Topic: Spike and Buffy: The Evolution of their Attraction and Love

Author: Nina

Summary: An inside look into the Buffy/Spike relationship...goes up to Wrecked.

Rating: Pg-15

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FOREWORDS

I've been wondering whether I should post this "essay" or not. I really wrote it for myself, but Aquitaine, who hasn't read the essay yet, insisted that I shared it with all of you. "Think about those who don't dare to post", she told me. So here I am. But be warned, it's wacky and it might not please everyone!

Last time I talked with Aquitaine, we had a long discussion about Spike and Buffy. She asked me a lot of questions I had no answers to. The next day my mind started spinning and spinning and I came with answers. Not the way I wanted them to come to me, but answers nevertheless. My mind really didn't give me a lot of space to work this out. It just spilled information and I was trying to jot it down as fast as I could. I've been writing about this for days now, trying to make as much sense as I can with the 30 pages I wrote on my spiral book. It's long, but I really tried to keep it compact, believe me.

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INTRODUCTION

I've been very surprised that the sex happened so soon in "Smashed. The first S/B coupling happens exactly when Spike tells Buffy he can fight her again. At that precise moment, they start to fight and they have sex. The move to upgrade their relationship to lover status made me think that Buffy has been waiting for that moment for a long time (unconsciously). It also made me think that Spike's "neutered" status was the reason why she was so mean to him during season 5. Spike used to be dangerous. He used to be a worthy enemy. Then he became a liability and an impotent. Spike had to got his rocks back with her to even stand a chance to get her.

Buffy: The Slayer/Vampire relationship

We know that vampires and slayer are sexual metaphors. On one hand, the vampires penetrate their victims with their teeth, biting them into a mortal embrace. On the other hand, the slayer's stake is a sexual form for a penis and every time Buffy stakes a vamp she impales them through their hearts. Night after night she's having casual sex with them. The sex according to a slayer. She sees them, she stakes/has sex with them and moves on. That's the dance Spike is referring to. Vampires and slayer dance together until one of them dies. Only Buffy never dies from those fights. She is like the Black widow. The spider that kills her one night stands.

Buffy's whole conflict rises from the fact that she is not only a slayer. She is a slayer AND Buffy. She can't just wear a slayer outfit at night and put it back in the closet when she is regular Buffy. The attraction the slayer feels, Buffy feels it too. But the attraction that would be enough for the slayer can't satisfy regular Buffy completely. She needs love too. Love based on something deeper than sexual attraction. Buffy who doesn't want to merge with her slayer persona represses the attraction. She pushes it all back to an unconscious level. There she can feel safe and believe that regular Buffy only needs love.

Kendra represents Buffy and Faith's middle. She shows us what happens when a slayer is raised like an automaton that is cut from any sexual desire or love. She's a solitaire and Mr. Pointy becomes a metaphor for masturbation. That's all she has left.

Faith on the other hand represents Buffy's antithesis. She gets off with the fighting. She merges completely with her slayer persona (until it even destroys the regular Faith in her). Faith gets the attraction and accepts it, but denies love. As long as Buffy and Faith deny one part of their personality, they can't be happy.

It isn't a coincidence that Buffy's first love is a vampire. When Buffy falls for Angel, her body recognizes him before her mind knows who he really is. She loves him for his kindness and what he represents to her (a first prince-charming/mysterious love) but I think she is also attracted to the vampire in him. She kisses him while he is vamped in "What's my line part 1" and gets off on his biting her in "Graduation Day". She accepts and needs the whole deal.

Angel and Buffy could have been lovers forever. But there was one big problem. Angel couldn't satisfy her sexually without turning into a wild best that killed her friends. Angel understood that. He could give her the love regular Buffy needed, but he couldn't satisfy the slayer sexually. Their relationship was doomed for that reason.

Spike: The Vampire/Slayer relationship

Normal vampires are afraid of the slayer. They flee from her. The reckless ones try to take her on in a dance of death, but it's rare. Spike is an exception to the rule. As soon as he hears about the slayer he looks out for her: "There's glory, there's death and sod all else". Killing slayers becomes his Holy Grail. The bravest thing a vamp can attempt to do.

But Spike, like Buffy, has an inner conflict. He feels the attraction with the slayer because he is a vampire, but his human side craves for love as well. Buffy denies the slayer in her. Spike denies the human William in him. As the Big Bad, he is under Dru's influence and his human side, which needs love, has to remain repressed.

