Chapter 7

“Here,” Anika said, thrusting a wet washcloth at me.

I flushed the toilet, reached for the washcloth, and settled my self on the cold marble tile. “She shouldn’t be alone,” I murmured as I wiped the rag over my face and behind my neck.

“Then why are you in here?” she asked, joining me on the floor.

I looked away and tossed the washcloth up onto the counter.

“Will,” she said, “you’ve got to get past it. Its just sex… “

“Just sex?” I asked.

I sat in the living room and stared at the clock. One hour until the party. One hour and she still hadn’t returned. I looked at her cell phone, which sat prominently on the coffee table. There was no sign of a struggle, none. But that didn’t matter, Ethan and his men were good, they wouldn’t have necessarily left behind a trace. I reviewed our earlier meeting, every word, every look, trying to tease out whether there was even a hint that he knew I was about to betray him. I found none. Our execution, especially during the past few months, had been flawless. So, where the fuck was she?

The sound of the key in the lock drew my attention. I jumped to my feet and practically ran to the door.

“Sorry I’m late. I’ll just change. I’ll be ready in a minute,” she said as she hurried past me towards the bathroom.

“Where the hell have you been?” I shouted after her, following her down the hall.

She closed the door before I reached her. “I bought a new dress for tonight. Tonight’s the big payoff right? You said Ethan would be paying you for the job you did. You said it was a lot of money. So…I bought a new dress.”

I heard the bath water begin to run.

I smiled and wondered if she’d bought it for me. I moved to open the door and found it locked. “Anne?”

“Why don’t you fix yourself a drink? I’ll be out in a bit,” she said cheerily.

“Yeah. Sure. I’ll catch up on the news. Take your time,” I said as I walked back into the living room and turned on the television.

I grabbed a piece of paper and quickly scribbled, “Open the god damned door!” on it. Something wasn’t right.

Seconds after I slid the note underneath the door quietly opened and I slipped inside. “What the hell is wrong?” I whispered.

“Why would you think something was wrong?” she asked casually as she pinned her hair up.

I walked up behind her, wrapped one arm around her waist and leaned down to nuzzle her neck, suddenly feeling foolish. “Sorry, guess I overreacted. So, you’re alright?”

She stiffened and pushed me away. “I’m just fine!” she hissed. “I’m not a child. I may be…inexperienced in some ways. But, I knew the score. You warned me Mr. ‘I make it a habit to never be there in the morning or to sleep with the same woman twice.’”

I walked around her and leaned down, trying to make eye contact. I couldn’t help smiling. “Liz,” I began as I sat down on top of the counter and reached out to pull her towards me, “is this all because I wasn’t here when you woke up this morning? I always go for a run in the mornings. I wake up first, go for a run, and you make the coffee. Come over here, love. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Don’t call me that,” she protested weakly as she pushed my hand away.

“So, um ... what should I call you then? Pet? Sweetheart?” She turned away and blushed prettily. I could tell I was successfully melting her anger. I reached out and began to play with a strand of her hair. “My, uh… little Goldilocks? You know I love this hair. The way it bounces around when you-”

“We made love last night, Liz,” I reminded her. “We made love, you and me. All Gone with The Wind, with the rising music, and the… You were right there. I remember it quite clearly. It was rather unforgettable actually. You were the one with that cute little mole at the small of her back and her legs wrapped tightly around me…What was that, Liz?”

“A spell? Temporary insanity? Why aren’t you leaving? I can’t bathe with you sitting there and we’re going to be late,” she said, becoming increasingly agitated.

“Oh, don't get all prim and proper with me. I’ve already seen your goodies. It’s no use playing the blushing virgin, you’re not one anymore. Had I known I swear I would have-” I started to say, feeling suddenly guilty for how quickly I’d taken her in this very room. She deserved candlelight and flowers and courting and…God, what was wrong with me?

“I’m not like you. I’m not…built that way. What people think? That matters to me. Keeping the respect of my co-workers? That matters to me. You and I…we’re different. Last night was a mistake, Will. What we did is done. Let’s just finish this and go home,” she said.

“A mistake? It was a fucking revelation. You can act as high and mighty as you like now. You wanted me last night. Couldn’t get enough if I remember correctly-”

“Get a grip. Like you're God's gift?”

“Hardly. Wouldn't be nearly as interesting, would it? So, what now? You go back to your tidy little life? You go back to treating me like dirt till the next time you get an itch you can't scratch? Look at me. You felt something last night. Girl’s like you don’t give it up without it meaning something. Be honest, Liz. What do you feel?” I asked, holding my breath.

She pinched the bridge of her nose and murmured quietly, “It was just sex, Will.”

“What? You expect me to believe you used me? Is that what Elizabeth Summers really is like? You were just looking for a bit of the ol’ rough and tumble. Wanting someone experienced to show you the ropes?”

“You don’t know me at all,” she ground out.

“Oh, not liking the tarnish on your squeaky clean image? I agree, apparently I don’t know you. You want to reduce what happened between us to cheap meaningless sex? Fine. You remember it that way,” I told her as I approached her, pinning her between my body and the bathroom wall. I leaned closer still and inhaled her scent, whispering into her ear, “I’ll remember how right you felt beneath me, how excited you made me feel, the way you sighed when I slid inside of you, the look in your eyes-so open and vulnerable-when you asked me to tell you that I loved you. You were right there Liz, right with me. You expect me to believe-”

She pushed me away, tears in her eyes, “Believe what you want. I can’t continue with this. It’s wrong. You’re wrong. You’re not the kind of guy-”

I’d heard enough. It had been a long time since a woman had gotten under my skin like she had, a hell of the long time. And it had been even longer since I’d admitted it. Loves bitch. I held my hand up, nodded and said, “Enough. You’re right. You get ready, I’m gonna pack up my stuff. When this is over I’m leaving. I won’t be coming back here. My reports are up to date, everything but for tonight. I’ll get that in later.”

“We could work on it tomorrow,” she said, nervously.

I couldn’t help it, I smiled. “You’re better at this than you think. That wouldn’t be so easy for me. I need a bit of distance. I have some time coming. I think I’m gonna get away for a while, recharge the ol’ batteries, drink a tremendous amount of alcohol, maybe get a tattoo.”

“Where are you going to go?” she asked, looking a bit worried.

“What do you care?” I challenged her.

“I…don’t” she replied, her voice barely audible.

I nodded and turned to leave.

“Will? Tell me, was I…good?” she asked just as my hand settled on the doorknob.

Time to get your rocks back, I thought to myself. I swallowed hard, squared my shoulders, and turned to face her, “You fucked me like a real pro, Liz. You’re quite the little actress. Had me convinced that…well…nevermind. It doesn’t matter now, does it? It was just sex.” I didn’t stay around long enough to register her reaction. As soon as I’d said my piece I opened the door, and walked out.

“Enough!” I ground out. “I don’t want to hear about it. I don’t know if you can comprehend this… But I loved that woman,” I told Anika gesturing towards the bedroom. “I love her still! Seeing her…like this…”

“Sometimes,” said Anika stepping closer to me and lowering her voice, “a person does something because they see no other way, they have no other choice. When you love someone-”

“There are always choices,” I told her bitterly as I walked out of the room to get the tray of supplies. I returned to the bathroom with it, opened up the packet of blood and poured it over my hands into the sink. I unpacked the suture kit, dipped one of the sutures into the blood and dropped it back onto the tray. I partially wiped my hands on one of the pristine white bath towels and then soaked up the remaining blood with the two hand towels. I dropped the towels onto the tray, removed the disinfectant and gauze, and then headed for the door. I knocked abruptly.

“What are you-” Anika started to asked, glancing back at Elizabeth, who’d returned to her bed and was lying there in a fetal position. I held up my hand. It was time to take some control. I had to get some distance between this place and Elizabeth. I had to get her out of here, and the first step towards doing that was to clean her up, let her rest, and to get some food into her. In her current state she was obviously too weak to think rationally, never mind travel. The door opened.

