~*~Chapter 3 – Realities ~*~

Cordelia found Angel alone in the lobby. He was busy with some papers, trying to put his mind on something else for a moment. He heard her coming and gave her a sweet smile.

“How are you?” she asked.

He shrugged.

“I don’t know…sad, I guess. Once more he chose not to trust me and leave…”

“So you think he left on his own?”

“What else could it be? He took most of his stuff…I think Lilah was telling the truth, for once. Wolfram and Hart is not involved, this time.”

“Oh, which reminds me…you know what’s funny? Ok, maybe not funny…Buffy’s sister, Dawn, she left too. A few days ago.”

By saying so, Cordy studied Angel’s face, watching his reaction at Buffy’s name. But he didn’t flinch.

“I guess it must not be easy for her to raise a teenager all by herself.” He simply said.

“Where are Gunn and Fred?” she asked, changing the subject.

“I sent them home. If there is something, I’ll call them. You can go home too, if you want.”

“And leave you all alone in that brooding mood of yours? No chance, mister.”

He smiled, secretly relieved. They hadn’t had a chance to be completely alone since their return.

“Cordelia?”

“Mmm?”

She was at her desk now, putting some of her papers in order.

“We never talked…about that night.”

There was a moment of silence. She got up slowly.

“Oh. That’s right.”

She came closer, watching him in the eyes.

“Do we really need to?”

Boldly, she slipped in his arms, and he closed them around her.

“I love you, Angel,” she whispered softly.

He closed his eyes. If this was not perfect happiness, it was dangerously close to it.

“I love you too, Cordy.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Three days had passed since Dawn’s departure. Buffy wasn’t working that night, so she had plenty of time to think of how much she was a big failure. Her whole life was a big failure. Everything was a disaster. She couldn’t even raise her younger sister correctly. Obviously, Dawn had thought that leaving was a better option than staying with her. Well, Buffy thought bitterly, isn’t it what everybody’s doing? Leaving? Even the only vamp…guy who was really worth it had left.

Sighing, Buffy went in the kitchen but was not really in the mood to eat.

The doorbell rang. Buffy wasn’t expecting anyone. Had Dawn changed her mind, maybe? she wondered with hope, running to the door and opening it.

It wasn’t Dawn.

“Oh…” she whispered.

Spike was standing in front of her.

The first thing she noticed was the maelstrom of emotions visible on his face. Expectations, hope, love. Emotions that, she realized, were probably matching her own.

“Good evening, Buffy.” He said in a hoarse voice.

“Spike…”

“I…uh…can I come in?”

That seemed to wake her up. She opened the door wider and stepped aside.

“Of course. I…I never did a de-invitation spell.” She added, not knowing why.

That pleased him. So he was not unwelcome. For the moment.

“Are you alone?” he asked.

“Yes. Willow’s studying and Dawn is…elsewhere.”

Her heart was beating furiously. All the feelings she had denied and tried to forget were coming back all at once like a huge wave. Why did he come back? she wondered.

Why did I come back? he wondered, realizing how painful and wonderful it was to see her again.

“How are you?” he asked, also noticing her paleness and the blue lines under her eyes. She looked tired and worn.

“I’m fine. You?”

“Good…good.”

There was an awkward silence. He had decided not to stay. He just wanted to say a proper good-bye to Dawn…and to see Buffy one last time. So he didn’t want to tell her, for his soul. It wouldn’t change anything, after all.

Buffy was studying her hands. Because when she was looking at him, she didn’t know what to choose between rushing in his arms and yelling at him for leaving her. Neither of the solutions were a good idea anyway.

“How are the Scooby’s?” he asked, surprised that she was all alone. That house was always so full of life. Now it was quiet, but in a creepy way.

“Willow’s fine. She’s going back to UC Sunnydale, which is a good thing. She needs to get her life back to normal after what happened.”

“What happened?”

“You don’t know…? Oh, that’s right, you had already left.” She said, and was that accusation in her voice?

“Where to start?” she continued with a sad smile. “ Tara is dead. Warren shot her.”

“What?”

Spike felt a pinch in his stomach. Tara? Dead? The most kind and gentle and sweetest girl he had ever met? Sadness filled him, and he knew it had nothing to do with his new soul. He had always liked the witch.

“How come…? What happened?”

“He came here with a gun, with the clear intention of killing me. One of the bullets hit Tara as well.”

“As well? You mean you were shot too?”

“Yeah…but I didn’t die, because you know…been there, done that.” she said with a self-mocking smile.

“The bloody bastard…I hope he paid for this.”

“Oh, he did, believe me. Willow took care of him. She tortured him before peeling his skin off. Then she tried to destroy the world. But, as you can see, she failed.”

“Willow…Red did all that?”

Buffy acquiesced.

“Magic got the best of her in the end.”

“Yeah…magic and its consequences…I had warned Xander about that. Did Anya and him make up?”

