Chapter Ten: The Truth Hurts

That night, Spike came home to see Buffy asleep on the couch. He went to move her, but she awoke and stopped him. “Buffy, Luv, don’t you want to be with me?” He was hurt, and it was obvious.

“We can’t. This has to stop. We have to go back to normal.” She replied. She was willing to give up his loving to keep her dignity, and not disappoint him.

“Why?” He asked.

“Go to sleep Spike.” And when she was sure his bedroom door was closed, she began sobbing, but he knew.

*

The next week flew by, and despite Spike’s inquiries; Buffy had spent it on the couch. They didn’t share a kiss or touch the entire time, and it was slowly consuming him. It hurt…she’d given herself to him, and she was suddenly pushing him away. He didn’t understand what he did wrong.

Finally, Xander, Anya, Willow, and Tara came rapping at Spike’s door, just on time. It gave Buffy a chance to avoid him with good reason.

“You made it!” Buffy squealed, throwing her arms around both Willow and Xander.

“Oxygen is becoming a bit of an issue here, Buffy.” Willow said in a tight voice.

Buffy let go, and gave hugs to Tara and Anya. “How was the flight?”

“Interesting. Tiring.” Xander relied, looking around the living room at Spike’s DVD and CD collection. “You have some grade a stuff here, Bleach boy.” He said.

“Thanks whelp. You’re welcome to borrow anything, so long as I get it back.” Spike replied.

“So, Buffy, have you been able to get lots of orgasms from men in New York?” Anya questioned brightly.

Buffy glanced at Spike, her cheeks tinting pink when he lifted his brows at her with a cocky smile. “Nope…I give up on me.” She heard Spike growl, in a low tone.

“Are you becoming a lesbian then, like Willow and Tara?” Anya asked, looking at the two girls as they held hands and smiled at each other.

“Nope…just thinking about becoming a nun.” Buffy thought she was in a safety zone.

“I think you’re supposed to be a virgin. Since you haven’t had sex with Riley, I assume they’ll take you.” Spike coughed on the dirty blondes response, as well as Xander. Willow looked appalled, and Tara giggled, hiding her smile.

“Okay, then. Who wants to see my room?” Buffy asked, ignoring Anya’s openness. They gang followed her down the hall. She pushed open the door, and everyone gaped at a sleeping Angel, and his clothes and liquor bottles strewn around the room.

Spike was astounded at the new information he’d just received, as he sat on the couch. She didn’t give it to Riley, but someone had to have been there before…a long time ago.

“Buffy,” Willow whispered, wide eyes, “you’re not sleeping with Angel, or drinking…are you?”

“Nope. Just wanted to show you how he took over.” Buffy closed the door, and opened Spike’s. “I sleep here sometimes, or the couch.” She closed the door, again, and made her way in to the living room, plopping on the couch beside Spike.

“You kinda…scared me for a minute there.” Xander said.

“Y-you know, Buffy, we’re s-staying at my aunts house, a-and she has a spare bedroom if you want to spend some t-time here with us before you g-go.” Tara offered.

Spike’s face fell, as Buffy looked at him. Their eyes connected and she replied, “That sounds good.” A tightlipped smile crossed her face, and Spike felt his heart break.

*

She’d been in and out of Spike’s apartment for three days, taking her stuff back and forth to Tara’s aunt’s house. It was Saturday morning, and using her own key, she entered. She could hear the kitchen radio blasting, as a punk rock song played. She smiled to herself, and went in to see a shirtless Spike bobbing his head, and washing dishes.
Buffy reached the kitchen table, and shut off the music. Spike turned abruptly to see her standing there in all her glory. She wore a short jean halter dress, and sneakers. Her hair was up in a high ponytail, and he wanted to touch her.

“Morning.” Her voice was sad, although she wore a smile. Her eyes focused on his, and she felt the waterfall.

He was done questioning her, if she was going to be stubborn; he wasn’t going to deal with it. He knew she wanted him, he could tell she was wet over him at that moment. “Morning, pet. There’s some mail on the table for you.”

She turned her back to him, and saw the envelope from her mother. She was about to pick it up, and head to the room to pack her stuff, when she felt Spike’s erection push up against her ass. She hissed lowly, and whimpered. She couldn’t deny that she missed him.

“You want this, pet?” Spike questioned, reaching up to the strings in the back of her neck, and pulling them loose. The top of her dress immediately undid, and revealed her breasts.

“Yes…”She moaned, when he began kissing her neck, one hand hitching up the hem of her dress, the other fondling her small globe.

He ripped the thong from her body, and slid his sweatpants down. It wasn’t long before he was thrusting into her, fondling her goodies, and enjoying every second. She moaned and cried out.

“Spike…harder.” It was like music to her ears.

“It’s okay baby…the big bad…is…gonna give it to you…good.” He said between each pump. He squeezing and pinched her nipples, and a growl escaped her. She met each and every thrust, allowing him to fill her to the hilt. She felt him in her stomach, but only moaned louder.

Angel awoke from her sleep in time to watch them cum together, over the kitchen table. When Buffy and Spike noticed him, they quickly dressed, and Buffy hid behind Spike.

“I guess you know, mate.” Spike panted, attempting to catch his breath.

“Too bad I got there first.” Angel said, looking at Buffy’s wide, scared eyes.

Spike didn’t think. Before Angel could move out of the way, Spike’s fist connected with his nose causing the broad shouldered man to stumble backwards into the living room.

“What the fuck?” Angel yelled, landing on his ass.

Buffy stood in the doorway that connected the living room and kitchen. Spike was going to hit Angel again, but she couldn’t let him. “STOP!” She shouted.

Spike turned to her, his face softening, his hurt becoming evident. “Is it true?” He asked.

“Spike, it was a long-“ She began.

“IS IT BLOODY TRUE? DID YOU FUCK MY BROTHER?” Spike was filled with fury, once more, as he got in her face. Buffy opened her mouth to speak, and closed it again, like a fish in troubled water.

“It is.” Angel said, causing Spike to turn. Angel’s nose was bleeding, and he grabbed a few Kleenex’s from the coffee table, holding the painful break. “The night of your eighteenth birthday, three weeks before prom. I was supposed to bring Buffy to help with the decorations, but we got sidetracked. I think our excuse was a flat tire. I made the first move, but this little one was quick to let me. It only happened once, but the word is stamina. She likes it rough.”

His words sent Spike forward again, and he earned a quick jab in the eye. Angel hit him back, squarely in the jaw, and Spike stumbled, nearly knocking Buffy over. She shrieked, and tears began falling.

Spike got on his feet once more, facing Buffy. “I want you to tell me…is it true?” He was angry, just in pain, both emotionally and physically.

She choked out a sob. “Yes.”

That was all it took to send Spike into his room.

“What are you doing?” Buffy asked following him.

He didn’t reply, he only searched his drawer for a t-shirt, and put on an old pair of Adidas. Then he went straight for the exit.

“Spike…please…”

He spun around, with her close on his heals. “It’s not even the fact that he’s my brother, it’s the fact that you kept it a secret. I was your best friend, and we were lovers. Now, I can barely look at you.” He opened the front door, and left her standing there, and she collapsed the floor in tears.

 

Chapter Eleven: All Falls Down

One call to Willow, and Buffy was still in Spike’s apartment, awaiting his return in tears. Angel left back to Darla’s and in his state, she was sure to take him back. Before he left he had a few choice words with Buffy.

“You thought I didn’t know?” Our bedrooms are across the hall from one another, with paper-thin wall. I masturbated every time I heard you moan. I was just waiting to catch you two.” His tone was harsh, and he looked over her body with satisfaction. “I could use a little loving before I leave. After all, I doubt Spike will want to touch you again.” With those words, Buffy’s anger was fueled, and one swift kick to the groin was presented.

