Chapter 34 - And One Lord a Leaping

December 24, 2007 9:40 AM

The coffee was hot, warming her hands, while Buffy inhaled the rich scent.

“Give that here,” Spike scolded, taking his mug back from her. “No caffeine remember?”

Smiling, she waited until he took a sip before pulling his head down to kiss him. Her tongue probed deep into his mouth tasting the forbidden treat. He laughed around her invasion and hugged her as close as her developing stomach would allow. Giggling, she pulled back and licked her lips.

“That was good.”

“Yeah, much better with a little Spike flavoring added, huh?”

“Definitely,” she whispered. Her voice lowered to a husky whisper as the back of her fingers brushed against his crotch. “I like the way you taste.”

Spike placed the mug back on the counter and tangled his hands in her hair. Their play turned serious as he kissed her, letting his tongue plunder her mouth, and she pulled him closer. Already she missed the way their bodies used to align and his erection would push against her sex through her clothes. The baby was there between them now and making love was becoming something they had to think about instead of just falling into. Her hand slipped from his hip to settle on her stomach and he stepped back. His hand rested on the other side of her stomach so that their child was cradled between their hands. For a moment, they stayed that way, smiling into each other’s eyes, and appreciating what they had.

“Good morning, you two,” Cordelia chirped.

“Morning,” Spike answered, stepping away from his wife.

Buffy flashed him a wan smile and sat at the table. It seemed their moment of privacy was over and the day had started. Angel followed in a few minutes later, already showered and impeccably dressed. Coffee, blood and pastries were passed around and prepared until everyone had something. Max stumbled in last, still in sweat pants and t-shirt, heading directly for the coffee and didn’t say anything to anyone, until he took his first deep drink of the brew.

“Where is Del?” Angel asked.

“She’s with her family for the holiday,” Buffy said.

“Oh,” Cordelia said, glancing around at everyone. “Umm, who is cooking dinner tomorrow?”

“Didn’t Spike tell you?” Max asked with an evil glint in his eye as he sat at the table. “He volunteered us guys to cook.”

“Huh?” Angel asked, staring at Max. “You mean you and Spike, right?”

“No, all three of us,” Spike said. “The girls don’t need to worry about it and I thought it would be a good bonding experience. Oh, and there is the open house food to prepare, too.”

“Do you have everything?” Angel demanded. “What’s the menu?”

“Menu?” Max asked. “I thought we’d just wing it.”

“Wings sound good,” Spike added.

“This is going to be a disaster,” Cordelia muttered, throwing her hands up in the air.

“Pizza place delivers,” Raven said, bounding into the room. She dropped the mail she was holding onto the table and leaned against Spike, her arm wrapped around his shoulders. “I called and checked as soon as I heard the news.”

“Oh, yea, of little faith,” Max said, pulling on a lock of Raven’s hair. “We are going to make a fantastic dinner and due to your lack of faith, I think we just find us an assistant.”

“Oh, no, I am not helping.”

“Yes, you are,” Spike and Angel said simultaneously.

Buffy laughed along with the others and pulled the pile of mail toward her. She tuned the others out as they started planning the food and flipped through the envelopes. She made a pile for bills and one for junk. At the bottom were two red envelopes that she assumed were Christmas cards but there was no return address. A quick glance at the postmark and her stomach tightened. They were mailed from a postal facility in Atlanta.

“Spike, she sent something,” Buffy said, reaching for Spike.

The conversation stopped as everyone turned to look at the envelopes in Buffy’s hands.

“Don’t open those,” Max said. “I’ll be right back.”

Spike patted Raven’s leg. “Go on, Princess, I don’t want you in here while we open these.”

“Dad.”

“Go and make sure Elijah doesn’t come in here.”

Rolling her eyes, Raven made her way out of the room as Max returned. He picked up the envelopes and carried them over to the sink. After putting on latex gloves he slit them open and peered inside.

“I’m going to put these in plastic bags and take them to Atlanta with me.”

“What’s in them, Max?” Buffy asked.

“They’re Christmas cards.”

