8.45am

Buffy turned slightly in her sleep as she snuggled closer to the source of warmth at her back, pulling the bedcovers as close to her as she could. She let out a quiet sigh, as the arm that wrapped itself around her waist moved to her abdomen and softly rubbed her tummy. Spike, half-awake touched her abdomen to reassure himself that the baby was real and Buffy still lay by his side, and that neither had been a dream. He swirled his hands lazily upon her abdomen, he moved himself closer to her as he felt her snuggling in closer to him, he heard her sigh and felt a gentle wave motion under his hand. His eyes popped open along with his mouth as the motion of the waves increased until he felt a kick. He pulled himself up and hauled the linen aside.

Spike gently lifted Buffy's nightshirt from her body and watched the rippling motion of the baby moving under her skin. He then replaced his hand on the skin of her abdomen and waited to feel his son or daughter move within her. He didn't have to wait long until he got his 'hello dad' from the baby, the cheeky smirk on his face showed the pride he felt in the little one's creation, and in the end this was what it was all about. Being with his family.

A hand came to rest over his as the baby became more active, Buffy guided his hand to feel the movements of the baby as she felt the life move inside of her. She always knew where the little one was going to strike next, sometimes she wondered if she was going to last the nine months, it seemed like the baby wanted 'out now'. It was extra comforting to her to feel Spike next to her, to be cocooned within the warmth of his body and protectiveness of his hand over their baby. It went without saying that the past few weeks had been an utter nightmare and so painful that it was soul destroying, but there was hope that going through it all had a purpose. Maybe Karma was just playing 'bitch' to see how strong they both could be, and if they could make it together, surely this wouldn't be the only hurdle they'd have to face.

Buffy could only think what her and his family… 'oh shit'…his mother! She'd totally forgot to mention his mother's call. Mrs. Freemantle was the last thing that she would have thought about, considering the circumstances and to be honest she didn't really give a damn. Spike, herself and the baby were the only things that really mattered; they were her first priority and the only thing she wanted to focus on at the moment. Yet Buffy knew that his mother underneath that entire demeanour was freaking out about her son. She let out a sigh and entangled her hand within his, knowing that she would have to shatter their quiet world, so with some reluctance she spoke.

"Spike?"

"Yeah Luv." Spike lifted his head onto his hand as he bent his free hand to support his head. "You uncomfortable, want me to move?"

"NO! Don't you move a muscle mister!" Buffy brought her face around so she could look even though awkwardly at him. "Your mom called a few days ago, she said that you hadn't called her in two weeks and that you hadn't been in the office. She wants you to call her."

"I'll call her later." Spike bent his head down and kissed her softly on the cheek. "Wanna spend the day with you."

"Spike she sounded worried and you haven't called her for two weeks, nearly three. Put her out of her misery. Spike, she's your mom."

"Mother will survive, trust me." Spike dropped his chin to her shoulder. "She's a tough old bird."

"She also thinks that you're with Lily!" Buffy knew that wasn't the whole truth, well it was kind of the truth, and his mother had asked!

"What! With that bitch!" Spike spat out, "I told her that we were over, and she knows that the woman is an adulterer! Bloody hell!"

"You should call her and tell her that you're alive and here…well umm that you're alive anyway." Buffy's voice quietened as she realised what she'd said about him living with her. She looked away from him as she realised her slip of the tongue.

"You didn't tell her?" Spike dragged himself up into a sitting position with his back on the bed head and pulled Buffy up until she rested comfortably, leaning on his chest with his arms embracing her waistline. "Buffy?"

"No."

"Why not?" Spike asked her.

"Why didn't you tell them, your mom and dad, that you were here?" Buffy replied with her own question.

"Umm I didn't think to…must have slipped my mind. So much has happened in the last few weeks."

"More like months Spike!" Buffy was getting rattled. "Why don't they know about the baby?"

He felt the instant guilt grab him, one more stupid thing that he shouldn't have done, kept the baby news from his parents. "I will tell them Buffy. One more stupid thing to add to my list of deviances, hey!" Spike started to move himself away from her, he felt like the total git that he was, he'd let her down again.

"Hey, Spike! If you think that you're taking your arse out of this bed, you are surely mistaken mister!" Buffy squeezed his hands that lay between her own. "It's okay, we'll work it out. The why's, when's and how's don't matter anymore. Today does okay! Not what happened yesterday…today is what matters. You get a clean slate, Spike! Please don't fuck it up!"

"Buffy..." Spike pushed himself and her forward as he leaned her to the side and moved her until she lay flat on the bed, with him lying on his side above her. Her words had opened up the floodgates, he didn't want to rush anything, he wanted to take things slow, bit by bit like he said, but he couldn't deny the fact that he wanted her. Taking her face between his hands, he kissed her lips with soft light touches with a gentle grace that reflected his need for her. He placed no demands on her and made no effort to deepen the kiss, and neither did she, they just enjoyed the pleasure of just touching each other. Maybe each just a little frightened to touch the flame that burned beneath the surface. Each of them itched to touch it and allow the flame to come to the surface too warm and consume them. Yet they knew that it could burn them, extinguishing it self even before it had a chance. They needed to lay the new foundations based on friendship, love and trust even though friendship was the last thing either had in mind with each other.

Buffy knew that they could further explore their relationship if she wanted to, she could feel the pull of her need to feel him around and inside of her. Yet she could feel her heart protesting that it was too early, and it's vulnerability was just to fragile at the moment. It was frightened to let him into too far and too deep so early…she didn't know if she could survive if they went through any of this again. She'd let go of so much pain and anguish in the last few hours She gave into the hope that seemed to have enveloped them, renewing the connection between them. So she let things be and didn't forge the kiss forward, as much as she wanted to, she just wanted to enjoy this moment more.

Spike felt Buffy relax into their soft kisses, her body melting into the mattress, and moulding into his body. He felt the moment she surrendered, as she seemed caught for a time, lost in her own thoughts as if trying to decide whether this is what she wanted. He kept himself in a deliberate check, he wanted nothing more than to intensify their kiss and embrace the fire that scratched from beneath the surface begging to be released. It would give him so much pleasure to show her how he felt, to touch her skin, to be truly intimate with her. He knew that it meant total trust, something that he had yet to earn from her. He'd done enough of a good job to destroy any trust she'd once had for him, but she'd given him another chance and he wasn't going to mess it up. With some reluctance he stopped kissing her, and played with her hair to avoid temptation.

"Okay so you tell your mom and dad about the baby. Then what? I don't think that they're going to be jumping for joy do you?" Buffy asked him.

"What they think is not the issues here, it's the fact they don't know that matters, and I don't give a shit what they think, Buffy!" Spike pulled her tighter into his arms. "But what about your folks, Luv? You never seem to hear from them, surely they know you're knocked up, Luv!" Buffy replied by smacking his arm with a rough blow, "Hey!"

"I don't know, Spike?" Buffy spoke softly, "I can only assume they know. I mean they haven't even called, not once to say hello or how are you. I don't know, Spike."

"Surely you called them?" Spike asked her, reassuringly stroking her hair and running a finger down her cheek, as a single tear ran down its length, he caught it before it fell away from her face. "You haven't called them have you? You haven't even tried since all of this….fuck…Buffy, you should have called them."

"What for? For them to be disappointed in their youngest daughter again?" Buffy closed her eyes and opened them looking away. "They probably would have accepted it, if you and Lily stayed together…but you didn't and they probably would have tried to…tried to…"

"What Luv? Tried to have what?"

"To have talked me out of it. The baby. Probably would have tried to talk me into having a termination." Buffy let out a single sob that shattered the peace of their bed.

"It doesn't matter anyway now does it? What they think or say? You've got me and the baby!" Spike kissed the tears that feel down her face. "Buffy, please sweetheart, don't cry. We have each other, we don't need them…we can make our own world...together...you belong here with me."

"I wish sometimes that I could stay here and keep the world out. Just to rest."

"Then rest, the world will be there tomorrow, Buffy. Let it just be us for now, just us three and if it just has to be us Luv, then so be it. Maybe 'just us' for now anyway!"

"Now?" Buffy was deathly silent.

"I'll give you sometime to yourself until your ready," Spike looked at her holding his gaze with her, as he put his hand over her abdomen, "and we do it right next time."

"Next time?" Buffy was stunned.

"Next baby, Buffy!" The look in his eyes was saturated with lust and desire. "Next time we do it right, we conceive naturally with no machines, no doctors and no interference."

He could hear the hesitation in her voice and the boundaries begin to creep in around them, he knew this was new but dangerous territory he was in, so he let it drop for the moment. Yet he was more than serious about their next child, that they would be conceived naturally as it should have been this time. It really pushed the point home to him that he had made some stupid choices in his life and picking the wrong sister was one of the biggest.