“Get out.” She ordered, rushing into Spike’s room, and throwing herself on the bed.

At four in the morning, Buffy found herself being awoken, by the sound of the front door unlocking. She rushed into the living room, as Spike entered, and found herself in the hallway, facing bloodshot eyes, and liquored breath.

“Spike?” She questioned worriedly.

Without responding, he slammed her against the wall hard, knocking her breath our. He roughly began fondling her, and barring down bruising kisses on her mouth, and neck.

Buffy whimpered in pain, and attempted pushing him away from her. He pinned her arms above her head one hand, and continued his assault. “Is this how you like it, Luv?”

“Please, don’t do this.” She cried, tears fresh on her cheeks. He slammed her against the wall again, wanting her to shut up.

He violently pulled at her dress, tugging it down her legs. Then, he took off his own pants. “Is this how he gave it to you?” He questioned, lifting her with one hand, and placing her hot entrance over his throbbing cock.

She cried again, this time in pleasure, and he began pounding into her. It was sweet misery; it hurt so bad that it was good, and Buffy found herself moaning with pleasure. He let go of her arms, and allowed her to hold his neck. She kissed him hard, and pulled back to look in her eyes. He quickened his pace, looking away. He was having his way, hammering her tight lips until the burned. She felt the fire, and began cumming with a scream.

“SPIKE!”

He released as well, a sigh of pleasure on his lips. He panted, catching his breath, and dropped her to the floor.

Startled, Buffy stood quickly. “Spike,” she called his name in a whisper.

He turned his face to the side, his back to her. “Sorry, pet, but I don’t want to go to prom with you either.”

“Spike…” Her voice filled with pain and tears spilled.

“Get your shit, and get out.” His tone was harsh and he went into the bathroom to shower.

She did as he ordered, sobbing loudly. She didn’t know that he was crying with her.

*

“The nerve. I have it in my mind to go over there, and beat up that dumb blonde…guy.” Willow was infuriated after awaking Buffy at five that evening, and hearing about the drama.

“H-he had a right. I was stupid. I should have told him.” Buffy said, as she lay on her side, unable to sleep on her bruised back. Her neck was covered with hickies and bite marks.

“I’m so sorry B-Buffy.” Tara stammered.

“I deserve every minute.” Buffy replied.

“No one deserve to be practically raped-“

“It wasn’t rape…I was okay with it after a little while.” She sighed.

“Planning on staying in here for the rest of the day?” Willow questioned worriedly.

“I just need a little time.” Buffy said, and Willow nodded in understanding.

Willow reached into her pocket, and handed Buffy the letter that she’d gotten from her mother. “I think you should read this.”

“Maybe it will cheer me up.” Buffy said, happily as Willow left the room with Tara.

*

The tears were hard to let go, and he was so ashamed of himself. He raped he. He took advantage, degraded her, and she took it. She even wanted it after some time. But it wasn’t acceptable.

He spent the day in bed, called in sick to work. He didn’t want anything, or anyone, but her. She haunted him, the curves of her body, the fullness of her lips…the way she moaned his name. Too guilty to face her, he was now in BA, Buffy Anonymous. He had to give her up in order to get over her.

*

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Buffy cried into the phone.

“I thought it was best sweetie. You’re going through a lot right now, and I was perfectly fine.” Joyce said through the receiver.

“You have cancer…” Buffy whispered. “And I wasn’t there.”

“Buffy, honey, I’m fine. I had the surgery right after you left and the cancer is in remission now.” Joyce said.

“I’m coming home.” Buffy said.

“No Buffy, at least wait until the guys leave. They only have four more days.” Joyce said.

“Okay, but is there anything I can do for you?” Buffy questioned, her heart pounding.

“Have fun.”
 

Chapter Twelve: Wrong Number

It was hard after hearing the news and dealing with her emotions with Spike to have fun. So after two days with the Scoobies, Buffy went on home.

Spike spent those two days wallowing in self-pity. He hated himself for not having the courage to go to her and apologize. Finally, a day after Buffy left, the gang came by to spend the day with him.

“Where’s Buffy?” Was the first question out of his mouth, when he saw Anya, Xander, Willow, and Tara standing before the door.

“She went home, you big…stupid guy.” Willow said, venom dripping from her sweet tongue.

“What do you mean she went home?” He asked.

“It was odd really. She spent three days in bed, crying without an explanation to me or Xander, looking like she fell down a flight of stairs, and found out about her mother being sick.” Anya said, walking to the living room with her arms across her chest. The group followed. “You look like you got hit with a big fist on your jaw. It wasn’t Riley, was it?”

“No, it was my brother.” Spike replied.

“Why would Angel-“ Xander began.

“It’s a B-Buffy thing.” Tara interrupted.

“I’m sorry.” Spike replied, looking in Willow’s direction. The redhead just nodded.

“What for?” Xander was oblivious to the situation.

“L-let’s not worry about that n-now.” Tara said, nodding at Spike.

“Joyce is sick? Since when? How?” Spike was astounded once it registered.

Willow put on a frown. “Yeah, a while now. She found out she had a brain tumor when Buffy started planning the wedding. She didn’t want to get in the way of the happy day, and decided to wait until Buffy was on her honeymoon to go through with surgery. She’s fine now.” Willow assured him, warily.

“You should go back to Sunnydale, and comfort her.” Anya made a circle with her fingers, and put her finger on the other hand through it fast. “I could feel the sexual tension the other day.” She replied when Spike gave her a shocked expression.

“Bloody hell!”

*

Buffy stood in the basement separating her laundry, when she came across one of Spike’s black t-shirts. She put it up to her nose, and inhaled his scent, tears streaming down her cheek. She could hear foot steps down the creaking stairs and tossed the shirt in with the colors. She turned, expecting to see Dawn, or Giles, since her mother was in bed resting, but it was Riley.

“Riley…” She whispered his name, and soon she was rushing in his arms, and he was holding her as she sobbed uncontrollably.

“Shhh…Buffy, it’s okay. You’re here now, with me where you belong.” The words came out, but Buffy didn’t accept them.

“No Riley, this isn’t where I belong, that’s why I’m like this. I have to tell you everything.” She had to get it off her chest. Through sobs and her story, she could see Riley’s anger, but he understood.

That’s what made Riley so perfect, he understood. He was quick to comfort. “I always saw the chemistry between you two. That’s why I didn’t like him.” He informed her of his feelings for Spike.

“I don’t know what to do…I love him.” She said.

But then the clouds grew dark, and he wanted her for himself. “If he wasn’t quick to forgive, Buffy, you just have to stay away from him for a little while. You have to figure yourself out.”

He was clear in his opinion, and Buffy allowed him to hold her in the middle of the basement.

*

The phone rang four times, before it was finally picked up. “Buffy?” Spike questioned.

“She doesn’t want to talk to you, bleach boy.” Riley said, in a harsh tone. The truth was, Buffy was asleep and Riley kept her company. He tried to get closer, he could deny his love for her, but she only pushed him away.

“What are you doing there, White bread?” Spike felt his anger rise.

”I know what you did to her, how you treated her, and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure she’s safe from you.” Riley was seething with hatred. He knew if Spike stood away, Buffy would come back to him, marry him like she was supposed to in the first place. “I was the only person she trusted enough to tell about Angel, and you got the other end of the bargain, so I think it’s best that you leave her alone. Forget her, because she won’t be thinking about you.”