“We need more towels,” I told Estephan thrusting the tray towards him. He looked down at the blood soaked towels and paled. He glanced down at the child in his arms and then at the tray.

I traded burdens with the guard and added, “Also, bring us some broth. I’ll be staying. She’s lost a lot of blood and she’s horribly dehydrated and underweight.” I leaned forward and quietly asked, “Has she ever tried to kill herself before?”

Estephan’s eyes widened in panic and he shook his head.

“Anika,” I commanded, “come take the baby.”

I quickly handed the child to her, stepped out into the hall, and pulled Estephan aside. “She tried to kill herself?” he asked.

I nodded solemnly. “Have you any idea why she would want to do that?”

Estaphan listened to the sobs coming from inside the room and then looked at me nervously. “I have to lock you inside. Anika and the child shouldn’t be here, if he ever found out, he would kill me.”

I nodded my agreement. “I don’t need Anika any longer. She can leave. If Miss Ana isn’t stable by morning I might need Barto to relieve me. I’ll let you know.”

“Do you have any children, doctor?” asked Estephan.

“No,” I replied, wondering where this was going. “You?”

“Four,” he said as he unlocked the door and opened it. “And I have another on the way, perhaps you’ll deliver him?”

I stepped back into the room and turned to face him. “Perhaps. You’ll be back with some broth? I may have to start an IV.”

“Yes, I’ll return shortly” nodded Estephan. “But, I have a feeling she’s already got the best medicine she could ever have. Anika, you be back tomorrow by sundown and never a word about this. You understand?”

I watched as Anika ran past me, giddily, and gave Estephan a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you,” I heard her say as Estephan started to pull the door to.

“Wait!” I shouted out, realizing that her arms were empty. “Your baby!”

I glimpsed Anika turning around, just before the door closed and the lock turned. She said something, but her words through the heavy door were muffled and indiscernible.

“Estephan!” I called out, lifting my hand to knock on the door.

“No! Please! It’s been months!” Liz cried out as she clamped her hand around my wrist, her grip surprisingly strong. I stepped away from the door and looked down at her, cradling the child in the crook of one arm as he slumbered peacefully.

“Can you hold him? My milk, it’s tainted. I need to express it,” she said. “If I push fluids I’ll be able to feed him in the morning.”

“He’s…yours?” I asked, stupidly as I lowered by hand.

She shook her head, placed the child into my arms, looked away shyly and said, “No, he’s ours.”

Chapter 8

I sat on the floor, my back up against the door, and my child in my arms. My child. My son. I looked down and studied his face. Tears I didn’t expect blurred my vision of him. Tears brought on by emotions I was unprepared for. My throat constricted and my heart clenched. I opened my mouth, and gasped for air. Laughter bubbled up inside of me as I struggled to repress the urge to beat my chest and yell like Tarzan. Stupid, I know. I mean, people pro-create all the time. They’ve been doing it for hundreds of years. It’s not much of a miracle at all. Not really. That’s what I used to think.

I shook my head at the irony of it, father was right. It did only take once. In the 20 or so years that I’d been having sex, I’d had unprotected sex once. Once. And here I was, holding the results in my arms. I’ve made my share of mistakes, of poor choices, of impulsive decisions. Never had the result been so…perfect.

I leaned down and pressed my lips softly to the tip of my son’s nose. He smelled like baby powder and fresh apples. I pulled back and ran my hand over the crown of his head, fingering his fine light brown curls and trying desperately to remember his name and the color of his eyes. Suddenly I wanted to know everything about him, to be everything to him.

“It wasn’t just sex,” I assured him, or maybe I was assuring myself.

I was vaguely aware of the dull humming coming from the bathroom. It sounded like a compressor. The steady rhythm was lulling. I closed my eyes for a moment and listened. My mind drifted and I found myself wondering if my dental insurance covered braces and if I had indeed taken out the maximum allowable for Accidental Death and Dismemberment. I worked in a high-risk profession, after all. I thought, perhaps, I should rethink my career choice; maybe move on to something safer, research librarian for instance, or telemarketer. I decided that I would learn about the food pyramid, start recycling, and stop swearing. I imagined scraped knees and first steps, swimming lessons, baseball games, and car pools…but using my convertible. No van. No way. A guy has to draw the line somewhere.

I looked down upon my son. Seeing him for what really felt like the first time. He looked so peaceful asleep in my arms, his lips slightly parted, his left fist clenching and flexing as if he were itching to hit something. I smiled at the image. He probably wanted to hit me, for taking so damn long to get here.

“I would have come sooner,” I whispered as I watched him, his shallow breathing causing his chest to rise and fall almost imperceptibly. “I tried to find her,” I told him, feeling the need to explain and wanting absolution for having failed him already.

I started to anticipate all the ways I’d likely disappoint him in the future, all of the wrong decisions I’d make, the bad calls. I felt the need to remove all of his clothes, to count his toes, inspect his parts, and then wrap him in Kevlar. That’s normal, right?

I stood up and walked over to the large canopy bed with him. As I propped pillows up against the headboard I began to think about my family. The cancer my mother was fighting. The heart attack my grandfather died of. The fact that my cousin Frank’s oldest was born with cerebral palsey. Then there were my sister Molly’s two monsters, I mean children. They were both struggling in school and severely hyperactive.

I remembered the last time I had had dinner with Molly, Simon and the boys. At one point during the evening I was caught red-handed, my finger trained on the eldest, ready to shoot. Molly wasn’t amused. Not even when I explained my finger represented a tranquilizer gun, not a real gun. Molly didn’t permit guns in the house she informed me. Not of any kind. Not even toy guns. While the boys rolled around on the floor and pummeled each other with their bare fists, she patiently explained to me how guns promote violence.

I hadn’t even registered that the room had become suddenly quiet. I felt the brush of her robe against my arm as she came to stand beside me.

“Penny for your thoughts?” she offered.

“I was just thinking about how horrid my genes are,” I told her as I climbed onto the bed and patted the space next to me, inviting her to sit down.

“I like the blue. It’s a nice change,” she said as she reached over and gently rubbed the back of our son’s hand with her index finger. “Can I hold Djavan?”

“I wasn’t talking about my pants. He’s healthy, right? I mean, I was thinking… In my family there’s heart disease, cancer, all sorts of-” I began.

“Anika says he’s been just fine. Besides, you’re as healthy as a horse,” she said.

“I used to stutter and wear big thick glasses,” I confessed.

“I don’t believe you,” she yawned, tiredly as she climbed up onto the bed and stretched out alongside me. “Clearly you’re making that up.”

“It’s true,” I assured her, turning to face her.

She looked deep into my eyes and observed, “But you don’t wear contacts.”

“Laser surgery,” I admitted her.

“I bet all the girls thought you were adorable,” she teased. I could just tell that she was imagining the entire pitiful package. “When we get home I want to see pictures.”

“Never,” I laughed.

She shrugged. “I’ll just have to bribe your mother. I’m sure you have one. Can I hold Djavan?” she asked again looking uncomfortable as she shifted her position. “This is only the third time I’ve seen him. A-Angel took him from me right after he was born.”

“Here, baby,” I said as I shifted him into her arms. “Djavan. Van. Van Barrows. It works.”

“Anika named him,” she said quietly.

“We can change it,” I told her. “What were you going to name him? Did you know it was going to be a boy? I’ve got so many questions.”

I watched as she arched her back and winced. “You’re in pain.”

She shook her head. “It’s alright. I’m used to it.”

“It’s not alright. I should have been with you through this. I should have been here. I should have been here to protect you from him,” I told her. She looked away, abruptly and suddenly I found myself filled with dread.

“Are you in love with him?” I managed to choke out. “Are you in love with Angel?”

She turned back to face me, her eyes wide. “What? No!”

