Part Five=

The soft rise and fall of his chest is what makes Buffy wake up smiling some twenty minutes later. Spike's tendency to breathe, even in his sleep she now knows, has always been one of the traits that both infuriated her and amused her.

It's just so...normal.

Well, to be fair, all of her concepts of 'normal' are carefully being deconstructed in this new life she's returned to. She is fairly certain that she doesn't even live in the same state as normal. And glancing up at the impossibly thick eyelashes fluttering against the marble skin of her would be lover, she has to admit that 'normal' may very well be overrated.

Spike knows from the change in her breathing and in her heart rate, that she is awake. He knows that she is watching him. He just pretends to be asleep because he doesn't want this moment to end.

He awoke a few minutes before her and had all but pinched himself to reassure that this isn't a dream. He'd watched her for a while, memorizing every minute detail of this night; etching the feeling of her, the scent...the taste, into his mind and heart to hold on to forever. Because this can't last. This...this taste of heaven can only be just that: a taste. Spike doesn't even dare to dream that his golden goddess would ever...could ever...

He's just grateful that she cares even a little. And she does. He can see it in her eyes and that knowledge alone affords him more happiness that he ever thought he'd be granted. So he'd watched her and when he'd felt her stir, he'd closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep; to prolong this moment for as long as possible. It's when she stretches her neck and places a light kiss on the side of his mouth that his eyes pop open.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" Her voice is soft and intimate. Spike begins to shiver anew.

"Nah, pet. I was just..." He sighs.

"Just what?" She idly begins tracing patterns across his bare chest.

"Nothin" He sighs again and she laughs, moving up on her side and propping herself up on her elbow.

"Ok, that's two sighs and a nothing." She flashes him a smile. "Spill." He narrows his eyes at her for a moment, taken off-guard by her jovial demeanor.

"I...well...I was just...basking is all." He shrugs.

"Basking?" She raises her eyebrows.

"Uh...yeah, pet. I...uh...this is...well..." Buffy breaks out into a huge smile while he fumbles for words.

"Nice?" She prompts.

"A right bit better than nice, Buffy." He returns her smile and pulls her onto him. She rests her head over his heart and sighs contentedly. "This is...right." He mumbles the last word.

"It's what?" She lifts her head to look at him.

"Nothing." He tightens his hold on her a bit. "S' nice." Buffy resumes her position on his chest.

"Yeah, it is." She smiles into his chest. "Earlier was...um...nice...too." He can feel the heat of her blush against his cool flesh. He smiles as he runs his hands across her skin, still surprised at the softness; the warmth.

"Yeah." He breathes. Just one tiny memory of what had transpired between them is enough to stir his arousal.

---------------

"Where?" He kisses the dimple of her left collarbone, lightly flicking his tongue over the hard, smooth ridge.

"Mmmm...there. Right...there." He pulls her upright, and in one swift but gentle move, lifts the camisole off her body. He lowers her back to the bed, his lips resuming their journey across her skin.

"Where else have you never been kissed, Buffy?" Oh...he said her name. God, how could he make such a stupid name sound so...so...

"Oh! Never...never there...never..." She shivers as Spike runs the tip of his tongue up her side, beginning at her hip and ending at the curve of her breast, planting light kisses along the way. He memorizes every inch, every millimeter...and every sound of her delight.

----------------

"You make me feel so beautiful." He worships her breasts with his mouth and hands, suckling and nibbling the soft mounds.

"You are beautiful, luv." He turns his shining eyes to hers. "The most beautiful thing I've ever seen." She smiles. He leans in to kiss her and the butterflies in her stomach multiply from hundreds to thousands. Their mouths meet in mutual exploration of the other's desire; an inferno of want and need.

----------------

Spike is working his way down her body in slow, sure movements. He deftly slides her underwear down her smooth legs and resumes his former path of discovery.

"Where else?" Buffy is finding it hard to form coherent thoughts with all of the sensations he is instilling. She moans as he laps at the soft flesh of her belly.

"Never there." She whispers as he moves even lower.

----------------

"Yes. Yes. Yes. Yessss." He is kissing her in places she hadn't known even existed. The things he can do with his tongue should be illegal, she thinks to herself. Of course, she's willing to break that law if he'll just keeping doing...

"Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Oh...migod." ...that. It's just a tongue, just a mouth, but oh...how talented he is. Probing, sucking, licking, nipping. Everything at just the right time; with just the right amount of pressure to make her...

"Uhhn. Uhnn. Uhnn. Uhnngrahhh." Colors. So many colors. And the lights, they're building up to something huge. Something enormous that threatens to swallow her whole. It frightens her, it's so huge. And he's making those sounds, like she is crème bruleè; like she is ambrosia. Making her feel so...

"Spike. Spike. Spike. Spike!" Ah she's coming! And she's calling his name. HIS name is on her lips. Gotta make it last. Slip a finger inside. Find that soft spot. Feel her tremble against his hand again. Make her shake. Wear her out with the pleasure. Give her so much. Make her feel so good. Yes. That's it. Just like that.

"Oh Buffy." Spike breathes against her flesh, savoring the taste and smell of her; the sound of his name on her lips.

----------------

"You should go home soon." Spike pulls her closer to him, draping her arm across his waist while she rests her head on her new favorite spot: his chest. He hates the words as they leave his mouth, but he knows she'll want to be there when Dawn wakes up. Buffy stiffens against him, but then relaxes as she realizes he's only thinking of her and Dawn. As always.

"Yeah, I...probably should." She snuggles even closer, loathing the thought of leaving his side. His bed.

"Niblet'll be wondering if I've gone nasty on you." His voice maintains the low intimacy that has grown between them over the course of the night.

This is the stuff dreams are made of. His beautiful girl in his arms. Her scent, their scents mingled in the air; on the sheets. They haven't made love, not in the traditional sense of the word, but he's had a taste of paradise. He never wants to let go, and he prays to whoever will hear him that she won't push him away. Not after this. Absentmindedly he tightens his hold on her.

"Breathing. Issue." She sputters, half-laughing. He relents a little, muttering an apology and kissing her head. She understands his silent desperation, because she thinks that she may feel it too.

What will happen when she walks out of that door? Will she be able to let her guard down and let him in? Let them take the journey that they've so obviously begun together tonight?

She wants desperately to believe that the answer is 'yes'. But denso-Buffy has a strange way of taking over sometimes. A lot of times, actually. Boy, how she wishes that Buffy would just curl up and die.

Sighing heavily, she makes a move to get off him. He stops her by taking her face in his hands.

"Before you go." He smiles as his eyes fall onto her lips. He gently presses his to hers and Buffy can feel the doubts melting away. There's no way she can give this up; this...joy. And that's what it is: A joy of life; of living. And it all comes from him.
Buffy cradles his head in her hands and she feels his moan against her mouth as she parts her lips for him.

The kiss deepens.

It is a conversation that is taking place between them; one without words, which suits her fine since she's never been very good with them. She can use this language - learn it from his lips - and communicate things she never thought she could.

It's when he softly ends the kiss and looks deep into her eyes, smiling a sad smile at her pending departure, that she realizes what that language is.

Love.

She blinks hard and swallows as a new panic sets in.

Could she be falling in love with him? That would either be the most wonderful thing ever,
or a horrible, egregious mistake.

She chooses not to decide right now. Instead she smiles and gently extricates herself from him. Spike watches her slow movements as she replaces her clothing. He'd sensed the shift in her when the kiss ended. Something in her face had changed; her body language too...just for a split second. He wants to ask, but realizes that she isn't ready to tell. Yet. So he lets it go.

"I'll, uh..." She stands there fully dressed, while addressing a naked Spike wrapped only in a sheet. He looks positively decadent; like the finest piece of marble every turned into a work of art. The sight of him chases whatever thought she had away.

"See me later?" He supplies and smiles at her response to him. She wants him, as if that weren't plain enough and that thrills him, but there's something more. Something else in her eyes now.

"Y-yes, um, definitely. Later. And we can..."

"Talk." He finishes for her.

"Yes. Talk." She smiles, easing down from her high. He nods. She walks towards the ladder and he sits upright. He wants to walk her to the door, but the raging erection he now has may spoil her plans to leave...at least he hopes it would. But he knows she needs to speak with her sister.

"Bye, Spike. Thanks for...for everything." She smiles warmly.

"Anytime, Buffy." He gazes at her thoughtfully and she climbs the ladder to the floor above. When he hears the front door close softly behind her, he exhales a breath he'd been holding.

