I love Him

By *~Rachel*~

Disclaimer: Oh yes…they are ALL MINE! (Sarcastic) Haha. RIGHT.

Rating: Do you watch the show? You can read this. Maybe PG-15ish

Summary: Buffy's POV, a type of sequel to "By her Side" that finishes their story in a sweet, fluffy way.

Spoilers: This takes place in the 6th season, so I have spoilers for anyone who hasn't seen "The Gift," Some of the more important B/S episodes, and the rumors that are flying around for 6th season.

Author’s Notes: <_______> Signifies thoughts. Also, "The Way You Do" Is by 98 Degrees, and thanks to my friend's sister for pointing this song out!

Distribution: My site, Sinister Attraction, the groups I'm sending them out to, and....anyone else can just ask me first! (I'll probably say 'yes')

Feedback? OF COURSE!

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Every night I can't help but wonder the same thing: What am I going to do with Spike?

Ever since I... got back, let's say, he has been the only one to really understand me. The gang was all-helpful, but they basically wanted me to get over it and start living again- literally. They were always in my face telling me to do this and don't do that, when all I really wanted was to be able to deal with this by myself.

Spike, however, let me take my time. He never spoke out against what I was doing and how slowly I was recovering. He understood what I was going through, after all- he was undead, which was as close to my once-status as anyone could be. And as I recovered, he was always right there by my side. He helped me get back to the norm and figure out how things were now. Spike let me cry out all my pains or bitch at his face to relieve my anger. And he never fought back once.

But now, I feel as though we're growing closer each night that we are together. Whether it's the silent patrols or the movie-watching time at my home, I feel...warm feelings for the blonde vampire that I once called my enemy.

Like I said before, what am I going to do?

OK, well, actually I had finally made up my mind on what I was going to do. I kind of lied to Spike, telling him to meet me at the Bronze and making him think that it was some Scooby-gang get-together. Little did he know that it was just going to be him and myself.

Brilliant, I know.

I walked into the Bronze, hearing the music in my ears and feeling the beat of the bass in my body. I walked over to where I usually met Spike here and found him munching on a blooming onion and sipping a beer.

"Hey Spike!" I greet loudly to be heard over the music.

Spike stood up when he saw me. "Buffy...hey," he finally replied. "How are you tonight, love?"

I think that if he had looked at me closely enough, he would have seen me blush when he called me 'love.' OK, what's wrong with me? Buffy, snap out of it. He's said the exact same thing to me for years now. And then my eyes travel down to his lips. Ooh boy, bad place to go right now, I think. I think back to when he kissed me two nights ago as we stood on my front porch. He kissed me with such passion and desire- a feeling that I hadn't felt in a very long time. "I'm good," I finally manage to reply.

"Good," Spike replied. I walked over to be closer to him before the two of us sat back down at the table he had managed to grab before the place got filled up. "Hey, I was looking around for the Scoobies, but they aren't anywhere in sight. They suppose to meet us here, pet?"

"Uh...well, not really." I stammer. When did I ever have problems coming up with something to say back to Spike? "I kind of...well, I just thought we could hang out here tonight." I finally spoke.

"You wanted to be all alone with me?" Spike asked, a look of surprise in his features. Not that I can really blame him from all the past times we've met at the Bronze. Usually I'm kicking him out of the place or just threatening him to get away. Not tonight. "I'm touched, pet."

I blush again. "Hey...uh, do you want to dance?" I ask shyly. I just hope Spike thought I meant the traditional type of dancing instead of going back out into the alley and beating the living daylights out of each other. I was getting tired of that.

"Sure thing, love." Spike replied, taking one more gulp of his beer before finishing it off. Spike stood back up and walked over next to me. He calmly grabbed my hand and led me out onto the dance floor. When I was expecting a fast dance song that we could simply dance around to, a slow song came on blaring over the speakers. Oh God, I thought, now I have to slow dance with him. I wasn't expecting this.