I leaned my forehead against hers, and sighed in relief. “It’s going to be alright. Rest now, baby. Tomorrow we’ll figure out how to get out of here, all three of us.”

“No, I can’t rest.” she said, shaking her head. “There are things that need to be said. I’ve had a lot of time to think and… Are we okay, Will?”

I reached up and traced the outline of her lips with my fingertips, remembering what it felt like to kiss her. “No. You need to apologize some more. As a matter of fact, I think some good old-fashioned groveling is in order. And you need to explain how things got so turned around between us. Rupert wouldn’t tell me where you were. Your sister and Willow didn’t know. I came close to losing my mind. And…what the hell has gone on between you and Angel?”

“All that?” she asked me as she dramatically fluttered her long lashes. “I was kind of hoping that I could just tell you that I was sorry and that you’d wrap your arms around me and kiss me. I-”

I pulled back and studied her for a moment. “Think you can win me back with sweet talk and a flutter of your eyelashes, do you? I’m not going to just let you whack me back and forth like a rubber ball. I’ve got my pride you know.”

“I understand,” she said, turning away.

I cupped her cheek in the palm of my hand and guided her face up so that I could search her eyes, “Clearly you don’t. The whole ‘having my pride thing’ was just a smokescreen. You don’t need to win me back. You never lost me.”

“Really?” she said, her eyes filling with tears.

“Really,” I told her with absolute conviction. “Partners?”

“Partners,” she said as I wrapped my arm around her shoulder. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” I admitted freely as I placed a kiss on the top of her head.

“Will?” she asked, quietly.

I didn’t want to move. It felt so good to have her in my arms again, “Hmmm?”

She nervously fiddled with the blanket that Djavan was swaddled in. “You were right. It wasn’t just sex that night. I know that now. I probably knew it then, deep down. I was too busy being afraid and stupid to realize it.”

I couldn’t help smiling. “Afraid, that I’ll give you. Stupid? No. You saw me pretty clearly. For the most part, I’m still that guy. Don’t put me on a pedestal.”

“Where did you go when you left?” she asked me.

“Mexico,” I told her.

“Did you really go there, drink too much, and get a tattoo?” she asked me.

I shrugged my shoulders carelessly, “What’s too much?”

She lifted her head from my shoulder and scowled at me.

“Okay. Yes,” I replied.

“You got a tattoo?” she gasped. “Can I see it?”

“Nope,” I told her. “I’m shy.”

She laughed. It was music to my ears.

“I meant it, you know,” I said as her laughter died down. “I meant it that night when I told you that I loved you.”

“Will,” she began, worrying her bottom lip.

I held up my hand. “You don’t need to say anything. You don’t need to say it back. I just wanted you to know.”

“I’ve had sex with Angel,” she said, quietly.

I wanted to say something. I should have said something. I just didn’t know what to say. The thought made me feel sick to my stomach and more than a little homicidal.

She looked away, shame and guilt evident on her face. I remembered Anika’s words from earlier and then felt like an idiot. Her obvious emotional pain broke my heart and I cursed myself for being so insensitive.

Elizabeth stood up and shifted Djavan to her left shoulder as she began to pace back and forth in front of the bed. I scrambled after her.

“That night,” she said to me, “you told me, ‘Girls like you don’t give it up without it meaning something’. I never gave it up, Will. Not to him. I’ve got the scars to prove it. I may have had sex with him. I never gave myself to him. I never-”

I grasped her head between my hands and kissed her softly on the lips before leaning down and nuzzling the back of my son’s head. There would be time later to think of vengeance. I forced myself to think about Christmas and puppies, the softness of Elizabeth’s lips and Van’s fine hair. I wrapped my arms around the two of them and whispered in her ear, “I wish that I could just hold you and kiss you and make it all better. I wish that I could make love to you and take away all the pain. But I know it’s not that simple. I don’t pretend to know or understand what you’ve been through, but I want to know. I want to understand.”

“The girl you remember, she doesn’t exist anymore. You won’t look at me in the same way,” she said quietly.

“It’s okay, Liz. I don’t need to. I don’t want to. You’re not the same. Don’t leave me in the dark,” I begged.

She nodded and walked toward the entrance to the balcony. She stood in the doorway, the edges of her robe fluttering in the warm night’s breeze. “Everything here has been so hard, and dark, and violent, everything I feel, everything I come in contact with. It all happened so fast. I got in way over my head. Just getting through the next moment, and the one after that, it was all I could do after a while. I was so afraid all the time, knowing what was at risk, wondering if I was being punished, if I somehow deserved it, knowing what I'd lost, believing I would never see you again…”

She turned back to face me. A blanket of silence fell over the room. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. It seemed that time stood still for a moment and then folded back on itself, stretching out, lengthening in endless loops like it does when you’ve dropped a glass or when a bullet’s been fired in your direction. I held my breath as she finished.

“…that I would never have the chance to tell you that I love you.”

Chapter 9

I held the door open as Estephan entered pushing a cart. “The cook prepared some food for you as well. Anika dropped off these things for Djavan. I suspect it’s going to be a long night. How is she?”

I glanced over at the bed. Elizabeth lay in repose, having just moments before drifted off to sleep. One arm was tucked protectively around Van. Her other arm hung off of the edge of the bed. Her wrist was wrapped in a gauze bandage with dots of blood evident.

“She’s resting now. She’s still weak, probably will be for a few days. She hasn’t talked about it yet. She hasn’t said why she did it. I think she should be moved to a hospital where-”

He shook his head, adamantly. “No. No hospital.”

“She needs treatment and supervision,” I argued.

He picked his gun up off the table and said with conviction, “You will supervise her.”

“I’m afraid that’s impossible,” I told him as I followed him to the door.

He turned towards me pointing the barrel of the gun at the center of my forehead and quietly repeated, “You will supervise her.”

Suddenly Estephan seemed to possess a desperate edge. I could practically smell the fear rolling off of him. “She’s going to be alright,” I assured him. “She’s almost out of the woods physically. There’s psychological damage though, it’s obvious there’s been a fair amount of trauma, of abuse.”

“She can’t die,” he said, his hand now shaking. “He left me in charge of her. I have a family. They need me.”

“Then it wouldn’t be wise to shoot me now, would it?” I asked him.

He lowered his gun and stepped back, reaching for the doorknob, “If she dies, so do we all. Do you understand? You, me, Djavan…I have a family.”

“I understand,” I told him. “You have a family.”

“No,” he replied, shaking his head. “You don’t understand. This goes beyond anything you could possibly imagine. I go home sometimes unable to comprehend the cruelty, the madness. I have to stand outside and listen to her screams. But, the nights where she is silent? That is almost worse, wondering if he’s tamed her, broken her, maybe killed her.”

“Look,” I told him, “you realize how fucked up this is, don’t you? I know I’m an outsider here, but…you’re talking about the woman like she’s a horse.”

“Doctor,” replied Estephan speaking slowly, “make no mistake. I am loyal. He takes care of me and provides for my family. She is his property. Like everything that you see here, she belongs to him. Don’t forget that and don’t get attached.”

“Don’t get attached,” I scoffed as I lifted my fist to knock on her front door. It was one of my rules, one I had broken without even realizing it. I had spent two weeks in Mexico trying to convince myself that she didn’t matter, that I hadn’t fallen in love with her. During those two weeks I had relived our last day together over and over. I’d see it all again…do something different, dozens of times, lots of different ways. This time as I knocked on her door I was prepared. I knew just what I was going to say to her. The note I had found pinned to my door, which simply said, “Can we talk?” gave me the final bit of courage that I needed.

“Hello, Red!” I said as Willow answered the door.

“Will?” she said, sounding a bit alarmed and turning on the porch light. “Is something wrong?”