Flopping down onto his back he stares at the ceiling, relishing in the slow smile that spreads across his face.

Tonight he'd re-introduced himself to Lady Hope. Replaying the night's events in slow motion through his mind, he hopes that she isn't a terribly fickle lady.

=Part 6=

Buffy's body tingles as she walks towards 1630 Revello Drive. Her mind is still back in the crypt; back in the presence of this new discovery of hers: A Spike she'd never known - gentle and patient and…so passionate her head is spinning; her blood racing at just the lingering echo of his voice in her ear.

Anyone'd be an idiot not to fall in love with you, hold you close and never let go. I wouldn't be able to let you go.

She swallows hard as the sensory memory of his kisses and caresses replays itself in across her skin. Luckily her legs are on automatic and, before she knows it, she is standing in front of her own front door.

She stops before putting her key into the lock, to take a moment. She needs two, actually.

One to let the lingering heat from her earlier activities fade from her skin; and another to turn her thoughts to the teenager inside.

Although it is four o'clock in the morning, Buffy is sure that Dawn will be waiting up for her, or at least she'll be sleeping lightly enough to hear her come in.

She momentarily debates going in the old-fashioned way - through her bedroom window. Shaking her head, she decides against that and unlocks the door; stepping through quietly.

The house is still and she can hear nothing stirring in the darkness. Perhaps Dawn had given up on her after all. She will have to make it up to her in the morning, though she suspects that her hopelessly romantic little sister will be very forgiving.

<Dawn is the probably the only one that will understand this…whatever this is that's happening.> Buffy idly thinks to herself as she heads towards the stairs.

A light comes on in the living room and she turns her head, expecting to see the younger Summers. It is Willow's face that greets her instead. Buffy frowns before she can catch herself. Willow's weak smile fades quickly.

"Hey," the redhead whispers. Buffy backtracks the two steps she'd taken.

"Hey." She glances up the steps and, noting no movement or sound, takes tentative steps into the living room to join…her friend. Willow pats a spot on the couch next to her and Buffy sits uneasily.

"Late night s-slaying?"

"Something like that."

"Were there many baddies out-"

"Willow," Buffy hugs herself, unable to meet the other woman's eyes. "I'm tired."

"I…I know. I just-"

"Look, can we…I mean…I can't do this right now."

"Buffy, please." Willow sighs exasperated as her friend retreats even further into herself right before her eyes. "I just wanted to…I need to say I'm sorry. I…I didn't know. Honest! I didn't."

"Keep your voice down." Buffy glances up the steps. Still no movement. She almost wishes Dawn would wake up and interrupt them. She knows that Willow will not drop this until she's had her say.

"Sorry…sorry." Willow shifts uncomfortably. A heavy silence lands between them. "I seem to be saying that a lot lately. Sorry." She half-laughs.

"Yeah, well…" Buffy shrugs.

"I know. I have every reason to be. I just wish…" Willow's voice trails off.

"You wish what?"

"You mean aside from the obvious?" She smiles apologetically. Buffy lets out a light laugh and nods. "I wish that things could have gone differently, but given the chance, I would have done it again."

"Even knowing…?" Buffy looks at her, somewhat surprised.

"No, had I known that, I wouldn't have…y' know. I mean, given the same information I had in the beginning, I would do it again. I don't regret it, Buffy. The only regret I have is that you're hurting. And I wish I could take that pain away."

"You can't."

"I…know."

"I…I need time, Will, to…"

"Forget?"

"No!" She turns to Willow, shocked that she would even suggest such a thing. Glancing quickly towards the second floor, she lowers her voice to an outraged whisper. "No. I don't want to forget. I never want to forget. I meant…I need time to…forgive…"

"Oh."

"So…"

"I see." Willow's tone suggests indignation and Buffy is taken aback.

"What do you see?"

"W-well…I see what you're saying, even though I don't…"

"Don't…what?" Buffy's frown returns and she straightens her shoulders.

"I don't understand why everyone is so angry with me for trying to rescue my friend from what I thought was a hell dimension." Willow's voice drips with anger. Her voice is harsh and laced with arrogance. Her conversation with Giles, when he'd first returned from England, plays like a bad movie in her head. She stares coldly at the blonde.

"Well, Willow, I don't understand why my friend would expect the Slayer to end up in one." Buffy's eyes harden under Willow's cold gaze. She is unnerved by the iciness of the usually warm woman next to her.

But just as quickly as it came, Willow's disdainful countenance melts away and her eyes are warm again. Almost too warm, as if a mask has been pulled down over her face. Buffy shivers internally.

"I didn't think in those terms." Willow calmly replies. "I just remembered what Angel had gone through, and y-you died an unnatural death, a-and I…I just wanted you to be okay." She ends quietly.

"I will be…okay, that is. I will, but I need time, Will." Buffy sighs. "A lot of time a-and patience. A world of time and patience." Willow smiles half-heartedly.

"Can do."

"Thanks."

"And I really am sorry that you're…that you were hurt by all of this. I mean…were you really in-?"

"Heaven?" Buffy's gaze softens and she looks past Willow. "Yeah, I think I was. It felt…I was at peace, Will. Just…done." She shakes it off. "I can't explain it very well, and every day the details slip away. I…I'd give anything to get the memories back."

"Hey maybe I could help. I know a sp-" Willow perks up.

"No. Will…no. No more spells o-or conjuring. I've had enough magic to last me three lifetimes."

"Oh…right." Once again there is silence between the two friends. "Xander is riding the guilty train too, by the way."

"Yeah, well, he shouldn't be summoning demons all willy-nilly. People died, you know."

"I know. He feels really bad about everything."

"He should. If it hadn't been for Spike…"

"Spike?" Willow's brow scrunches up in confusion.

"Yeah, Spike. He was the one that stopped me from being on the barbecue menu."

"Oh! Oh wow, yeah he did. Gosh, I couldn't even move then…when you were…dancing. My body just wouldn't work." Willow's eyes widen at the memory. "I was like 'let's go, body, get to Buffy' and it just flat out refused."

"Don't worry, I think it was partially Sweet's spell and partially, you know: guilt."

"Yeah…well…yay for Spike, then."

"Yeah." Buffy fails to hide the smile that comes. Willow stares at her friend, trying to figure out what's going on in her head, but since she is still in the doghouse, she doesn't press for information. She simply gathers herself up and heads for the steps.

"I am sorry, Buffy, for what you're going through. But I can't lie and say I'm sorry to have you back. I missed you. We all did." Willow searches Buffy's eyes for understanding. She wants to hug her, but doesn't budge. Buffy hugs herself more tightly, clearly uncomfortable.

"I know, Willow. Just give me time. Ok?" She offers a small smile.

"Ok." Willow ascends the steps, slowly. "G' night."

"'Night."

Buffy rises to turn off the living room light before starting up the steps herself. As she passes Dawn's room, the door opens.

"You're back." Dawn rubs her eyes, her voice scratchy from sleep.

"Just."

"I heard voices." Dawn peers around her sister and down the steps.

"Sorry, I hope we didn't wake you up."

"We? Did you bring Spike back here?" Dawn grins as her eyes widen. Buffy laughs softly.

"No…no. It was Willow that you heard. We talked a bit."

"Oh." Dawn does nothing to hide the disappointment in her voice. "And? What did she have to say for herself?" Buffy glances around and lowers her voice even more.

"Mind if we continue this inside?" She gestures towards her sister's room. Dawn smiles.

"Um, yeah. Sure…come on in." She clears off a few stuffed animals from her bed and she and Buffy lay side by side facing each other. "So…"

"So…Willow said she's sorry."

"Big whup." Dawn deadpans.

"Yeah, well, I believe her. I just don't know what she's exactly sorry for, you know? Whether she's sorry f-for doing it, or just because…never mind."

"I think I know what you mean." She sighs. Buffy echoes it. "Anyway, I'm not interested in what Willow had to say. What happened with Spike."

Buffy tries to mask the enormous grin that spreads across her face. Dawn responds to it immediately hoping that her suspicions are about to be validated.

"Did you guys talk? Is everything…okay?"

"Yeah. Everything's good." Buffy says wistfully. "Really, really good."

"What happened? You're all…I dunno…glowy."

"I am not," Buffy responds in mock-offense. "There is no glowing…much." She snickers.

"Oh. My. God. Did you?"