Spike slammed down the receiver, rage consuming him. He made his way into his room, taking the framed picture of him and Buffy and throwing it across the room. It hit the wall, and shattered. He went back into the kitchen, and searched until he found what he wanted. He spent the rest of the night, drowning his sorrows in liquor.

*

“Who was it, Riley?” Buffy asked, coming down the stairs.

“No one, wrong number. You should go back upstairs and rest.” Riley said.

“Can you come? I know it’s stupid, but without Spike…I have a hard time. Maybe you could just lay here until I fall back to sleep.”

“Of course I can.” He put his hand on the small of her back and led her upstairs.
 

Chapter Thirteen: Moving On?

“He asked about me?” Buffy questioned curiously, when Willow returned to Sunnydale. They were in Buffy’s room, sitting on the bed, while talking over the situation.

“He didn’t look good at all. Besides for the whole bruise from Angel, he looked like he’s been drinking and crying since that night.” Willow replied.

“While I was there, he drank beers a little, but he didn’t once pick up a cigarette. Not even after sex.” Buffy recalled.

“He practically raped you. I think his wallowing should continue.” Willow let out a sigh.

“Buffy,” Dawn interrupted the two, “mom wants to know if Willow is staying for dinner?”

Buffy looked over at her friend. “We could use a girl’s night.”

“Yeah, I’ll stay.” Willow said.

Once the pizza was gone, Buffy and Willow headed up to the room again, to drown themselves in sad romance movies. Buffy’s first pick was A Walk To Remember.

“You know, Spike was all nerves during the wedding. When you were getting ready, he was freaking out. Babbling about how he’ll never get a chance to give you more than his friendship.” Willow suddenly said.

Buffy looked over at her in surprise. Are you saying he liked me before I went to New York?”

“Way before…high school before. Drusilla left him because he wouldn’t let the friendship go, and she was so jealous of you.” Willow replied, taking a sip of her soda.

“You’re kidding.” Buffy said, amazed.

“Nope. Remember that day in English, twelfth grade…”

*Flashback*

He watched her, as she stood in front of the class, reciting a poem ironically titled, “Angel.”

“I can’t believe she’s wasting poetry on the ponce.” Spike muttered from the back of the room.

“That ponce, or whatever you call it, is your brother. Have some respect for that big muscular…” Cordelia trailed off, losing herself in daydreams of Angel.

“She’s really got it bad for him.” Oz stated from Spike’s side, gesturing to Buffy.

“Not as bad was Spike’s got it for her.” Xander said, as he sat in front of the two beside Willow.

“You weren’t supposed to say it in front of everyone, Whelp.” Spike said, a little too loud, earning a look from the teacher.

*

Spike sat in the bar, and downed his fifteenth beer in one gulp. “Another, Willie.” He called to the bartender.

“I think you’ve had enough, buddy. What ever happened to your job?” Willie questioned.

“Got fired. I have money, though. I have enough money to hold me over for about a year. My parents live in England, and they send me some to keep me from going home. I’m a little much for their people.” His words were slurred.

“What happened to ya?” Willie asked.

“I fucked up,” was Spike’s reply. He looked to his right, to see a tall model-like brunette. She smiled at him coyly, as she put the beer bottle to her lips and licked the tip. “Hi, there, pet.” He said, looking over her body.

“The name’s Lilah. I came in for a little after work drink, but I have a feeling I’m going to get a little more.” She wore a pinstripe pants suit, stood from her seat. It wasn’t long before she had him in her car, and he allowed her to ride him. The Mercedes bounced to their rhythm, and as soon as they came; they headed back to her place to continue.

He wasn’t thinking, or he was. Buffy clouded his mind, and he imagined the woman before him, that was sucking his dick, was Buffy. He moaned and groaned, fucking her mouth, and whispering Buffy’s name.

Lilah didn’t care; she only wanted to get hers.

All Spike wanted was a temporary replacement, until he had enough nerve to get Buffy back, or forget her forever.
 

Chapter Fourteen: Missing Him

She pulled on her shortest black mini, and highest knee high black boots. Her black top was tight and sheer, a white tank top underneath. She was going to the Bronze, and she was going to force herself to enjoy it.

It had been two months since that night, since Spike used her and threw her to the side after finding out the truth. She needed to get out there. The only man that wanted her at that moment was Riley, and she couldn’t go through that again.

“Buffy, are you going somewhere?” Giles asked from his place on the recliner, when Buffy passed the living room.

“Just Bronzing.” She replied. She slowed at Giles’ worried expression. “Is that okay? Is mom okay? Where’s Dawn?” She had been out of tune with her family since she came back from New York.

“You’re mother’s sleeping, and Dawn’s at Janice’s. Everything is fine…I’m actually quite worried about you.” He took off his glasses and cleaned the lenses with his handkerchief. He usually did so when he was nervous.

“Me? Giles, I’ll be fine.” She replied. “I just have a lot on my mind since I left Spike…I mean New York.”

“It has come to my attention that something happened between you and Spike.” He said.

“What makes you think that?” She asked.

“The phone bill wasn’t as high as it was when you and Spike were considered ‘Spuffy.’” He replied.

“Don’t worry about me, Giles. I’ll get over it.” She took her leather jacket from the coat rack beside the front door. “Don’t wait up.” She warned, making her way out the door.

*

“Buffy…” Again, he moaned her name, and with a whisper in his ear from the girl beneath him, he corrected himself. “Cecily…”

“That’s better, Baby.” She said, with a gasp of ecstasy. “I can’t help…but wonder who…that Buffy…is…you scream…her name almost…every time you’re…cumming for me…” She said between each thrust.

“None of your bloody business.” He said, as he released his seed with the latex glove. He rolled over to Cecily’s side, and discarded the condom. Within minutes, he was dressing quickly, and out the door without a goodbye.

*

“Buffy, I’m glad to see you leave the confines of your room, other than for going to work.” Xander said, when she entered the Bronze.

“Came in search for a little help obtaining some orgasms?” Anya questioned, sipping her drink.

“No, just came to start the process of moving on.” Buffy sat across from the couple, and looked around the small club.

“Are you looking for a willing partner to shake your groove thing with?” Anya asked.

Buffy spotted a bleached head of spiky hair across the room, and for a second her heart jumped out of her throat. But then she saw it wasn’t Spike, and she let out a sigh. A tap on her shoulder, and smiling blue eyes on a brunette, lead her to the dance floor.

“I’m Parker Abram.” He said into her ear, putting his hands around her waist.

“Buffy Summers.” She said, her arms encircling his neck. She let herself get lost in the feel of his hold, a stranger’s hold. That’s what made it better. It was new and exciting.

*

It was all he could do from going crazy, sex with a different girl each night. It was mostly because he barely slept without her beside him. When he went home to his own bed, he snuggled up beside a t-shirt that and belonged to Buffy, inhaling the smell of vanilla and jasmine.

But that night was different, he felt a song within his heart, and began doing something he hadn’t been able to in a while. He sat on the couch, his guitar in his arms, and a pen in the other, as he wrote down lyrics to a song.

*

When he offered to walk her home, she accepted, taking his hand happily. The night was chilly, and autumn was present in the wind.

“I’ve never really looked into a girls eyes, and felt so utterly perfect. Well, until now.” He spoke, sweetly. His charm was irresistible.

“I’m flattered.” She spoke softly.

“You seem like you’ve gone through a lot, Buffy.” Parker could see the pain in her eyes, pain that people of thirty have experienced.

“More than enough.” She was brief but gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

“I can take it all away.” They came before her house, and turned to face each other once they reached the stairs.