I had come straight from the airport. I hadn’t even bothered to step foot into my apartment. Once I read the note I just tossed my bag inside and drove to her house. Suddenly I realized that I probably looked like something the cat had dragged in. I ran my hand over the stubble on my face and admitted, “I probably should have taken the time to clean myself up before attempting this. Maybe you should pretend you haven’t seen me yet. I’ll run home, shower, shave, and then come back.”

Willow looked a bit nervous. “She’s not here. Come in,” she said, quietly.

“Where is she?” I asked as I walked into the house.

“Working,” she answered as she looked over her shoulder towards the kitchen. “She should be home tomorrow morning.”

“I noticed you’re not calling me Spike. I’m guessing she told you everything. Best friend loop-hole?” I asked her.

“Barrows? Thought I recognized the voice. You don’t look so good, man,” said Riley Finn who suddenly emerged from the kitchen.

“Finn,” I answered as I walked up to him and shook his hand. Riley Finn was a by-the-book agent. He had military experience. He was a staunch conservative. He was always talking about how much he loved his church, and worse, he kept trying to get me to go there with him. This guy drank milk with his lunch, which he brown-bagged. Everyday. Without fail he was respectful to his superiors and he held doors open for the ladies. His cotton shirts were always starched to perfection and white. He annoyed the hell out of me. “What are you doing here?”

“Liz and I made a date last week to go out for coffee. I guess she forgot to call and cancel. Willow was just explaining that she was working tonight. Looks like I’m free. Want to go shoot some pool?” he asked.

“A date?” I repeated, unable to fully wrap my brain around that fact.

“No!” interjected Willow waving her hands frantically. “It wasn’t a date, it was just talking… over coffee. She was thinking of applying for a transfer and wanted to know what it was like working for Walsh. She was thinking that moving to research would allow her to travel less.”

“I thought it was a date,” said Riley, looking a bit confused. “When I told her we could have coffee tonight I distinctly remember her saying, ‘It’s a date!’”

“To talk,” I repeated looking at Willow.

“It was just coffee,” she said to Riley obviously irritated. “What are you doing here?” she then asked turning towards me.

“Well initially I had planned on groveling to win back the girl. Now it appears I’m merely humiliating myself,” I said as I turned to go.

“Will, wait!” called out Willow following me out onto the porch. “You came to apologize?”

I turned to face her. “Wait? Are you kidding? She’s obviously moved on, luv. You did notice Captain Cardboard in there, right?”

Willow walked up to me, and looking down at the floorboards, quietly said, “You should have been there when she woke up. That night…it was special to her. She thought it was the beginning of something. She began to believe your lies, to confuse the fantasy the two of you had created-”

I looked up at the night sky, took a deep breath, and plunged ahead. “I never lied to her. Not once. That night…it meant something to me too. Look, I’m not sure how things got so…wrong. Tell her I came by. Tell her…” I looked down at my shoes, searching for inspiration. Everything that I had planned to say before seemed inadequate. “Tell her that for the past two weeks I’ve thought of nothing but wanting to make love to her again. Tell her that I want to be the guy who’s there in the morning. Tell her I miss her. Can you do that for me, Red?”

Willow worried her bottom lip for a moment then looked up, “Wow. You’re good. I mean, gay here and you’ve got me… Yeah. I can do that.”

“I have to leave tomorrow night, on a new assignment. It’s deep undercover. I don’t know exactly how long I’ll be gone, maybe a few months. I’ll be home until 10:00, then I’ll need to head for the airport,” I told her glancing back again inside. Then I asked, “Am I too late?”

“Will, it was really just coffee,” said Willow giving me a hesitant smile.

I nodded. “Right. Course it was,” I said with false confidence.

“Thanks for the help.”

“She was happy when she was with you,” she said. “I want Buffy to be happy. She deserves that.”

“I’ll do my best,” I told her.

“Well, don’t screw up. And, remember, if you hurt her, I will beat you to death with a shovel,” she said with quiet conviction.

I felt my heart rate increase a bit. Her gaze was unwavering. She suddenly reminded me of my father. “When did you get so scary?”

“A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend,” she said matter-of-factly then she smiled sweetly. “I’m afraid I have to go and explain the non-date thing again.”

I waved, wished her luck, and watched as she walked back into the house and slowly closed the door.

Chapter 10

I ate in silence, trying to think through our various options. Problem was, I didn’t have enough information…or time. The stakes had suddenly become incredibly high. I knew that I couldn’t afford to be paralyzed with fear, but that’s exactly how I felt as I sat there looking at the two of them, sleeping soundly, peacefully. It was as if they were counting on me to protect them. No, it was as if they trusted me to protect them. How the hell was I going to avoid letting them down?

I bent over to remove my boots and socks, dropping them alongside the chair. Then I walked over to the end of the bed and carefully crawled up its length, studying her face for signs of wakefulness. As soon as I stretched out alongside them she shifted closer to me, tucking her head under my chin. I draped my arm over her waist and allowed myself the luxury of enjoying the feel of her in my arms with our son nestled between us.

“I don’t want morning to come,” she whispered quietly. “I want to stay like this forever.”

“It’s a couple of hours away still. Sleep while you can,” I told her as I let my fingers slip through her silken hair. “You’re hair is longer. It’s beautiful.”

Liz lifted her head and searched out my eyes. She swallowed and said, “That feels nice.”

“What?” I asked, puzzled.

She closed her eyes. “Your touch,” she said, as tears leaked from the corner of her eyes. “It’s so tender.”

“I’m not going to let him hurt you,” I promised as I pulled her closer to me and brushed my lips tentatively across hers. “Not ever again.”

I felt it as her lips parted. They were trembling slightly and contained the finest hint of salt from her tears. Her breath was warm and spilled into my open mouth as she begged, “Make me forget?”

I pulled away from her, scooped Van up into my arms, and then turned to deposit him on the far side of the bed, surrounding him with pillows and kissing the tip of his nose. “He’s got your nose,” I murmured as I shifted back over towards her.

I felt her relax underneath me as I kissed her lips softly.

“Oh, Will,” she whispered as she arched her back.

I continued to support my weight with my arms as I nipped at her earlobe and kissed her neck. I reached between us and untied the sash of her robe, opening it, baring her to me. I paused as I looked down upon her bathed in the moonlight. I tried to reign in the passion that I felt. Tried to control my desire, wanting to give her what she needed instead of merely taking what I wanted. My eyes settled on one of the bite marks over her left breast and I gently brushed my fingertips over it.

“I’m afraid I can’t make you forget,” I told her, honestly voicing my fear.

She reached up to caress the side of my face as she parted her legs, raising her knees, and hooking them around my hips. “Then make me remember.”

I slid down her body, licking and kissing every wound, every scrape, every bruise. I suckled at her breast as she laced her fingers through my hair and shuddered against me.

“Tell-t-t-tell me you love me,” she gasped.

I released the one nipple as I continued to palm the other, aroused beyond belief. My cock strained painfully against the zipper of my jeans. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to steady my breath.

“I love you, Liz,” I told her. “I’ve never stopped.” I felt her hand move down between us and reach for my belt buckle. I glanced over at our still-sleeping child then looked into her deep green eyes. I placed my hand on top of hers, stilling her movement. I watched as a flicker of doubt crossed over her features. “All these months, you’re all I thought about, dreamt about. What is this to you?”

Liz lifted her head off the pillow. As she leaned forward I lowered my mouth to hers. “Everything,” she said right before I captured her lips. I moved one hand behind the curve of her neck and snaked the other underneath her at the small of her back. Her kisses were amazing. They always had been. Passionate and yet tender, inspiring sweet languor, communicating hungry desire, familiar yet fresh. But most importantly, full of promise.

The world melted away as my tongue dipped inside her delicious mouth and softly stroked hers, exploring, reclaiming. I nibbled on her lips before pulling back to admire them now swollen from my kisses. Her chest was flush with passion and her eyes were filled with want.