To impress his lady love Spike finds his first slayer during the Boxer rebellion, he fights her, drinks her, gets off with her blood. That kill wasn't about flirting, it was about killing. It took him 77 years to find another slayer to kill. What took him so long? According to Spike he knew all along that it would be better to f*ck a slayer than to kill one. When he said those words in "Wrecked" the words themselves were important, but the way he said them gave us even more hints to his inner psyche. It was a revelation. He said those words as if he finally got an answer to his prayers. Maybe his good day with the first slayer wasn't such a good day after all. He got respect from his gang, but he didn't get to f*ck the slayer. He didn't let his human side connect with the slayer. Whatever happened between 1900 and 1977, Spike approaches the new slayer differently.

The second fight is not about the blood. It's about flirting. He is looking for something more this time. The NY slayer is hot and he dances with her. He straddles her, but something is amiss, she is not what he is looking for. He doesn't even drink her. He just kills her like a broken doll. A toy that can't give him what he needs…

until Buffy comes along…

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Warning!
I believe that all the emotions I'm describing bellow are real, but repressed on an unconscious level. Buffy doesn't acknowledge her attraction to Spike and represses her feelings because if she isn't ready to merge with the slayer in her yet. As for Spike he doesn't deny the attraction like Buffy does, but he denies the love he has for her. Accepting what he really feels means that he has to deal with his human side and he isn't ready for that until OomM.

From "School Hard" to "Surprise"

JM's really played Spike's attraction to Buffy in "School Hard". It is obvious that this slayer is different for him. He can't even wait St-Vigeous to take her on. It's interesting to note that the first time Spike sees Buffy she is not in slayer mode. She dances sexily with Xander. She's very feminine and before he even sees her fight he his entranced. Buffy was probably the only slayer he saw with such light and life in her heart. From that moment he becomes the bug flying around her light, looking for enlightenment (very unconsciously at first). As far as cheating goes, we can say that Spike cheated on Dru well before she did cheat on him with Angelus. Spike's mind was all about Buffy as soon as he saw her. I'd even say that he fell in love with her light right then.

When Spike arrives in town, he is not the regular kind of vampire Buffy meets in the cemetery every night. They don't have a usual slayer/vampire relationship (stake and dust!) Spike doesn't fit her one night stand type. There's mutual respect. They are valuable enemies that know how to fight. And they both like it that way: "I'd rather fight you anyway" (WmL2) . I think it's mostly due to the fact that Spike first appears to Buffy with his human face in "School hard". Except for Angel, it's probably the first time Buffy is seeing the real face of a vampire. There's honesty from the start. Spike is also resilient and therefore he catches her attention. A kind of "um, if I can't just stake/have casual sex with him he may be more".

For Spike it's love at first sight, for Buffy it's only the slayer who is aroused. Buffy can't love Spike as long as he can't show love to the regular Buffy (not the Big Bad type of love, but sweetness and comfort).

During these episodes they don't bond. They only size each other. It's all about the kill.

From "Becoming II" to "Harsh Light of Day"

That's their first pre-chip bonding time. When they fight, they always talk about their lovers. That's the way they bond: they bond over their relationship problems. There's a lot of sexual tension and jealousy about the other's partner.

In "Becoming II", Buffy has her first meaningful talk with Spike. It's funny how they seem both jealous from the other's ex-lover. Buffy calls Dru a ho and Spike wants to put Angel in the bloody ground. When Joyce catches them, they lie like lovers trying to cover their affair. They are bonding, but it's only a start ; when it's time to save Buffy, Spike doesn't care enough to stay.

* What's already there behind the attraction: They fight together against a mutual enemy and it looks natural (like it was for Joan and Randy). Buffy trusts Spike enough to invite him in her home. She also already gives him the responsibility to protect a member of her family (Giles as father).

In "lover's walk", there's a lot of sexual tension when they meet again. She threatens him with the stake (penis), then strangles him with one hand and holds his lower belly with the other. Their conversation looks like one ex-lover would have: "You shouldn't have come back Spike". We know from FFL that Spike is covered with the Slayer. He probably came back to Sunnydale for her. But it's still on an unconscious level. Spike wants Dru back, because for him too it's easier to deny how he feels.

* What's already there behind the attraction: . Spike's ability to understand how Buffy feels is already present and she recognizes it: "I can't fool myself or Spike for some reason".