“No. She left for England with Giles. Xander got a job in San Francisco.”

“Oh. So it’s only you, Willow and the Nibblet.”

“Y..Yes.”

Another silence. Finally, Buffy asked:

“Why did you come back, Spike?”

“Don’t worry, I’m not staying,” he said, taking her question the wrong way.

“You’re not staying?”

“No,” he said, not noticing she had paled a little bit more. “I just came back to say goodbye to Dawn…and I needed…”

He paused, sighing, looking for his words.

“If you want to apologize, don’t bother,” she said in a cold voice.

He was not staying. He was leaving. He was leaving her, again.

Surprised by her sudden harshness, he stuttered:

“O..Ok. Can you tell Dawn…?”

“I will.” She said, not looking at him. Finally she met his eyes.

“Are you done?”

Taken aback at first, Spike recovered. Well, if she wanted to act like a cold bitch, it would make things much simpler.

“Actually, no. Is my duster still here?”

His duster. Of course. That’s the only reasons why he had come back. Dawn and his duster.

“I burned it,” she said, without thinking, then regretting it the minute after she saw his face. He looked like she had punched him in the guts.

“I see. I guess I’d better go, then.”

“Good idea.”

“That’s too bad, you know,” he said, not resisting getting on her nerves some more, “ we could have make a nice couple.”

“No we couldn’t. Because you left, like the others.”

“Yeah, well, Slayer, maybe you should start considering why all those men are leaving you. Maybe you are the problem. Did you ever think about that? There’s something wrong with you, and I bloody know what I’m talking about!” he said, closing the door violently behind him.

Shocked, Buffy slowly sat on the couch. He was right. And she had done it again. She had chased him away again with her coldness and her bitchy manners.

And this time, he would not come back.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Spike stopped his bike at the cemetery entrance. What a bloody stupid idea I had to come back, he thought, rage and pain filling his heart.

What did I ever see in her? She’s just a cold frigid bitch who can’t see a good thing…and why did she look so tired? he wondered, his love and concern getting the upper hand as usual.

Bollocks, he went to Africa and got a soul! But you didn’t do it entirely for her, a little voice in his head said. You did it for you as well.

After travelling for some time, he had decided to come back one last time to Sunnydale. To see Dawn and Buffy. But staying would be too painful. She would never love him back. Especially after that ugly scene in the bathroom. But he didn’t want to leave knowing she hated him. He wanted to talk to her one last time. He should have known it couldn’t turn out the way he wanted.

He picked some flowers and headed to Joyce’s grave.

“Hey Joyce…just wanted to say goodbye. Don’t think I’ll be back soon in this soddin’ town…Nobody wants me here, anyway.”

He chuckled.

“Listen to me, I sound like the poofter. Must be the soul. Cause I’ve got a brand new one, shiny and all…I think. Got it for Buffy, and, well, for me. But she doesn’t love me.” He said, not knowing he was echoing Riley’s words of two years ago.

He kneeled down.

“So, I’m gonna stop whining now and leave. It’s for the best, I suppose. I miss you, Joyce. I hope to see you again one day, in a better place than this one.”

He put the flowers on the grave, got up. Heading back to his crypt, he noticed a girl a little further, standing in front of another grave.

He came closer and recognized her.

“Willow?”

She turned around, a little startled.

“Oh. Hey Spike. I didn’t know you were back.”

“And you should know better than to walk around in this cemetery at night.”

She laughed softly.

“Oh, don’t worry. Bad guys are more scared of me than I’m of them, what with me trying to end the world and everything.”

“Buffy told me. I’m sorry,” he added, with a gesture towards the grave, which was Tara’s.

“She was the best of us. The sweetest girl I ever met. She didn’t deserve to go that way.”

Willow smiled.

“I know she’s looking after me. After all of us, probably.”

“Even me?” he asked.

“Certainly.” She answered, and for the first time that night he felt at peace. Standing in front of Tara’s grave, he shared a quiet moment with Willow.

“So, you went to see Buffy?” she finally asked.

“Yeah. It didn’t go well. Although it’s hardly a surprise.”

“I think she was hurt that you left. Not that she would ever admit it, of course. But I’m pretty sure she was.”

Spike was not convinced.

“Well, she has a funny way to show it, then.”

“You know her…and with Dawn and the house, she’s really having a hard time for the moment.”

“Dawn? What do you mean?”

“Buffy didn’t tell you?”

“No. Did something happen to her?” he asked, immediately worried.

“She left. Three days ago. She left a note, saying she would be fine and asking Buffy to not try to find her. But we don’t really know why she left. Buffy said something about a misunderstanding. And all that on the day Buffy is told she has lost her house.”

“They are homeless?”

“Buffy will be. She has to leave in two months.”

Spike shook his head, torn between anger and love.

“Why didn’t she tell me? We were having a normal conversation, and then suddenly she went all bitchy. The funny part is that I had just told her I was not staying. I thought she would be happy.”