I was vaguely aware of her hands at the waistband of my jeans, of the rasp of the zipper opening. My eyes rolled up and I gasped as I felt her hand surround my cock. She brushed her thumb across the head of my dick, rubbing in the beads of pre-cum and causing more to leak out. She guided me between her folds, up the path of her slit, and then down again. She was slick with need but I was suddenly uncertain, not wanting to hurt her, needing to know.

“You sure?” I asked her. “I want nothing more than to be inside of you right now. But I don’t want to hurt you I-”

She placed her fingertips over my lips. “Hush,” she said, glancing over towards Van and positioning me at her entrance.

I rested my forehead against hers and pushed inside, her velvet walls coating my cock with her juices. I bit my lip as she wriggled slightly underneath me. I rolled my hips in response, pulling out slightly before re-entering her. I set a pace of long, slow strokes, churning in time to the litany of nasty little words and phrases that were running through my head.

I hooked my hand under one knee and opened her wider so that I could push in deeper. “Fuck!” I gasped as I felt her begin to flutter around me. My outburst sounded horribly loud in the quiet of the room. I held my breath and stilled my movements.

Seconds ticked by as I listened. Once I was satisfied that Estephan wasn’t going to burst in on us and that Van remained asleep I turned my attention back to Liz. “Still with me?” she asked, somewhat breathless, her skin covered with a glistening sheen of sweat.

I had never imagined anything so beautiful and never felt anything so completely right. I lowered my head, kissed up the line of her jaw and over to her ear. I resumed my prior rhythm, reverently worshiping her as I quietly whispered, “Always, baby. Never going to be without you again. Come with me now. Come with me.”

Chapter 11

I emerged from the bathroom, a towel around my waist and another in my hand. Estephan was standing in the room, over by the bed. He turned to face me, his eyes comically wide and his face red with anger. “Are you crazy? What did you do? Are you trying to get us killed?” he hissed as he walked over to me, his gun pointed at my chest.

“Shh!” I countered, assuming a relaxed approach as I walked over to the bed and adjusted the sheet so as to cover Elizabeth’s nudity. “She had a rough night,” I told him quietly as I ran the towel over my still wet hair and headed back towards the bathroom in search of my jeans. “There’s a bit of infection. She was sweating and feverish. She could use a fresh nightgown. The one she was wearing was soaked through. And a change of sheets would be good,” I told him as I quickly slipped my pants back on.

“I can send up one of the maids,” he suggested.

“What are the chances of getting some clean clothes for me from the hotel?” I asked keeping my voice soft and my tone casual as I walked back into the bedroom.

“I suppose Anika can go,” he offered as he picked up the handset to the phone that sat atop the antique desk. “She can drop off your change of clothes when she picks up Djavan.”

“What do you mean? The child can stay. He should stay and-” I began trying to maintain a sense of detachment.

“The child can’t stay,” he said simply. “I don’t think Angel will be back until tomorrow night, but I’m not willing to risk it. Are you? He would snap his neck without a moment’s hesitation.”

“Estephan,” interrupted Elizabeth, a distinct edge to her voice.

“Yes, Ana?” he answered.

“Just give me a few more minutes,” she asked as she wiped the sleep from her eyes. “Djavan and I are just now waking up. Let me feed him?”

“You have until Anika gets here,” he said as he dialed the phone. “She’ll go to the doctor’s hotel to get a change of clothes for him first. That should give you about an hour.”

“An hour,” she repeated as she sat up in bed, clutching the sheet to her breast. “It’s for the best, doctor. I know you’re only trying to help. He won’t be safe here once Angel returns.”

Suddenly I felt as if I were suffocating, trapped. I didn’t want to let Van out of my sight. I nodded and then walked over to the doors leading onto the balcony and opened them. The curtains that covered them fluttered in the warm breeze and brushed across my bare arm. I stepped across the threshold, walked over to the surrounding rail and looked down taking in the surrounding walls, the various buildings, the armed guards, the watchtower, and the heliport off in the distance. I breathed deeply of the fresh morning air as I looked out across the horizon. The sunrise was glorious. A spectacular golden hue reflected off of the high-level cirrus clouds and flooded sky. The color reminded me of the Creamsicles I used to love to eat in the summer as a kid, the ones that Molly and I would buy from the neighborhood ice-cream truck. I wondered if I would ever have the chance to introduce Van to the delicacy.

I looked down. My eyes rested on my hands as they grasped the rail. My forearms were trembling and my knuckles were white. Any beauty to be found in this place was nothing but an illusion I realized as I looked up again. I contemplated the number of mornings that Liz must have woken to this view, battered and bruised, fearful, lonely, isolated, separated from our child. It struck me that I had never been to a darker or more dangerous place, that I had never had more to lose. I vowed that I would do whatever I had to do to get us all out, that I would pay whatever price. I hoped it involved killing Angel. I wanted him dead and I wanted the satisfaction of doing it myself. I wanted it to be violent and bloody and horribly painful and…involving torture…possibly with rusty railroad spikes. I shuddered. I had never experienced bloodlust like this before. My desire for revenge was almost overwhelming in its intensity and it felt right, just.

I turned my attention towards Liz, watching as she cradled Van in her arms and wondering what she would think. Would she see me as a monster or a man, a killer or a hero? Truth was, I wasn’t sure myself. Maybe I’m a bit of both, I thought. Maybe we’re all a bit of both, given the right circumstances.

Liz offered her breast to Van. He turned away and began to cry. “What’s wrong?” she asked, anxiously.

Estephan finished giving Anika instructions and replaced the phone in its cradle. “He’s hungry. I’ll send breakfast up for the two of you. There are empty bottles in the bag Anika dropped off last night,” he said as he walked towards the door. “He’s used to the bottle. He won’t feed from you. Maria can make him some cereal and mashed apples.”

“Give me my hour, Estephan. Let me try. I’ll eat later, I promise,” she begged as the crying continued. “Please!”

“I’d like to get some lab-work done on her this morning. She can eat after I do the blood-draw. It would be better. Why don’t we make a quick run to the supply room? I’ll get what’s needed, we’ll give Ana a bit of privacy and she can try to breastfeed. What do you say? I’ll just grab my shirt and-”

“Very well,” agreed Estephan.

I quickly retrieved my shirt from the bathroom, slipping it on as I moved swiftly to join him at the door. A plan was forming in my head. It wasn’t the best plan I’d ever come up with, but it was all I had at the moment. There were holes to be filled however, and in order to do that I’d need help.

Before leaving for Brazil I had studied everything that the agency had accumulated on Angel, but it hadn’t begun to prepare me for the kind of man he was. The kind of man I might have to pretend to be in order to get close to him, in order to get him to trust me.

Chapter 12

“Estephan’s right,” she said as I was let back into the room. “He won’t feed. Maybe I’m doing something wrong?”

I sat the supplies that I was carrying on the bedside table, climbed onto the bed and wrapped my arm around Liz’s shoulder. “Has he latched on at all yet?”

“No,” she said, her lower lip quivering as she shifted Van in her arms. “He won’t stop crying. I’ve already tried changing him.”

“Come here,” I said as I reached for Van and brought the inconsolable child to my chest. I paced back and forth in front of the bed adding a bounce to my step and patting his back. As his crying slowed down I kissed his head and said, “You’re just hungry. Aren’t you buddy? Let’s try again, shall we?”

I looked over at Liz. “Breathe,” I told her. “Relax.”

“He likes you better than he likes me,” she said petulantly.

“Oh, pouty! Look at that lip. What?” I asked as I leaned down, placing the shell of my ear close to Van’s head, pretending to listen. “I agree.”

Liz rolled her eyes and held out her arms. “Suck up!” she accused as she took him from me. She held him close so that his tummy faced hers. “You hungry?” she asked him as she supported her breast with one hand and brushed her nipple across his lips. I watched, holding my breath, as my son opened his mouth like a little bird. He latched on, took a couple of half-hearted pulls, and then cried out in frustration batting at Liz’s breast.