He needed to let her know that he hoped that she would give him…them...another child, maybe not so close after this one, but yet still a child made together out of something stronger than an a frozen stick in a needle in a doctors office. Also to assure her that he wanted her, desperately wanted her as the mother of his next child, and more importantly his lover.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He let it slide the rest of the day allowing them to have the freedom of the day free from worries about the outside world. Today they lived in their own world, fortifying their relationship together as they talked for hours about what they wanted from their lives. He even managed to persuade her into going to town for dinner and a walk along the main street, openly hand in hand or his arm across her shoulders. It did turn some heads in the town, the Freemantle's were well known. It was made even more obvious to every passer-by that walked by the couple that Spike was the father of the child she carried and that he was proud to be by this woman's side. A few mouths dropped as they realised that the woman was no other than Lily Freemantle's sister. Spike had a suspicion that it wouldn't be too long before the whole world knew with all the gossips that this town held.

He even wondered if he subconsciously did it to make it clear that he didn't want to hide her or the baby from anyone anymore. They were open for scrutiny now, and would probably become cannon fodder for some, but he didn't really care. It made one thing clear too him though, he'd have to call home now before any of the town gossips did and break the news to his parents that they were going to be grandparents to a Freemantle-Summers' child after all. They'd just have to get used to the fact that it was coming from an unexpected source and not the one they expected the baby from. Spike waited until Buffy had gone to have a long soak in the bath, after complaining of sore muscles from the long walk that he 'made her do' to call his parents.

Walking into the study he picked up the phone extension, and dialled to his parents' town house in London, only to find that his mother had left for the US that day. The housekeeper had expressed his mothers concern for his whereabouts, Mrs. Freemantle decided to come and find him herself, 'to sort the boy out!' Thanking the housekeeper for her titbit of information he hung up and dialled his parents' home, it picked up on the third ring.

"Hello Freemantle." His father answered the phone, with his usual straight to the point manner.

"Dad?"

"William? Is that you?" Spike could hear his father's voice boom of demand down the line. "Where in the blazes have you been? You've had us in knots trying to find you! Never mind your poor mother! And what about the office? You left it in a bloody shambles, not to mention the clients that are threatening to leave! So what have you got to say for yourself boy?"

"Umm, hi Dad! Nice to hear your voice," Spike replied to his father.

"Is that all you've got to say for yourself, young man?"

"No dad it ain't…"

"Well where are you William?" His father asked him. "When are you coming home? Your mothers here!"

"I know dad, and I am home." Spike scratched his head wondering how he was going to explain this one to his father. "Dad look I'm home and I'm okay. I needed to sort some things out, but there are some important things that you need to know."

"Home, but no one's been answering the phone, or the door? William what's going on?"

"Like I said dad we need to talk. I think you should come over here so I can show you something, then you'll understand. Dad please understand that only you can come, not mum. Not yet anyway."

"When?"

"Tomorrow, but Dad?"

"Yes William?"

"Not home, home. I'm at another address," Spike lowered his voice even further even knowing that there was no way she could hear him speak. "It's 1630 Revello Drive."

"But that's…"

"I know dad, I'll explain when you get here. Just tell mum that I'm okay, everything's okay."

"You have a lot of explaining son."

"I know, Dad, I know."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

9.44am

After another restful night lying with him in her bed, comforted by his presence, she slept like a baby. Waking up with a sudden urgency that she was busting to go, the pressure on her bladder was terrible; the baby was doing flip-flops, making the sensation worse. She got out as quietly as she could without waking him and ran to the downstairs toilet so that she wouldn't disturb him with the noise. She could also help herself to some of the chocolate she craved, that she'd hidden under the sink in the kitchen without Spike rolling his eyes at her for eating something less than wholesome, like he always did.

After finishing the task at hand, Buffy walked into the kitchen and had her hand on the cupboard door when the front doorbell rang. It was only 9.55 a.m. on the wall clock and she wasn't expecting anyone so with some anticipation she opened the door. Swallowing hard she looked at who stood on her front door step as she hid as much as she could behind the front door and looked at Spike's father peculiarly.

"Mr. Freemantle…what can I do for you?" Buffy quietly asked the man on her porch.

"Awhh, Buffy, how are you my dear? I believe my wayward son has come and invaded your home."

"Spike?" She whispered in response. "Spike's here, just hang on I'll get him for you."

"May I come in please dear? This hips playing up, and I'd love to sit down."

With great hesitation, she opened the door to let the visitor in, and raised a hand to motion for him to come in. "Please take a seat in the living room, Mr. Freemantle. Would you like a cup of tea or coffee while I get him?" Buffy regained her composure somewhat.

"No thank you." Mr. Freemantle was to occupied looking at her abdomen and her obvious pregnancy. "Buffy, you're pregnant?"

"Yes." Buffy whispered in response, "Yes I am."

"Lily didn't say anything before she left William! Congratulations my dear! When did you get married?"

"I'm not Mr. Freemantle."

"Not?"

"Married."

"Oh you're not….ohh sorry dear…you know us old foggies, baby usually equals marriage. Well it did in my day!" The sarcasm lay thick in his voice. "So is the father around at least Buffy?"

"Yeah, Dad, he is." A strong resinate voice came from the staircase as Spike flew down them two at a time until he came to stand next to Buffy.

"Well then introduce him to your old man, so that I can give my congratulations the fellow." His father replied to his son.

"You already know him Dad and thanks." Spike put his arm possessively around Buffy and pulled her too him.

"Oh my god!"

Thanks to Kirsty and Karbear57 for editing....just waiting for one more...

Chapter 13

A/N edited by Kar with many thanks

Daddy Dearest....

“Oh my god!” was all his father could say over and over again, the stunned look and shock covered his face. Mr. Freemantle leaned into the wooden doorframe for support as the news began to hit him.

“Dad!” Spike moved away from Buffy and helped his father through the doorway into the living room and to the sofa. “Dad, are you alright?”

“Yes son, I’m fine,” his father looked from a concerned son to a horrified young woman. “It’s just not what I expected. I mean it’s the last thing that I ...”

“Dad, please let me explain...”

“What? That you were having an affair, too! That Lily drove you to it?” Mr. Freemantle’s anger made his words seethe. “You made Lily out to be the instigator of all this mess, but by the looks of things I’d say you’d beaten her to it. But with her sister William? That’s low son, really low.”

“Dad, it’s not like that!’

“Don’t tell me it was love at first sight William! Next thing you’ll tell me that you’ve loved her all this time!”

“Dad! That’s not how it happened!” Spike was really beginning to lose any composed thoughts at this stage very quickly, “You don’t understand! You have to let me explain!”

“What! That you’ve been sleeping with your sister in law, and that you lied to your mother and me! That you have gotten her pregnant! How do you think that your mothers going to cope?”

“Father!” Spike exploded. “Firstly, I didn’t get her pregnant!”

“What, was it a miracle conception?”

“No, Dad, it was a planned pregnancy. Buffy conceived for me and Lily, Dad!” Spike can to sit down beside his father. “She was meant to be the surrogate mother, she was meant to give Lily and myself the child that we, no I wanted.”

Mr. Freemantle slipped back into the sofa as the revelation sunk into the depths of his consciousness and silenced his sharp tongue. He heard every word that his son said, every vowel rung true and he saw the frightened woman in front of him in a new light. He was never as blind as his own son where she’d been concerned, he’d seen the side glances that Buffy had snuck in when she thought that people weren’t looking. He’d even seen her shed a tear or two at time that people thought she was crying in happiness at a special occasion, he knew different it was more like a tear shed in loss and want for something she couldn’t have. Yet, he always knew that she’d kept her distance and had never interfered with her sister relationship.

He could see that his son now openly adored her and there was something else there, something that he hadn’t seen in his son for a long time. Contentment. His life with Lily had been good at the beginning into their relationship and his son seemed complete with his wife, but after a few years the shine that used to be there was gone, even if his son didn’t or couldn’t see it, he could. He really wasn’t surprised when William had told him and his wife that she’d left, what had hurt was the devastation that it had for his son, and the pain that had flooded deep into William.

“And now?” Mr. Freemantle asked his son.

“Now, Buffy and I are going to bring up the baby.” Spike got up and walked over to her, taking her hand he lead her to the other sofa and sat down with her. “Together Dad. We’re doing it together.”

“And Lily, where does she fit into all of this?”

“No where!” finally Buffy broke her silence. “She has nothing to do with this baby anymore, Mr. Freemantle. Lily walked out on me and her husband for another man. She didn’t want the baby or Spike!”

“And you do Buffy? With Lily out of the picture you get my son and his child.” Mr. Freemantle asked his son’s sister in law.