“Then why don’t you want us to see them?” Buffy persisted.

Sighing, Max returned to the table. “She included pictures for both of you.”

“Let’s see them.”

“Are you sure you want to see these, Buffy?” After she nodded, he added, “Just remember she sent these to hurt you.”

Buffy wasn’t really sure if she wanted to see or not. She knew the pictures were of her husband with another woman. Nikki. But it was like Max said, they had been sent with the intentions of hurting her, of hurting them, and if she never saw them then they would eat at her imagination until it became worse then it really was. To look at them, to accept it, would only take the power away from SB. And that’s what she intended to do.

“Put them out.”

“Don’t touch them.” Max warned. He opened the one addressed to Spike first and spilled the photos on the table. With one glove finger he spread them out so they could be viewed.

This wasn’t what Buffy was expecting and from the various expressions of surprise, neither had anyone else. They were pictures of her and Angel in this very room. There were four in all, one of Angel walking toward her with a grin on his face, one of him bending down as if to kiss her, one of them hugging and the last was of Angel picking her up. Incriminating when viewed as is without any explanation of what the situation truly was. She glanced at Spike. His face showed his conflicting emotions but he didn’t say anything. After the accusations of the other night, she expected an outpouring of some kind but he surprised her with his continued silence.

“This is the morning when Spike was in Atlanta,” Angel said. “Buffy was upset and I carried her into the living room so we could talk.”

Spike stood suddenly and Buffy flinched as he slammed the small wooden shutters of the window closed.

“I can’t believe it,” Spike shouted. “She has someone taking bleedin’ photos of us in our own home. Who the goddamn hell does she think she is?”

“I’ll get extra surveillance equipment around the perimeter of the house,” Max said.

Angel stood and leaned on the table. “I think we’ve had enough of your help. I’m taking over and I’ll find the woman.”

“No,” Max said. “The investigation already has too many different branches of law enforcement in it. You just can’t go barging in and take over without exposing everything.”

“I wouldn’t be just barging in,” Angel snarled. “Unlike you, I would have had this taken care of by now.”

“Angel, no,” Buffy interrupted, eyeing Spike walking toward Angel. “We appreciate it but Max is right at this point. Besides we need you to help with everything else. Please.”

“She’s right,” Spike said, his hand resting on his Sire’s shoulder. “We do need your help with the baby issue and helping with Buffy.”

Angel shook off Spike’s hand and leaned against the kitchen counter. His arms crossed in front of him as he glared at Max.

“Max,” Buffy whispered, “The other ones. I need to see them.”

There were a lot of photos in the card addressed to her. Some included Max but mostly of Spike with a dark haired woman. Buffy swallowed back the bile as she forced herself to look at each of them. There were ones of the two just walking, but there were others that told a different tale. Spike leaning in so Nikki could whisper in his ear, one of the two of them laughing in the restaurant, and there was one of her husband holding this woman’s hand as he helped her from the taxi. She turned her head, letting her eyes close as she tried to fight back the images. It was easier when there was no face to go with the name. Only a shape of a woman that her husband found attractive instead of this pretty girl that had wanted what was hers.

Buffy opened her eyes and the pictures were gone. Max was putting the two envelopes into plastic bags to be labeled as evidence. Angel and Cordelia gave her sympathetic stares and Spike looked at her with such guilt that it made her hurt. She stood and took her mate’s hands in hers.

“I won’t let her win this round. We’ve settled this and I’m going to let it go,” Buffy whispered.