I crouched down next to the side of the bed and placed my hand at the small of her back. “Maybe he’s more of a leg man.”

“That’s not funny,” she said.

“I’m sorry. I feel helpless, sweetheart. I wish I had paid more attention to my sister Molly when she was struggling with feeding Hank, her first. She had a horrible time of it. If this is important to you then-” I stopped mid-sentence knowing what I had to say. What I had to do and screwing up the courage to simply do it.

“You have a sister?” she asked.

“Willow’s friend, Tara, reminded me of her a bit,” I said as I stood up and walked over to the bag, reaching in and pulling out a bottle.

I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Liz. We just don’t have the time for this. I wish we did, but we don’t. We’ve got to be strong. We’ve got to stay focused. We’ve got about forty-minutes to figure out what the hell we’re going to do. How we’re going to convince Estephen to let Van stay.”

“We’re not,” she said as she climbed out of bed, handed over our son and took the bottle from me. “I’m going to pump. Then I’m going to feed him and get him ready for Anika.”

“What? Liz!” I said as I followed her into the bathroom.

She was standing in front of the sink. She had slipped on a long silk robe and was in the process of pulling her hair back. She turned to face me. I watched as she swallowed hard, her eyes darting away.

“I attracted his attention almost immediately,” she began.

“What happened?” I asked, needing to know, not wanting to hear. I balanced Van on one hand and raised him high into the air in an attempt to distract him. His eyes widened in surprise. He smiled down at me, a big toothless grin.

“On my third night singing at the club he invited me to dinner. No, he informed me that he was going out of town for a few days, but that upon his return he would send for me to dine with him,” she said. “He’s used to getting what he wants, taking what he wants.”

“I need to know what he’s capable of,” I told her honestly, as I grabbed a hand towel and wiped the blob of drool that was threatening to fall down into my face. “We can’t afford a miscalculation.”

“He’s capable of more than you can imagine,” she said.

I lowered Van back down, resting him on my hip, and then turned towards Liz. I reached up to cup her cheek and brushed my thumb across her lips, “I’m not going to let him hurt you again. Not ever. He may be capable of doing horrendous things. He may have done horrendous things. But he’s only a man.”

She closed her eyes, leaned into my hand, and confessed, “Sometimes I’m not so sure.”

“Be sure of this,” I told her, lifting her chin so that she could look me in the eye. “I will kill him before I let him lay a finger on either you or Van.”

“He will use Van against us,” she told me, shaking her head as she set up the breast pump. “That’s why he’s better off with Anika.”

“Explain,” I said, watching her in fascination. “Are you sure that’s safe?” I asked eying the machinery warily.

“Perfectly,” she said as she sat down on her vanity chair. “Please don’t watch. I feel like a cow.”

I hopped up on the counter and offered her a wink. No way was I going to miss this. “Sexiest cow I’ve ever seen.”

“You’re a sick man,” she laughed. It was music to my ears. She flipped the switch on the pump and placed a suction cup on each of her tits. “Did you just call me a cow?” she asked looking up at me, scowling.

I ignored her question and watched as the little vials connected to the suction cups seemed to magically fill with a thin milky substance. Her eyes connected with mine. “You’re staring,” she informed me, like I didn’t know.

“I’m finding this strangely arousing,” I admitted as I shifted slightly and tugged at the crotch of my jeans.

Liz looked away and murmured something. I was unable to hear her over the sound of the pump. “What’s that, baby?”

She finished in silence and then reached over and turned off the pump. I waited as she poured the milk she had just pumped into the bottle and offered it to me. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not seeing you clearly. I’m sorry for the things I said in the bathroom that night, for denying my feelings, for not being brave enough to hold onto what I wanted.”

“And what you want is?” I asked her as I handed her our son. “Hop up,” I suggested as I spread open my legs and patted the space in between.

“Why is it we’re always having the important conversations in bathrooms?” she asked as she turned around and maneuvered herself so that she was sitting between my legs.

I pulled her back against my chest, leaned over her shoulder and handed her the bottle. “He’s beautiful,” I whispered as I watched him eagerly drink down the milk. “When did you find out? Is that why you left me the note saying you wanted to talk?”

“No. I didn’t know then. I…I simply missed you,” she said. “I didn’t find out until I was here, until I was trapped. It was too late to get out. That night, the night I had dinner with Angel, it was both the beginning and the end. He kept touching me. His hands were like ice. They were rough and demanding and…not yours. I pushed him away. I… flinched. He didn’t like it. He…”

Her voice drifted off. I waited, my stomach in knots, my heart pounding so loud I could hear the roar of my blood rushing in my ears. “He what?”

“He… hurt me,” she said quietly. “Do we have to talk about this?”

“I’m afraid so, kitten,” I answered, aching inside.

“I don’t remember much. I guess I went into shock. When he hit me the first time I fell onto a glass coffee table. I remember hearing it shatter. I was cut and bleeding. The punches and kicks kept coming, and then…You’re hurting me,” she said, looking back over her shoulder.

I immediately relaxed my arms, loosening my embrace and releasing my hold on her. “I’m sorry.”

After a long pause I swallowed hard and said it, “He raped you.”

Liz nodded. “I’m not sure how many times…or… I lost track. I drifted in an out of consciousness for a few days. I was tied up. He has a room somewhere in the house where he… I came to there. I was alone. It was dark and cold. I was in so much pain. I thought he had left me to die, but then Anika came.”

“To rescue you?” I asked.

Liz shook her head. “To teach me what I needed to do to please him. To teach me what I needed to do to stay alive. I had several broken ribs and… other injuries. She convinced Estephan to call Barto. They moved me here, into this room, into this prison. I begged him to give me the morning after pill, to test me for STD’s, to get me out of there. He wouldn’t. He was too afraid of him, like everyone else.”

“He’s on the list,” I told her. “Go on.”

“What list?” she asked as she handed me the now empty bottle. “You’re not going to do anything stupid or…wrong…or…stupid. Please don’t get killed or thrown in jail. That would be just like you-”

I placed my index finger over her lips and assured her, “I won’t do anything stupid. I promise. Barto found out you were pregnant?”

Liz nodded, “He examined me, took blood and urine samples, treated my injuries and left. Anika came back the next day and the next and the next. She…offered instruction. On the forth day she told me Barto had informed her I was pregnant, a few weeks pregnant. I remember it like it was yesterday. I looked down at my still flat stomach and sensed…nothing. I felt nothing. It all seemed so surreal. Anika said she knew someone…someone who could take care of it. But I couldn’t…do that. We had a week remaining until Angel was to return. We spent every minute planning. Beyond all else, I needed to keep the baby safe. I knew… I needed…”

“You passed the child off as his,” I said, feeling irrational betrayal followed by an immediate sense of guilt.

“I waited. I watched. But the opportunity to escape that I hoped for never came,” she said forlornly.

“I never came,” I said, voicing out loud what I knew she was thinking. “I failed you.”

“No. I failed you,” she replied jumping off of the counter and handing Van back to me.

“You didn’t fail. You survived. Van survived. He’s safe. Sometimes,” I told her, repeating Anika’s earlier words, “a person does something because they see no other way, they have no other choice.”

“He took one look at Van’s piercing blue eyes and he knew,” she said as she caressed our child’s head. “He took him from me. He pulled him right out of my arms. I was so weak. I was on the verge of unconsciousness. ‘This never happened,’ he said as if he were making a proclamation. Then he left with him. It was days before I knew Van was even alive, months before I saw him again,” she finished.

I held Van out in front of me and watched as he placed both of his little feet firmly on my thighs pushed against me, and blew impressive raspberries.

“But he allowed it. Maybe we can re-create those circumstances somehow and-” I said thinking out loud.