“You told her you were leaving again? No wonder she gave you the cold treatment. Don’t you know it’s like her curse? Every man she cared about left her at some point…even you.”

“Yeah, well, I told her my opinion about that. And it doesn’t change the fact that she burned my duster.”

Willow looked at him like he had started to speak Chinese.

“She told you that? That she burned your duster? Wow, she must be pretty pissed off at you.”

“I’m rather used to it, but what do you mean?”

“Your duster is hanging in her closet. It’s been there all summer, and it was still there yesterday.”

Spike stayed silent, swallowing all this. No wonder she had acted like that. As usual, her life was a total mess.

“I think I need to have a serious conversation with the girl,” he finally said.

Willow smiled.

“I never thought I would say this but you’re probably exactly what she needs.”

Obviously, Willow didn’t know what had been going on just before he left.

“Maybe. We’ll see about that. Her brain is thicker than wood. She can be so annoying…”

“But you still love her.”

His face softened.

“I always will.”

Willow felt the pain in his voice. Somehow, she understood him completely.

“If you want to go back to talk to her, I won’t be home until late.”

He nodded.

“Thank you, Willow.”

“See you around?” she asked with a knowing smile.

“Probably.”

And with a last nod to Tara’s grave, he left.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Hey Spike. Long time no see.”

“Yeah, Willy. I’m sure you missed me,” Spike answered in a sarcastic tone.

The bartender made a sheepish smile.

“What can I give you?”

“A whisky will be fine.”

He sat up at the bar, mumbling a ‘thank you’ when Willy handed him a glass full of the amber liquid.

Spike didn’t honestly know what he would tell Buffy. Part of him wanted to stick to his original plan: say goodbye to Dawn and leave without a glance back. Only Dawn wasn’t there. Buffy was left alone, and soon homeless. Some part of him told him to not care and let the bitch manage her own business. But the other part was telling him to stay and help his Slayer. His Buffy.

And as usual, that part won.

His ears caught the song in the background. He recognized the lyrics of ‘London Rain’.

I can’t wait to get home to you To get warm, warm and undressed.

Coming home. How appropriate. Only life had nothing to do with a stupid song.

Yeah, no chance that would happen. He would probably not see the colour of the Slayer’s bed sheets anytime soon. Not that they used a bed very often…

To the sound of London Rain

Of course it would never happen like that. And they were in bloody Sunnyhell, not in London.

He sighed, finished his drink.

Time for the second round.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

They were all gathered in the Hyperion’s lobby.

“Still nothing?” asked Angel.

“No, nothing,” Fred answered.

“Then what are we still doing here?” asked Angel shortly. “We have to go on searching.”

The three others looked at each other, unsure of how to tell Angel what they had discovered.

“Tell him” Gunn said gently to Fred.

“I was getting the money to go make the deposit for last week” told Fred. “All the money is gone.”

“We think Connor might probably have taken it," added Gunn.

Angel looked at them with pain in his eyes. He didn’t want to admit it, but deep inside he knew his friends were right, his son had run away. Nobody in town had seen Connor except for one person who remembered him at the bus terminal the morning of his disappearance.

“Angel, if something wrong was happening to him, we would know. I would know,” Cordelia said softly.

“Like when Holtz kidnapped him?” Angel threw back in her face, regretting it the second that followed. But Cordelia didn’t seem to mind.

“Angel, you know that we were not told because it was meant to be,” she said, still as gently. “And this time around, maybe Connor being away is also meant to be.”

“You know, Cordy’s right, man. We won’t find him unless he wants to be found,” Gunn said. “We looked everywhere and we didn’t find him. Let’s face it, man, the boy is not in town anymore.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Working. They had to find jobs if they wanted to survive, had declared Dawn a few days into their co-habitation. And Connor knew she was right.

He was walking on the docks, trying to figure out how to ask somebody for work. That was not easy. Gunn had told him that sometimes people along the docks hired others under the table with no question asked. You just had to be at the good place and the right time. Ok, but how to make it the good place and the right time? Connor wondered, before his thoughts rapidly flew to a more interesting subject: Dawn.

His wonderful brunette, as he liked to think of her. It was only a week since he met her, but he could safely say that he liked her, a lot. She always seemed to know what to do, contrasting to him who barely knew anything normal about this world. He had no doubt he would have managed to survive on his own, but being with Dawn made things so much easier…so much nicer.

At night, when he was looking at her sleeping on the bed but still refusing to touch the sheets, he still wished she would touch him. He was getting better at controlling himself. He didn’t want to scare her and he figured that if she ever wanted to touch him, she would.

Early this morning, when she had been ready to begin her search for a job, he had looked at her somewhat distressed.

“I don’t want you to go alone,” he had said, worried, remembering very well what had happened only a few hours after they had walked out of the bus terminal.

“But I have to,” she had said. “If you are with me, nobody’s going to give me a job.”