"No!" Buffy silently reminds herself exactly who she is talking to, and how old - or how young - she is. "No, we…didn't. We talked. And…"

"And?" Dawn props herself up on her elbows, eager to hear every detail.

"And…there may…have been some…kissage." Dawn squeals loudly and Buffy shushes her.

"Will you keep it down? Geez." She laughs. Dawn calms down a bit and looks at her sister, noting the twinkle in her eye. If she didn't know any better, she would think that Buffy was…

"You guys kissed?"

"Yeah…we did."

"And? C'mon, Buffy, I want details." <Are you in love with him now?>

"You're not old enough for details."

"So you did do more than kiss."

"NO. No, we didn't. We just, um, kissed." Buffy is blushing furiously, but Dawn's eyes sparkle with mischief as she watches her sister squirm under the scrutiny.

"Was it good?" Buffy starts to respond, but then snaps her mouth shut.

"I am not discussing this with you."

"O…k…so I am not old enough to hear about kissing?"

"Well, we did do more…we talked."

"Ok, and how did that go?"

"Really well." Buffy ducks her eyes and smiles, his words playing on a loop in her mind.

I was re-born the day I first laid eyes on you. Anything that happened before I found you is irrelevant. It's another life. The only one I want is the one with you in it.

"Buffy?" The blonde shakes herself out of her reverie and looks at her sister who stares at her expectantly.

"Ok…ok. We talked. I told him I was sorry, and that I wanted to…to get to know him better, like you suggested."

"Good, that's good. What did he say?" Buffy lay on her back, staring at the ceiling. Dawn studies her profile.

I love you, Buffy.

"He…he's really amazing, Dawn." She sighs.

"Yeah, I know."

"I mean…how did I not see it before?"

"I dunno. I thought maybe you were just blind. That or stupid." Buffy playfully smacks her sister on her hip. "I'm serious. You have a real blind spot when it comes to him."

"Yeah, I guess I do…or did. Now, though…" Buffy trails off, once again pulled into the memory of the evening.

"Now…what?" Dawn asks softly.

"Now I'm…terrified." Buffy exhales a deep breath. Dawn frowns.

"Of what?"

"Spike…and me. And me and Spike. The whole Buffy and Spike thing."

"So, it's a whole Bike thing?" Dawn teases.

"Or a Spuffy, thing." Dawn laughs.

"I think I like Spuffy better. It sounds…cuddly."

"Sounds scary to me."

"Now you sound like Joss."

"Who?"

"Some kid at school; a real Shakespeare buff. He thinks that all romance ends in tragedy."

"Oh. That's sad…but sometimes true."

"So you guys talked about being…together?" Dawn asks hopefully. "As in a couple?"

"Not specifically, no."

"Ok, I'm confused. What did you talk about, then?"

"Well…we talked about you, some of the time." Buffy turns her head to her sister, catching her eyes in the dim light.

"Me?"

"Yep." Buffy opens her arms. "I owe you an apology."

"What for?" Dawn lays down, placing her head on her sister's shoulder; her arm across her abdomen. They stay silent for a few moments while Buffy structures her thoughts.

"I should have told you. Everything." Buffy idly strokes Dawn's hair. "Spike made me realize that. You're my sister. We're the only family we have, and I…I should have told you."

"It's okay, Buffy, I know it's been hard. And when I blew up at you before, I was just…I dunno…"

"Angry?"

"Well…yeah, but I don't have the right."

"Of course you do, and you were right to lay into me. I've been really selfish lately. Super self-absorbed Buffy." Dawn turned her head to look Buffy in the face.

"You've been dealing with a lot, lately. And we can't possibly understand what you're going through, Buffy. We can all guess, but no one really knows; No one but you. We can't really judge how you deal with…with the being back and…all."

"But I really shouldn't have pushed you away, Dawn. Not you."

"Buffy…I may be, y' know, younger, but I'm not blind. I can see that you're hurting. Even when you try to hide it, I can see it. A-and I know that I can be a total jerk sometimes. Just chalk it up to raging teenage hormones." They both laugh.

"You're so strange, Dawnie. Sometimes it's like 'Little Women' with you, and sometimes it's 'Hello Kitty'." Dawn frowns.

"'Hello Kitty'?"

"You're just so...young and not young."

"I'm not that young. You were slaying for a whole year by the time you got to be my age."

"True." Buffy sighs. "I know I play overprotective mom, sometimes. It's just that…I don't want you to rush into being a grown-up."

"No, I get it. I'm in no hurry."

"Good." Buffy hugs Dawn back into her arms. There is a comfortable silence and Buffy wonders if her sister has fallen asleep.

"Buffy?" Her voice rumbles through the Slayer's torso. She smiles.

"Hmmm?"

"What are you going to do about Spike?"

"What do you mean?"

"He's crazy about you." Buffy smiles again, closing her eyes and seeing his face before her.

"I know."

"So?"

"I don't know, but I won't do 'nothing.'"

"So you're gonna do something?" Dawn asks before yawning.

"Yeah." Buffy's response is softer. Sleep is in fast pursuit of both of them.

"Can you tell me what?" Dawn's words slur.

"As soon…" Yawn. "As soon as I know."

Part 7=

Buffy doesn't remember making it back to her own bed. Only a vague memory of Dawn's flailing arms and a slight puffiness on her cheek tells the tale of a midnight accident: the younger sister clocking the older one in the fit of a dream. A half-mumbled sorry and the brunette was back to sleep. Buffy has shuffled into her own room and collapsed, afraid of more inadvertent bodily harm.

The sun shines brightly through her faded, lemony curtains. A quick glance at the clock confirms that it is indeed 10:30 am.

10:30?

She can't remember ever sleeping so late on a weekday. Usually she is up making Dawn's lunch at 7 and…

Dawn!

Buffy jumps out of her bed, throws the door open and races down the stairs. Still in a sleep-induced daze, she comes to an abrupt halt at the sight of a bunny-slippered Willow eating a bowl of cereal at the center island.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." She says with a mouth full of Corn Pops.

"Where's Dawn?" The confused blonde asks.

"Uh…school? She left on time, don't worry, a-and I made her something nice and nutritious for lunch." Buffy blinks a few times while the words sink into her fuzzy brain.

Dawn. School. Has lunch. Everything okay. Thanks to Willow.

"Thanks." She says, her brow knitting.

"Sure! It's no problem. Besides, we both thought you could use the extra winks." Willow grins over her bowl before drinking down the sweetened milk. "Did you get some rest?"

Buffy thinks about that for a moment. Yes. Yes she did. She had a good night sleep for the first time in…well…forever. She guesses it was exhaustion that finally did her in; that and Spike.

Spike.

"Yeah. I'm fully recharged and damned close to raring to go. I just need food. And a shower." She glances down the length of her body at the clothes she's been wearing for more than 24 hours. "A shower would definitely be of the good, right about now."

"Feeling moldy?" Willow rises and walks over to the sink.

"And how." An uncomfortable silence settles between them. Buffy stares at Willow's back as the redhead washes her bowl over and over again. Buffy takes a deep breath.

"Will?"

"Yeah?" Willow turns off the water and picks up the towel to dry her dish.

"Look, I…" Willow turns around to meet the eyes of her friend. "I'm sorry if I seemed…miffed, last night. This whole time that I've been back…it's just been really hard."

"I know, Buffy. I mean, I don't know, b-but I can imagine. And I'm so sorry…"

"No, I'm not saying this to get an apology out of you. I'm trying to apologize here. I've been distant and selfish and…and I understand why you - did what you did, at least I think I do." Willow slowly approaches the island, standing opposite but not interrupting.

"But you have to understand…this is all so…so harsh, this reality. Worrying about bills and trying to keep Dawn in school a-and slaying, that stuff is tough, yeah. But…" She sighs and sits on a stool. "It's not just that stuff that's hard, it...it's waking up, Willow; opening my eyes, breathing, walking and talking…all of it. It's too much, sometimes."

"Oh Buffy, I-"

"Didn't know? I know. No one did, well...almost no one." She half-mutters the last part.

"Why didn't you talk to us?"

"And say what, Will? 'Why did you pull me out of Heaven, guys, it was really perfect up there'? I couldn't do that to you. I couldn't lay that kind of guilt on all of you."

"But keeping it to yourself, it isn't good Buffy. You shouldn't have carried that all on your own."

"I…" Buffy debates whether or not to tell Willow about keeping Spike in her confidence. After the reaction she got from Dawn, she thinks it best not to. "I know." She offers a small smile. "I promise to try to be more open from here on out. Ok?"