“Don’t you dare talk to her like that, Father!” Spike stood like a viper ready to strike as his temper snapped. “I’m the one that came here demanding to have a place in her life, her house and the baby’s! Me, Dad, not her. I’m the one that demanded all this! I never gave her any real choices in this and this has nothing to do with you! This is my family!”

“You’re family! You’re not divorced from the first wife yet and you’ve already set up house with the second.”

Buffy could feel her mouth drop open and her sharp intake of breath as his father verbally attacked them. It shocked her to see his father like this; it was totally out of character for him, he’d always been the most pleasant man that she’d meet. She could only guess that Mr. Freemantle was only doing it out of concern for his son, but his ugly words stung deeply, and they’d been through enough hard times already.

“Dad, I think that you should go.” Spike spoke quietly demanding that his father leave.

“Spike?” Buffy looked at him. “Don’t do this.”

“What Buffy?” Spike looked from her to his father. “Let him talk to you, to me like we’re nothing? No, Buffy. If he can’t accept us and the baby then I’d rather not be his son.”

“I never said that I’d never accept your child! For heavens sake, William! It’s my bloody grandchild!”

“Then show it! Show me some support and acceptance! Show some respect Dad, for me and Buffy.”

“I’m sorry, William.” Mr. Freemantle stood up to his son, and touched him with his hand on his arm. “I’m so sorry, William, it’s just such a shock.” He turned to look at the young woman that still sat on the sofa, “I’m sorry, Buffy, I had no right to say anything.”

“No, you don’t, Mr. Freremantle, this is between me and your son. We’ve been through hell and back in the last few weeks, and not you or anyone else is going to stuff it up!” Buffy’s anger surfaced as she said her peace, she knew that there would be some resistance from his family. She also couldn’t deny the fact that some of the anger came from the fear of how her own family would react in front of them, and the hurt that they hadn’t contacted her sliced through her, it was if she didn’t even exist. She could feel the tears begin to form behind her eyes as she felt Spike’s arm come around her shoulders to comfort her and support her. Buffy felt the soft kiss on the back of her head, as his pulled her further into the sofa and put his arms around her the best he could.

“Dad, you have to understand that this is what we both want, and we’ve both chosen. Lily’s leaving was probably the best thing to happen lately, at least she’s really showed her true colours.” Spike looked at his father as he put his hand over their baby. “But this is my child and I would choose the baby and Buffy over anyone any day. So you either accept the child and us, which goes for you and mother, or ...”

“I get the picture, William!” his father came back with in response to his son’s warning.

“Fine and dandy. As long as we’re clear on that one.”

They all sat in silence for a short time as what had happened penetrated itself into their consciousness, and the realisation of what was going on around them. Spike seemed satisfied that his father knew exactly where he stood and what he expected from his family as he outlined it for his father. Buffy was perplexed at the whole situation, and what the implications would mean, she knew that they might get some resistance from his mother, but she didn’t really give a damn, well she did a little for Spike’s sake. Maybe once the baby was here, his parents may soften a little towards them and the situation.

“I’d better get home before you’re mother starts wondering where I am.” Mr. Freemantle spoke softly breaking the silence, even if it was a statement that both father and son knew not to be true, it was just a convenient escape tactic for him to leave with some dignity intact.

“Are you going to tell mum?”

“Of course, it would explain some of your missing time and behaviour! You may think that she doesn’t care much because she never shows it son, but she was worried about you.”

“What taking two weeks before trying and find me?”

“Spike please!” Buffy interceded as he spoke, “Not today please.”

“Okay!” Spike looked at his father, as he reclined into the sofa, and let go of the disappointment he felt towards his parents, and which he wanted to air. “Luv, for you anything.” Spike spoke with a strong conviction in his voice as he stared straight into his fathers’ gaze in defiance making his stance on how things would be quite clear. Accept us or forget us.

“Thank you Buffy.” Mr. Freemantle got to his feet and walked towards the door, as the couple on the other sofa, moved in the same manner and direction behind him. “I hope you realise that that you have my support,” he looked at his son refuting the his son’s earlier rebuke, “my wife might be another matter, but she’ll come around. Better yet it will be guaranteed when the baby is born.”

“It better be Dad,” Spike put his hand around Buffy in showing their unity. “It’s still the same for Mother, she accepts the three of us Dad, as a family or nothing.”

“William, your mother...”

“Just making sure that you understand the rules, Dad, I want to misunderstanding for the future.”

“Fine,” Mr Freemantle walked out the door but turned before the door was shut behind him and looked at the young woman with his son. “Buffy, I am glad that you are having the baby, and I’m sure that Evelyn will, too, despite what my son might say.”

“Thank you.” Buffy spoke with a quiet clarity of what he was saying to her, she watched as he walked down the front path to the car that was parked on the curb. She looked at the man beside her as the tension rose in his body and resulted in the muscles of his cheeks begining to twitch, and the arteries in his neck begining to bugle. He obvious greater concern was that his family wouldn’t accept her and to a lesser extent their child, she could feel the apprehension radiate from him in waves as it poured of him.

She shut the door after a short time of just looking into the void of the empty street that just saw the occasional car drive by, it was apparent that Spike wasn’t going to shut it. Buffy didn’t want her neighbours getting a free look into her personal business, not that they’d had free front row seats to the drama that unfolded in front of them on a daily basis. She took his hand leading him into the kitchen, making him sit on one of the stools behind the breakfast nook, as she pulled out a pan to heat up some milk.

He watched as she prepared him his favourite drink, as she yanked out the cocoa and pulled the cupboards apart until she found those little marshmallows that he loved. She had yet to say anything about what had happened between his father and himself, he could feel the fear rise in him, it felt like the ground that they’d covered was threatening to give way. She finally placed the mug in front of him, as she leaned across the bench she ran her had to his check from his chin with a strained but gentle smile.

“You and your dad will work it out.” Buffy tried to reassure him of something at least. ”Looks like you two have issues?”

“Buffy, my dad could go to buggery for all I care. The important people here are you, the baby and me. What he says, thinks or does is irrelevant.” Spike looked into his drink unable to look at her in fear of what he might see.

“Is that what’s bothering you?” Buffy finally clicked onto what he was raving on about. “You’re frightened that I’m going to back off somehow because of what he or your mother might think?” She couldn’t contain the laughter that exploded into the room from her mouth. “God, you’re thick, Spike! I wonder were you got your brain from sometimes!”

“I’m what?”

“Thick! As in have no idea! Lost to reality!” Buffy moved around to the other side of the counter, as he moved to sit on the side of the stool so that he faced her. “As in I’m not going anywhere. As in I’m here to stay. As in I’m yours for life.”

His jaw dropped as she stated her intension and the truth of her commitment to them and him. Yet she still had yet to say the words that he truly longed to hear, to embrace and to say back to her when she said it. He was afraid to say anything after the last time that he tried to tell her the truth in what he felt, it was true that he doubted that he would have a repeat performance, but he didn’t know if he’d get the response he wanted. Spike didn’t want to push the boundaries just yet, he already made more head-way than he could have every imagined. It was going to be interesting when she was greeted with the news of their next big move their life together, but then again that’s another chapter yet to unfolded.

Buffy looked at the deep seeded fear that was reflected in his eyes, she could see the need that he had to just grab onto her and hold her. Just to reassure himself that she was here and going to stay. It worried her that she felt this from him twice in one day, especially this morning as they lay in bed together and now that same feeling sat in front of her. She leant forward and reassured him in the best way she knew, she softly kissed the skin that lay over his cheekbone, until she reached his mouth.

Delicately brushing her own lips against his own, she grasped the soft tissue of the flesh between her own, and at times nipping it with her teeth, grasping the blunt edges of them along the tissue. Over and over gently expressing the reassuring rhythm of her need for him, and her want of him, she knew that he was so unsure of the future despite her reassurances but she didn’t know how else to reassure him. She tried to express it with her touch and in her kiss, but she doubted it would be enough, they’d been through so much in the last few weeks. Buffy wanted to assure him that she was with him all the way, and in every way.

“I’m here okay and I’m not going anywhere,” Buffy moved back slightly from him. “Why don’t we go out? Get away from here for the day, as our covers been blown, and your mother may show up! I don’t think that I could cope with that.”

“Good idea, Goldilocks.” Spike pulled her back down to kiss her again, but she only allowed him a little pleasure before she pulled away. “Hey, I wasn’t finished with you. Luv!”

“What’s with the ‘Goldilocks’ business?”

“Well what am I supposed to call you? Luv? Pet? Sweetheart?” Spike pulled at her hair that hung over her shoulders, running it between his fingers. “Goldilocks?”

“Ohh,” was all she could say as the colour of his eyes darken to a deeper shade of blue, and as she watched the desire rise within then. “Ohh...that Goldilocks? The three bears story?”

“Yeah that one Luv. Especially the bit about ‘whose been sleeping in my bed’ bit?”