“But what if you run into other pimps?”

“Don’t worry,” she had said smiling gently, slightly touching his arm. “It’s early in the morning. And I don’t intend to look for a job in an area full of prostitutes and pimps.”

“Ok, but let me go with you for part of the way.” he had reluctantly conceded.

“Fine,” she had agreed. “Will you go look for a job too?” she had asked, walking in the bathroom to brush her hair.

“Yes, I was thinking of going to the docks,” he had answered.

“Mmm. The docks? That’s a good idea. I’m sure there are some restaurants over there. Maybe one of them is looking for somebody like me.”

So they had walked together and had gone their separate ways at the pier.

Connor was still smiling at the thought of her when danger caught his attention.

There, in the middle of the pier, stood a man who was talking on a cell phone while brandishing his other arm in the air. Right over his head was a huge crate of goods being moved by a crane. The crate was balancing dangerously in the wind and a ripping noise could be heard as the crane suddenly stopped in mid-air. Gathering all his speed and strength, Connor ran to the man and pushed him out of harm’s way, tumbling down on the ground with him.

“Hey!” yelled the man at Connor, visibly angry.

At that moment, the crate came crashing down on the ground, breaking apart and spilling its content of fish all over the place. The man, who had paled visibly, looked at the place where he had just been standing with shock on his face. Connor offered him his hand to help him stand up. Once on his feet, the man looked at the broken crate again and then at Connor.

“Son, I…I don’t know how to thank you for what you just did. You…you saved my life. Oh, God! Wow will I ever be able to repay you?”

Connor smiled, ready to say it wasn’t anything, but then thought again.

“Actually…I’m looking for a job," he said nicely.

“A job? You saved my life and all you want is a job?” said the man surprised. “Are you sure you don’t prefer money?”

Connor smiled.

“With a job, I’ll have money on a permanent basis,” he pointed out. “And I have some conditions” he added boldly. “Paid cash, 8$ an hour, no questions asked.”

H knew that 7$ was a little over the minimum wage.

The man pondered this for a minute.

“Well, kid, I guess there’s something I can do for you,” he finally said, putting his arm around Connor’ shoulder. As a matter of fact, I own this fishing company and have four boats in the water. And I’m short of staff. Let’s go to my office and see what you can do.”

An hour later, Connor was uploading carts of fishes from one of the returning fishing boat.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dawn walked along the street facing the port in search of another restaurant when she heard the crashing sound coming from the pier. She guessed there must have been an accident and she hoped nobody was hurt, especially not Connor.

She liked him. A lot.

He was so silent and kind of broody most of the time, but when he spoke to her, he was always gentle and nice. She wondered where he had grown up, since he seemed totally oblivious to a lot of basic things in today’s society, although at the same time he was aware of some unconventional things like the black market, prostitution and fighting. He was so strange to the things he didn’t know about and Dawn had to admit, she liked to rule the family, so to speak. She was the one ‘wearing the pants’, she thought with a chuckle.

And even if she had known him for little over a week, she was already wondering how it would feel to have his strong arms around her, his lips on hers.

She stopped thinking about him when she walked into a restaurant, the third one she was visiting that day.

Like the two previous restaurants, it was chaos in this one. Burly men, most probably fishers, were eating breakfast waiting for the right tide before leaving the pier. Dawn stopped a waitress and asked for the owner. The girl pointed out to her a big matron behind the counter, who was yelling orders to everybody in a loud deep voice.

“What do you want?” she asked Dawn with brusqueness when she got to the counter.

“Uh…A job?” asked Dawn, taken aback by her rudeness.

The matron looked at her.

“See the old woman over there?” she asked, pointing out at an old lady sitting by the window. If you can satisfy * her *, you got yourself a job.”

“O..ok.”

Dawn looked at the old lady and frowned. The matron must be kidding her. That old woman looked so nice and gentle.

“Here’s an apron,” said the matron, giving it to Dawn as well as an order pad and a pen. “Good luck.”

Dawn put the apron on and walked to the table with a genuine smile on her face.

“Good morning,” she said to the lady once she was at the table. “My name is Dawn and I’ll be your server today. How can I help you?”

Dawn was surprised that the line had come to her so naturally, especially since she had never done that before.

The old lady turned from the window and looked with a sudden severe stare at Dawn, glancing at her from head to toes. Dawn withstood her gaze without losing her smile. She really needed the job.

“Dawn? Is that even a real name?” asked the lady sharply.

“Yes, it is and it’s mine.” Dawn answered calmly.

“Dawn, what kind of name is that anyway? Why in hell would you name someone after the sun raising in the morning?”

Dawn knew it was meant as an insult but decided to overlook it.

“Well, it’s a family thing, really,” she answered lightly. “My sister’s name is Buffy.”

“Buffy?” chuckled the old lady. “ I have to admit, Dawn’s a lot better. So, you want to work here, I guess. Why here?”