“No,” interrupted Liz. “He only allowed it because he thought I was dying, and so did Barto. Angel really outdid himself that time. He had them call the priest. It was my last wish. I had lost so much blood. I had lost the will to go on. It all seemed like some horrible dream and I just… I wanted it to end. But Angel wasn’t being merciful. He merely wanted to remind me that I still had something to lose, something important.”

“Djavan,” I said as I followed her back into the bedroom.

“Yes. He brought Djavan into the room, this room. It was late at night and he was sound asleep. He looked so innocent, so peaceful. He had no idea of the danger he was in, but I did. ‘You’ll get better,’ Angel told me. ‘If you don’t, I’ll snap his neck and toss him in the grave with you. Is that what you want?’ I had no doubt he would do it. ‘You have a week. I have to go out of town on business. When I return there will be a party. I expect you by my side, beautiful and willing. I want my son. My son. That,’ he said, pointing to Van in disgust, ‘is a mistake easily corrected, never forget it.’”

“So, he’s been trying to get you pregnant,” I said as I lay across the bed, letting Van sit on my stomach.

“Anika got me birth control pills. I have them hidden inside the knob of the bedpost. I’ve been taken them religiously every morning,” she explained as she climbed on top of the bed, reached up, and unscrewed the round knob on top of the canopy.

After pulling out a wad of tissues she shook out a tiny pill, popped it into her mouth, and then replaced the knob.

“Anika will be here soon,” I told her. “We don’t have much time to get our stories straight. And, we’re going to need her help.” I handed her an empty plastic cup.

She stared at it and asked, “What do you want me to do with this?”

I covered Van’s ears and said, “Piss in it.”

“What are you thinking?” she asked me.

“You’re going to give Angel what he wants. You’re going to be pregnant. It’s going to be a fragile pregnancy and require you be on bed rest. It’ll buy us a bit of time,” I explained.

“I’m supposed to start my period in a few days,” she said.

“So, you keep taking the pills. We’ll suppress it,” I told her. “If we want to escape cleanly and safely there’s only one way.”

“I’m listening, Yoda.”

“Angel’s going to have to help us,” I told her.

“Right,” replied Liz as she reached up and rubbed her forehead. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Liz,” I began, sitting up and reaching out to her with one hand. “I don’t pretend to have all of the answers. I’m quite certain I don’t. We need to do this together. We’re a team, right? We’ll figure this out. You’re not alone anymore. Trust me?”

I watched, as she seemed to contemplate what I had just said. “I’m counting on you, to protect him,” she said solemnly.

The conviction in her voice was unmistakable, the meaning behind her intent undeniable. I’d never had so much requested or expected of me.

“’Till the end of the world,” I promised her, realizing that she was asking me to put our son’s safety above everything else, above hers, above mine. “Trust me?”

“Completely,” she said with seemingly absolute conviction and faith. “Completely.”

Chapter 13

“Let me get this straight,” said Anika, “you want me to get a urine sample from a pregnant woman?”

“Exactly,” I confirmed. “Then bring the sample to Barto and have him send it off to the lab for testing.”

Anika held out her hand.

“What?”

“Give her some money,” Liz said.

I reached into my back pocket, pulled out my wallet, and handed her a $100 bill.

“Thanks!” she said with a bright smile before turning on her heel and heading for the bathroom.

“Oh my God!” gasped Liz. “You’re pregnant! You’re pregnant and you didn’t say anything?”

Anika nodded vigorously. “Ten weeks, now. Alejandro thought we should hold off telling folks until I was further along.”

I watched as Elizabeth walked over to her and gave her a hug. “Congratulations!” she said as she placed her hand over Anika’s stomach.

“You’re going away, aren’t you?” Anika asked, as her eyes filled with tears. “Ana probably isn’t even your real name.”

Liz sighed. “We’ve been over this. There are things you are better not knowing.”

“I know. I mean it’s not like I would blame you. What, with Angel being… Angel, and Will having such a nice…pair of arms. It’s just…well… I’m going to miss you and Djavan and… Oh, good Lord! I’m feeling weepy again. For the past couple weeks I’ve just been crying at the drop of a hat, and I seem to want sex all the time. Poor Alejandro, he’s exhausted.”

“I’m so happy for the two of you,” Liz told her a hint of envy evident in her voice, “getting to share this together.”

“I understand it more now. Sex, I mean. I thought I understood before, but I was wrong. It’s not just about the pleasure. It's not just about two bodies smooshing together. It's about life. It's about making life,” said Anika.

“Yes,” agreed Liz as she glanced over towards us, Van and I. Her gaze locked with mine and a sense of mutual understanding passed between us.

“It's beautiful,” continued Anika. “It all makes me feel as if we're a part of something bigger, like I'm more awake somehow. You know? I suddenly have all these…feelings, and… Hold that thought, I’ve got to pee!”

I was on the floor with Van, holding his tiny hands in mine supporting him in a tenuous standing position. He squealed loudly and bounced up and down on his legs while shouting, “Da-Da-Da-Da-Da!”

“Did you hear that?” I asked wishing I had a camcorder to capture the moment.

Liz had already made her way over to us, dropping down alongside me. “Ma-Ma,” she prompted.

“Da-Da-Da-Da-Da!” squealed Van excitedly.

“Ma-Ma,” she again prompted.

Van’s legs gave way and he fell solidly on his bottom.

“Ba-Ba-Ba!” he shouted joyfully, completely unphased.

“Poo!” said Liz.

“Hey, now,” I admonished. “He’ll be chattering away soon enough. We’ll be sitting around longing for the day when he couldn’t form a sentence.”

“Will we?” asked Liz.

“Look what we did, Liz,” I said in awe as I reached up and cupped her face in the palm of my hand. “Let’s make more.”

She shoved me playfully and as I began to fall backwards I reached out with both hands to pull her down with me then rolled, settling between her legs. I leaned down and rubbed my cheek against hers. “You’re skin is so soft. You smell so good.”

I wanted her. Badly. I wanted to taste her. I wanted to explore her. I wanted to revel in the feel of her. I angled my hips, grinding my hardness into her. The way she closed her eyes, the way she licked her lips, the way she moaned and arched up…

“All set!” announced Anika as she emerged from the bathroom, specimen cup in hand. “I expect I’ll be back sometime tomorrow with the results.”

I quickly sat back up. Liz scrambled to her feet and scooped up Van.

Anika approached her, “We should be going.”

Liz didn’t respond, she held Van to her chest, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply. I tilted my head, beckoning Anika to gather Van’s things.

Liz walked over to the far corner of the room and sat on the chaise. Despite the scrutiny she appeared to be doing her best to steal a moment, to make up for lost time. “You’re beautiful,” she told him. “You’ve got you’re father’s eyes, so incredibly blue. I love you.”

“We’ll see him again soon,” I told her, trying to remain confident myself. I turned to Anika, reached for her hand and giving it a firm squeeze said, “You take good care of my son.” Suddenly this stranger was my lifeline.

She nodded. “As if he were my own. Just…don’t get me killed. I like my life now and I-”

We all froze in place as the deadbolt on the door released. “Angel will be calling back in five minutes. He expects to speak with you,” announced Estephen as he entered the room. “Anika, it’s time to go.”

“No!” exclaimed Liz taking a step backwards as she clutched Van to her breast.

I walked over to her, placed my hands on her shoulders, and softly said, “Ana, you need to get back in bed.”

She looked at me defiantly and opened her mouth, ready to object.

“Ana, please!” interjected Estephan.

I held my hand up to silence him and stepped closer to her, lowering my voice and leaning in to whisper in her ear. “I know this isn’t easy,” I told her. “I know you’re afraid you’ll never see him again, but you will. I promise. You will. Believe in me.”

I held my arms out, waiting for her to deposit our child into them. I was full of misgivings, full of doubts. Utter and complete terror probably best described it, actually. Yet, there was an underlying sense that things would work out, because they had to work out. I so wanted to hold him, kiss him, tell him that it wouldn’t be long…but I handed him off promptly and dispassionately to Anika.

