buffy tensed, her entire body going rigid as she backed away from him. Spike's eyes widened as he realized what Buffy was thinking before frantically shaking his head.
"That's not what I meant," he said, approaching her slowly.
Buffy seemed to relax slightly. "Then what did you mean?"
"I've been finding the minions I created," Spike said softly.
Buffy's mouth dropped open. "All of them?"
"No," Spike said softly. "I've been around for over a century- it would be impossible to find them all, but I've taken care of this area."
Buffy felt her eyes watering with tears as she bit her lip, trying to keep them at bay before throwing herself into his arms, kissing him passionately.
Pulling away after a moment, Spike smiled down at her. "I didn't expect that kind of reaction."
"I can't believe you would do that," Buffy said softly, tracing her hand along the sharp contours of his cheekbones.
"I'd do that and a lot more, luv. All you have to do is ask."
"Make love to me?" she asked innocently as Spike's eyes burned amber with desire.
"Are you sure?" he asked, his body already reacting to hers.
Buffy nodded before stepping back and slowly pulling her shirt over her head. Spike momentarily forgot that he didn't need to breathe as her golden skin was exposed. He quickly shed his own clothes, reaching toward her and stripping her of any remaining clothing.
Buffy gave him a soft smile, pulling him toward her and meeting his lips in a tender kiss, maneuvering them until Spike found himself lying on top of her. His eyes squeezed shut when he felt her warm hand encircle his length, leading him to her entrance.
Spike inhaled sharply as he slowly sunk into her body, listening to her gasp of pleasure when he filled her. Pulling back to look into each other's eyes, Spike gave her a gentle smile before slowly thrusting into her.
Buffy eagerly met his thrusts, building up the intensity between them until Spike was fighting the demon from coming to the surface. He pressed his face against her neck, hoping to pacify it for the time being and delighting in the fact that Buffy wasn't pulling away from him.
A frown came over his face at the familiar scent, and Spike growled when he recognized his grandsire's mark on the woman he loved. Buffy tensed momentarily before grabbing the back of his head and pulling him closer to her. "Do it," she whispered.
Spike shook his head, not trusting himself to speak.
"Spike," she said softly. "I trust you... you won't hurt me."
"It's too dangerous," he said in a husky whisper.
Buffy arched her back, causing Spike to moan as their hips grinded together. She smiled when an idea formed before pulling back to look him in the eyes. "Do you really want me to carry Angelus' mark on me?"
Spike involuntarily slipped into his demon's face, taking a deep breath before sinking his fangs into her tender skin, making sure to keep 'William' close to the surface as he took a few pulls of blood. Pulling away, Spike's human mask fell into place as he looked into Buffy's eyes. "Mine."
"Yours," she agreed before pulling him closer to her and arching against him once more, screaming out her orgasm as Spike clung to her, following her over the edge.
Slowly pulling away, Spike gently kissed her lips, seeing tears shimmering in her eyes.
"I love you," she whispered with a smile.
"I love you," he replied. "Just you... forever."
The End
Note: I left a lot of plotlines open for a sequel if enough people want one. This fic was a lot longer than I originally intended, it was going to be about ten chapters so I'm glad you stuck with me! Thanks to everyone who reviewed and e-mailed. A little side note- I finally got my LJ up and running. Username: ashlee_999 now all I need are some friends :-)