For one reason or another, Dawn didn’t feel like lying to the old woman.

“Because I need money, and I want to be paid cash.”

“Well, young girl, your honesty is honourable…I like that in a person. I’ll have a coffee, two creams, three sugars, and two eggs with sausages, three ketchups, two strawberry jellies and brown toasts.”

Without even writing it, Dawn repeated the order to the lady and walked back to the counter where she took her pad and wrote it down. Thankfully she had a very good memory and had always been impressed by the waiters who could take orders without writing them down.

“That was quick.” Said the matron to Dawn.

Dawn smile and gave her the ticket. I grew up on the Hellmouth, and my best friend was a vampire, she thought. I’m not gonna be impressed by a grumpy old woman.

“Coffee’s over there,” the matron said frowning, surprised that Dawn got the order at all.

Dawn took a cup and the coffee, with the milk and the sugar, and walked back to the old lady’s table.

“Do you want me to put the milk and sugar in it for you?” she asked while pouring the coffee.

“Please.” answered the old lady.

Dawn served two other tables without incident. It had quieted down a bit when the old lady stood up and walked to the counter.

“Martha!” she yelled at the matron. “I like her. Hire her. At least she has manners and honesty…and pay her well.”

Dawn, who was standing not very far, looked at Martha. The matron shrugged and went back to the kitchen. When she went to clean the table, Dawn found a 10$ tip waiting for her.

TBC...

~*~ CHAPTER 4 – Normalcy ~*~

Spike hesitated a mere second before knocking at the door of the Summers’ residence. His coming back kind of ruined his previous stormed departure of two hours ago. But she had some explaining to do…and so did he.

He knocked and the door was opened almost immediately.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, not letting her the time to react to his sudden reappearance, like for instance by shutting the door in his face.

“What?”

“About Dawn. And the house. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Buffy was looking at him with a zombie-like face. He waves his hand in front of her.

“Buffy? Are you in there?”

“What?” she repeated, before realizing she was sounding like a total idiot, and Spike was looking at her that way. But she was too surprised to see him back so soon. To see him back * at all *. She hadn’t even registered his words.

“How do you know?” she finally asked.

“Can I come in…uh, again?”

“Oh…yes.”

For the second time that evening she let him walked into her house. Could this evening get any weirder? she thought in a blur.

“How do you know?” she asked him again.

“Willow told me. She mentioned it, thinking I knew…”

She nodded, sitting on the couch. He frowned.

“What the bloody hell happened?”

“The house had a mortgage…I forgot to pay it…end of story. That’s me, Buffy the Irresponsible Vampire Slayer.”

He sat down on the table in front of her.

“And for Dawn?”

“I don’t know…well, I guess that it’s some kind of misunderstanding. I was talking to Giles on the phone, about Willow. Dawn probably thought I was talking about her. I don’t see any other reason. She left a note.”

“Do you have any idea where she wanted to go?”

Buffy shrugged.

“If I knew, don’t you think I would be there already? I know she took a bus to Los Angeles. And from there she probably took another one to somewhere else in the country.”

Spike stood up, pacing in the living room.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked for the third time.

She gave him a furious glare.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were interested. Seemed to me you just wanted to say goodbye to my sister and get back your stupid coat. You seemed rather in a hurry.”

“That’s not true and you know it. Buffy…”

He sighed before sitting back in front of her.

“I want you to listen to me. The reason why I came earlier tonight…”

He stopped, looking for his words.

“Bloody Hell,” he muttered. “It was easier when I was rehearsing it in my head.”

She was staring at him with a blank expression, which wasn’t helping.

“I know you told me to not bother to apologize…and to be honest it wasn’t my intention. The way I hurt you…how could I ever apologize for that? I don’t see how words can make it better. So I figured the best way was to leave. To get out of your way. And at one point I had decided to never come back. But it was too hard…staying away from you…and Dawn…I hadn’t had a chance to tell her a proper goodbye.”

Her face softened a little bit and it encouraged him to go on.

“I don’t give a damn about that soddin’ coat. Since I was there, I just asked…but the reason I came back was you, to see you one last time, and tell you…explain to you what happened in my head. I was a total wreck. Like I told you, I wanted to make it stop. I didn’t listen, when you said no…it always meant yes before…and it’s not an excuse, I know. Like there’s no coming back from that.”

She looked at him in the eyes before saying,

“I never asked you to leave, Spike.”

He looked at her incredulously.

“What else could I do?”

“Last year has been horrible. Everything. To be honest, I don’t remember one single moment of happiness…except when I was with you.”

He almost fell off the table.

“What you did…yeah, you crossed the line, that night. But I did tell you awful things. The part where I didn’t trust you…that was a lie. You didn’t deserve it. You didn’t deserve any of the things I did to you. So we are both guilty. On the same level. But I would lie by saying I forgot about what happened that night…because you scared the hell out of me. And I’m not scared easily, especially not by you. You were the person I could count on, and suddenly all that was left was fear. I don’t want to feel that about you ever again.”