“What does he know?” I asked Estephan, trying to shift focus back to the matter at hand. Trying to focus on the fact that Angel would be calling any minute.

He shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “I left messages asking him to call. I told him Ana required a doctor’s attention, that she seemed stable, but that you wanted to give him the details.”

“You told him that I wanted to give him the details?” I reiterated, a bit surprised.

“Chicken!” ridiculed Anika as she walked past him and out the door. “I’ll call you later, Ana.”

The phone on Liz’s desk rang.

“Go!” shouted Estephan waving Anika out of the room with his hand as he walked over and answered the phone. “Yes. Yes, sir. I called right away and left a message on your cell, I’ve left several. Right. Sorry. Yes…”

I watched, as Liz stood rooted to the spot, eyes wide, her breathing irregular, worrying her bottom lip. “It’s showtime,” I whispered to her, and then I cracked my neck, ran my fingers through my hair, walked over to Estephan, and reached for the phone.

Chapter 14

“This is Dr. James, we’ve been trying to reach you. Do you have a few minutes I have some questions-”

“Where’s Barto?” he interrupted.

“I’ve just joined his practice. He was… busy with someone else when this happened. He had taken the evening off and wasn’t in shape to treat anyone. Apparently it’s been quite some time since he’s had a day off,” I explained taking a tone meant to convey a mixture of impatience and contempt.

“You’re American,” he observed. “What kind of a doctor are you?”

I pulled out the chair to the desk and sat down. “I can assure you, I’m quite qualified. I’ve got diplomas and everything. Now, about my questions, I’m afraid that Ana isn’t being very forthcoming and if I’m going to help her I need to understand-”

“I’ll ask the questions,” growled Angel.

Before he could utter another word, I hung up.

“You-you hung up on him?” gasped Estephan.

I stood up and turned to face Liz. “In bed,” I told her.

“You hung up on him!” repeated Estephan.

“Do you think he’s noticed yet?” I asked right before the phone rang again. “Apparently.”

I picked the receiver back up, “Dr. James.”

“Did you hang up on me?” asked Angel in disbelief.

I sat back down, leaned lazily back in the chair and crossed my legs. “I’m very busy. If you aren’t going to be helpful don’t waste my time.”

Estephan began to wave his hands frantically. “Are you crazy?” he hissed.

Liz began to climb out of bed, looking quite frantic herself. “Stay put!” I mouthed as I listened to Angel begin to rant.

“You stupid, arrogant-”

I promptly hung up again.

Almost instantly it rang. Estephan moved to answer it and I blocked his approach. “Wait.”

I allowed it to ring three times and picked it up on the forth. “Stop hanging up on me!” he shouted.

“Are you going to answer my questions?” I asked patiently.

“What?” yelled Angel. “I told you I’ll-”

I disconnected. “Unbelievable. What an ass.”

When it rang again I looked at Estephan and told him, “I’m finished with him.” Then I walked out to the balcony, sat down, and opened up the book that I had started to read earlier, The Heart of Darkness, how appropriate.

I could hear Angel’s tirade from five feet away.

I felt the barrel of the gun press up against the base of my skull. “He wishes to speak with you.”

“Yeah?” I asked. “Well I don’t care to speak with him.”

“He’ll have me kill you. Be reasonable!” pleaded Estephan.

“He won’t kill me,” I said as I turned the page and continued to read.

“For now,” replied Estephan, lowering his gun.

“He needs me, and frankly, I have nothing left to lose, nothing but the little pride I have left. And that? That I’m holding onto. For now,” I agreed.

“You are either the bravest man I’ve met, or the stupidest,” chuckled Estephan, shaking his head and returning to the bedroom.

I smirked and followed him, picking up the phone, “Are we going to try this again?”

“Look, doctor. I realize that you are new in town. I’m a very powerful man. I’m used to getting what I want-” he began.

“Yeah. Well, this isn’t about you. Right now it’s about her. Has Ana ever tried to hurt herself before?” I asked him.

“Is she alright?” asked Angel. “What did she do?”

I covered the mouthpiece of the phone and said to Estephan, “I’d like some coffee.” I then turned my attention back to the conversation on the phone and continued. “She cut her wrists. It was a suicide attempt. That much is clear. She lost quite a bit of blood, actually. Then there’s the general condition her body is in. She’s exhausted, malnourished and scarred, emotionally and physically. If her condition doesn’t improve, and I mean drastically, there’s no way she’s going to carry the baby to term. I have grave concerns as it is. She needs…”

“Wait a minute, did you say baby?” interrupted Angel.

I sighed. “Yes. I’ll have the tests back tomorrow, but I’m pretty sure. Once more, I think she knows. She…well she seems to be suffering from the delusion that you’ll just take the child away. She’s quite convinced that she couldn’t bear it. She’s practically catatonic-”

“Let me speak to her,” he demanded.

I looked over at Liz who had risen from the bed the moment Estephan had left the room. She was standing next to me bent at the waist, trying to listen to what Angel was saying. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her onto my lap. “She’s resting now. Last night was a bit rough. She required a transfusion. She’s probably out of the woods, spotting isn’t terribly unusual in early pregnancy, especially when someone’s under so much stress and she was already de-conditioned.”

“Doctor, she mustn’t lose this baby. We’ve been trying for months,” said Angel. “Whatever is necessary? Do it!”

“There are some things we need to discuss, some changes that will need to happen. It’s quite apparent that you…have certain tastes…” I said, vaguely.

“What has she told you? It’s no matter. What I do in my bedroom is none of your business. I would tread lightly if I were you, doctor,” warned Angel.

I buried my head in the crook of her neck and slowly inhaled, trying to remain calm despite the images that were racing through my mind, images of the two of them together. “Look, you said that maintaining the pregnancy was important, you said do whatever is necessary. I’m telling you, she needs to heal. I’d recommend bed rest for the next week or so, and complete abstinence.”

“Abstinence? For how long?” growled Angel.

“We’ll have to see,” I replied non-committally. “If there’s no additional spotting or cramping, if the lab-work comes back normal, she can probably resume some degree of limited activity. I can come back and check on her in a few weeks.”

“A few weeks?” asked Angel. “That’s unacceptable, I’ll need a woman.”

“That’s a good idea, someone to stay close by in case something should happen, a mid-wife. I could be back here within an hour if necessary. I’ll leave my-”

“I was talking about a woman for me. Tell Estephan to arrange it and to make up a cot for you in the nursery, it’s adjacent to Ana’s room. You’ll stay. An hour is simply too long,” said Angel. “This way you’ll be close if she needs you.”

“I need you,” she whispered against the shell of my free ear as she placed her hand over the growing bulge in my jeans.

I smiled triumphantly and looked up at her. I reached up and pulled the band lose from her hair, running my hand through her golden tresses. “I’m not sure that-”

“You’ll stay,” he repeated. “You’ll stay for as long as I say you’ll stay. An hour’s time is too long. You’ll be paid for your service. Barto’s handled things on his own before, he can continue. Simply tell him it is my wish. Estephan will get you whatever you need.”

I brushed my thumb across Liz’s bottom lip and then slowly untied the sash of her robe. “I believe I have everything I need,” I told him as I traced the length of her collarbone and then reached down to cup one of her breasts.

“Fine,” said Angel. “I can trust that you’ll take care of Ana?”

I shifted Liz so that she straddled my thighs and tilted my hips up, grinding my erection against her. “She’s in good hands,” I told him as I rolled her nipple between my thumb and forefinger. “I promise I’ll take very good care of her.”

“I look forward to meeting you, doctor. You sound like an interesting fellow. We’ll dine together tomorrow night, the four of us, it’ll be a nice intimate dinner,” said Angel. “Tell my wife I should be home around seven. We’ll eat at eight.”

My eyes shot up to meet hers and she quickly looked away. “I’ll tell her,” I said slowly before I returned the handset to its cradle.

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