We stared at each other. I think that both of us were pretty unsure of how to act. Spike stood there in front of me awkwardly. In a second, I felt his arms wrap around my waist as he pulled me closer to his body. Spike started swaying gently to the beat and very slowly, I started to relax, contouring to his figure.

OK, so I normally don't like the whole boy-band groups- not that I have the time to listen to anything fun, but I found myself listening to the lyrics as I swayed back and forth in Spike's comforting arms.

I remembered all the times that Spike told me that he loved me. He said it with such...passion, that I couldn't help but feel like he was telling the truth. But back then, I didn't believe him.

Now, I think that I do.

I think of all the things that he did for my family and friends while I was dead. He helped keep Sunnydale safe. He helped all of my friends when they realized that this was a battle that I was not returning from. He helped with Giles' moving back to England. And he protected Dawn, the most honorable thing he has ever done for me.

I look up at Spike, staring into his crystal-blue eyes, and very quickly- before I lost my nerve- kissed his cheek before laying my head back onto his shoulder.

When I came back, I took a lot of time to think back on everything that had gone on in my life. It was there that I realized that Spike was the first one who has truly accepted me. Angel tried to protect me from everything and let me have a normal life. He wanted to let the girl come out, not the Slayer. Riley tried to help out in everything but couldn't understand the fact that I *am* the Slayer. Spike has been the first person to accept me- Buffy. The Slayer, who may go out and beat up demons in the graveyard, but was just a woman doing her job.

He's never wanted me to change. He was the only one that ever understood me since I had been brought back. I guess that's just another thing that I really love about him.

Wait...did I just say "love"?

I reminisce about the times before he and I became friends. I remember those tiresome threats that he was going to kill me- and the fact that he never could. I remember that alliance we made, where we had our first fairly calm conversation. When he saw Angel and me back together, I couldn't hide my feelings from him, even then.

And then most importantly, when the Initiative installed that chip into his forehead. God, he hated that, and of course I teased him about it. But if it weren't for that chip, none of this might have ever happened between us. Spike helped my friends and me. He started caring for Dawn and my mom. Right then and there, I knew that this couldn't have been just from the chip, although I never let him know that's what I thought.

And finally, the few months after I had been brought back, Spike had shone nothing but love for me. Sure, he was still so macho when he faced the Scoobies, but he was so caring and sweet around Dawn. I think his word for it might be "whipped." But anyway, I remember all of those times where he had made up the stupidest reasons to see me. He was that desperate to talk to me.

That's what I love about him.

Wait...there's that "love" again.

Oh God...I love him.

I love his cocky attitude, the way he can come up with some sarcastic remark to everything that my friends or I say. And yet, Spike can treat me so kindly and understand what I'm going though. I love how I can feel so safe when all he does is a simple act of wrapping his arms around my waist. I love the way he'll watch over me as I patrol, too nervous to just walk out and talk to me. Hell, I even love the way he'll stand outside and watch over me all night long.

God, those feelings that I had been denying myself of were all for Spike. I'm madly in love with him.

The song ended and both of us stopped moving; however, I didn't budge from his arms and he made no move to let me go. "Spike..." I start. I want to tell him so much. I just want to say it over and over, and hear him say it in return.

"Yeah, love?" He asks, pulling back slightly and looking at me.

But suddenly, I couldn’t say the words. This wasn't the right time. "I...you wanna dance some more?"

"You know I do, pet." Spike replied.

A fast song came on and Spike loosely draped am arm around my waist, just enough to show everyone at the Bronze that I was with him, which gave me a weird feeling of...peace. Being with Spike was right. This all just felt so natural. And I had to let him know that.

I pull him closer to me and rub up against him, breathing in that scent of blood, cigarettes, beer, and... Spike. He kissed the nape of my neck and I can feel the vibrations against my chest of him growling. If it weren't for the other 100 people around us, I would have taken him right then and there. Ooh, I'd let him ravish me. I smile at that thought.

Later, I tell myself.