In "Harsh Light of Day", they meet like ex-lovers again. "Sort of a double date", Spike offers. They look at their mutual lovers and mocks the other on their choice. The slayer in Buffy is pissed off that Harmony got to Spike before her, so she rams the memory of Dru in Spike's face: "What's the matter Spike, Dru dumped you again?". Their final fight is very sexual. They both end up with their hands on the stake: "Do it again, it tickles, in a good way". Spike's jealous of Parker and hurts Buffy emotionally as much as he can.

* What's already there behind the attraction: They share things in common. They share the same pain of being dumped by the loved one. They are both strong. They are Ying and Yang in their energy. In HloD they are as equal as they can be. They will have to wait until "Smashed" before that kind of balance comes back again.

"Pangs" and "Something Blue"

The sexual tension boils as they are forced to bond on a day-to-day basis.

"Pangs" changes everything. What used to be an equal battle becomes an unfair fight. Spike is chipped and the chip makes him impotent to Buffy's eyes. The chip's sexual metaphor is played from the beginning and proves how it affects Spike not only in his food habits, but also on his ability to get to Buffy. Neutered he has no chance at all. He only gets invited to Giles' when Willow exposes his inability to perform. Buffy ridicules him and laughs at him. She makes him feel inadequate sexually. But there's also a lot of touching and bantering. While Angel is on the outside, Spike is inside now.

In "Something Blue" Willow's spell forces in the open what lied in the shadow. When they are engaged they continue to act the same way they always do around the other, except that the attraction is in the open instead of being repressed. It can't be nice because Spike has not accepted his human side yet and Buffy is not in love with Spike yet.

Hush to Primreview (with the exception of Superstar)

Once the spell is broken, Buffy is forced back to reality. Spike is neutered. His strength has vanished. He's useless. Spike has no love to offer to the regular Buffy and no sexual capacity to seduce the slayer in her. As Spike doesn't exist anymore in her mind, she settles for the white-picket-fence boyfriend that will give her the illusion of normality (and from that moment ignores Spike almost for the rest of the season).

In "Doomed", Buffy is annoyed by Spike's presence: "It's not like he can fight or anything" . He's worthless to her not only because he can't fight, but also because he can't keep her on the edge like before, he can't satisfy her sexually.

In "Who are you" the sexual tension is brought back between Buffy and Spike (even if it's not the real Buffy). Spike is aroused. In "Superstar" he gets back to Buffy, reminding her that he will get her one day: "One of these days sweet slayer…" Next thing we know Spike tries to lose the chip. As long as the chip is in his noggins there's no way for him to get to Buffy. So Spike accepts Adam's offer and tricks Buffy in order to get to her. He fails and Buffy continues to ignore him.

So what happens in season 5 that changes everything?

"Buffy Vs Dracula" to "Fool for Love"

There's been a lot of discussions about Buffy's "bitchy" ways with Spike. How she punched him all the time while he couldn't defend himself. So what really started the let's-punch-Spike phase? What happened that made her jump from ignoring him to punching him all the time?

At the beginning of the fifth season, Buffy's relationship with white-picket-fence-perfect-normal boyfriend is not going very well. The first minute of "Buffy Vs Dracula" confirms it. Buffy cheats on Riley well before Riley cheats on her. She gets out of bed to stake/have casual sex with

vampires. She's leaving their bed like a woman who's trying to conceal an affair. And she's been doing that ALL summer (that what she says to Giles). The hint here is that Buffy can't be satisfy with only regular love. The slayer in her needs more and she's going to get her fix every night.

I wrote a long post during the summer hiatus about how Dracula made Buffy act so meanly with Spike in the beginning of season 5. I think I got it wrong. I thought then that Buffy was afraid to be bitten by Dracula. Afraid of the power of his thrall on her. I though that she felt raped by Drac and that the similarities she saw between Spike and the count made her unleash her frustration on Spike. That might be right for the regular Buffy in her, but not for the slayer.

In Giles' apartment, Buffy goes on an on about Dracula's accent and his penetrating eyes (two attributes that make Spike so unique) and the fact that he came to Sunnydale to see her: "Count famous heard of me". Buffy is not being mean to Spike because Dracula scared her, she's pissed at him for being neutered and not being able to give her what she wants from him. Now that her relationship with Riley is going down the well, she's reminded that she could have had Spike if only he could "perform".