“Spike!”

“Hmm, gives me ideas and fantasies to survive on.”

“Spike!!!”

“Well, Luv, cannot wait to see if your hair bounces when we...” He stopped suddenly when she lifted a nearby spatula threatening to hit him with it, Spike gently grabbed her hand as a mock grin filled her face, “This flapjack ain’t ready to be flipped, Luv.”

Spike stood up from the stool, still holding her hand that threatened to hit him with the implement that she held in her hand. She gently tried to pull herself out of his grasp, as his other free hand slid down her arm and onto the thigh that it rested upon, he watched as her mouth dropped open in surprise as he slowly drew it up dragging the dressing gown that shielded her body from view. He watched her struggle for oxygen as he gently scrapped his nails along her inner thigh. He stopped just above her shorts that she’d slept in last night. Spike moved his hand to the side of her thigh and continued with the upward motion until reaching the side of her panties. He watched as she appeared to stop breathing when he traced the panty line down for a few centimetres until her hand dropped the spatula and grabbed onto his, halting his movements.

“Buffy, I want you.”

He didn’t remove his hand, but he lent in and kissed her with a gentle passion, that was tender and reassuring. It still demonstrated the deep restrained passion that he was holding back from her, frightened to scare her away. She eased his hand away from her inner thigh and around to her waist the best she could, pulling herself as closely into his body as she could. Returning his kisses, as she deepened it just for a little while opening his mouth to her tongue. Tasting the soft flesh within, exploring the ridges of his mouth and the soft and hard textures that she found within. Sliding her flesh along his as they embraced the passion that flowed between them and united them. Until they could feel the fire begin to burn between them.

Buffy was the first to pull away from him as he grasped her hips and ground himself into her, showing the extent of his need for her. She untangled herself from him, as she straightened her clothes out, and looked at the floor to unsure if she wanted to see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes. Buffy had to admit to herself that she should have pulled away earlier but she was too caught in the heat of the moment.

“Don’t you want me, Buffy?” Spike moved up to where she stood and lifted her chin up seeing the uncertainty in her eyes.

“I want you,” Buffy looked away from his gaze. “But I don’t know if I’m ready to yet or that I can?”

“So you’re saying you want me, but not yet?” Spike looked at her in concern, “Or you want me but you can’t because of the baby?”

“Both...”

“But you want me?” He just had to ask he had to be sure.

“Yes, I want you!”

This was beginning to frustrate her so she moved her hand to his t-shirt that he’d slept in and ran a single finger down it along the hard ridges of his chest and abdomen until it rested on the top of his abdominal muscles. She gentle began to draw a circle around his flesh until she touch the taunt fabric of his sweats that outlined his erection. Palm down she tauntingly massaged the straining flesh that continued to harden under her gentle strokes. This time it was his turn to gasp and seem to be unable to breathe, as Buffy increased her pace and the pressure of her strokes that she placed on his flesh.

“I want you more than I can say or show you.”

Her words echoed in his ears and penetrated through the cloudy haze that hung in his mind, but he could still hear her caution from before. Her hesitation in moving things too forward to fast, deep down he knew that he wouldn’t want anything more than to get her into his bed and satisfy her until she was screaming her lungs out with his name on her lips. As much as he didn’t want too he removed her hand from his erection and took a few deep breathes to get the oxygen flowing back to his brain, and let some sanity reign.

“Please, Luv, stopor I won’t be able to stop, even if you asked me too.” Spike asked her in a low toned voice.

“I don’t have to.. I could...” Buffy stumbled through her words, shy and a little embarrassed.

“No, Luv, please...” Spike walked a few feet from trying to put some safe distance between them, when all he wanted to do was just grab her and run upstairs to their bedroom. “Maybe we should go out like you said. Take a break from here. Besides my mother might show up and we wouldn’t want her to find us in any compromising situation, do we?”

Still caught in the daze of the desire they shared Buffy blindly responded, “But we could go upstairs? She wouldn’t know anyone was home...”

“Luv, we have plenty of time for everything, just not right now. I think we need to get out of the house cool down, and hide somewhere else just in case my mother comes hurtling through the door.”

Buffy only nodded in agreement with what he was saying, still a little stunned by him turning her down for at least a little pleasure between the two of them. She’d let him take her out for the day, and she’d make sure he’d spoil her rotten, but when they got home tonight, that would be a different story. Despite all of her misgiving she knew she was willing too give some of herself over too him, but not all of it, not just yet anyway.

But soon....

Chapter Fourteen

Seeking Answers

8:20am

Buffy sat at the breakfast nook, paper in one hand and juice in the other trying to get her prenatal vitamin down her throat and as usual it seem to just stick. Flipping over the page she scanned it, nothing catching her attention. She was too busy thinking about last night and the evening that her and Spike had spent on the town. As usual, he'd circum to her every whim; they ate at her favourite restaurant and walked along the lit streets of the city centre. It had been a pity that it had to end, but she'd become tired and he'd insisted that they return home so that she could rest and get some sleep. Snuggling next to him in bed, she'd slept like a baby and unbeknownst to her he'd just watched her sleep.

She could hear the shower running upstairs and impatiently awaited for him to come down for breakfast before he officially went back to work today. After the visit by his father, Spike had thought it best that he return to the family firm and try to clean up some of the mess that his disappearance had caused. Buffy would dread having to face the crap he would be getting from angry clients, but she supposed that he would charm them back to civility.  Yet most importantly make bridges back with his family, his father seemed to some what accept the situation, but his mother was another concern. One that she hoped that Spike could deal with and she just didn't know if she was up to facing another unhappy mother.

She dropped the paper as her thoughts moved logically to her own parents and the hurt that just sat under the surface of her being. It stung her deeply that neither of her folks had even tried to call her. Buffy had no idea what they were thinking, feeling at this moment or what they understood about the situation she found herself in. What wasn't undeniable was that her mother wouldn't be happy with the current situation between Lily and Spike, and she couldn't even conceive what her mom would be thinking about herself and Spike.

Buffy had put off calling her parents for various reasons, the main being that she had to get her own life in order first before she could even think of introducing them to even the idea that she was pregnant. Or even more dramatic the fact that Spike was the father, now living in her house and would be a permanent fixture in her life. 'What a tangled web we weave', Buffy thought to herself. Recollecting Mr.Freemantle's reaction to the news of her pregnancy, she knew one thing…that she didn't want a repeat of the other day between herself and her parents.

Looking at the clock she made her decision and picked up the portable phone and with a shaky hand she dialled her parents' home number. Buffy could feel the anticipation rise up from herself as she felt like a lead brick rested on her sternum, she swallowed back the bile that threatened to hit her mouth and sat down again before she fell down. The line continued to buzz with the ringing tone, each second that passed felt like an eternity to her. Finally, the phone picked up and a familiar voice answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Mo…Mom?" Buffy asked even though she knew who was at the end of the line. The silence was deafening, not a single word came from the other end of the phone, just a light sound of static.  "Mom…" she could hear the sound of movement on the other end of the line until someone finally spoke.

"Buffy?" her stepfathers voice resonated through the earpiece.

"Yeah it's me," her voice quiet and broken. "Where's Mom?"

"She's a little lost for words at the moment," his voice filled with concern. "We haven't heard from you in such along time Buffy, but then again what's happened with your sister, I'm not surprised."

"I'm sorry," was the only words that seemed to come from her throat. "She didn't really leave me with much choice."

"Buffy there's always choices! But shacking up with your brother-in-law after breaking up the marriage isn't a smart choice, Buffy! Your mother and I are very disappointed in you," his words were cold and heartless; obviously Lily hadn't told them the truth about her split with her husband. Buffy wondered whether she'd told them about the baby or her new relationship with Liam James. This was typical of Lily, she told people what she wanted to tell them truth or lie, it didn't matter to Lily but she hadn't pulled something this devious in years, not since they were children.

"So Lily told you what happened then? That she left William for another man and let me with such a mess like you wouldn't believe…"

"Buffy, I know what you've done young lady and I don't want to hear your excuses! How could you do this to your sister?" her stepfather interrupted her.

"I didn't do anything! Lily had an affair…"

"My daughter would never do that, she loves her husband! How can you accuse her of that! Considering that you were sleeping with her husband!" he just kept interrupting her. Buffy mind screamed in frustration as he wouldn't even let her talk, Lily seemed to have gotten there first and he wasn't going to listen to a thing that she had to say. She only wished that her mother would have given her the courtesy to talk to her, them maybe she could have told her what was really going on.

"Believe what you want to, but it didn't happen like that! Lily can do no wrong and Buffy disappoints again. I hope that the truth comes out and you and Mom will see her for the deceiver that she really is," Buffy spoke with a formidable voice that tried to relay the depths of her emotions. "Tell Mom that I love her."