“Please do.” She begged, and he leaned in to kiss her. Their lips fused together, and in an instant Buffy was stumbling backwards. The heat of his lips was a reminder of Spike; all they had together, every touch. She let out a sob, and went for the door. “I’m sorry…I can’t.” She fumbled with the keys, but got the door open.

She slammed it shut, and leaned her back against the mahogany, sliding to the floor in tears.

“Buffy?” Dawn’s voice came from the top of the stairs, and the sight down below, sent her rushing. “Buffy, what happened?”

Buffy looked at her little sister kneeling before her worriedly, tears streaming down her face. “I-I can’ do it. I can’t forget about him. I just miss Spike.” As the words fumbled from her lips, she let out a cry, and sobbed in Dawn’s thin arms.


 

Chapter Fifteen: Without Me

“Mom, I love you. Thanks so much for understanding.” Buffy said hugging her mother.

Joyce gave her oldest daughter a gentle smile, a weak smile. Inside, although she hid it, she wasn’t doing well, and Joyce figured it was best if Buffy made an attempt to get back the one person who brought the light in her eyes.

“Just be careful, honey.”

The break down helped ease her pain, after she admitted her true feelings. It didn’t take Buffy long to take a flight back to New York, an attempt to rekindle what they’d lost with her mistake. She hoped that he was there, waiting for her.

*

She used the key she’d forgotten to give back to make her way into the apartment, and it was back to the disheveled appearance it was in when she first visited. It was somewhat worse.

She made her way to his room with caution, hoping to find him there. She entered, and saw the shattered picture on the floor. She picked up the pieces, throwing out the glass, and placing the photo on the nightstand. She sat on the rumpled bed, and saw the pink t-shirt she thought she lost.

A smile found it’s way to her lips, as she folded it, and placed it on his pillow. She thought it was a good idea if she waited. The ringing of the phone had her up, and in the kitchen. She didn’t make in time, but the answering machine picked up.

“Spike, it’s Candy. Last night was wonderful, and I was wondering if you’d like to come by tomorrow. Call me.” A Chipper voice said, and Buffy’s smile faded.

She hesitated at first, but the blinking 7 on the answering machine was calling her. She pressed play, and heard a streak of different female voices.

“It’s Lilah. I’m up for desk sex, my office, around 5.”

“Blondie bear, I missed you last night. Come by tonight, please.”

“Hey Spike, Faith. I was hoping you were up for a little one on one if you know what I mean. You know where to find me.”

“Veruca here. We’re playing at the club tonight, thought you’d be interested I coming by after the show, have a little fun.”

“Hey Spike, it’s Fred. I’ve been looking for Buffy. She didn’t even say goodbye, and Gunn and I were worried. It’s been a while. Pass this message to her when you can.”

Tears flooded her eyes, and she rushed for the exit, and down the stairs. On the way she bumped into him.

“Buffy!” He was shocked, and concerned. “What’s going on, what are you doing?” He went to grab her arm, but she flinched backwards. “Buffy, Luv, don’t do that. I won’t hurt you.”

“I was stupid to think you’d be waiting for me.” Her voice shook as her tears overcame, and she was running away.

He chased her out of the building. “Please, don’t leave me.”

She spun around to face him. “Looks like you have more than enough to keep you occupied. Your answering machine speaks volumes.” She was off, heading for the train station.

Fury took him, and he let it out on the cement structure he called home. A crack rang out as his knuckles connected with the building, but he was numb to the pain.

*

“I can’t believe it. Six girls on the machine?” Fred asked a tearful Buffy.

“Seven if I include you.” Buffy sniffled. She was so grateful for the skinny brunette before her, who didn’t hesitate to allow Buffy to stay. “I can’t believe I thought I’d just walk in there and claim him again. I’m such an idiot.”

“You’re in love.” Fred comforted.

“And he’s not. He’s been sleeping with half of New York.” She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, and let out a sigh.

“I don’t know, Buffy. Maybe he was trying to forget you. He hurt you, something bad, and instead of going after you he decided to take it out by sleeping with an array of different girls.” Fred explained, sitting beside Buffy on her floral print couch.

“That doesn’t help much…” Buffy was drowsy from all the crying. She had arrived in New York that afternoon and she was planning on leaving the next morning. “I mean, I kissed Parker, and all I could think about was how I felt when Spike kissed me. Riley has been trying so hard to fix things between us, but I make it clear tat I’m not interested. Now, seeing how Spike was so quick to get comfort in other places, I wish I would have done the same.”

*

Spike spent the night in the emergency room, getting his fractured knuckles in a cast. He fucked up, once again. When he saw her, all of the emotions he’d been failing to ignore, came rushing back.

As the nurse fitted him with the cast, he couldn’t help but wish he had gone after her. He was sure he was the last person she anted at that point.

“How’s this happen?” She strawberry blonde nurse asked innocently, a flirtatious smile on her face.

“I punched a wall after a little argument with my girlfriend.” He couldn’t believe he referred to Buffy as his girlfriend. It had been a while since he had her in his arms.

“Either she really pissed you off, or you fucked up.” She said.

“I fucked up, but she’s going to forgive me. She can’t bloody live without me.” It all became clear, what he’d have to do, and it started with disconnecting his phone.

 

Chapter Sixteen: Grief

*A/N: You may not like this, but it goes with the story...thanx to my beta for understanding!!!*

Buffy entered the house with caution. It had been eerily quite, and the car was gone. She searched everywhere for a sign of life, and opted for calling Giles’ cell phone, but decided to check and see if her mother was asleep.

She slowly made her way upstairs, and pushed open her mother’s bedroom door. Her mother lay on her side, her back to Buffy. Buffy approached the empty bedside, and shook her mother’s bare shoulder. It was cold.

“Mom?” She questioned. When she received no response, she pulled her mother toward her.

Joyce’s body limply went to her back, her lifeless eyes staring at nothing.

“Mom?” Buffy cried out, putting her hand to her mouth as tears began streaming down her face.

“Don’t touch her.” Dawn’s shaky voice came from behind Buffy. “Why’d you touch her, she was sleeping.” The girl sobbed.

“Dawn, come on, we have to call Giles.” Buffy said, turning to her little sister before she could run to her dead mother.

“What for? Mom’s fine she sleeping. I came upstairs to tell her about my day at school, and she was sleeping.” Dawn was becoming hysterical, as Buffy calmly dragged her down the stairs to the living room.

“Please, stay here.” Buffy begged slightly.

Dawn sat on the couch reluctantly, balling her eyes out, as Buffy went back up the stairs the cordless phone in hand. She dialed 911 first.

“Nine-one-one, what’s your emergency?” A lady asked.

“M-my mother, she’s dead.” Buffy spoke, fresh tears making a trail down her cheeks.

*

Giles entered in time to see the paramedics load Joyce’s body into the van in a black bag. He saw Dawn sitting on the steps in front of the house, crying.

“Where’s Buffy?” He asked, holding back his tears.

“Upstairs.” Dawn replied, sobbing.

“Come inside, Dawn. We’re going to have to go to the hospital for the coroner’s report.” As he spoke, his own tears escaped. Although Joyce hadn’t been looking well since the operation, the doctors were sure that she was going to be fine. It shocked him to hear that his wife was gone.

He found Buffy, sitting on her mother’s bed, the bed he shared with Joyce, her face inexpressive. “Buffy,” Giles spoke softly, “we have to go to the hospital.”

She was unresponsive.

“Is she okay?” Dawn asked from behind her stepfather. She wiped her tears on the back of her hand, her arms across her chest.

“I don’t know. Buffy.” He shook her shoulder gently, and Buffy looked up at him with teary eyes.

“They tried to bring her back.” Buffy said. “It didn’t work.”