This starts the punch fest I believe. From that moment, Buffy reminds Spike that he's not worthy of her. Every time Spike is vulnerable she's punching him ("real me" and "no place like home"), when he shows he can fights vamps (beginning of OomM) she's also angry because it reminds her that he can fight…. only not her. There's no way she would just throw insults at him if the answer to her behavior wasn't running deep inside her. I think the slayer in her is just desperate for Spike to lose the chip, be the vamp he once was. Be it only to get a good fight

By "Out of my Mind", Spike gets the revelation of his love for Buffy. Some people might say it came out of nowhere. But I don't believe that. Something deep happened to Spike that made him unable to lie to himself anymore. In the same way Spike was offered to get rid of the chip after "Who are you", he gets another chance in that episode. And who gives him that chance this time? Buffy herself. Buffy comes to Spike and tells him that her lover is not satisfying her slayer side. He's weak and needs attention. Spike takes the tip for what it is: an invitation to get rid of the chip. That's the only way he knows to get to her and satisfy the slayer in her (what Riley obviously can't do).

It's interesting to note that in the Magic Box, before coming to see Spike, Buffy says to her friends: "The guy is starting to bug me in that I-want-to-shove-something-pointy-through-his-heart kinda way". She's using the sexual metaphor of the stake again. By coming to see Spike she's unconsciously giving him the key to becoming the vampire she wants him to be.

I said earlier that Spike fell in love with Buffy's light as soon as he saw her. He's craving for that light and I don't think it is a coincidence if Spike ends up to be literally bathed in light on the operation table in OomM. We even get to see his blue eyes! He's stripped away from the mask. The metaphor of the light on him is probably what came back into his dream. He says he wants to bathe in the slayer's blood, but really what he wants is to bathe in her light. There's light on the operating table, but there's also a lot of light in his crypt when Buffy comes in his dream. The walls are almost white. Buffy is wearing white.

Spike's attempt at removing the chip fails and Spike can't even deny his love for Buffy anymore. He is left with no other choice but to try to come to the regular Buffy. Change for her so he can be worthy of her love. This is a hard road because it means that he has to accept the William side of himself first. The "weak" side of himself. (Buffy even calls him "William" as soon as she sees him back.)

Buffy's reaction is also very foretelling. Once she realizes what Spike has been doing with her information (in OomM), she's preparing herself to go kill him. He's going to get her the fight she wants. When he almost bites her she doesn't move or try to shove him away. Why? I think the slayer in her has been waiting for that moment so long that she can't move. There's a lot of sexual tension in that moment. She wants Spike. I don't think she wants him to kill her, but she wants the sexual act that comes with the biting. Spike can't perform and leaves her with her weak normal boyfriend. The slayer in her is frustrated. Next time she sees Spike she punches him on the nose. She doesn't want to kill him, she's just angry because he got her hopes up and he didn't satisfy her.

In FFL, Spike tries to give her another fight. Buffy is aroused from that fight, but in the end she reminds him that it's all a fake. She might want to dance, but she won't because he is beneath her. He can't give her a real fight. He can't be her lover if he can't fight her. And as long as he is neutered, he will be beneath her. He won't be her equal like he was pre-chipped. (The way Buffy's panting around Spike in the alley, I wonder if the events in "Smashed" wouldn't have happened sooner if Spike had been able to punch her then!)

At the end of FFL, Buffy doesn't react to Spike carrying a gun. Their relationship is not about killing the other and she instinctively knows it. It's all about the dance. And they danced that night and she felt the arousal. Spike sees her despair and offers his help. I believe that's when Buffy's has her own revelation about her love for Spike. Buffy sees what we all saw: the softer side of Spike. The comfortador. The caring man behind the mask. He reached for the first time to her heart. She talks to him about his mother. She cries in front of him. From that moment she doesn't punch him anymore except without having a good reason to do so.

Buffy is soon confronted to a new dilemma. The slayer in her might be attracted to Spike, but there's no way regular Buffy can love a killer, a soulless demon. No matter how hard Spike tries to get to her by changing his ways, she's resisting. He must remain a disgusting thing.

"Listen to Fear" to "Blood Ties"

This is a transition phase. Both Spike and Buffy know they are in love with each other. Buffy still denies it and Spike is in stalker mode, not daring yet to expose his feelings. Their relationship is stalling and they bond over the things that linked them outside of their mutual love/attraction. All the things I mention in the * What's already there behind the attraction sections.