Buffy turned the phone off before he could get another word in, but one thing was so clear to her. Her family had abandoned her and sided with Lily, she closed her eyes and tightened her grip on the phone as her desolation struck her. Tears began to run down her eyes as silent cries of sorrow that wouldn't come from her throat, gently she began to rock on the chair that she sat on. She felt the warmth of Spike behind her as he put his arms around her waist, raising her until she stood, with her back against his chest. With some gentle prodding, she turned around to face him and burrow herself as closely as she could in his arms.

"Shhhhhh, sweetheart," Spike pulled her hair away from her face as she hid half her face on his chest. "They'll see one day Luv, they'll see the truth. You've got us, Goldilocks; me and the baby," with that he swayed in time with her gentle rocking motions, he could feel her pain and devastation. He wanted to grab Buffy drive over to her parents, and show just what Lily had done to him and their daughter, he couldn't believe that they  seemed to doubt her truth.

 He'd been listening to her conversation just after it would appear her stepfather had gotten on the phone, 'bloody git' Spike thought to himself, 'deserves a punch on the fucking nose!' Taking the phone from her vice like grip, he turned it on and dialled his father's private number, waiting for him to pick up he pulled Buffy in as close to himself as the baby would let him. It was obvious that he couldn't go back to work just yet, Buffy was far more important than that, he only hoped that his father would be more understanding than Buffy's stepfather.

"Dad, sorry can't make it today," Spike tried to be as quite as he could as not to scare Buffy off. "It's hard to explain, but it's impossible to come in today." A pause then, "yeah Dad, it's Buffy…no it's not the baby…Dad the baby's fine…parents." With that, he turned the phone off and put it down the best he could onto the breakfast nook as he watched as it fell to the floor with a thud. The noise startled Buffy out of her daze as her head snapped out from his chest, her face red and eyes ruddy from her tears, her mouth set in a line thin.

"Lily lied to them! They believe HER!" Buffy voice was full of venom and hate for her sister. "She told them that I broke up your marriage! That I was sleeping with you!"

"Fucking bitch!" Spike looked like he wanted to annihilate something. "Bloody fucking bitch!"

"Spike why? Why would she do that?"

"Simple Luv, make us look like the baddies and get your folks on her side," Spike ran a hand through his wet hair. "Bloody hell!"

"What am I going to do, Spike? I can't have Mom think that I broke up your marriage!" Buffy began to tear again. "Lily always convinced them of anything that she wanted to. How am I meant to fix this, Spike?"

"I don't know, Luv, I just don't know," he took her face into his hands. "Buffy, you have to remember that I'm here, the only thing that really matters is us and the baby. If you need something to hold onto then hold onto us."

"I know," she hugged him the best she could. "But it still hurts."

"I know baby," Spike tried to console her. "Luv, maybe you should go back to bed and rest."

"I don't want to go back to bed, Spike," Buffy pulled herself away from him and wiped the tears away from her eyes. The look in her eyes changed from hurt and anger too something that he just couldn't describe. "What do you want to do, Luv?"

"See Dr. Singer."

                    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After a few frantic phones made by Spike he managed to get an appointment with
Dr. Singer that morning.  Several times he tried to get the reason why the urgent need to see the doctor, but all she would do was reassure him that the baby was fine. She refused at point blank to discuss anything about the baby or the morning's phone call with him any further. Spike was getting frenzied with her refusal to talk with him, all he could think was that her stepfather had done a good job at screwing with her mind. He still had it in mind to go and beat the living shit out him, in the past he'd had a lot of respect for the man, but now all he could think of him was that the man was an idiot. He had even more contempt for Buffy's mother; she wouldn't even talk to her daughter and that he couldn't understand.

Together they sat on the couch in the waiting room, Spike refused to let her out of his sight as he held her hand in a death grip. It was becoming irritating for Buffy, especially when she'd been asked for a urine sample and he wouldn't leave the bathroom till the nurse had intervened and suggested that he leave to give her 'some privacy'. As soon as she handed the sample to the nurse, prior to her appointment Spike had grabbed her hand and lead her to the first seat. He sat there letting out large frustrating exhales of breath as she still refused to talk to him about why she wanted to see the doctor so urgently. After what seemed an eternity, Dr. Singer called for Buffy, and as she stood she pulled her hand away from his and walked into the office, without once looking at him.

"So what seems to be the problem, my dear?" Dr. Singer asked as he shut the door, raising a hand to gesture her to sit down on one of the two chairs in front of his desk. "Don't want William on this visit?"

"No," Buffy quietly spoke. "I just wanted a check up and to ask you something."

"Alright, let's start with the usual," the doctor moved to his desk unpacked the blood pressure machine and took a reading. "Hmm, a little up, but nothing to worry about. Buffy, would you get on the scales please." He moved around to his desk and wrote in her medical file that lay open on the desk, he quickly followed her to the scales.  "You're putting on the right amount of weight for your term. Okay on the examination table." Buffy moved down from the scales and onto the examination table, she watched as the doctor measured the girth of her abdomen, and placed the foetal monitor over her stomach. The steady quick beat of the baby heart thumped through the speaker attached to the monitor, after pushing the 'rhythm' button on the equipment, the doctor retrieved the printout out it produced. "Okay heart beats fine, your putting on the right weight and baby seems to be growing at the right rate for your gestation period Buffy. So what's bothering you young lady?"

"Umm it's ummm just that…ummm," Buffy stumbled out her words. "I want know if…if I can..." She was interrupted by loud yelling outside and the secretary loudly but calmly trying to quieten down someone. The shrill of the phone broke her concentration, as Dr. Singer rushed over to answer the phone, she could hear the 'oh', 'umm' and 'okay see what I can do' as he spoke to the other person on the other end of the line.

"Buffy, it would seem that William's getting a little testy out there. Any chance he could come in before he rips my office to shreds?"

"But…?" Buffy felt torn, she wanted to say 'yes' but she wanted an answer to her questions.

"Alright, Buffy, a shot in the dark answer to your question. You can as long as your comfortable with it and not a high risk pregnancy, which your not, but be gentle okay."

She felt like her face was on fire with embarrassment and a little shocked at the doctor's statement. "But I wanted to ask…"

"What, Buffy?" Dr. Singer was getting slightly agitated with the whole situation. "Have I misjudged your question? I…" he was unable finish his sentence as Spike forcefully pushed the door open and made his way into the room. "Mr.Freemantle! This is a private consultation if you please!"

"No, I don't please!" he walked with a determined gait over to where Buffy now sat on the examination table with her feet hanging over the edge. "Are you alright?" He watched as she answered with a nod, but could help but keep her gaze on her shoes. Looking back at the doctor, he asked him, "Are they both alright?"

"Mr.Freemantle, I'm sure that Buffy will inform you and your wife with the progress of her pregnancy when you get home!" Dr. Singer's agitation at being interrupted during a consultation showed in his manor and stance. "So if you don't mind I'd like to finish this privately and give Miss. Summers some dignity please!"

"My only concern here Dr. Singer is Buffy and the baby. It would also seem that you are unaware that circumstances have changed doctor, Lily is no longer a part of this equation so I'd appreciate it if you don't inform my soon to be ex-wife any information concerning Buffy or myself!"

"Oh umm I..umm…I didn't realise that your circumstances had changed," Dr. Singer walked to the door and held the handle as he gestured for him to leave. "Both are fine William. Now if you don't mind!" With some reluctance he looked at Buffy as she still wouldn't look up at him, he turned back to the doctor and with an unhappy look on his face he walked out the door as Dr. Singer slammed it behind him. "Buffy, what is going on?"

"It's complicated Dr. Singer; I don't know where to begin?" Buffy looked up at him her eyes laced with concern. "But it's alright, William's here for me and the baby?"

"Is that all Buffy? Just there for you and the baby?"

"Like I said doctor. it's complicated beyond imagination…"

"Buffy?" Dr. Singer concern filled his face; he walked over to the young lady that sat on his exanimation table. "Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into?"

"Yes, I do," she took his hand in trying to reassure him that everything was all right. "She left awhile ago and his been there for me like no one else is, and he wants to be with us."

"Us?"

"The baby and me," Buffy smiled at him with all the hope that she felt about herself and Spike. "Believe me we've been to hell and back, but he's been there all through the hard times and it's not over yet."

"Yet?"

"Lily left such a mess, more than myself, the surrogacy and let alone William, but we're moving on with our lives," Buffy let his hand go and got herself off the table. "I'm sorry that you're caught in the middle of this all Dr Singer, but plan is that I'm keeping the baby and his or her father's apart of our life."

"Oh."

"Yes 'oh'," Buffy repeated the doctor's exclamation. "So doc, the baby's okay and I can…" Her embarrassment caught her again, as she watched Dr. Singer walk away from her and went to his desk and pulled out a pamphlet.