"Yeah, sure. Buffy...I'm here for you, you know. We all are. We're your friends and we love you."

Yes, Willow, but you've also caused me the greatest pain I've ever known. And I don't know when I'll be able to get over it. If ever.

"I know…a-and I love you guys too, just…give me some time, ok? Some space?"

"Sure! Can do. Whatever you need. I'll give you any space you want. I'm space-girl." Both girls laugh as the tension breaks.

"So...we've been crowding you a little, hunh?" Buffy merely smiles. "Sorry."

"I know you care. I do understand, but-"

"But you need to work through this on your own."

"Something like that, yeah." Buffy smiles warmly which makes Willow breathe an internal sigh of relief. All is well.

"Are you hungry? I could fix you something to eat."

"Nah, I'm just gonna take a shower and hit the pavement." Willow gives her a quizzical look. "Y' know, for a job?"

"Ohhhh, right. Yeah." She laughs. "Well, if you need anything…" Willow lets the sentence hang in the air and Buffy nods with her eyes. The Wicca squeezes her shoulder lightly as she heads in to the living room. Buffy stands and heads back upstairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a long, hot shower, she feels refreshed and ready to face the day. Now ravenous, she dresses quickly and bounces down the steps into the kitchen. Since it's nearly noon, she feels justified in skipping the cereal and nuking a slice of 'breakfast' pizza.

Popping it into the microwave, she hums a nameless tune and cleans crumbs off the counter, her thoughts centered on a certain blonde. Her hands slow in their task as memories of the previous evening flood her mind.

She can't stop the bright smile that appears, but then again she doesn't feel the need to since no one is around to ask questions.

I wonder what he's doing right now. She thinks. What does he do in the daytime anyway, sleep?

As if in answer to her question, the kitchen door bursts open and a smoldering blanket with black jean-clad legs comes bounding in. Startled at first, she attempts to stifle the giggles bubbling to the surface at the sight of him beating out the small flames on the fringe of his beloved duster.

Just as quickly, though, her mirth turns into anger as she realizes he's risked becoming French-fried vampire once again…and for what?

"What are you doing here?" Her tone is bitter and it catches him by surprise.

Back to that, are we luv? Had your quick-fix from the crypt-dweller and now it's back to business as usual?

"Nothing."

"Doesn't look or - *cough cough* smell like nothing. Is there a reason why you're trying to get a permanent tan?" He softens at her obvious concern.

"Well…" He drops the blanket to the floor unceremoniously and steps towards her. "I came to see…" Another step. "You."

Mere inches separate them, but to each it feels like a mile. Good god, he's gorgeous. Buffy's head begins to swim and she takes a shaky step back, needing to clear her throat before she can respond.

"W-what, you couldn't have waited until later? When there's a slightly smaller chance of combustion?" he shakes his head slowly, smiling.

"No." Not expecting such a direct and succinct answer, Buffy looks him in the eye and feels a twinge of something deep inside. She moves over to the sink in an attempt to regain control of her senses, which are currently being overwhelmed by his presence.

"I think you could have, I mean…it's not like there's anything urgent tha-"

He quickly steps in front of her. His hand moving gently into her hair stays her tongue.

"No, Buffy." Her eyes flutter closed at the sound of her whispered name. "No."

"Why do you keep saying 'no'?" She asks breathily. The butterflies are awakening and she trembles at his touch. He brings his other hand up and then uses both to cradle her face.

"I just...want you to understand." He answers; his voice soft and low. Spike's fingers dance along her jaw line, her eyelids; touching her as if she were something precious and fragile. She opens her eyes into his and feels her world tilt.

"Understand what?" She brings her hands up to cover his as they rest against her cheeks. The tremor in her voice makes him swallow hard. He has to look away from her eyes and gather himself. She smiles a small smile, amazed at the myriad of emotions that move across his countenance. When he looks at her again, she senses a shift in him that makes her heart stop for a moment.

"Just this." He whispers, lowering his lips to hers. Their mouths meet as his hands drift from her face, over her shoulders and down her back to pull her into his body. Buffy's arms automatically wrap around his neck. It's as familiar a feeling as if she's done it a thousand times before; everyday for a thousand years.

She sighs into his mouth and he returns it, kissing her softly but so intensely that makes her knees weak. One hand snakes into her hair as he deepens the kiss even more. His tongue laps at her full bottom lip and she opens her mouth in response.

Once again their first taste of each other is overwhelming to them both. They kiss hungrily for what seems like hours before Buffy reluctantly comes up for air. Both pant heavily as they break apart. Buffy places a steadying hand on the countertop and shakes her head slightly to clear it.

"I think I get it, now." She laughs lightly and he smiles a bright, blue-eyed smile that covers his whole face. She cups his face in her hand for a moment, lost in the afterglow. "And can I just say 'wow'?"

"Sure, go 'head." He grins. She taps him lightly on the arm.

"Seriously." She studies him for a moment. "What are you doing here?"

"I…" His smile fades a bit. "I just wanted…to see…y-hoooow things went with, eh, Dawn."

"Oh." Not what she was expecting. "Well, they went really well, I think." She smiles to herself. "I took your advice and told her everything. She…well, she was hurt, at first, but she's trying to understand. And I don't think she's angry with me anymore, so that's a plus."

"That's great, luv, really wonderful." He smiles warmly. "You and your sis…you're my girls. I can't have my girls on the outs with each other." She turns back into him, placing her hands on her hips.

"Your girls, hmmm?" She teases. "Says who?" Pleased by this relaxed and playful new Buffy, he pulls her off balance and back into his arms.

"I do, pet." He growls playfully. "You. Are. Mine." They laugh together, but when their eyes meet the moment suddenly turns too serious for them both. He lets her go and steps away. She, in turn, walks to the fridge and opens it.

"I don't have anything other than orange juice to offer you. I'm sorry." She keeps her back to him, trying to rein in her nerves and her libido.

"S' ok, pet. I'm good." He leans against the counter, happy to watch her move around the kitchen. Buffy goes about the business of putting the dishes away; anything to keep herself from jumping into his arms. Her head is spinning with the terror of what she's feeling.

And she realizes that he probably knows all of this, since her heart is sending him messages in rapid Morse code.

Yet, instead of pressing her…pushing her into something…he is patiently waiting for her to make the next move.

That 'hello' kiss leaves no doubt in her mind that he is ready to be the long-haul guy; that last night wasn't just some fling or one-night stand.

In other words, everything she felt for him and about him then is still true. So now what?

She turns and looks at him so intently that it makes him slightly afraid of what may come out of her mouth.

"Spike."

"Buffy?"

She backs up slowly toward the stairs.

"Come with me." She holds out her hand. He stares at it as if it's alien to him. "I…we need to talk, and we can't do it here. Someone might…" She trails off, suddenly nervous that he won't follow her. A silly notion, of course, but there it is.

"Sure, luv." He exhales and steps towards her, taking her hand. She smiles gratefully and leads him to the steps. Their hands fall apart as she begins to ascend. She is about half-way up before she realizes he isn't following her. She turns back.

The look on his face is very, very familiar.

They stare at one another for several dozen heartbeats.

Spike notes the white button-down shirt she is wearing, the way her hair is pulled back into not-quite-a-bun, her faded blue jeans. Even the expression on her face; it's all just like…that night.

The night, not too long ago, when his prayers were answered; his wish granted. His dream fulfilled.

The night she arose and walked the earth again. Returned to him; a gift from whatever power exists.

Buffy notices the slight tilt of his head, the awestruck look in his eyes. She knows what he sees. She wonders if he knows what she saw that night; what she is seeing now.

Slowly she descends the steps, absentmindedly hiding her hands in the cuffs of her sleeves…like she did before.

She hears his sharp intake of breath.

"Buffy." It's a prayer.

"Spike." She stops on the step above the landing, looking him in the eyes; separated from him by only a foot or two. She takes two calming breaths before opening up the flood gates.

"When I saw you…standing there…just like that, that night…I felt a relief - a calm - come over me that I didn't understand." She laughs softly, looking down. "Not that anything made sense just then, but…" She glances up at him and his expression hasn't changed.

God…his eyes. It's like he's looking inside of me.