Spike and Buffy fight the Queller monster together in "Listening to fear". Spike reads into Buffy's insecurities in "Checkpoint", Buffy gets to witness Spike's strength, his virility and his ability to fight, even though he is chipped in "Into the Woods" (there's a big close-up on Spike saying "I said keep it down" while he's rude to a vamp) and in "Checkpoint" (Spike jumps from nowhere and dusts a vamp for her). Buffy ends up trusting him with his family. "You're the only one strong enough to protect them". He's strong enough to protect them, but not enough to be her man (not as long as he is chipped). And she keeps reminding him that: "You're disgusting". Any excuse is good after all. In "Blood Ties" Spike shows her honesty and doesn't take her crap. She likes that he takes him along with her to look for Dawn. There she witnesses the soft side of Spike again: "You'll find her".

"Crush "to "Intervention"

By "Crush", Spike has gained a little confidence from what they share in common. Buffy trusted in him to protect her loved ones and they fought together against common enemies. He's hoping to get some recognition but Buffy crushes his hopes by reminding him that he wasn't a good fighter. She brings back to his face his inability to please her as a virile man. "Whatever you do you can't have me as long as you have the chip in your head". To prove her point she flirts with Ben with whom she has nothing in common. By talking with boring Ben, Buffy sends the message to Spike that even a bland man has more chance to get to her than him. At least Ben could take her sexually if she let him. While Spike is slowly trying to change and become a better man, Buffy chooses to see the surface and the fact that he's impotent.

When Dawn tells Spike that Buffy doesn't know what she'll do if he loses the chip, Spike perks up: "Is that right?". Why would the slayer not know what to do with a de-chipped vamp? She should kill him. Pure and simple. Dawn breaks the walls by giving some hope to Spike and telling him that Buffy might want him after all.

As soon as Dawn tells Buffy that Spike is in love with her, Buffy acts avoidy around Spike. "Hit.Up. Gile". In the car she looks like a virgin on a first date (pretty much like Dawn in "All the way") Dawn's words to Buffy gave Spike the upper hand. Spike loves her and she has no weapons against that. Not yet at least. She's flustered around him until she gets the upper hand again. Spike makes a romantic move by opening the door for her and Buffy takes advantage of the situation.

The consequences of Spike's declaration are incredible. He crushes the shadows of her repressed feelings. If Buffy truly didn't care about Spike, she would have said something similar to what she said to Xander in "Prophecy girl". But her reaction is revealing more than she wants to: "Oh my god! Are you out of your mind?". Buffy needs weapons to shut him off. The attraction the slayer feels must stay repressed. The love regular Buffy feels must be crushed. She grabs any weapon she can find in her mind: "You're like a serial killer in prison", "Angel had a soul"… Any reason not to reveal that she might want him to. The problem is that now Spike is not talking about attraction, but love. He's not talking only to the slayer, but to the woman. If Buffy admits she has feelings for him, that she loves Spike back, it means she has to be one with the slayer inside her and she can't do that yet. Not to say that Spike soft side is interesting, but way too underdeveloped at that point to risk the pain.

Rejected, Spike accepts Dru's offer to go back to his old ways. The way the episode ends shows us that even in the Bronze, Spike wasn't with Dru to stay with her, but to use her to get Buffy. He can't get to her when he is neutered and sensitive so he'll show her the vamp he once was, the vamp he was when she used to respect him.

He takes control, chains her, and tries to play the virile part as much as he can, but nothing works. "I'm at the end of my bleeding tether". Sensitive or bad ass, all he gets is a door in the face. No wonder he's confused.

So what's left for Spike to get her attention? He goes on her turf at a college party and flirts with her. He plays the sexual card. Reminds her that it's how it all started. He uses his deep voice, talks about his tight hot little body. To drive his point home he tries to make her jealous. Buffy looks at him and it works for a moment. But Spike ends up on the lawn. Thrown away by everyone, even the SG.

He has nothing left but to have a fake Buffy to give him his sweet release. "You're the big bad", says the robot. All his interactions with the robot are a way to regain some nobility, find back the man he once was when the chip wasn't in. No wonder that the first thing he does with the bot is to fight her. He wants the bot to be his equal (once she's on top, then they change position). Once he finally feels virile again he can be sweet with the bot and show what he really is behind everything.