He nodded, not saying a word, digesting what she had just said. He looked at her. The blank expression was gone. And she was sitting straight, like what she had just said had relieved her from a weight. He was feeling exactly the same way.

“So…where do we go from here?” he said, smiling back at the memory.

She smiled too and he realized he had lost hope to see her do that again. At least towards him. The relief almost made him choke.

“What are your plans?” she asked.

He shrugged.

“The original plan was to leave tomorrow…but it’s not like someone’s waiting for me. I can stick around for a few more days…that is, if you want me…to help you,” he added quickly.”

“Yes…that would be good.”

They looked at each other uncomfortably, not really knowing what to do or say. They had a long way to go to bring things back to normal…not that there was any sense of normalcy about the two of them.

“Did you say Dawn left a note?” he asked.

She shook her head, getting out of the torpor that his eyes on her had created.

“Yes. I’ll get it.”

She came back and handed the letter to him. He read it quickly.

“Did you know she was feeling like a burden?”

“Of course not. I don’t understand why she never talked to me about this…ok, I wasn’t probably the best sister in the world lately…Do you think you can help me to find her?” she asked hopefully.

“No.” he said flatly.

“What? But you just told me…”

“Buffy, Dawn don’t want you to find her. It’s clearly written in that letter.”

“I know what’s written, I’ve read it a hundred times! But I can’t stay without doing something. I mean, can you? Don’ t you care about her?”

“You know I do. That’s why I won’t do anything. She wants to be on her own. I don’t think she made that decision in one night. It was probably something she had thought about for some time. She felt it was the right time and she left.”

“Yes, but…that doesn’t make things better. I can understand she wants to be on her own, but…she could have been on her own in Sunnydale.”

“Of course not. You wouldn’t have let her. Be honest, Buffy.”

She put her face in her hands, knowing he was right.

“Am I such a horrible person to live with? Uh, don’t answer that question.”

He smiled.

“Buffy, Dawn is not a little girl anymore. If she needs you, she’ll come back, or she’ll call.”

“Yeah, unless she’s dead or left as such in some horrible hole. I can’t help but be worried, I’m sick with worry. And I feel so helpless, that’s the worst part.”

“I can understand that. But there’s nothing you can do. You have to accept it. And you should concentrate on the fact that you’ll be homeless in a few weeks.”

“I bought some real estate guides. I’m planning to start looking tomorrow…and Willow put out an ad for the furniture.”

“You mean you can keep them?”

“Yes, but I won’t need most of them. If I can sell them, I can get some money from it.”

He nodded, unable to believe this place would be lost to them in a few weeks. He remembered long evenings sitting in the kitchen with Joyce, talking and laughing…watching the telly with Dawn…even sharing Buffy’s bed once or twice.

She wasn’t showing it, of course, but the whole thing probably crushed her.

“If you have no other alternative, you can still stay at my crypt when I’m gone” he offered.

She grimaced.

“ A little bit too dark and sinister, I suppose,” he said.

“Too many memories.” She corrected in a soft voice.

There was another moment of awkward silence. Buffy suspected that there would be a lot of it between them in the following days. The whole situation was really weird but at the same time she was feeling strangely comforted.

“Right,” said Spike finally, “It’s getting late. I’d better go back.”

“Ok.”

He had already opened the door when he heard her say,

“You can stay…if you want. In the basement, or…here, on the couch.”

He closed his eyes. Oooh, the temptation. Why was she doing this to him? Or did she want to show him she trusted him again?

He turned to her.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Slayer.”

“No. You’re right. It’s too soon.”

Too soon for what? They both thought.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, ok? We can patrol together?”

“Sure. Goodnight.”

“ ‘Night.”

And he was gone. But this time, Buffy knew he would come back.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was getting late, and almost completely dark outside. Dawn was still not home. Connor was pacing the apartment, his worry increasing with every minute. He had finished his first day of work, after 5pm, and had brought home 65 $. He had been so happy to finally earn some money so they could live a little better. But right now, he was worried. Dawn wasn’t home and he didn’t know where she was. He was about to grab his coat and go look for her when he heard her put the key in the lock and she walked in.

“Dawn! Are you okay?” he asked, walking to her, relieved. “Did somebody attack you?”

“No, don’t worry, I’m fine,” she said, smiling at him. “I was working. Did you find a job?”

“Yes,” he said, smiling back. “I just saved that guy’s life and he gave me a job. Funny, huh?”

“On the fishing boat?” Dawn asked, realizing what was the smell lingering in the air.

“Yes. How did you know?” asked Connor, very intrigued.

“The smell” she answered. “Fishes have a particular smell. Like greasy restaurants,” she added, realizing she didn't smelled any better.

Connor grinned.

“Did you have dinner?” she asked, taking off her coat.