"This should answer all your questions, and yes you're fine and so is the baby," he went back to the door and opened it, letting her exit after she gathered her bag. "But only if you feel it's the right thing, Buffy?"

"It is and thanks for your concern, Dr. Singer."

"Only if what feels right, Buffy?" Spike stood in front of her exit out of the office. "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" she pushed him gently out of the way and proceeded to walk out the front door.

"What is she talking about doctor?" Spike demanded from the man in front of him.

"You'll have to ask her that!" Dr. Singer turned to the waiting room. "Mr. and Mrs. McLachland please."

Spike virtually ran from the room trying to catch up with the petite blond, sometimes he just didn't know where she got her energy, as she disappeared down the hallway. "BUFFY!"

~~~***~~~***~~~

3.20 pm

"Buffy talk to me! What did you and Dr. Singer talk about?" Spike paced the kitchen floor trying for the umpteenth time to get the truth from her. "Please baby, tell me!"

"Nothing! If you hadn't come bursting in, them maybe I could have finished my consultation and asked him what I wanted to know!" Buffy was getting angry with his constant nagging about what had happened in the consulting room.

"What am I expected to do, Buffy? You're mum and dad blow you off then you demand to see Dr. Singer! Yet you refuse to tell me why you went to see him! All I get is 'the baby's fine'. Well I know the baby's fine, but what about you! I need to know you're okay!"

"Spike, I'm fine, yeah I'm hurt about Mom and Dad but I didn't expect anything different really. I want to find Lily and blow her up, yeah I'm upset with Lily," Buffy voice quietened as she spoke more to him, she stood up from where she sat and halted his pacing with a hug. "But I got you and the baby and the most important people in my life are here with me." She grabbed his hand and lay it on her tummy, "the baby" and as she lay a hand on his cheek, "you".

"If something was wrong, you'd tell me right?"

"Yes, you idiot! I've told you a thousand times, you stupid man!" Buffy walked away with a huff and headed up the staircase towards their bedroom. Leaving him to stand there with a furrowed brow and a lost look on his face, she was up to something but he just couldn't put his finger on it yet. Well not yet anyway….

HEALTH WARNING : Contains Fluffiness…studies have shown that this is an addictive substance, and people can develop dependency the more they read it.

Thanks to Kar for another edit job..luv ya sweetie…:lick:

Chapter Fifteen

Want, Need…Have

Spike paced the kitchen as thoughts flowed in and out of his mind, she still hadn't told him why she'd gone to see the doctor, and when they'd gotten home she still flatly refused to tell him. It irked him beyond belief that she was holding something back from him, but most importantly it really hurt. She'd had a bad enough day with her stepfather on the phone without his constant nagging he supposed, yet he couldn't help but worry about her and the baby. If she'd only bloody well tell him what the urgent problem was he'd be much happier, running a hand through his hair he decided the best thing was to confront her about it before it became a major issue.

Walking up the stairs he could hear her in their bedroom, knocking lightly he opened the door to find her foraging through her drawers, her suitcase open on the bed. The pain hit his forehead immediately as the flashback to when Lily had left and the chaos in the master bedroom which she'd left it in. Spike felt like something had penetrated his heart and felt it crumple beneath his chest. 'Not again!' screamed through his mind, 'not her!' Spike made himself walk through the door, each step so heavy it was like lead was attached to each foot. Even as he walked in she continued to pack her clothing; she even glanced questionably at him a few times.

"Spike?" Buffy asked him quietly, he looked like he was either going to collapse or be sick. "What's wrong? Sit down." She moved the suitcase down onto the floor and literally dragged him down onto the bed. "Are you alright?"

"Why?" the whisper carried across the room.

"Why what?"

"You're leaving…me."

"Huh?" Buffy's eyebrows pushed together as she finally understood his question, the drawers too her dresser open and the suitcase. "You know, Spike, sometimes you take the cake!"

"Just tell me why?" his voice becoming angry with hurt and pain.

"Again, Spike, huh?" Buffy shook her head in disbelief. "I'm putting away the clothes that don't fit me! Hello, pregnant woman! Still expanding at an expediential rate!"

He just sat there on the bed his hands covering his face; he was so emotionally wired that he just couldn't do anything else. She'd lead him on a merry dance today, and this had been the last straw; the secrets and now he thought even though he was wrong that she was leaving. It had been one fucking horrible thing after another, and he just couldn't stand it anymore, even though she was just doing the simplest of tasks of packing the clothes that no longer fit her.

"Bloody hell, girl! Thought that you where packing to leave. I come in and your packing your clothes into a suitcase, you've been secretive all fucking day! What am I supposed to think?" He was really getting angry with her as his face tightened accentuating his sharp cheekbones and elongated his face. "I thought that we'd worked through things Buffy, especially the no secrets thing! That was my fuck up and one that I don't want to go through again!"

"Hey don't you think I know that, Spike?" Buffy moved over too him and put her hand on his shoulder as she quietly spoke with reassured tones. "I'm not hiding anything from you and I'm not leaving, okay," Buffy kicked the suitcase that sat near her feet. "It's the only thing that I could find to fit all my stuff into, nothing seems to want to fit anymore. I'm getting so fat!"

"You're not fat, you're pregnant!"

"Says everyman to his...his..." Buffy really couldn't finish of the sentence, she'd never really pondered what exactly she was and it perfectly moved the conversation away from him thinking she was leaving. Yet still was she girlfriend? Partner? Friend and Partner? "Anyway that's what you guys always say too make us feel better!"

"Bollocks! My girls' pregnant with our child and what else am I gonna think!" He put a hand over her abdomen rubbing the soft fabric that lay between her and her skin. "To me you're the most attractive woman I've ever laid eyes on, especially now with my child inside you."

"Attractive?" Buffy looked away with her guilty secret making it impossible for her to look at him.

"Yeah, Luv!" Spike pulled himself onto the bed, moving Buffy with him so she lay on her back and himself on his side right next to her. Running a hand down her face, he smoothed the flesh of her neck and left arm as he leaned over her with the tips of his fingers. Not missing the goose bumping of her flesh, he repeated the motion on her arms as he sighed and watched her reaction. "I can't help but think about you, hard not too when you're lying down next to me in our bed, or snuggling into me, Luv! Surprised that you haven't noticed the obvious!"

Despite his words she had felt the obvious most mornings that he hadn't gotten up before her, she usually escaped using the excuse of the need to go to the loo as an excuse to ignore the obvious. Or Spike would leave the bed hurriedly before she woke up, but there had been morning where she just wanted to stay in their cocoon of warmth and ignore the 'obvious'. That was not to say there hadn't been occasions that she hadn't felt the gentle rocking motions from him as he kneaded her thigh as he moved the 'obvious' against her, in his half asleep state.

"Don't even think that I don't fantasise about you, Buffy. Here in our bed, naked with me between your legs and you screaming out my name as you come. That I don't see you riding me, beautiful and lush with your pregnancy, knowing that I just want to be inside you!" He leaned into her, grasping her jaw with the hand that had caressed her arm, with slow soft 'just there' kisses he brushed his lips along her own. "Or that I can't wait until the baby's born and I can finally have you! Buffy that's my fantasy, you and me!"

She was a little taken aback by his admission, not that it surprised her, it wasn't the first time that he'd said that he wanted to make love with her. But the raw energy that was oozing from him was captivating, she could feel her response course through her veins, and the need to experience that raw energy became infective. Every previous thought that she'd had about this moment flooded through her mind, every doubt and insecurity pasted through her consciousness, but the main thing that she worried about was that she did it for the right reasons.

When she'd gotten home from the doctors, she realised that she'd gone for the main reason of asking about could she be with Spike intimately and got her answers. But her reasoning behind needing to know was bothering her immensely, Buffy thought about the objective in setting out on such a course. The phone call in the morning had shown her parents clear rejection of her, and she'd felt so alone, even though she knew she had two people that loved her she still felt the abandonment of her folks hurt her deeply. She supposed that she wanted to experience a closeness to Spike like she'd had before and she craved to be so close that it obliterate everything else in the world.

She knew that this decision had to be based on one thing and one thing alone. Love. She'd never denied her true feelings for him, but had never let them come so close to the surface like this.  She could truthfully admit it to herself and finally to him that she was truly in love with him, and totally commitment to him. They both had been through trials and ordeals that no couple should face, and they were the most unlikely two that karma had brought together. Yet they gotten through each hurdle, obstacle and hindrance that karma threw their way. It was so obvious that they were meant to come together, but still this had to be for the right reason for Buffy. Her desire and want of him was undeniable, but it would be the final surrender of herself to him and the final piece of her heart. So she made her decision….