Another song came on and Spike and I just kept on dancing. He made no more to stop or let go of me and neither did I. Neither of us wanted to let go just yet. This all felt so...perfect. So we danced for the rest of the night.

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It was sometime after one AM when Spike and I started heading back home. We were actually still holding hands even after our dancing. I figured that Spike thought that I didn't even realize that I was still holding onto him. Our conversation was silent as we neared my home. I was deep in thought, trying to sort out my thoughts in the last few minutes before we got back to my house.

I loved him.

But how do you just come out and *say* that?

"You're awfully quiet over there, Buffy." Spike noticed.

I shivered hearing him call my name. I just loved the way it rolled off his tongue. Ooh, major turn on, I think. "No, I'm just thinking..." I said softly.

"Well, think away." Spike replied as we walked up onto the porch of my house.

"No, I think I've finally thought everything out." I said. And it was true; I finally knew how I felt and what I wanted to do. I knew whom I wanted to be with. Spike turns and faced me. I stare at him before pulling him closer to me as I raised my head to meet lips with Spike. With all the passion and love I could muster, I kissed his lips, over and over again. Spike's hands raced down my back as he pushed me even closer to his body.

"Do you have any idea of how much I love you, Buffy?"

I smiled. "Yeah, I think I do know, Spike." Because I love you too.

"I remember the first time I started realizing my feelings for you." Spike started. I stepped back, beginning to listen to his story. "It was in a dream after the first of many Captain Cardboard fiascoes. You came in, holding a stake and then...I grabbed you and kissed you and then you kissed me back."

I swallowed hard. God, I wanted to just his bones right then and there.

"And you said that you wanted me...and I said that I loved you. I loved you so much." Spike continued.

"Spike..." I tried to interrupt him, to tell him that I felt the exact same way, but he continued talking.

"And I was freaked! I mean, me- the Big Bad. The guy, who has tried to kill you and the Scoobies for the last 4 years now, had feelings for you? I was gonna give the bloody poof a run for his money." Spike continued.

"Spike...I-"

"And then you still hated my guts back then." Spike sighed. Yes, I remember a year ago when I was so cruel to him. Before I knew what he was really after- my heart. "Bloody hell, every time I tried to talk to you, you kicked me out, threatened me to leave, gave me stares that would make the devil himself shake. So I-"

"Spike! Shut up!" I yell, trying to get him to listen to me. He looked surprised; after all, this was one of the few times that I had yelled at him since I came back. "Okay...my turn to talk now, okay?" Spike nodded. "Spike...I've been trying to tell you this all night and..." I looked up at his eyes, my voice dying off as I became more nervous. "And when I was thinking it through in my head, it seemed a lot easier to say."

"You can tell me anything, pet." Spike assured me. And that was all I needed.

'Spike, I've been trying to tell you this for a while now, but...tonight, everything seemed to come together in my mind." I looked up at his eyes once again. He had such crystal-clear blue eyes. God, I'm gonna drown in those eyes of his, I think. "Spike...I," and suddenly, those words that I thought were going to be so hard to say, seemed so easy. "I love you."

"Buffy..." Spike started, his face looking so confused. "What?"

"The way you cared for me when I got back...the way you openly care so much for Dawn...the way that, just ten minutes ago, you were holding me so gently. I love the way you love me." I say.

Spike's features shifted from surprise, to happiness, and then pure love for me. God, I love him so much. I can't believe it took me this long to sort out my feelings. "Buffy...uh....I..." Spike began stuttering, and I bit my bottom lip to not laugh. Never had I seem him so nervous until now.

"Spike? You wanna shut up and kiss me?" I smiled at him, letting him know that I was simply being myself.

"You bet, love." Spike replied. Spike wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his embrace. He lowered his head and pressed his lips against mine. I ran my fingers down the side of his face as I passionately kissed him. Spike responded as his arms around my waist tightened and his hands began traveling up my back. We kissed each other passionately, love flowing from each touch and motion we made.