Giles offered her his hand, and she took it. Dawn took the other, and they made their way to the car.

*

“I don’t understand how this happens…she was here and I knew her, and now she’s gone.” Anya cried in the middle of Willow and Tara’s dorm room, and when Xander attempted to put his arms around her shaking shoulders, she pushed him away.

Willow cried on Tara’s shoulder, and Xander allowed his anger to get the best of him, and punched the wall. “Ouch.”

Anya looked up at him. “What did you do that for?” She asked, standing up to observe his bloody knuckles.

“Just felt right at the time, maybe help me with my emotions.” He replied.

“Did it work?” Tara asked.

“For a second, but now it’s just ouch.” He stated.

The phone of Willow’s nightstand began ringing, and she picked it up. “Spike! No Buffy isn’t here, she’s at the hospital.” She was oblivious to what happened the day before in New York.

“Is she alright?” Spike asked nervously, through the receiver.

“She’s fine…but you should catch the quickest flight out here. Joyce passed away.” Fresh tears formed in her eyes, and came down her cheeks.

“No,” was the only word that Spike could form.

“Yeah, the doctors said it was an aneurysm. Giles called us from the hospital. Buffy’s in a state of shock, she’s not talking much. Dawn is just crying.” Willow explained.

“I’ll be there before tomorrow.” He hung up the phone.

“Spike’s coming.” Willow said. “Buffy will be better when he comes back.”

*

Riley was sitting with Buffy at the hospital when the Scoobies arrived. She wasn’t speaking to him, only looking forward at nothing.

“Still no response?” Xander asked worriedly.

“Not really. She’ll say something here or there, about Joyce sleeping, or the medics trying to wake her up, or she should have been there, but she saw Spike first.” Riley replied, spitting out the blonde’s name.

“She saw Spike?” Willow looked at Giles for an answer.

“She caught a plane yesterday morning, came back this afternoon a little after Dawn found Joyce.” Giles explained.

“I-I’m guessing it didn’t g-go so well since Spike I-isn’t here.” Tara said.

“I’m not sure.” Giles said.

Xander and Anya were at Dawn’s side, attempting to cheer her up.

A doctor came over and shined a light in Buffy’s eyes. “She’s in a state of shock, you should take her home, and put her in bed. She should be fine after the funeral, and I’ll give you some medication that may help.”

Giles spoke to the doctor on the side, as Willow took Riley’s place beside Buffy.

“I better go. It’s pretty clear that she doesn’t need me anymore.” Riley put a hand through his light brown hair with a sigh. “Call me, and I’ll be at the service.” He said to Willow and left.

“I thought the doctors said Mom was gonna be okay.” Dawn sniffled.

“It was unexpected.” Giles said, sitting beside Dawn. “You’re mother was feeling a bit of pain, but she chose to ignore it.”

“Don’t worry, Dawn. At least she’s not suffering anymore.” Xander flinched at his own words as he knelt before Dawn.

“What about Buffy?” Dawn looked over at her older sister.

Tara stood beside Xander. “She’ll g-get through it, B-Buffy’s strong.”
 

Chapter Seventeen: Stay

Spike waited patiently at JFK airport. He couldn’t get a plane until the next morning. He was desperate to reach Buffy. The next available flight was the next afternoon. At the rate he was going, he wouldn’t reach Sunnydale until the next night.

He spent the night in there, wandering around with his duffel bag on his shoulder. He wasn’t sure what he could say to Buffy in order to have her forgiveness.

*

Buffy lay in her bed, staring at the window. Everything was happening so fast. Joyce was gone, her mother…Dawn was a mess, Giles was hiding his pain, and she felt alone. Add in Spike, and she was mere seconds from cracking, but she couldn’t allow herself a chance to cry.

She’s spent the day in her room, lying there. Dawn made an attempt to speak to her.

“Buffy, are you okay?” No answer came. It hurt too much to speak.

Soon, day turned to night and the next day would be the funeral. Buffy couldn’t go, she wanted so badly to ignore it, pretend her mother was in her room at the moment sleeping, or downstairs watching TV with Dawn. Maybe she just stayed at the gallery late, and was due home any second.

With that thought the doorbell rang, and slowly, Buffy got out of bed. She wanted to think that her mother forgot the keys, and as she descended the stairs, she could here Dawn’s hushed whispers.

“She hasn’t left her room since we got home from the hospital yesterday, just to use the bathroom. She hasn’t even showered.” The young girl’s eyes turned to her older sibling coming down the steps, one by one. She stepped aside, opening the door wider, allowing the bleach blonde, leather clad man to come in.

Buffy stopped at the foot of the stairs, hugging herself tightly.

Spike looked into her eyes, and saw the pain hidden within. “Buffy…” He said her name so softly. He reached for her, but she didn’t come to him.

She stood frozen in place. There was a bitter taste in her mouth, from not speaking, or eating for the entire day. She just watched him, thinking he was a figment of her imagination.

Spike stepped forward, putting his hands on her shoulders, guiding her to him. The moment her head made contact with his muscular chest, she broke down.

He was real, and she was sobbing like a child in his arms.

“Let it out, pet. It’s going to be okay.” He soothed her, running his hands over her hair. “When is Giles coming home?”

“Late,” Dawn sniffled. “You can stay, I’m sure he won’t mind. She needs you. I’m going to bed.” She made her way past the couple, but not before kissing her sister’s shoulder. “Take care of her.”

Spike only nodded. He took off his duster, and hung it of the coat rack, before leading Buffy upstairs into the bathroom. “You need a bath, pet. Let me take care of you.” He pleaded with her as she stood there, distancing herself from him.

“What about them?” She sniffled.

“Those girls were poor replacements for you. I’m a bad man, Buffy, but I only did it because I couldn’t be without you.” It was a bad excuse, but it was the truth.

“They’re dirty, what if you got something?” She questioned.

“Used protection, Luv. You’re the only woman I’ve been with since Dru that I didn’t.” His words were earnest. He went over to the tub, and set the water to the perfect temperature, allowing it to fill up.

She fell to the tile floor in a crumpled mess of sobs. “She’s gone, Spike. She’s gone and there’s nothing I can do about it. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.” Their problems were forgotten, and Spike sat with her, his arms around her, allowing his tears to fall.

“Buffy, when my parents sent me here to stay with my aunt, I never thought I’d know the love of a family, until I came here, and met your mum, and Giles. I’ll miss her just as much, because when you weren’t there and I came rushing to this house with a broken heart, Joyce was so quick to set out the hot chocolate and chat with me. And she never forgot those little marshmallows I love, so much. I was lost without you, Buffy, after you left. I couldn’t turn to your mother, because I was ashamed, and I avoided calling, except once when the poof answered, but the point is that I missed everything. I didn’t get to say goodbye either.” Spike babbled.

“But, she was my mother.”

“I know, pet, but she’s at peace.”

Buffy looked up, into the vast oceans of his eyes. She leaned forward, and kissed him. He was caught off guard, but his lips were moist and soft.

She wanted to escape in him, and he knew it, but he couldn’t let it happen. There were still issues they had t work on. “As much as I want you, Buffy, we can’t. Not until everything is right.”

She nodded, understanding his reasoning.

He stood, and helped her up. “Do you want me to undress you?” He didn’t mean to sound sexual, but couldn’t help it.

He stepped close to her, slowly unbuttoning the flannel top she wore. He pushed it off her tanned shoulders, allowing it to fall to the floor. He was mesmerized, at first, but then went back to the task at hand, untying the bottoms. The crumpled to the floor, and she stepped out of them, her body bare.

It had been so long since he’d had her, but he had to be platonic with her for the time being.