“No.”

“Do you want to eat out? We could celebrate. We both found work quickly.”

“Ok.”

One way or the other, he didn’t care. He was glad she was safe.

“But I won’t leave this apartment without taking a shower. You want to go first?”

Connor nodded and disappeared in the bathroom. Dawn emptied her pockets that were filled with her day’s earnings. She had about 60$. She also found Connor’s money on the table and wondered how he would view her taking over their finances. He hadn’t said anything about it so far, but she didn’t want to do something that would displease him in any way. She would bring the subject up over dinner.

About an hour later they were sitting in a nearby restaurant, waiting for their food.

“You know,” said Dawn, “We need to make a budget otherwise we won’t be able to make it.”

Connor didn’t really understand why they had to pay for everything all the time, but he guessed Dawn was right. In Quortoth, he would only steal from demons he had slain.

“What do you suggest?” he asked.

“I figured that if we put aside about 25 $ a day, we should be okay for the rent and the groceries.”

“Okay.” said Connor simply.

“Don’ t you have anything else to say in this?” she asked, getting exasperated.

“Not really. You’ re more update about those things than me. Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it.”

Dawn looked at him and frowned.

“You’re serious?”

“Yeah! I’m not really good at budgeting,” he said, before adding “Ok, I don’t even know what the word means.”

“Okay then,” she said hesitantly. That’s what she had wanted all along, but having Connor give in so fast took her a little by surprise.

“What’s wrong?” asked Connor when he saw the uncertain look on Dawn’s face.

“I…I didn’t thought you would let me take on finance over so easily.”

“Dawn, where I grew up, money was not really important. So I never really learned how to…budget, and the value of things…now, if you want to show me, I would love to learn,” he added almost sheepishly.

Dawn made a genuine smile.

“I can do that. Not that I’m the queen of budgeting…and I didn’t had a great example in my sister, considering she lost our house…but I guess there were circumstances…anyway, I’ll show you what I know. And it makes me think, we really need to find a place to hide our money. Frankly, I don’t trust the landlord and the lock on our apartment.”

“That I can do,” said Connor, smiling. “I was good at hiding things where I grew up.”

“Good, cause I was never very good at it” Dawn said, remembering how easily Anya had found her stolen goods some months ago. “You know, thinking of it, I’m sure we’ll do fine. And maybe soon we’ll be able to move in a better apartment.”

Connor smiled at her optimism and attacked his dinner just as the waitress had dropped it off.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Connor was alone today. It was his day off. That morning he had walked Dawn to the restaurant then back home. Dawn was getting increasingly tired. Since she still refused to get under the blanket, she didn’t sleep well at night and, after six days of working eight to ten hours a day, her fatigue was beginning to show. She barely laughed anymore, so tired was she, and Connor was beginning to cruelly miss the light and free spirit of his wonderful brunette.

So, with this in mind, he took some of the money he had left with him and left the apartment right after he got back from dropping Dawn. He took a city bus to the nearest Wal-Mart. He was glad that during his time in L.A, not only had Cordelia shown him how and where to shop, she had also explained how to use the mass transit, saying that until he got a car of his own, mass transit would be a very useful alternative.

Getting to the store took a little longer than he thought, but it was all worth it if he wanted his Dawn back.

He walked in and went immediately to the bed and bath section. Rapidly, he chose sheets and a new comforter that he liked, and that would fit their bed.

He also grabbed two pillows and looked for a mattress cover like the one they had. Walking in front of the towels, he grabbed two big light blue ones, bigger than the one they had at the apartment, and a few face clothes. Dawn didn’t like the ones they had and was using them very reluctantly.

Happy with his selection, Connor walked to the cashier. It cost a little more than he had thought, but since he didn’t really have any idea of the value of those things, he had brought a lot more money that he needed. He was glad Dawn had proposed to teach him those things, because most of the time he was feeling really clueless, and he hated that. He didn’t like feeling stupid, especially in front of her.

A few hours later, he was back at the apartment, after a trip to the laundry mat to wash the sheets and towels. Doing the laundry had not been an easy feat but an old gentle woman had helped him figure it out.

He had just finished making the bed when Dawn walked in with her hands full of diner’s bags.

“I bought us a little something,” she said, then looked up at Connor and saw the bed. “Oh my God.”

She walked to the table and dropped the bags then walked to Connor who was grinning like a happy idiot.

“Do you like it?” he asked.

“What? Of course I do!” said Dawn, looking at the bed again.

“See, I even got a mattress cover so the sheets won’t be directly on the bed.” He said, showing it to her.

“How did you…? I mean, where…”

“Well, I had some money left,” he explained shyly. “I thought that, you know, it would be more comfortable.”

“You bought this for me?”

Connor nodded with a shy smile.

“Oh Connor! Thank you so much!” she exclaimed, throwing herself against his chest.