"You…seeing you…I knew then that I was really here and that it wasn't a trick or a dream or whatever." She takes a deep breath. "Wherever I was…it was wonderful, incredible, and I missed it…I still do. But I know that I am back now. I knew it that night, when I saw you. When you…when you took my, my h-hands…" Her voice breaks and he steps close to her, reaching up to catch the first tears that fall with such gentleness that only serves to bring forth more.

"S' alright, luv. You don't have to-"

"Yeah." Her eyes meet his, swimming. "Yeah, I really think I do." He drops his hand to his side and remains silent as she echoes his words back to him. She attempts a smile.

"I'm a fighter, Spike. I slay the bad guys. I die." She waves her hand dismissively. "I come back. I know how to handle anything you throw at me, and if I don't, I know that one of my friends - Giles, Willow…you - I know that one of you will think of something, point me in the right direction and send me off to do my job.

"I could handle being broke. I could handle taking care of Dawn. It's tough, but so am I. I could deal. I know how to fight evil.

"But this…Spike…I don't know how to deal with this. It hurts." Her tears flow freely now and Spike moves to comfort her, but a hand on his chest stays him. He can only watch and listen to her heart break and feel his break right along with hers.

"How can I function this way? I can't. I-I can't…not…" She looks into his eyes and places her hand on his cheek. "Not without you, Spike." The surprised look on his face makes her smile through her tears. "Why do you look so surprised?"

"Uh…Buffy, you've got a lot of people that care for you. Red, the Watcher the whelp...Dawn…you're the center of her universe."

"Yeah, I know…and I love her. She's my sister, but she's also 16. And the others-" She looks down dejectedly. This seems to give Spike pause and he nods in understanding. "I'm too…not angry, but…I'm disappointed with everyone else to be able to open up to them, but it's more than that."

"I need someone…" She sighs heavily. Whatever she is trying to say seems difficult enough that Spike feels he could give her eternity to tell him. This is what it's all about: being there for her. "Well, like I told you last night, I need you."

"And I'm here, pet."

"I know you are." She smiles and wipes some of the tears away. "But it's even more than that."

"More?" Placing his hands lightly on her waist, he tilts his head to catch her down-turned eyes.

"Yeah. A lot more than I ever..." She falls silent. Spike peers over her head into the wooden planes of the staircase, as if the grains there were lifelines leading the way.

"Buffy, sit." He gently pushes her backwards until her bottom connects with a step. She brings her knees up to her chin and hugs her legs.

Sometimes she's such a little girl. Spike muses. He takes a seat to her left as he watches her take her hair down from its confines.

Sitting there, next to her on the steps like that, reminds him of another crucial moment in their history; one that he'll take care not to mention for the painful memories it could bring.

"Listen, luv, I may talk all big and bad, but I'm not invincible, you know." This garners a small laugh and he smiles to hear it. "No really, I don't know if I could handle...what you're dealing with, Summers. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for." He rubs slow circles on her back. Her eyes drift closed and she sighs inaudibly.

Seeing her visibly relaxing, the tears drying, he decides to remain quiet and just comfort her with his touch. After a few minutes, she opens her eyes, turns to him and smiles.

"Thank you." She sniffles. "But that's not what I ..." Standing, she takes a deep breath and begins pacing in front of him.

"First of all, last night was..."

Oh no. No. Tell me she isn't going to-

"...wonderful." She stops to offer a small smile before resuming her path. "A-and I can't thank you enough for...for...being there for me. With me." She pauses briefly, seemingly to gather her thoughts. Spike's mind is on 'record' mode as he memorizes every second of this moment.

"But I need you to understand that it wasn't just...just..." She sighs, frustrated.

"Cold comfort?" He offers. She stops and looks at him.

"Is that what you thought?" He winces at the sound of desperation in her voice. She seems so broken, suddenly.

"No, luv."

"Good, 'cause it wasn't. It isn't. It was..." She resumes her pacing although it is a bit less brisk.

"More." He smiles to himself.

"Yeah, as I was trying to say...before...it's more. With the potential to be a lot more." She trails off.

"Care to share?" He crosses his arms and watches her amused. She's fidgeting like a schoolgirl. So adorable. He never thought he'd ever see this side of the Slayer again; especially lately.

"Well..." she stops and turns to him, her eyes wide; mouth in a grim line as if she is biting something back. Spike's eyebrows knit as he prepares himself.

"Whatever it is, Buffy, I can handle it." His voice is soft and almost sad. He notes the trembling of her lips and wonders if this will be it: the end of his daydream.

"Sorry I'm being so crypto-matic. It's just...I never thought..." She trails off, avoiding his gaze. He looks away, preparing for the worst.

He had said that he would respect whatever decision she'd make regarding their...status. And he knows that he will stand by her, no matter what. But the thought of being so near her after having touched her...tasted her. God! He can still taste her. He shuts his eyes tightly, her voice fading into the distance.

"..so it scares me, but...Spike?" She's suddenly aware that she'd lost her audience some time ago. She narrows her eyes at him, a little annoyed. He gives her a small shrug.

"Sorry, luv."

"Sorry? I-I-I'm standing here telling you that I might be falling in love with you and you can't even bother to listen?"

Bells. Bells of St. Martin in the Fields. Big Ben. Westminster. Her voice is like Heaven's harp accompanied by the most delicious bells.

He swears his heart beats one loud, drumming thump in his chest.

"Buffy?"

"...it takes a lot, you know, a lot for me to stand here and admit that I was wrong and that I feel this way, when it's been hard for me to feel anything at all. That is, except when I'm around you and then I'm like a walking emoticon and a hormone bomb a-and..."

"Buffy!" He laughingly yells over her drabbling. When she stops to wonder why the heck he just did that, he smiles and then breaks into an all-out grin.

"What?"

The slow realization that she's just told him what she'd been trying so desperately to tell him, and that she hadn't even stumbled as the words flowed out of her mouth, makes her body resume its trembling.

"Oh." She whispers, looking up at him with scared, little-girl eyes.

TBC
 

=Part 8=

Spike worries his lower lip between his teeth as they stare at one another. His nostrils are flaring and it has a somewhat hypnotic effect on her. She watches his rapid but steady breathing and wonders what the hell to say next.

Seconds tick by; minutes, maybe hours and still they stare. Buffy closes her mouth, as she's been gaping for some time now; expecting her mind to go on auto-pilot and direct her through this situation.

How do you continue this conversation? Do you continue? Do you just jump into his arms and kiss him silly?

Spike takes the remaining step between them and she is forced to look up to meet his gaze. He reaches a shaky hand to her temple and smoothes back her hair with loving fingers.

"Scared, Slayer?" He whispers, a faint smile playing on his generous mouth. She nods imperceptibly. Well, imperceptible to anyone but Spike. "I won't hurt you." His gaze wanders over her hair, down her arm and to her hand as he takes it in his own.

"I know." She responds quickly and breathily.

"Do you?" He takes her small hand into his own two; the rough skin engulfing her softness. Fifteen trembling digits dance with the current of the moment.

"Yes." Just below a whisper.

"Why the change of heart?" He looks up from under smoky lashes to meet her wide eyes. His hands continue to caress hers as he reaches for the other one. His thumbs draw small circles on her soft flesh. She breaks his gaze, suddenly fascinated with the display.

"I…I…it's hard to pinpoint what…exactly…"

"I'm sure it is." She looks up and detects the slightest smirk playing on his lips. She purses her own.

"Very funny." His eyebrows rise in mock protest.

"What?"

"Putting me on the spot." He chuckles, releasing her hands and stepping back.

"Hey, you started this."

"I started this?"

"Yah, comin' over last night with your apologies and your seduction…your Sabine routine…"

"Seduction of Sabrina?" She laughs, he smiles.

"Y'know. Using your feminine wiles on me, knowing how I feel an' all. S' not right." He tries to fight the smile forming on his lips.

"Ah! You pig!" She slaps him on the arm playfully and he feigns being mortally wounded. Buffy reaches out and attacks his abdomen and he quickly retaliates. He grabs her and pulls her into his chest, their faces mere inches apart.

"Say it again, luv." All mirth is suddenly gone from him and she sees the desperation behind his waning smile. His breath is quickening. She places her hands against his chest; fingers splayed across the smooth planes. She looks deep into the well of his blue eyes.

"I think I'm falling in love with you, Spike."

His eyes close. His expression is almost one of pain as his brow wrinkles. Buffy watches the emotions swim across his face until he lowers his forehead to hers and takes deep, unnecessary breaths.