“Wash me.” She said, and she sunk into the full tub, and turned off the water. She went under, wetting her hair and came back up.

He shampooed her hair first; massage her head so she could relax, as he shared memories of Joyce with her. When she finished rinsing off her hair, he hesitated to start on her body.

He took the washcloth she handed him, and poured the vanilla body wash on it. He caressed her body gently, from her torso to her ass, to her toes. He skipped her pussy, then went back up, and decided to give her a release.

He ran the washcloth over her swollen lips, massaging gently, and earning a moan. He lost the cloth, and slowly pushed his fingers within.

“Spike…” She whispered with a gasp.

He worked her, pumping in and out of her tight center. “Let me take care of your needs.” He whispered

She groaned, and whimpered before he felt her clench and release. He took the cloth in his hand once more, and washed off her juices.

She stood on wobbly leg, reaching out to hold his shoulder. He looked her up and down, but quickly looked away. His erection was becoming painful. He reached the rack for her towel, and wrapped in around her body tightly.

With his arm around her shoulder, he led her to her bedroom.

“Maybe I should go to the hotel, get a room.” He said, turning to the door as she dressed in a short white cotton nightgown.

She put a hand on his shoulder. “Just hold me.” She whispered.

He turned to face her, planting a chaste kiss on her lips. “Are you sure?”

“Please…stay.” She threw back the comforter, as Spike removed his combat boots and shirt. She went over to her drawer and pulled out a pair of sweatpants that belonged to him. She turned as he pulled off his pants, and slipped them on, afraid that she wouldn’t be able to control herself. She was a little disappointed that she allowed him to please her, when he didn’t deserve the satisfaction, but she felt so complete to have him touch her, and speak to her.

She slipped into bed when he finished, and he followed. His hand made it’s way around her waist, and they faced each other, her legs tangled between his. Her hand reached his hair, and she leaned over for a kiss.

“Goodnight.” She whispered on his lips.

“Night, Luv.”

 

Chapter Eighteen: I Promise

In the middle of the night, Buffy awoke from the best slumber she had in weeks, to see Spike’s face, so innocent as he slept. She felt a million times better after yesterday’s episode, but she wasn’t ready to forgive him for the other day. She removed his arm from her waist, slowly, and stood.

He stirred and whimpered at the loss of touch, but remained asleep. She leaned over and kissed his forehead, before making her way out of the room. She crept into Dawn’s room, and heard sniffling.

“Dawn?” She questioned into the darkness.

“Yeah?” Dawn was still awake, unable to sleep due to the stress that had sent her into a downward spiral. She lay with her back to Buffy, her shoulders shuddering.

Buffy moved to the side of the bed. “I came to stay with you for a little…talk a bit.”

“Let me guess, Spike healed you and now you’re going to try with me. Well, save it. Mom’s gone, and no boy or even you can change the way I feel.” Dawn was cold.

Buffy lay in the bed beside her, taking some of the covers and snuggling in. She wrapped her arms around her sister’s waist and pulled her close. “I’m not trying to, and I don’t feel great about what’s happening. I just want to be there for you. I haven’t exactly been the strong one the last couple of days.”

“Days? How about, since you got back from New York the first time.” Dawn said. “Is everything better with you and Spike?”

“He comforted me, but there’s still a lot to talk about. I wish I could just forgive him, but I can’t right now.” Buffy sighed, and tightened her hold on her sister. “Now, what’s on your mind?”

“Who’s going to take care of me?” Dawn sounded scared, almost terrified.

“Giles and me. Giles sent a letter to Dad in Europe, asking for full custody of you. We’re waiting for a reply.” Buffy explained.

“What about you?” Dawn yawned a bit.

“I’m twenty years old, I don’t exactly need a parent, but I’ll be living here until I want to leave. Giles said he’s willing to take good care of us as long as we need him.” Buffy was so grateful for the pep talk Giles had with her at the hospital, although all she could do was nod. He was a godsend.

“We’re lucky Buffy.” Dawn whispered. “But I’m still going to miss her.”

“I know Dawn. We just have to take it one day at a time.” With soothing words of love and peace, Dawn fell asleep, and Buffy drifted along with her.

*

Spike awoke in an empty bed, alone and somewhat cold. He figured Buffy must have waked up earlier. He looked over at the digital clock on the nightstand, and it read 9AM. He yawned, and made his way out of the room after brushing his teeth.

Giles was in the hallway, on his way downstairs. “Sleep well?”

“Yeah,” Spike replied with a small smile. “Where’s Buffy?”

“Asleep in Dawn’s room.” A perplexed smile crossed Spike’s feature at the older man’s reply.

“I’m sorry…about Joyce. We all loved her.”

Giles nodded at Spike’s words, and made his way downstairs. “Wake the girls.” He called up. “We have to be at the church in an hour.”

Spike tiptoed into Dawn’s room; a smile crossing his face at the sight of the siblings snuggled up together. He laid a gentle kiss in Buffy’s hair, and she stirred.

Her eyes fluttered open, and she smiled when she saw him standing above her. “Spike…” She said groggily. Then she scowled, and jumped from the bed. “I’m still mad…I may have let you take advantage of my vulnerability with your…magic fingers, but not today.” She said, pointing a finger at him.

Magic, huh?” A cocky smile slid to his face, and he looked over at Dawn, who was sitting up and rubbing sleep from her eyes.

“Shut up.” Buffy said, rage filling her eyes. He was enjoying it; he loved it when she squirmed.

“Guys, why are you in here?” Dawn asked, standing. She wore Buffy’s yummy Sushi pajamas, her long hair in disarray.

“Sorry, nibblet. Just came to tell you and big sis here, that you have an hour to get ready for the church services.”

A silence ran through the room, and tears filled Dawn’s eyes. Buffy, reached out to comfort her little sister, and they embraced each other as their tears fell. Collapsing to the floor in a heap, they held each other for dear life, as though they were all they had left.

Spike quietly stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him. They needed each other more than anything.

*

Buffy stood before the grave as the preacher said his sermon, Dawn’s head on her shoulder, and Spike holding her hand tightly. A tear ran down her cheek and he squeezed her hand gently. She squeezed back in reply. She needed him more than anything.

After the sun went down and everyone went home for a small gathering in remembrance of her mother, Buffy stayed in the cemetery. Spike hovered in the background, giving her time. He glanced at his watch one last time, and it was already eight.

“Buffy, Luv…Giles and Dawn are gonna be worried. We should get going.” He came up behind her, whispered in her ear.

A chill went through her body. “I don’t what I’m thinking of more…the fact that she’s dead, or that I’m in love with you.”

Spike’s breath caught in his throat and when he opened his mouth to reply, nothing came out.

She turned to him, close to him, her body touching his, clothes keeping them from feeling. She looked up into his eyes, love apparent. “But we’re not made for each other. We weren’t meant to be.”

“Buffy…we are…I messed up and I’m sorry. Yesterday...” His words were sincere, and tears began flooding through both. He leaned in kissing her cheek, tasting her water.

“I was weak yesterday, I needed you more than anything. Now, I think I just need time…you hurt me. Not with those girls or how you treated me that night, but you didn’t come after me or call. You left me on the floor in that hallway, and you basically spat on me.”

“I was drunk and I did call, Buffy, but captain cardboard told me you didn’t want to speak to me.”

“What do expect, Spike? That he was going to just hand me the phone. In his eyes you took me away from him. You didn’t try again.” There was so much pain in her voice.

It was killing him. “I’m so sorry.”

“If you really mean that, you’ll give me a chance to think.” Her words were soft, as she leaned up, and captured his lips. One last kiss before they parted ways.