Buffy lifted her hand and grasped his face between her own, as he continued with his gentle kisses, opening her mouth she nipped his top lip with her teeth and pulled softly. Gently soothing the top of his lip with her tongue, responding to her invitation he darted his own out to meet hers. Sliding his lips over her own; he slid into her mouth, gliding over her teeth, and stroking her soft palate until the two meet, darting around each other as the kiss deepened to a deeper passion. Neither sought dominance over the other just the gentle caress that they offered each other, not demanding, just seeking each other in this moment.

She slid her hand down his shirt, pulling on the fabric trying to bring him closer too her, crumpling the fabric beneath her hand. She kept moving down until she reached his belt buckle, instantly she felt him trying to pull away from her mouth, as she tightened her grip on his face, and Buffy wasn't willing to let go. Doubling the tension she had on his belt, she pulled him even harder against her making sure that she didn't put too much pressure on her abdomen. Clumsily she tried to undo the belt with one hand,  Spike reacted by breaking his hand away from her face and putting it over her hand, halting her attempts to undo his buckle.

"Buffy?" his face full of question and concern, yet laced with need, lust and passion. She relaxed her hand in his grasp, as he held it still, feeling her let go of the buckle he let go of her hand and she responded by flattening her palm against his trousers and slid her hand further down. Taking his erection deftly into her hands, she gentle squeezed and massaged the straining flesh against her hand. She watched as he just for a moment stopped breathing and tightly closed his eyes, allowing himself to have a moment of pleasure form her. "Please, Luv!?!"

Buffy didn't know if it was a half strangled cry for her to stop or keep going, she could feel his erection gain length and width from her touch. His pants strained against the hard flesh, creating more friction that she used to her advantage as she moved along it with her nails. He seemed to go slack as his hand let hers go as she continued to touch him, with a single finger she traced the length of him, until she reached his belt again, tracing the leather, she pulled the end out of the trouser loops and pulled it up against the buckle until it gave way and loosened itself. Lifting the leather apart, she undid the button and slid the zipper down, letting his straining cock out of the confines of his pants.

She could hear her own strained jagged breath, as she tried to control her shaking hand as she took him within her grasp. He gently pushed himself towards her in response to her tightening her grip on his straining flesh; his eyes closed in pleasure and his head threw itself back as the rest of his face went taunt, making his face become more angular. His hand came to grasp the baggy sweatpants that she now wore; she could feel the pull of his hand over her hip as he gathered the fabric in his palm. Blindly he pulled even tighter as she slowly drew her hand up and down his cock, light caress to the burning flesh.

She watched as his mouth gape open as he ran his mouth along his teeth until it curled along his soft palate, his eyes still closed it was like he was in his own world. Encouraged by his sharp intakes of needed oxygen, Buffy gentle trailed a nail along one of the protruding veins along his cock. Feeling hampered by her pregnancy, she let him go as she lifted herself up on her elbow and started to shimmy down the bed. Yet for Spike this break in the constant rhythmic stokes on his flesh broke his hazy mind and brought him back to reality with a thud.

Remembering her words just a few days ago about not being sure if she could, or yet even louder if she would despite wanting him. He pulled himself away from her body, and sat himself on the side of the bed with a very surprised Buffy dragging herself up behind him. Misunderstanding his intensions, Buffy pulled herself up until she sat on her knees with her front grazing into his back. Running her hands along his arms until she reached his shoulders and then the collar of his shirt, she unsnapped the first three buttons until Spike put a hand over hers, ceasing her movements.

"Buffy, what are you trying to do to me, Luv?" Spike voiced was gravely, loaded with desire and frustration. "Please sweetheart stop! I can't…I want…" he quickly pulled her hands away from his shirt, and tried to rise from the bed as her hands formed a large band around his chest. "Please, Luv! I don't think I could stop myself even if you wanted me to," Spike turned himself on the bed slightly so that she could see his frustration shine in his eyes. "God, I want you!"

"I want to," her words where quiet and barely audible. "I want you!" Buffy grabbed the fabric of his shirt on either side the best she could, even though it was more under his armpits, and pulled with all the might she had. With a high-pitched rip, the buttons flew across the room landing in every direction, bouncing off the furniture and carpet. Tugging the shirt out of his trousers, she slid it down his arms as he sat so still and yet the muscle quivered under her hand as she ran it over them. He didn't move one inch, too frightened that he would just slam her down onto the mattress and fuck her senseless, like he'd wanted to the last three-four months.

He remembered the first stirrings of lust and desire he had for her, as that same rage pulsed through his body; he had to calm down, try to concentrate as her hand dipped around his waist to his cock once more. Capturing the head of his penis between her thumb and forefinger, she circumnavigated her thumb around the soft but firm ridge of the flesh she held. Buffy continued to compel him towards insanity as she nipped at his shoulder with her teeth, biting tenderly at times and soothing the skin with slow licks of her tongue.

"Baby, please don't tease me!" Spike moaned out against the gritting of his teeth as he struggled for control. But she continued to agonisingly do just that, with a few flicks of her thumb against the sensitive head, he lifted his hips of the bed in response, making her lose hold of his cock. Taking advantage, she whipped herself onto her haunches and ripped her own top off, throwing it to the floor followed by her bra. Spike leapt from the bed as he watched her remove her top, and he turned he was faced with a semi naked Buffy; his mouth gapped open as he gawked at her lush breast and hardened nipples. "Buffy! Fuck! Sweetheart, please, you're killing me here!"

Buffy watched as he struggled to hold his pants together through his raging erection, she almost laughed as he tried to zip his pants back up, his face was still contorted somewhere between pleasure and pain. Buffy took further liberties as he stumbled through this new situation; she slid her sweatpants and panties down her legs, leaving herself in all her naked glory. Spike looked like his eyes where going to pop out of his head as his gaze travelled up and down her naked form, especially on her abdomen which made Buffy feel insecure.  Unsure of herself she started to pull the coverlet over her body, Spike quickly reacted to her attempt to cover up, nearly tripping over his pants as he grabbed the coverlet and pulled it away from her body.

"Don't you dare cover yourself up again! I want to look at you!" Spike spoke with a hint of authority in his voice. "You've opened Pandora's Box now, Buffy!" He sat his leg on the bed, as he guided Buffy to lie down on the bed on her back, making her as comfortable as possible. Not happy at being so intently gazed at, she revolted against him and pulled him down against herself, pushing with all her might at his waistband, trying to get his pants off. "Once their off, Buffy, they stay off!"

"I…I…we…" Buffy stumbled though her words, she'd thought about the moment that she'd give herself to him for along time, and it was never meant to be like this. Never meant to be awkward. She felt like a teenager again with no sexual intuition or initiative, just fumbling around and embarrassment. "I want you to take them off!"

"Tell me what you want me to do to you, Goldilocks," he could feel her hesitation and awkwardness. "Snuggle?" Spike pushed his trousers off, and kicked them until they hit the floor, sliding himself up against her body until he rested on his side, face to face with her. Taking her face in his hand he gently kissed her with such sereneness, "Kiss?" He intensified the kiss as he sliced through her lips with his tongue as he explored the moist flesh he found. For a few minutes they kissed with a deep passion that they'd only experienced a few times with each other, it was deeply sexual and burned with such a deep intensity that she felt like her nerve ending were on fire.

He let go off one side of her head, and trailed it down her throat until it came to her breast, which he softly weighed and manipulated it in his hand. Tugging at her nipple, he pulled away for just a second as he quickly slipped down and licked the nipple before returning to her lips. "Or I could make you come so hard that all you'd think about was oblivion and us as you scream out my name." He heard her sharp intake of breath the moment he mentioned him making her come,  taking it as a cue he dipped him hand further down until it came to her pubic bone.

With one single digit, he slid it into the wet folds of her flesh; she was already moist from his arousing words and touch, using the moisture that he found he pushed in further as he used his other hand to push her knees apart. Instinctually she lifted her legs and spread them apart without even thinking about it, giving him greater access to her body.  Taking advantage off it he slid another finger in with the other, as he traced the gentle curve of her body. Up and down in slow strokes, from the tip of her clit just to the bottom of her vaginal opening, sometimes teasing her by beginning to stroke her clit in a circular motion and then going back to his slow long strokes of her body.

"Can I do this to you, Buffy?" Spike asked despite the fact that he already was, he watched as Buffy could only nod her head. "Can I touch you, my love?" Spike caressed the entry to her vagina with a single finger, gently grazing the tip of the wet flesh with soft strokes. Buffy nodded her head again, as he slide the whole finger inside her, unhurriedly he glided it across her wet centre, exploring the flesh that he came across with slow controlled strokes against her aching walls. Already he could feel them clamping down on his invading hand, he caressed every inch of her walls until he found his target as he curled his fingers to tease and tantalise her g-spot. He watched as she grabbed onto the sheet that she laid on, her hand pulling and squeezing the fabric as her pleasure intensified into a pulsating rhythm created by his hand.