Of all the reactions she could have had, he hadn’t expected…well hoped…that one. Slowly, he brought his arms around her and hugged her gently.

“I’m glad you’re happy,” he said quietly, bringing his hand to her hair. They were so soft and silky. He liked the feel of it under his fingers, and the feel of her against his chest. And he felt his body reacting to her closeness.

“What did you bring for dinner?” he asked to hide his growing discomfort, and reluctantly let go of her.

“Some chicken sandwiches from the restaurant,” she said, walking to the table and setting it up.

They ate in a comfortable silence, and once they were done they went outside for their daily walk. At a lack of anything better to do, they had begun to walk after dinner, exploring their neighbourhood and sometime getting supplies for their apartment.

That night, when they began to walk, Dawn’s hand found its way to Connor’s and they walked hand in hand, relishing each other’s company.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A little bit before nine the following night, Spike showed up at the Summers' residence.

“Ready to go?” he simply asked.

She nodded, took her jacket and they both headed to the cemetery.

At first they walked in silence, not really knowing what to say. It seemed silly to say something trivial and they had no idea how to bring up important stuff either.

To Buffy, it felt strange to patrol alongside him again. She had thought for a moment it would never happen again. And she had become so accustomed to his help that when he was gone, she hated to have to patrol alone. She had done it for years, but a few vampires and demons ass-kicking with Spike had changed that. So she was glad when Dawn started coming with her.

“Is your chip still working?” she suddenly asked out of the blue.

He shot her a surprised glance.

“Yeah…I think. It’s been a while since I had a fight with a human, so…but I guess it does. Why?”

She shrugged it off.

“I don’t know…you just look…different.”

“Different how?” he asked, trying to look unconcerned by her statement.

“Dunno…I can’t put the finger on it.”

He smiled wickedly.

“That’s too bad. You were rather good at that.”

She hid her own smile. He was still able to joke. Badly, but still.

“So,” he said, bringing the conversation on safer ground, “What’s up with the rest of the Scooby’s? Didn’t you mention Demon girl going back to England with the Watcher?”

“Yes, and please try to avoid the saucy suggestions.”

“Looks like old Rupert still got it, then. Did something really happen between them?”

“We don’t know. Dawn thinks so. But they always stayed very discreet, if there was ever a reason to stay discreet, that is.”

“I always thought they made a good couple. Remember when we lost our memories and they thought they were engaged? I didn’t fancy her too much to be my step mom, though.”

“Besides, sleeping with your step mom doesn’t help for good family relationship either,” Buffy said in a slightly acid tone.

“Uh, right. I guess not.”

Bloody hell. He should have known that mentioning Anya was not a good idea.

“What about Harris, then?” he asked, quickly changing the subject – again.

“Like I told you, he was promoted. A good job offer in San Francisco. Willow and I persuaded him to go. He’ll be back in a fe…”

“I NEED BLOOD!”

They both jumped in surprise and turned around. A vampire, freshly raised, was looking at them in a very unfriendly way.

“Excuse me, buddy, I was talking here. Don’t you know it’s very rude to interrupt people like that?”

“I NEED BLOOD!” yelled the vampire again, starting to walk towards Buffy. She took her stake from her pocket.

“And stop shouting, you’re gonna wake the dead.”

He launched himself at her and all she had to do was plunge the stake in his chest.

“Was that guy stupid or what?” she wondered with amazement while brushing the dust off her jacket.

“ ‘I need blood’?” Spike quoted the vampire-turned-dust with a frown. “Where did that come from? The bloke watched too much Dracula B-movies.”

“Let’s hope he didn’t wake his friends, because I reached my slaying quota for tonight.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“One vampire is your slaying quota per night? I hope they are not multiplying too much, then. I thought this was the bloody Hellmouth.”

“And it’s still is, unfortunately. It’s just…well, I have so many things on my mind…I know the slaying should come first…and if Giles was here, he would probably beat my fingers with a cloth.”

“After cleaning his glasses,” said Spike with a smile.

“I have two appointments to visit apartments after tomorrow. And I hope to have some quick answers to the ad Willow put out for my furniture. Don’t you have friends looking for a bed or a table?” she asked him half-jokingly.

He thought for a moment then frowned.

“Actually….”

“Spike, I was joking,” she said.

“I don’t. Let me get back to you about this, alright?”

“Uh…Alright.”

He walked her home. She opened the door.

“Do you want…uh…no, you probably don’t,” she said, feeling her heart melting under the sweet smile he gave her.

“Goodnight, Slayer. I’ll see you soon.”

“Ok. When?”

He shrugged.

“Tomorrow, probably.”

“Ok. Bye.”

He walked back to the street. She called him back.

“Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“That thing I told you about being different…I meant it in a good way. I’ll try to figure out what it is.”

“I’m sure you will, Buffy.”

And I bloody well hope you won’t, he thought. Not before I decide it’s the right time and the right place. And that it’s worth it.

TBC...

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