“Please…just come back to me.” His voice was hoarse, and he sounded like he was taken by agony.

“I will…I promise.”

 

Chapter Nineteen: Let Go

She sat in her room, Willow on the bed beside her.

“Just like that, you told him to give you time?” Willow questioned, looking at Buffy with wide eyes.

“I’m not ready to jump into something that will just end up out of control.” Her voice was hoarse and pained.

“He’s not leaving Buffy.” Willow said in a hushed voice.

“What do you mean?” Buffy questioned.

“He’s moving back to Sunnydale. He’s not going to risk losing you, again.”

*

The apartment complex was small, but the apartment was spacious. It had only one bedroom, and thanks to Buffy’s friends Gunn and Wesley, Spike’s things were arriving in one piece. The town that he vowed to remain distant from was becoming home again.

“Wow, Spike. This place is not bad.” Xander said, looking around the pale yellow wall, and inhaling the smell of fresh paint.

“I’m beginning to think so, myself.” Spike said, grabbing two beers from the fridge and tossing one to his friend. They both plopped down on the navy blue couch with a sigh.

“Did you tell her?” Xander asked curiously.

“No…haven’t had the guts.” Spike said, taking a sip of his beer.

Xander sighed. “She’s miserable without you, and she’ll be at the Bronze soon enough. She’ll probably end up ordering a drink from you sooner or later.”

“I am one lucky man. Lorne is great for giving me the job.” Spike took another sip.

“I’m talking about Buffy, the girl you’re in love with, not your new job, man.” Xander waved his unopened beer around.

Spike grabbed it from his hand once he finished his own. “A very lucky man.” He repeated.

*

Buffy sat in the living room, her feet under her bottom, as she flipped through the channels on the television. It had been two weeks since the funeral, and Dawn was at a friend's, while Giles spent most of his time at the gallery, in an attempt to keep his mind off of Joyce’s death. Buffy had been going to work as much as possible, allowing the children’s problems to take her mind off her own.

There was a gentle knock on the door, and thinking it was Willow or Xander, she yelled for their entrance. She bolted upright from her seat at the sight of the bleach blonde. “Spike…what are you doing here?” She asked.

Like a hunter, seeking his prey, he made his way toward her. He was slow, and yet he came so fast, stopping before her, his lips an inch away. He didn’t speak; he only stared into her eyes.

“We spoke about this, you’re supposed to give me time and-“ He put a finger on her lip, silencing her. She didn’t want to, she didn’t mean to, but she took his finger into her mouth, and sucked on it gently.

His erection that had arrived the moment he laid eyes on her, as now becoming painful, as he pulled his hand away, and descended on her lips. Soon she was parting for him, allowing his tongue to play its wicked game. Sooner she was on the couch, pushing off his duster, as he fought with the buttons on her shirt.

She reached his hands, and pushed them aside, ripping it open herself. His dick twitched, and he heard her voice, thick with desire.

“Upstairs.”

He took her in his arms, and took each step two at a time. They reached her bedroom, and his laid her gently on the bed, hovering over her at first, he surveyed her bare breasts.

“Please, let me have you, if only for tonight.” He requested, and she gave him a gentle nod.

He didn’t know why he had chosen to go there. He had been walking, and his feet just led him to the Summers’ residence. It was dark, and he could see her sitting on the couch alone through the window, and he had to touch her, be near her.

He bent down, kissing her breasts, giving them the attention they deserved. Not a day went by that he didn’t think of licking the perfect rose buds, and he was amazed that she was allowing him.

She moaned, and thrashed, as he slowly made his way down her belly, dipping his tongue into her navel, and continuing until her reached her jeans. He quickly unhooked the button, and slid them down her legs. He came back up to the cotton panties that hugged his cavern. They weren't a barrier for long, as he swiftly brought them down as well, and tossed them to the side with her jeans.

He licked her swollen lips first, before entering his home with his tongue. His thumb found her clit, and his other hand held down her belly. She bucked against his tongue and lips, and he savored her intoxicating juices, becoming drunk on her. Soon, she shuddered, and he came up slowly, pressing his jean-clad erection to her.

He rubbed slowly at first as she came down from euphoria. She was heated quickly after her recovery, and after she shoved down his pants, she was rolling him to his back. He let out a low sigh, as she took his hard member into her slowly. She started at a slow pace, building a rhythm.

He wanted to allow her to milk him, as he lye in ecstasy, but he began responding to her movements. “Buffy, I want you.” He whispered.

“You have me.” She responded.

He reached up, his fingers taking her hair, pulling her down to him for a kiss. It was heaven.

Once they achieved bliss, Buffy lay with her head on his chest, as he played with her blonde strands.

“Buffy…” He spoke her name so soft, and she looked into his eyes. “I know I should have told you, the moment I received that invitation, but…I love you.”

She almost choked on his words. “I love you, too, but I don’t know if I can give you what you’ve wanted. I’m not where I want to be right now, mentally.”

“I won’t let you go.” He replied.

 

Chapter Twenty: Goodnight Sweet Girl

She stood before the full-length mirror, a smile plastered on her face, as she twirled. The long white gown swished at her feet, and the veil whipped behind her. “This is the most happiest day of my life.” She gushed.

“Even better than that night you found fifty bucks in the street?” Buffy asked with a smile.

“As much as I love money, my love for Xander is far more important.” Anya said. They were finally getting married. “And to think, you were in this same room five months ago, and you fit through that window.”

“If it wasn’t for Spike, I would have reached that window.” Buffy stood beside Anya, wearing the lavender strapless bridesmaid dress she had picked. Anya wanted green, but Buffy was able to talk her out of it.

There was a gentle knock on the door, and then it was pushed open by Willow. “Are you almost ready? The Harris and Jenkins family are gonna go at it any minute if you don’t get your hide down that isle.”

“Go take your place.” Anya ordered Buffy.

Buffy made her way out of the small room and to the doors that lead to the aisle. Spike stood there, waiting for her in a black tux. She whistled low, and smiled at him appreciably.

As maid of honor and best man, Buffy linked her arm with Spike, holding a small bouquet of paisleys in her other hand.


“And just think, you would have been walking down this isle with Captain Cardboard if it wasn’t for me.” He whispered in her ear.

“I think I like it better this way.” She whispered back.

“Why, Ms. Summers, is that a proposal?” He asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Do you want it to be?” She was being bold.

He smirked at her, the sexy way he usually did, but he didn’t answer her. Who would have thought, they had come to terms with their true feelings only a month ago? It seemed as though they belonged together.

The music started, and they began making their way down the isle, Willow following on Tara’s arm, Dawn on Anya’s Little brother Andrew’s, and a surprise, Cordelia on Oz’s. They got in line at the alter, the men beside Xander, and the women waiting for Anya. The flower girl walked at a quick pace, rushed by Anya, along with the ring barer.

Buffy only stared at Spike as he stood across from her, and The Wedding March began playing. A first, when Xander saw Anya, tears flooded his eyes.

The guests watched, in aw of the happy couple. Even Giles, who was Anya’s employer, looked as though he was going to cry. Riley sat in the audience, as well, eyeing Buffy. His date, Sam, gently elbowed his ribs, and he mouthed a “sorry” her way.

As Anya and Xander said their vows, Spike watched Buffy’s teary eyes. He realized that was what he wanted. He wanted her to belong to him for eternity.

*

“I was once a wreck…I know it’s not hard to believe, but a very special girl became my friend, and lover…not without a fight of course. So, with the bride and groom’s permission, I’m going to sing a little song that I wrote when I lost her.” Spike stood on the stage, a microphone in hand.