It's interesting that Buffy cancels her date with Ben in the same episode Spike played his last card with her. Now Buffy has no more need for Ben. He was just a convenient guy to piss off Spike. If Spike is out of her life she doesn't need Ben anymore.

By "Intervention", There's a new revelation. Spike's action forces Buffy to step back from her shadow and look at Spike for the first time. He's neutered. She can't have him, but she kisses him sweetly on the lips. That's regular Buffy showing her love. She acknowleges his effort to get to her heart. By resisting torture, Spike showed Buffy that it's not all about the fight and being virile, it's also about being able to endure a fight, endure torture.

After that moment, Buffy includes Spike in the SG. She listens to his advice, she lets him fight beside her. She knows she can trusts him with Dawn's life. He's still neutered, he can't give her what the slayer needs, but she respects him and treats him like a man. There's just no time for more.

Season 6

When Buffy is brought back, she only responds to Spike. He's the only one she wants contact with. Why is Buffy so entranced with Spike? He is showing her respect and comfort. The Buffy side of her is touched. Spike also reminds her that he too had to crawl is way out of his coffin. The slayer side of her is also touched. She can connect with him completely. She can start to consider him as her man.

By "Life Serial" Buffy is ready for more. The slayer is attracted to Spike and Buffy is in love with him. She knocks herself unconscious hoping Spike will take advantage of her. When he doesn't, she's offended. She looks at his belt and spit the old insult: "neutered vampire". Now that her heart is touched she's reminded that he can't satisfy the slayer in her. No wonder she's pissed at him.

Even though she is always reminded that Spike is neutered, something inside her is just melting in his presence. She's disoriented in "All the way" when she misinterprets his words for an invitation to sex. He really represents all she wants: comfort and strength. She grants him a "good fight" at the end of the episode and looks at him go with regrets. If only he could "perform"!

Now that Spike is not bothering her with words of love, Buffy is the one making all the advances. She first tries to get him by getting drunk, then she compliments him on his fighting skills (acknowledging that he is well wired!), the third time she comes to see him on a private call, wearing a skirt. She's almost naked in her desire and misinterprets his words once again.

Spike who remained in passive mode for the first six episode of the season is forced to sing his love again. Contrary to Buffy who is acting on an unconscious level, Spike brings everything on the open. Buffy flies away from him. Hurt in her pride for being rejected.

At the end of "Once more with feelings", Buffy is at the end of her tether. It's either live or die. She can't die, because Spike won't let her so Buffy kisses him. He is the only person who makes her feel something. His love is the fire she is missing. "It isn't real" , she sings. It can't be real as long as Spike is neutered. Buffy is ready for him on every level. She loves the man he is, she loves the way he fights. She just needs him to lose the chip. She needs him to become her equal again.

The problem is that Buffy isn't honest with the way she approaches Spike. She sends signals unconsciously but isn't ready to deal with the consequences. On an unconscious level everything is clear. She knows what she wants from him. But to acknowledge it means that she accepts that her slayer side needs a vampire. She has to make the final move to merge the slayer and Buffy together. She's not ready for that yet. So she keeps denying what happened.

Spike pushes Buffy to admit her feelings. She punches him (didn't do that since "Crush"!) and insults him. Her Buffy side is afraid of what her love for Spike means, and the slayer side is pissed at him because he can't give her what she needs. That's why she used to punch him last year and that's why she punches him again. "I kiss you, I'm ready for you, why can't you just take me?"

The answer comes fast. We have a close-up on Spike's face and eyes. The chip is out. Spike knows what it means. Now he's ready to take her. Be her man right to the end. Spike goes on the prowl, needs to become the vampire Buffy knew. The vampire she had respect for. Poor Spike needs to give himself a pep talk to do so. He doesn't even want to go there anymore. He knows that if he is the vamp he once was he will get the slayer part of Buffy, but he will lose her love. Warren reminds him that by saying: " you don't just kill the Fett and walk away. Man, you're not coming back from that".

When Spike learns that the chip works fine he is the first one to say that there's nothing wrong with him. He needs the chip to keep Buffy's love, but he needed the chip not to work with Buffy in order to please her slayer side. He's having a real Christmas gift here. He can keep being sober and be a man for Buffy.

What is his first reaction? He prepares himself to have sex with Buffy. He knows that's what she's waiting for. The cut scene from the shooting script meant to show that. Spike is not neutered anymore and he's sexually ready to take her on. He changes his T-shirt, wears jewelry. He's preparing for a date, calls her and waits. No wonder he is pissed off when she doesn't show up.