Finally, I pulled away, gasping for air. Spike hugged me and I leaned against his frame. I burrowed into his form, feeling finally at peace. Spike kissed my head before whispering, "my Slayer."

I smiled. Already possessive, I think. "My vampire," I whisper into his ear. I gently kiss his cheek, moving my lips back over to meet his. I feel his cool lips touch and caress mine and I'm in heaven all over again.

We kiss again, this kiss more gently and loving than the passionate one we shared just a minute ago. Finally, Spike stood back, trying to regain his posture. He cleared his throat and took a step away from me. "Well love, it's late. Uh, you should go in a check on the 'Lil Bit. And uh..."

"Dawn's not here," I tell him. "She's over at a friend's house for a sleepover."

"Oh really?" Spike asks, raising his eyebrows.

"Yes, really." I said, taking that step towards him. I grab onto the collar of his jacket, pulling him towards me. "Spike, will you...stay the night? Stay with me?"

"Are you sure about that, love?" Spike asked. Ha, trying to be the noble gentleman.

"More than sure," I replied, my voice rough from lust.

"Well then, I guess it would be wrong to turn down an invitation to the Summers' home." Spike said.

"Good," Buffy said. I turned around and unlocked the door before opening it. The two of us walked inside, and before I could even get the door closed, Spike grabbed me and kissed me, leaving me breathless and gasping for more.

Each kiss that Spike planted on my lips was filled with all the love and passion that he obviously felt for me. He slid his hands up until they tangled in my hair and I mimicked his motions. We stood there, thinking of nothing but each other. For an instant, time stood still and the only thing that existed were the touch of our hands, the taste of our mouths, and the feeling of the other’s skin.

Spike and I kissed with a ferocity that we had never dared before. Moving down to my neck, Spike kissed each inch of exposed skin as I stood there, holding onto him. “Spike…” I moaned as Spike's hands slipped down to the hem of my shirt, feeling the material of the fabric I was wearing. Slowly, he slipped his hands under my shirt, beginning to move his hands up and down my bare back. “Spike!” I cried out, taking a step back from him. “Geez, at least let me get us inside!"

"All right, cutie." Spike said, grinning like an idiot. The two of us walked inside and Spike immediately wrapped his arms around me, meeting lips with mine. Spike resumed running his hands up along my back as he crushed his lips to mine. Spike slowly backed the two of us back into my house, slamming the door with his foot. He resumed keeping all his attention on me, caressing my back as he kissed my lips, moving down to my neck.

My smile widened as I pulled apart from him, whispering in his ear, “Race you to the bedroom!” I turned around and began to run for the stairs. Right behind me, I heard Spike following me. He managed to catch up with me half way up the stairs. With a possessive growl in the back of his throat, Spike grabbed me and spun me around back into his arms. I looked up at Spike and his amazing eyes, placing my hand on his face, feeling his cool skin. Spike ran his fingers down my cheek doing the same. Never before had I ever seen him so loving.

Spike's fingers lightly ran across my lips and I gently kissed them in response. Then, as Spike carefully cradled my chin with his fingers, he slowly bent down and kissed me. I hungrily returned the kiss, desperately wanting to be in his arms for eternity. Spike's smooth hands began racing up and down my body, leaving me yearning for more- much more. I pushed his head down closer to mine as our tongues dueled inside our mouths. Each kiss became more passionate and loving than the next as Spike slowly led me up the rest of the stairs and into my bedroom.

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The next afternoon - because the two of us weren't even up until sometime after noon - we wandered into the kitchen and started fixing some food for us. Spike pulled out a package of blood and sunk his teeth into it. I walked over and grabbed a few eggs before walking over to the stove to scramble them.

I stood in front of the stove wearing Spike's big, red shirt that he always wore underneath his jacket. The top 3 buttons were undone showing off just enough cleavage to please Spike. Unexpectedly, Spike's arms wrapped around my stomach as he approached me from behind. "Mornin' love," He said before kissing my neck.

"Spike!" I shriek playfully. "Get away, you smell like blood!"