"Summers." He breathes the word. "I-"

His next thought is broken as the doorbell rings. Buffy jumps and then laughs at her own trepidation. They smile at one another and she turns towards the front door, but his arm slipping around her waist stops her. He pulls her in close, leaning over her shoulder as her back presses into his chest, and lowers his lips to her ear. His other hand comes around to gently turn her face sideways.

Buffy closes her eyes as his lips brush her earlobe.

"I'm already there, Summers." He whispers. "Already in so deep that I see no way out. Fall, luv." He takes a shuddering breath that moves the tendrils of her hair that separate them. "Fall and I will catch you. I'll catch you and never, ever let you go."

He slowly releases the now-trembling, breathless blonde and she turns back to him.

"Never, Buffy." He tilts his head, regarding her and the bell rings again. Buffy turns briefly towards the door and when she looks back at Spike he is no longer there. She runs to the kitchen in time to see wisps of smoke through the glass from where he'd gone.

Coming back to herself, she jogs back to the front door and opens it. Giles had been about to walk away.

"Oh. Sorry, I thought everyone was out."

"No, just...sorry...upstairs, I-"

"Oh, right. Well..." He hovers just outside the threshold. "May I?" Giles gestures towards the interior.

"Of course!" Buffy backs away quickly, giving her Watcher room to enter. She softly closes the door behind him. He begins speaking while his back is still to her, unable to meet her eyes and not for the first time in their history.

"I just wanted to-to check...to see how..." He glances about the house nervously.

"I'm fine, Giles." The sound of her voice causes him to turn to her. He narrows his eyes at the calm demeanor. The...glow about her.

"Really?" He tilts his head, regarding his charge. She offers a small smile and an even smaller nod. "Buffy-"

"Really, I'm...I'll be okay." Her voice, though a bit shaky, still retains some confidence. She places her hand on his arm and gives a slight squeeze. Giles looks down at it and covers it with one of his own. Smiling at her with his eyes, but there is more than a touch of sadness.

"If I had known..." He breaks her gaze. "What...Willow...was planning, I-"

"Would you have stopped her?" Her question is innocent enough but it sends pangs of discomfort through him because he doesn't rightly know.

"I...I should like to think that I would have, Buffy, but..." He finally looks up at her and as if seeing her for the first time a lump forms in his throat that makes his next words difficult to say.

Her eyes hold such sorrow, even with the smile on her lips that Giles feels his heart break again for her. To have had paradise and known it. To have had it taken away so cruelly.He cannot even imagine.

"Tea?" Her bright voice startles him as she breaks away and heads towards the kitchen. "Tea makes everything better, right?" He blindly follows her, stopping at the island while she moves towards the stove.

"Of course." He smiles underneath his frown.

"I talked to Willow last night, a-and again this morning." She calls over her shoulder.

"Yes?" Giles flattens his palms against the countertop in an attempt to control the rage that began at the Bronze when her melancholy lyrics first emblazoned themselves onto his brain.

There was no pain. No fear, no doubt, 'til they pulled me out of Heaven.

"Yeah, and everything's...okay. I mean, it'll be okay. We just all need some time. I need time to...adjust." She fills the teapot. Giles hears her, yet doesn't hear her. Still reeling from the revelation, he squeezes his eyes shut to the tiny girl with her back to him; unable to listen to her attempts to cover her distress.

I live in Hell 'cause I've been expelled from Heaven.

She places the pot on the stove and turns on the low flame. He catches her slow exhale.

"Buffy." He mumbles, opening his eyes and looking upon her through the haze of his own pain.

"I'll ask the same thing of you that I did of her, Giles." She turns to him, the silent plea etched on her face. Don't make me talk about this. "I just need time."

"Come here, Buffy." He moves around the island with his arms slightly open in invitation. She moves to him. He wraps his arms around her tightly, resting his head on hers. "I had no idea; not an inkling th-"

"I know." She whispers before inhaling the distinct scent of him, her surrogate father. Her Watcher. Her friend.

He clears his throat before releasing her, lightly running his hands down her arms to reassure himself that she's really okay. They lock eyes for a moment or two and then he steps back, allowing his natural, and very British, demeanor to reassert itself.

"I...as long as...y-you're alright. I just wanted to stop by and...make sure-"

"Thanks." She smiles warmly then. She studies him. There's more that he wants to say and he is holding back, she can see it in the tightness of his lips. The tension in his jaw.

"Is something up?" nonplussed by her question, Giles exhales rather sharply; covering it with a nervous smile.

"No, no-no. Just...glad you're alright. We...we can talk later about...other things. I imagine you're quite exhausted, what with yesterday's activities."

"Actually, I'm ok." Buffy turns back to the stove. She can feel his stare boring into the back of her head. The old adage 'A watched pot never boils' suddenly springs to mind. She turns to him, smiling. "Really, Giles. No worries."

He exhales, nodding sharply with a tight-lipped grin.

"Right, then. I'll...just be going. I need to head over to the...er...Magic Box. Speak with-with Anya about...some things." He starts to move towards the hallway.

"No tea, then?" Buffy follows him.

"No, I'll...take a rain check." He turns to her and smiles sadly. Buffy wonders why, but she doesn't ask. He looks at her for a long minute, their eyes meeting in silent understanding.

"I cannot be sorry you're here, Buffy. I should be...but I cannot."

"It's alright, Giles." She smiles, taking a deep breath. "I'm done being sorry." He offers her another weak smile before opening the door, closing it softly behind him.

Buffy leans against it, shutting her eyes tightly. Taking deep, but shaky breaths, she looks around the quiet of her home. Her eyes wander along the surfaces, each covered with some trinket holding a memory; a picture frame, a knick-knack.

She moves into the living room and walks the perimeter, taking in everything. Photos of herself, Dawn, her mom...even Willow, Xander and Giles...assault her. With a startling clarity, she realizes that there's no distance between her and the memories. All of the numbness she'd felt in the weeks since her return has subsided significantly.

The happy, smiling faces bring happy, smiling memories. The sight of her mother in the summer dress she'd bought for her three years ago - laughing, her hair blowing in the breeze - brings the appropriate mixture of pain and pleasure: grief at the memory of her loss but joy at the memory of how beautiful and vibrant she was.

Continuing her journey around the room, she touches the various objets d'art allowing her thoughts to carry her wherever they will; to happier times and happier days.

When she reaches the coffee table, something catches her eye. A small, plain, silver rectangle sits on the smooth wooden surface.

Spike's lighter.

The fire it ignites within her startles her. Memories of those last minutes before Giles' arrival crash through her and start her trembling anew.

She'd told him.

She'd told him how she felt and he didn't laugh. Didn't mock her. He...he'd...

Fall and I will catch you. I'll catch you and never, ever let you go.

With a shaking hand, she reaches down and scoops it up. Pressing the cold metal to her mouth, her eyes close as images of near-white hair and smooth, alabaster skin flash behind her eyelids. Her lips press against the object in her hand as her brow wrinkles.

Taking it away from her mouth, her fingers caress it as his name slips past her lips.

"Spike."

Taking a deep breath, she heads into the kitchen. She searches the junk drawer for a pen and paper, scribbles a quick note to Dawn and heads out the door, clutching the lighter in her hand.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Buffy, I'm home." Dawn slings her backpack to the floor in the foyer as she calls out to her sister. Kicking the door shut she peeks in the living room. Finding it empty, she walks to the bottom of the steps.

"Buffy!" She waits. Hearing no response, she moves into the kitchen. "Hmm...must be out." She mutters to herself as she yanks open the refrigerator door. Grabbing a container of cold macaroni and cheese, she turns around to put in on the counter, bumping the door shut with her hip. Her eyes land on a note with her name on it. Letting the bowl go, she wipes her hands on her jeans and picks up the piece of folded paper.

Dawn,

Went to set things right. You should be proud. No more Buffy blindness.

I love you. Don't wait up.

Buffy

PS Here's $20 for pizza, but no Meat Lover's! Get something with green stuff.

"Yeah, right." Dawn grins and happily tosses the cold pasta back into the fridge.
 

A/N - Well, she's heading back over to the crypt. What for, pray tell. You'll know very soon. One more chapter, a short epilogue and then we're done. :[

=Part 9=

The sun is low in the sky as Buffy approaches the crypt. The lighter has long left an imprint on her sweaty palm as she's made the 15 minute journey from her home to his.

To Spike.

She stops fifty yards shy of her future, replaying the rehearsed speech in her head.

I'm afraid to love you, Spike, I'm afraid of hurting you and of being hurt. But I am willing to try, if you still want to give me the chance.