"More...please, Spike...more?" Buffy whimpered her desire to him. "It's alright," came out in such a hushed tone, "we can make love." Buffy looked away from his inquisitive look that he gave her, to were his hand lay on her body covering it with her own, she  pleaded with him, "please!"

"Make love, Buffy?" he asked as he still held his hand firm despite her pleading and nudging of his hand by her. "What are you saying?"

"That we can make love...I mean that we can have sex," Buffy nearly choked on her words. "That's why I went to see Dr. Singer. He said if we're gentle and if I'm on…"

"Love or sex, Buffy, which is it?" Spike pulled himself suddenly back up the bed. "No let me rephrase that! Are we having sex, Buffy, or are we making love? As in 'I love you and you love me'?" The need to hear the words from her shone in desperation on his face, it was want he wanted what he craved from her the most.

"Both."

"Buffy, please, Luv, just say it! Don't torture me anymore! Say it!" Spike kissed her with such desperation and destitution that he oozed it, she could feel it penetrate her every pore. "Please, Luv, let me hear you say it!"

Buffy watched the light in his eyes change constantly from pure love to desperation and fear, fear that she couldn't say the words or wouldn't. That one moment in time he dreaded was repeating itself, remembering the last time he tried to tell her that he loved her and her ardent refusal to hear his words. He so desperately needed to hear it from her. Buffy could feel the surge in his desperation to hear the words, but just saying them wasn't enough she so wanted to both show and say it too him. So she took charge of the situation.

Pushing him onto his back, she forced him to lie under her gaze as she sat on her heels looking at his prone body. Buffy smiled at him reassuringly as she lent in over him, kissing his face, and finally with gentle strokes of her touch she coaxed his mouth open. His mouth quivered under her own as he struggled with his control, she teased and taunted his tongue with her own as they tempted each other with passion and fire. In a quick bold move, Buffy hoisted herself over his stomach until she sat straddled over his abdomen.

Spike instantly reacted by placing his hands over her hips, trying to get her to hold still which she refused. Grabbing his hands she slid them up over her abdomen until they reached her breast; with his hands covering her hard nipples, she let him massage the firm flesh between his fingers. He watched as her face contorted with bliss and pleasure from what he was doing to her, but still it wasn't enough for her and not what she wanted to show him.

Letting go of one of his hands she shimmered further down his narrow hips, enough to lift herself up and pull his straining erection forward towards her wet flesh.  Grasping the head she slowly lowered herself onto him, careful of her centre of gravity as to not topple over and frighten the man that lay beneath her. She watched as his face as it went pale and his eyes widened in astonishment as he watched his cock being swallowed by her scorching flesh. He was totally dumbfounded; this was the last thing that he expected from her, Buffy gently rocked herself setting a sure and strong shallow rhythm, creating excruciating delicious pressure on his cock, causing his pleasure to proliferate.  

Spike watched as Buffy face expressed her own pleasure, and her release of little 'nawh' as she gyrated downwards with her hips, her eyes never leaving his as she moved upon him. Finally, Spike couldn't stand the pressure anymore, as he grasped her hips and applied a little pressure encouraging her to take him deeper. "Please, Luv, deeper!" he watched as she became mesmerized by his words, "Take me deeper, Luv, I want to feel that wet flesh of yours squeeze me!" Spike watched as Buffy's face became a lovely crimson colour, he could feel her slight embarrassment. "God you're so fucking wet…that's it, Luv, deeper…more…fuck…so beautiful!" He slid a hand up and over her abdomen, pushing her slightly on the hip he motioned for her to stop when he was fully seated within her; he looked at her with sure an intense gaze that it shocked her.

"Spike?" Buffy asked her voice broken and laden with pleasure.

Spike took a deep breath in and continued to stroke her abdomen, his eyes moved from her face to her breast to her abdomen and finally where he lay within her.  It was like all time froze as he continued to just look and touch her. He didn't attempt to thrust deeper into her, or encourage her to start moving again. Buffy titled her head to the side questioning to him, she watched as a single tear came to his eye and slide down his face as he finally spoke. "This is how he or she should have been made Buffy, with me here inside you, surrounded by you…." He stopped speaking unable to finish, so she did it for him.

"And made with love, William," hearing her nearly made him jump out of his skin, Buffy only called him by his birth name when it was really serious. Spikes grip loosed on her hip as she began rocking gently above him, backwards and forwards, creating such a delicious friction between the two of them. Spike ran his hands along her body until they grasped her buttocks, giving her support as she rode him; he could see that she was beginning to tire as her legs began at times to buckle from under her. She finally spoke with her words causing them to spiral into such a blissful plane, that he had to grit his teeth as he nearly orgasmed and he nearly lost all consciousness as she said them. "I love you, Spike! I love you…"
 
He responded by sliding his hand back down her stomach until it came to lay on her clit, with quick and circular strokes, he felt her internal muscles tighten and flutter around his cock, and a flood of moisture being released from her body.  With each contraction, he experienced from her brought him closer to orgasm and a step closer to nirvana.

"My girl loves me?" Spike asked her again as she increased the length and depth of her gyrations against him.

"Yes…oh god! Yes…I…" Buffy felt her orgasm approach, "love…you!" She spoke with each stroke of her body above his. "Spike! I want…"

"I know, Buffy…come, Luv…let me feel you flutter your pretty muscles against me," Spike gently thrust himself against her. "Buffy…sweetheart….I need to say it, but…"

"Oh my god…." Buffy just heard his words, but she responded to his call, "Tell me." At the same time Spike flicked her across the clit with the right pressure and angle that he sent her into her orgasm. He watched her as her emotions played across her face as she came, but lost in her haze she refocused to watch him as he felt himself spiral up behind her. She could feel the hard flesh of his cock as she slid herself along its length as her muscles constricted themselves. The pressure that the friction created, she felt so full that nothing else would ever fill her again, creating a hunger that demeaned satisfying. Not lost on her awareness of him he said the words he'd been dying so long to say….

"I love you."

Buffy watched as he arched himself deeper inside her with such a slow thrust that it was pure agony; she knew that he was being careful with her, treating her like a fragile creature. She could only imagine what fire would burn between them when the baby had been born and he would she was sure unleash his total passion onto her. It was intoxicating and mesmerising, just as much as she watched his face contort as he came, his face and body strained against her own and her name passing quietly against his lips as he came down from his slice of heaven.

Spike finally opened his eyes looking at the woman that still straddled him; the satisfaction lay written all over her face. "Snuggle?" he swerved himself sideways the best he could as she playfully smacked him on the chest, "Umm no snuggle." Buffy reacted by hitting him again and lifted herself away from his body, and settle herself as comfortably as she could on her side beside him. "Comfortable, Goldilocks?"

"Hmmm, very thank you."

"Didn't hurt you, Luv?" Spike asked her. "Was it alright, not to rough?"

"No it was…was just perfect." Buffy gently kissed her lover as she lay in his arms. "It was pure bliss, and if I wasn't so tired…"

"Sleep, Luv," Spike pulled the coverlet that lay on his side of the bed over them, as he finished he kissed her in one final devastating passionate kiss. "Never feel that I don't want you pregnant or not! I know that this probably wasn't 100% comfortable for you, but once the baby's born…"

"Stupid man! Go to sleep!" Buffy tried not to laugh at him. "It was fine! It wasn't uncomfortable for me this time, but maybe as time gets closer to the birth…"

"When will that be?" greedily he looked at her, as he slipped his hand down her thigh.
"I hoped we could do this again soon…"

Buffy looked away in disbelief, like he'd said maybe she'd opened Pandora's Box, but at least she totally ached with satisfaction. "Well maybe you could go and ask Dr. Singer this time for permission. I mean I don't know if we can again or how long we can since you rudely interrupted the consultation. You'll just have to ring and make an appointment tomorrow!" She tried not to smirk at him.

"I will first thing tomorrow...what we can't without Singer's permission! But…we…we just!" Spike swallowed hard as he digested what Buffy just told him. "What every time we want to make love?"

"Yep," Buffy struggled even harder not to laugh at him, it was sweet revenge! "Every time."

"Love, we'd need an open appointment with the man and his home phone number…hey!" Buffy finally broke down into tears and laughter at his total acceptance of her word. "You're kidding me, right?" With that Buffy rolled over to her nightstand, pulled out a draw and removed the pamphlet that Dr. Singer had given her the day before. Spike grabbed it from her and flicked through it, "Hmm you on top or on your knees…hmm finally I have you on your knees…" He stopped as Buffy grabbed the pillow and hit him over the head with it.

"No, mister, I'll have you on your knees!"

"You already do, Luv! You always have!"

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