Meanwhile Buffy tries to compare her feelings for Spike to an addiction. Buffy is used to make excuses for the way she feels about Spike. She really isn't ready to deal with her feelings yet. When Spike calls she's surprised. She used to wait for Parker to call and Spike calls her before they even have sex! She's flustered again and misinterprets his words for an invitation to sex once again! Buffy can hardly hide her desire and need for Spike to her friends.

Buffy finally arrives in the alley and Spike confronts her (an alley like in School Hard when they first met!). He makes sure to piss her off first so he doesn't have to start the fight. He wants her to initiate their sexual intercourse. For Spike it's revenge time. She insulted him for 2 whole years since he's been chipped, now he's the one sending poison back: "You came back wrong". He doesn't know that, but he makes the assumption and revels in his victory to hurt her.

Why Buffy is not more interested in these words? Hello! Spike is available and virile again! They are equals. Now she can have sex with him. Even though the fight is real and the punches are real, it's not a fight to death. It's a fight that mirrors their verbal sparring. They both bring to light their similarities. They are both lost, not fitting anywhere. Their last exchange before they have sex is also a mirror image of what happened in FFL. Spike asked Buffy: "oh, did I scare you?". In "Smashed" Spike asks: "Are you afraid I'm gonna…". The first time Buffy insults him because he is neutered, the second time she engages sex with him because he finally can.

While Buffy kisses Spike, Spike is already removing his belt. We discussed this particular scene with Aquitaine and there isn't surprise in Spike's eyes when Buffy impales him. He knew what was going to happen all along. I believe that his eyes at that particular moment match his "I knew, I knew…" speech. Here is the revelation he is talking about the next morning. He finally found his Holy Grail.

As for Buffy she doesn't hesitate one bit. She knows what she wants, she knows that Spike can give it to her now and she takes it. She lets her mind in the closet and just listens to what she feels. The morning after the closet opens and Buffy's moral ambiguities and dilemmas are thrown back in her face. What are those dilemmas? Spike was a good lover. He made her feel something and it was good ("no matter how good it feels" she said to Willow). And that's not only the slayer who wants him, but Buffy too. She loves that man and she's afraid of what that means. She can't bring him into the light with her. It means she has to accept the slayer in her. Always the same tune!

Buffy used to touch Spike all the time (hold him by his T-shirt, fighting him, punching him), but now she can't touch him anymore. She is like silly putty in Spike's hands. Every time he touches her she's melting. She can't get enough of him. She can't touch him in his crypt because she knows that she won't be able to resist him. She hangs garlic to her windows and holds a cross to keep him physically away from her. Buffy insists that it's not love. She has no more excuses to throw to his face. Only this last one. And it isn't even true.

SO WHERE DO THEY GO FROM HERE?

I believe that Spike and Buffy's attraction is based on the pattern of the mating dance. Women are looking for men who will be able to protect the little pack of children they will breed. Men are attracted to women who will have the ability to bear their children and bring life. Buffy is looking for someone to take care of her family with her, someone with strong arms that can make her feel safe when she needs to get out from slayer mode. Spike on the other end is looking for someone who is an equal, someone who can also bring the life back in him. He needs the slayer in Buffy, but he mostly needs Buffy herself: "Just be Buffy".

Now that they had sex and indulged their vampire/slayer attraction, they can slowly start to build something based on deeper feelings. They had to get their sweet release first. Smash the sexual tension that grew through the years. What do they have left? What was there all along since they've known each other, the same thing that was there between Joan and Randy: partnership. Joan and Randy didn't act on their vampire/slayer needs, they weren't even attracted to each other. But they fought well together.

Before typing my final ".", I leave you with this:

In "Intervention" , Spike boinks the robot.

Result = he gets a first sweet release with a false Buffy and is forgiven by the real one because he protected Dawn. It's the end of is obsession with Buffy. He respects her and she starts to treat him like a man.

In "Wrecked", Spike has sex with the real Buffy.

Result = She comes to him and asks him to save Dawn from danger. Spike says that he doesn't need to stall time to be with her anymore because things have changed. They have an equal relationship now and they can start building something from there.

I don't dare to ask where you think it's all going. I'm spoiler-free so if you want to share please just mention the (no-spoiler) in your title!

Thanks so much for having read the whole thing!

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