Sounds good, in theory, but in practice...it could be a disaster waiting to happen.

What if she's wrong about him? What if...

What if it's all a big joke?

She takes a steadying breath as she studies the door, knowing that on the other side is...everything. She stands in the last gasp of afternoon's sunlight staring at the shadowed entrance to her salvation. The irony isn't lost on her.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she fists the lighter and brings it to her forehead.

Think, Buffy, think! Think of what you're doing. If you're wrong, if...if you let him in...

"Who am I kidding?" She whispers. "He's already in."

"Yeah, I am. And you should be too." His voice draws her out of her inner chaos. She gasps, refusing to open her eyes to him. Her feet don't move and she knows that he cannot come any further than where he is, trapped by the light she hides in.

Where is my resolve? She asks herself. I know what I want, I...

"Slayer, why are you lurking outside?" Spike eyes her closely, noting the signs of the battle that rages within her tiny frame. He curses his demon nature that he cannot go to her, fold her in his arms and make her forget the things that disconnect their worlds. "Buffy." He intones. She drops her fist from her forehead and raises her eyes to him.

A marble beauty in an envelope of black.

Spike stands there shirtless and shoeless, which makes him appear vulnerable and soft. The black of the room behind him looks like living velvet. One arm outstretched to the open door, the other hanging languidly at his side, he watches her. His head is tilted sideways as he waits. Patient. As ever.

Buffy's eyes drop lazily over his form and back up until she meets his gaze again. She takes a step forward and can see the hope spring into his face. It swims in twin azure pools of fear.

"You left this." She stops an arm's length from him and reaches out. He doesn't stir. She takes another step until she stands on the precipice; one more leap of faith and she'll be in his arms. And possibly forever.

Her hand breaks the plane of the shadow and he seizes it, drawing her inside. She loses her balance as he circles her around to the wall next to the door, pressing her into it with his entire length. The lighter drops from her fingers as she flattens her hands behind her for support. Her eyes are downcast, afraid to look into the depths he's offering her.

"Buffy." Spike rubs his nose into her silken locks, inhaling the scent he'd come to miss in the last hour or so. He places his hands lightly on her hips and lowers his head to her collarbone, planting delicate kisses there. He hears her sharp inhale.

"Spike, I..." He releases her and steps back, closing the door and plunging the room into darkness. It takes a few moments for Buffy's eyes to acclimate themselves and by the time they do, she's lost track of his whereabouts. The sound of a striking match spins her around towards him as he lights a pillar candle.

"Have you come to tell me that you didn't mean what you said?" His words echo deep inside her somewhere. She swallows hard.

"N-no." Her voice threatens to abandon her. He looks up and catches her eye. "I-I meant it, Spike. I...am..."

"Falling." The word drips from his mouth like honey and Buffy feels her body react to the sound as if it were a drug. Spike's tongue curls behind his teeth as he moves to light another candle, this one closer to where she is standing. She jumps as he strikes another match and it ignites a low, rumbling laughter in him. He looks down at the ground before her, smiling.

"Buffy...my love...you're already there." He sweeps the length of her body with his gaze and rests it in her eyes. They're impossibly wide and he notes her shivering. He cautiously approaches her.

"Y-you think?" Her breathing is rapid and the tremors in her muscles are driving her to distraction but she cannot take her eyes out of his as he moves towards her. "Sp-"

"Shhh." He stops facing her. "Don't say anything unless you plan to tell me the truth."

"Th-the truth?" Her only instinct is to flee. This is...it's too much. It's too, too intense.

He moves a stray lock of honey blonde hair behind her ear, briefly brushing his fingers across her collarbone before removing his hand from her altogether.

"The truth, Buffy. You can do it. Just...just trust me."

"I do!" She breathes. "I do. Spike, I-"

"Trust yourself, then. Tell me why you came over here. Why your heart is pounding so loud that I can't hear anythin' else." She swallows audibly. "I saw you standing outside just now at war with yourself, Slayer. You came over here with a purpose and somehow lost your nerve. I'm giving you permission to trust yourself. Tell me the truth." He places his hands against the wall on either side of her head. "What did you come here to say?"

"I-I...I, Spike, I-" She stammers. He steps into her so that she has to avert her eyes. Both hands move into her hair as he tilts her head up, with it come her fluid greens. They lock gazes.

"Why, Buffy? Why did you follow me with such purpose?" His thumbs caress her temples. She looks at his mouth that is so close...so close she could almost...

She kisses him softly. He allows it briefly, but then pulls away whispering "Why?"

"I'm in love with you." She exhales, confessing it to his lips but then, sweeping her lashes up, she meets his incredulous stare.

"I'm in love with you, Spike. I am...already..."

"I know." He smiles. "I just didn't think you'd admit it." She laughs softly.

"Neither did I." She catches her bottom lip between her teeth and Spike groans.

"God, I love you woman." He crashes his mouth over hers and thus begins the dance of desperation.

Teeth and lips and tongues battle for dominance as their hands roam everywhere. Spike places the solid muscle of his thigh at the juncture between her legs and grinds causing her to moan at the contact.

"Want you." He growls into her hair as he abandons her mouth for fierce kisses on her neck and collarbone. Buffy wraps her arms around his neck and arches into him.

"Have me."

Needing no further invitation, he hoists her up by her hips. She wraps her legs around his waist as their mouths tug and pull at one another. He walks, wrapped in soft Slayer flesh and sighs, over to the trap door and jumps through it. Aside from a brief feeling of falling, Buffy is oblivious until he deposits her on his bed.

"Neat." She grins as he stands back to look at her, the movement of the shadows cast by the dozen or so candles in the room make her dance before him.

"Been thinking about this since you left last night...er...this morning."

"What's that?"

"Making love to you. Want to...need to be inside you, luv."

Her response is to hold her arms out to him and he comes to her, leaning her back onto the mattress as he kisses his way down her body.

Shaky fingers move to the buttons of her blouse. One after another comes undone as Buffy busies herself with the single button of his jeans. Spike lowers the white fabric from her tanned shoulder and toys with the straps of her bra.

"You're so lovely."

She smiles as her fingers caress the light brown curls beneath his waistband. His abdominal muscles twitch in response.

They slowly undress each other between lush kisses and passionate moans. Finally settling on the bed, Spike positions himself between her legs. No need for games.

He looks deep into her eyes, attempting to convey the silent whirlwind of his emotions. Buffy forgets how to breathe.

"Spike..." He settles between her silken thighs, his velvet head resting in the soft folds of her lips. She gasps, closing her eyes. "Please..."

"Tell me you love me." The desperation in his voice brings her back to him and she returns his gaze.

"I love you."

"Tell me you want me, Buffy."

"I want you, Spike I-" Her next words are lost as he slips easily inside her. Both of them shocked at the enormity of it all. He freezes. Trapped. Involuntary tremors pass through her inner muscles and he shivers in response to them, his eyes closing.

Lowering himself down, with his elbows on either side of her head, he struggles to maintain control. He buries his hands in the soft waves of her hair, inhaling deeply before returning to her face.

Buffy's eyes, which had closed again as she adjusted herself to him, open when she senses his stare. Barely blinking, she slides her hands over his back and down to the smooth skin of his ass, kneading the firm muscles there. Her feet caress his calves.

He slowly withdraws and kisses her, his tongue invading her mouth, as he enters her again in a liquid smooth stroke.

They both begin to tremble.

He rests his forehead against hers, struggling for air he doesn't need. Buffy is strangely silent.

Withdrawing again and stroking. Withdraw. Stroke.

Buffy's breathing becomes labored as she fights for her sanity.

Too much. Too much, this is...too much.

"Sssspike."

"Bu...ffy."

Withdraw. Stroke. Circle.

"Oh! Spike...oh..."

"Tell me you love me." He grinds out, slowly losing the battle over his control.

Withdraw.

"Love you, Spike, l-lo...ohhhh"

Stroke.

"Ohgod...love you..."

Circle.

"T-tell me..." Withdraw. "Tell me you want me." Stroke. Deeper. A little harder.

"God! Ohgod...oh...want you...wantyouwantyou...love you...oh god!"

Circle. Circle. Each movement hits her taught, little bundle of nerves.

Spike moves one hand down to her thigh, slipping behind to cup her bottom. He angles her pelvis and resumes.

Withdraw. Stroke. Touching her very core.

"Mmmnnnah! Spike!"