"Aww, pet. I'm hurt." Spike replied. He turned around and jumped up on the counter, going back to finishing his blood. I went back to frying my eggs. I could feel Spike staring at my ass...not that I minded or anything. "You know, Slayer, you look pretty good in my clothes." Spike commented.

I moved the pan off the burner so the eggs wouldn't be overdone. "Yeah?" I walked over to the counter where he was sitting. "Well, you look pretty good *out* of them." I took another step towards him, placing my hands on his shoulders and lightly dragging them down his bare arms. Spike's hands rested against my hips as he pulled me towards him, pulling me in between his legs. I ran my fingertips down his cool chest, my fingers running over his muscular form.

"Cor, pet. Do you know what you're doing to me?" Spike asked, breathing hard.

"Let's find out," I said before kissing him. Forgetting about breakfast, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my lips against his, my tongue sliding over his bottom lip before he opened his mouth and allowed me entry.

"Ahem!" a voice called out from behind us. Spike and I broke apart and I whirled around to see who it was.

Sigh.

It was Dawn.

"I guess that it's a good thing I was over at Jessica's house last night, huh?" Dawn said, crossing her arms.

Quickly, Spike and I pulled away. I buttoned up the remaining buttons on the shirt I was wearing and Spike went back to eating his blood. "Mornin' Nibblet," Spike greeted her as though nothing had happened.

"Hey Spike. And it's like 1:00 in the afternoon now. But I guess the two of you would have known that if you hadn't been up all night, right?"

Damn, I hate when she's all...smart. It's scary. "So...are you two together?" Dawn asked.

I looked over at Spike. I knew that he would let me speak, not make the decisions of telling my friends for me. He wouldn't speak for me because he knew I could speak for myself just fine. "Yeah," I said. "We're together." I grabbed Spike's hand and lightly squeezed.

"Cool!" Dawn exclaimed. "So, when is he moving in?"

"Dawn!" I said, giving her that 'shut up now' look.

"Oh come on! You know you’re making him move in here." She said.

I sighed. Why even try? "Want some breakfast...uh, lunch?" I ask.

"Sure," Dawn replied. "And don't think that I don't realize that was an attempt to change the subject." However, Dawn sat down and I placed a plate of eggs in front of her.

"Eat up," I told her. Dawn grabbed a fork and pretty soon the eggs had disappeared.

"Hey Buffy, make me some eggs too." Spike pleaded, smiling over at me.

"Spike, you don't need eggs. You don't eat." I said to him matter-of-factly.

"Well...yeah, but I've never tried eggs with blood before." Spike said. "It could be interesting."

I made a face as Dawn exclaimed, "Eww! Gross!" In another second, since Dawn had finished her food, she got up from the table and started walking out. "I'll be in my room," she said. "And please...I *can* hear whatever goes on down in here."

"Great," I started after Dawn walked out of the room. "I think we've traumatized her for life with our PDA and your lovely breakfast choices."

"Oh well. She'll have to get used to it, love." Spike said.

"I guess you're right." I said, walking back over to where he was still sitting on the counter. He wrapped his arms around my waist again as we hugged. "After all, I kinda like having you around."

I raised my head and closed my eyes, feeling Spike's lips touch mine. Instantly, all thoughts were forgotten as I concentrated on him and the love that I felt for the vampire...the man that I once called my enemy. Our lips met over and over as our hands rubbed over each other’s body. Never before had I felt passion like this. I wrapped my arms higher around his neck, pushing him closer towards me before kissing him hard on the lips. And then, as I moved my hands further down his back, I could feel Spike's skin flex as I pushed him closer to me. Kissing him hard on the lips, I let him know how much I wanted…no, needed him in my life.

"I love you, Slayer," Spike said when we pulled away.

"I love you too, Spike." I replied instantly. Those words seemed so perfect.

"About time too. It took you long enough to admit it," Spike said smugly.

I sighed at his usual cocky behavior. Better get used to it, I tell myself. "Spike? Shut up," I said before kissing him.

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