Oz was backing him on the bass, and Larry on the drums. The old band from Sunnydale High was back, for the day, at least. The reception had been bumpy, with the two families in the Bronze, and Xander recommended that Spike and the Dingoes get together for old time’s sake.

Buffy stood before the stage, looking up at him with a wide smile, and he began serenading her.

Are we done for now
Or is this for good
Will there be something in time?
With us there should

Only girl for me is you
There can be no other one
If I didn’t have faith
I would come undone

She swooned at his words, and she thought back to earlier that day, before they walked down that isle together. It had felt perfect.

So much promise in your eyes
Seems that I can only see
It always makes me wonder
If you save it all for me

Maybe you do
Maybe you don’t
Maybe you should
Probably won’t

He reached the edge of the stage, and reached for her hand. She took it, and he pulled her onto the stage.

Because there will be…
There will be other guys
Who will whisper in your ear
Say they’ll take away your sadness
And you fears

They may be kind and true
They may be good for you
But they’ll never care for you
More than I do

‘I won’t give any other man a chance to love you.’ He thought as he stared into her hazel eyes. He was drowning in her, his love radiating from his skin, his eyes, and combining with hers.

I’ll always be there
There to the end
I can’t do much
But be your one true friend

To the end
Through the end
Our lives to spend
With each other till the end
Of time…

He really ripped it without struggling, and Buffy felt her waterfall. His brow was sweating as he sung, and he put a hand on her waist, facing her.

Still see promise in your eyes
And still wonder id it’s for me
But I know it’s still there
Even when you sleep

So, I say, good night sweet girl

“I love you, Buffy.” He said through the applause.
 

Chapter Twenty-One: Long Time Coming

“How come you’ve never written me a song?” Anya asked, as they sat at the big table with Willow, Tara, Cordelia, Oz, and Spike surrounding them. Buffy had excused herself to stop the make out session that had been going on between Dawn and her new boyfriend, Conner.

“Ahn, I can’t carry a note if my life depended on it.” Xander replied.

“So when did you become Buffy-whipped?” Cordelia asked curiously, her brows up.

“Bullocks. I am no such thing.” Spike defended, as he played with the small velvet box in his pocket.

“Sound the whips people.” Oz said, nonchalantly.

“That song was really great.” Willow said, excitedly.

“A-agree.” Tara stuttered.

“It’s nice to see that old crushes come up and bite you in the ass. I mean, you hated seeing her fawn over your brother, and now, you two fawn over each other.” Oz stated.

“But it has been one hell of a journey to get them here.” Xander said.

“But many good orgasms. Buffy’s been smiling a lot over the last month.” Anya said happily.

“Spike,” Buffy called from across the hall, as she stood by the bathroom door. Spike was up in a flash, excusing himself to make his way over to her.

“No such thing, my ass.” Cordelia said happy, as Anya’s cousin Groo tapped her on the shoulder and asked for a dance. She smiled widely and took his hand.

Spike kissed Buffy chastely on the lips, and looked into her eyes. “You wanted me, Luv?”

“I’m feeling a little, frisky. Especially after your performance.” She said. “Do you think we could-“

“How fast can you get out of that dress?” He asked, pushing her into the bathroom and locking the door behind them.

She spun around to give him access to the zipper. It slid down to pool at her feet. She spun back, her thong covering very little. He pushed her against the wall of the bathroom, and removed said thong. He then unbuttoned his slacks and let them fall to the floor. He took her ass in his hands and lifted her on to his shaft. She moaned as she slid down, and allowed him to thrust within her.

Outside of the bathroom door, a crowd headed by Lorne, the Bronze’s owner, was listening intently.

There were moans and the sound of slapping skin, along with a bit of whispering.

“Marry me…Buffy…” Spike said through thrusts.

Her breath caught, and she thought she would die, but an orgasm overcame her, literally. “Yes…Yes…”

He wasn’t sure if the answer was pleasure inflicted or earnest, so after his released, as he helped her with her dress, he asked again. He turned her after zipping up her dress, and looked into her eyes. “Marry me, please…I can’t imagine my life without you.”

“Spike…I will.” She accepted, and when they came out of the restroom, the crowd dissipated. They looked around at the smirking guests, and joined hands as blush crept up to their cheeks.

“I can’t make out with my boyfriend, but you can boink yours in the bathroom at a party!” Dawn said loudly.

“Dawn!” Buffy shouted. “I’m older, and Spike isn’t just my boyfriend, he’s my fiancé.”

The music stopped, and everyone’s attention turned to Buffy and Spike, who stood with their hands together before the bathroom door. Buffy bit her tongue, wishing that she hadn’t let it out without thinking. Jaws dropped, and whispers were scattered.

“Another wedding! Oh boy!” Anya clapped her hands together enthusiastically, and many joined in.

Spike took the box from his pocket, and let go of Buffy’s hand. He got on his knees before her, and she watched in shock. “What are you doing?” She asked.

“Buffy,” His voice was a small whisper as he opened the box before her, “marry me? Let them see that you’re going to give me all of you.”

She looked at the golden band and diamond, and gasped. It was a fairytale. Riley had given her the same thing, but coming from Spike it meant much more.

“Okay…again.” She said, and Spike stood to put the ring on her small left ring finger.

The room erupted in cheers, and Riley walked out, but no one noticed. Spike leaned down and planted a gentle kiss on a smiling Buffy.

“Now that was a long time coming.” Dawn said to Conner, taking his hand and walking to their table. “They like, liked each other since they were little. Buffy is just stubborn.”
 

Epilogue: Not Much After

Two years later…

“How’s my Blondie bear doing?” She teased sticking her tongue out at him.

“I can’t believe your bloody sister told you that story.” Spike looked at the younger Summers girl, his eyes in slits.

“She had to, especially after you told me all of her high school secrets. Her poems about Angel, the time she fell in the cafeteria and everyone saw her Hello Kitty underwear, and when people would say hi to her in the hall, they’d say ‘Hello Kitty,’ and it lasted for three months. I love that one.” Dawn laughed. “It’s not a surprise that you’d be attractive to the cheerleader type.” She said. “Buffy was a cheerleader.”

“For, like two days, and then I quit.” Buffy came into the living room with a bowl of popcorn in her hand. She plopped down between her loving man, and sister.

“Still have your uniform?” Spike asked with a sly smile on his face, as the DVD played.

Buffy elbowed him gently in the ribs, and leaned against his shoulder. “Were you born this big a pain in my ass?”

“What can I say, Baby, I’ve always been bad.” He took her chin in his hand, and brought his lips down to her.

“Gross much?” Dawn asked, taking the bowl from Buffy.

“You’re just mad, cause I promised Giles I wouldn’t let Conner over until he got back from that convention.” Buffy said, rolling her eyes.

“When are you two getting married, anyway? You’re betrothed and all, but what about the wedding? You live together.” Dawn’s eyes never left the screen, as Johnny Depp appeared in pirate apparel.

Buffy grinned up at her loving spouse, and brought her hand to the chain on her neck, which held her wedding band. “Only time will tell.”

Her other hand went to Spike’s neck, his wedding band on his chain. They decided there would be no pressure and much easier circumstances if they just eloped. So three months after Xander and Anya’s wedding and one morning after a night of mind-blowing sex, Spike recommended they drive up to Vegas, and get married.

It was the best recommendation he’d made, beside for the proposal. It wasn’t much, but it was the simplest part of their relationship. They’d been approaching their two-year anniversary, and decided that would be the day that they would announce it to their people.

“You’re practically married already…soon there will be dresses and babies, and stuff. It took you forever to get together, then to get engaged, and now the wedding will be like, never…” Dawn babbled on, and the couple beside her kissed again.