Withdraw. Stroke.

"Ah, Buffy...this is so...you feel...ahhh god..."

Withdraw. Deep stroke. Deeper still. Deeper. Deeper. Harder.

Something inside Buffy flips. A switch....something...it breaks. Her eyes fly open and she stares into his face concentrating above her.

"Oh...god...Spike...please, god...no...no...I can't...ohgodohgod...please, no..."

Too much...too much...toomuchtoomuchtoomuchtoomuch

"I." Withdraw. "Love." Stroke. "You." Circle. "God...I love you Buffy." His eyes close as he lowers his mouth to her nipple. As his tongue circles the puckered flesh, she implodes.

The violent clenching of her inner walls wrings the orgasm out of him and he comes screaming her name in whispers. They both continue riding out the aftershocks for minutes after; their bodies shaking with pleasure; overwhelmed.

When Spike finally comes back to himself, he notices the steady convulsing of her abdominal muscles beneath him. Raising his head up, he is nearly heartbroken to see the tears streaming out of her eyes and disappearing into her hairline.

He quickly rouses from his stupor.

"Buffy? Luv, what is it?" He extricates himself from her, moving to his back and pulling her over to him. "Did I hurt you? Are you-"

"No, Spike...no." A few more silent tears wring out of her. "I...you..."

"Shhh, luv. I'm sorry. Oh god, what did I do?" He rubs her back and smoothes her dampened hair.

"N-nothing, Spike...it was...I've never...not like that."

He continues to soothe her, trying to suss out what's happened; what he did wrong. Her hands begin to caress him and it leaves him confused.

"Pet?"

She angles her head to look at him and sighs breathlessly. Her lips form a contented smile as the tears slow to a trickle against his flesh.

"That...was the most amazing thing I've ever...I never thought..." Again she quietly sighs. He smiles with relief, kissing her forehead.

"Only the beginning, luv. S'only the beginning."

=Epilogue=

Buffy is idly tracing random patterns across his chest with her fingertips. She marvels at how smooth and flawless his skin is in most places. The porcelain expanse is marred only by a few feint scars. Spike watches her with fascination.

He doesn't really understand divine providence; doesn't necessarily believe in it. But if the miracle of having her in his arms is proof-positive, well...he's a believer.

"I should get back soon. Dawn will be worried." She sighs and her warm breath sends ripples of contentment throughout his flesh.

"Yah, she might." He pulls her closer to him, wrapping the damp sheet around their sated bodies. "Then again..."

"She might not?" She tilts her head up so that their eyes meet and smiles into him. She takes a quick, involuntary breath; something she's been apt to do all afternoon when she's found him gazing at her the way he is now. Worshiping her with his eyes. Even the tiny devilish smirk he sports doesn't diminish what his heart says.

Every. Time. He. Looks. At. Her.

"I've...I've never known anyone who loves like you do." At that, his features soften with humility.

"No? How's that, then?" He runs his fingers through her passion-tangled hair.

"You give so much...i-in everything you do, I mean..." She frowns a bit, searching for the right words. "It's...overwhelming, and more than a little intimidating the way you throw yourself into it. Give so much." She shrugs. "I don't know how to love like that."

"Oh that's bloody nonsense, Buffy. C'mon, now." He kisses the top of her head and wraps his arms even more securely around his insecure...what...girlfriend? He'll have to ask her about that one. "You are very loving, luv, very...caring and warm and beautiful and..."

"What does being beautiful have to do with it?"

"It's a perk." He chuckles and she laughs lightly against him. "Seriously, Buffy luv, you have nothing to worry about in that department. Do you think I would have fought so hard for something not worth achieving?"

She thinks on that a moment.

"No...I guess not." She sighs.

"Damn right, so..."

"Will you teach me?" She shifts again to look at him and he is astonished at the fear in her eyes.

"Ah...pet." He pulls her on top of his body, stretching underneath to give her a pillow of hardened male flesh; from now on, it's her favorite kind. She braces herself against his chest with the flat of her palms and he rests his hands lightly on her shoulders before sliding them down to her waist.

"I'm the one that bloody well needs to learn. You..." He brushes the hair back from her face to study the flicker of gold candlelight reflected in the depths of her green eyes." You're the one teaching me, luv."

"Nuh uh, Spike, I'm not buying that."

"Not tryin' to sell anything, am I? Think of Dawn."

"Dawn?"

"You love her, yeah?"

"Of course! She's my sister." She frowns in confusion.

"Ah, but she isn't in the conventional sense. When you learned the truth about...where she came from, you didn't turn her away. Didn't stop loving her, did you?"

"No, I would never...I couldn't...she's...I love her."

"Because she's your sister, right?"

"Yes." He smiled and pulled her in for a brush of a kiss.

"A lot of people wouldn't be so gracious, Buffy. You loved her despite...everythin' you learned, everythin' they did to you. To your memories. Your life. You loved her." He studies her eyes, watching them fill with realization and acceptance. "You still do." Buffy blushes a little under the scrutiny.

"I...yeah, ok. I see what you're trying to say." She chews her lip and ducks her head into his chest. He massages the nape of her neck, feeling her relax into him a bit more. He bends his mouth to her ear.

"You've an incredible capacity for love, sweetness. I'm a lucky bloke, having you in my world. In my arms."

"In your bed." She looks up at him, her eyes showing a now-familiar twinkle. He offers a slow, but feral grin.

"That too." Buffy chews on her lower lip and he groans. She can feel his arousal stirring between her thighs where it rests. He senses the reawakening of her desire; the heat in her skin, the quickness of her breath, the almost imperceptible electrical charge she emanates.

"I think..." She teases him with a near-kiss. "Dawn..." Another. "Will be..." He moans as her lips brush his. "Alright for..."

Having had enough, he surprises her by grasping her head in his hands; giving her a look that instantly has her melting into a puddle of goo.

"A few more hours." He growls.

"Hours?" She squeaks. He loosens his grip as his eyes drop to her luscious mouth, just begging to be captured. His jaw twitches in anticipation.

"Yeah." He pulls her down and rolls her over for a slow, searing kiss. All else forgotten.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You're such a...little...girl."

Spike buries himself in her again and again, delving into the impossible heat, touching the calm at the center of her storm.

"I am not little."

Buffy feels her soul expand as he fills her up, fills the aching void she hadn't even been aware of. He moves his hands to her hips and grasps them, easily holding her frame in his hands. He feels as if he could wrap his fingers around her twice.

"Yeah you are."

Spike rolls them over, never leaving her body, so that she is on top. She gasps at the change in angle that the position provides. He takes the opportunity to cup her breasts in his palms. They are ample, but they disappear behind the white flesh of his hands. 'Like a handful of sunlight.' he muses.

"Not."

Buffy begins to undulate above him, her eyes are half-lidded; her mouth slack with increasing pleasure. He just watches her.

"You're a tiny dancer."

She opens her eyes and smiles into his.

"Am I graceful?"

She lifts her arms above her head and Spike thinks he must be catching a glimpse of Salome's power.

"Yes, luv."

He meets each of her rotations with a thrust and her mewling fills some space of happy in him he long thought dead.

"Just little."

Her voice is breathy, his rapidly descending into growls as she moves atop him. Her hair brushes the tops of his thighs as she arches her back, dancing in a wash of passion.

"Little, yes. And graceful and beautiful...so beautiful."

His voice trails off as he feels her slayer's muscles' tell-tale tightening around him.

"Too...too little?"

Buffy's heart is opening up along with her body. This is that dangerous time when anything he says can mold her or break her. When she is the most vulnerable; could be so easily hurt...or...'god this is glorious' she thinks to herself. 'There's no other word for it: glorious'.

"No...Just right...just...perfect, Buffy. You're perfect, luv. Perfect. Per. fect."

The words are irrelevant, now. The pressure building between them explodes in a myriad of colors and sounds; their voices mingling in a chorus of ecstasy.

Exhausted and fulfilled their bodies gravitate towards more contact as Buffy lowers her chest to his. He gathers her to him and strokes her back and thighs, using feather touches. He murmurs words of love into her hair. Her breathing soon becomes soft and shallow as she drifts off, still atop him; him still inside her.

Spike notes how his still-hardened length feels encased in her flesh. How she fills his arms, his heart. How this tiny slip of a girl rules him.

"You're right, Buffy." he whispers, placing light kisses on her neck and shoulders. "You're not little, little girl. You're my whole bloody world."

~fin~

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