It wasn’t what her emotions screamed at her to do but it’s what her heart urged. She had forgiven him and she would find a way to deal with it. Their relationship didn’t need anymore tearing at it and she wasn’t going to be the one to wield the scissors that would destroy it.

~~~~~~~~~~

The scent was soft and seductive. Buffy sprayed a small amount on her wrist and waved it under Spike’s nose.

“Do you like it?” Buffy asked.

“It’s nice,” Spike pronounced and hugged her a little closer.

“Thank you, Dawn.”

After the drama of the morning things had been going a lot smoother. The guys had pulled together with the help of Raven and Connor and planned a menu; gotten the grocery shopping done and made food for the open house they were having for the family. The decision had been made to split the family for Christmas day. Dawn and Josh were spending it with their parents, Willow and Tara were going to the Harris’s and even Clem had taken off with friends. This left Angel and his family with the Blood’s and Max. Therefore, Buffy and Spike had invited everyone to drop over sometime on Christmas Eve and exchange presents and spend time together.

Dawn and Josh were there now, along with the Harris’s, except something wasn’t quite right. Buffy glanced around at everyone. The children were in front of the television watching a holiday cartoon which was typical. It was the adults that gave her cause for concern. They were ignoring Spike. Oh, they had been polite, greeted him, exchanged presents but the closeness was missing. It was Xander that really let her know something was up. Usually, by now he would have dragged her husband off somewhere to bullshit about something and sneak some spiked eggnog or some beer. He wasn’t though.

Her gaze landed on Spike and she realized he noticed, too but he didn’t want to say anything for fear of causing problems. She sighed and leaned a little closer to him. He was trying so hard and needed the break of having his friends and family here. When she noticed her sister heading for the kitchen she followed.

“What’s going on?”

Dawn jumped and looked out of the freezer that she had been getting ice from. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes, you do. Now, spill it.”

“No, I’m not going to be the one to say anything. I am so not getting in trouble this time.” She returned to filling her glass.

“You’re going to tell me,” Buffy demanded, advancing on her.

“Tell you what?” Xander asked, appearing in the kitchen door.

“What the hell is going on? Why is Spike the family pariah today?”

A trapped look fell on her friend’s face as he tried to flee but Buffy grabbed his arm, forcing him to turn around and look at her. She was determined to get some answers and someone was going to give them.

“Okay, fine,” Xander said, “We know. We know all about Atlanta and Nikki.”

One eyebrow arched as Buffy stared at her friend. She should have known that it would have gotten around. All it took was for one person to know and the whole family would know within hours. Sometimes it could be good and times like this, it irritated the hell out of her.

“And this is in anyway your business or place to judge because…?”

“Our business,” Xander exclaimed, “Our place to judge? Maybe because we’re family or maybe because we care what happens to you?”

“Fine, care but don’t treat him like he’s diseased or something.”

“What are we supposed to do? Forgive him like you do?” Xander asked. “Come on, the first time, I can accept he made a mistake. The second time he’s developing a bit of a pattern here and I’m having a hard time with it. What was it? A week ago that he was running around, telling everyone how much he loves you and he’s going to protect you then, bam, he does this.”

“He didn’t do anything.”

Buffy felt her sister’s hand on her shoulder and she just wanted to hide somewhere. The tears were threatening to well up.

“What if next time he just figures you’re going to forgive him like you always do so he goes ahead and does it?” Dawn asked.

“What do you suggest I do?” Buffy moved away so she could look at them both. “Punish him by leaving him? Yeah, that would really punish him. He gets the house, the kids, the cars, the money and the freedom and gee, what would I get? A padded cell because I’m five months pregnant and schizophrenic. I don’t have a lot of choices, so, yeah; I think forgiving him is the better alternative at this point.”

“Are you staying with him because you think you don’t have any choices?” Dawn asked. “We can always figure something out…”

“You’re joking right? We? Don’t tell me that you would consider giving up your life to take care of me? Since he got back, Spike is with me twenty-four hours a day, we sleep together, shower together and go to the bathroom together all because my mental illness is making me mentally ill. I’m paranoid and prone to panic at the thought that I’ll lose my grip and get lost so he is with me all the time to make sure I feel secure. Does anyone else want to take this on? I didn’t think so. I’m staying with Spike.”

Buffy looked at the stunned expressions on her sister and friend. No one had been told how bad it had gotten. She had been afraid of their rejection so her husband was constantly covering for her and protecting her. Elijah had been the one to give her the new nickname of Shadow because that’s what she was now. Spike’s shadow. The tears that had been welling up spilled over onto her cheeks and she wiped them with the back of her hand. She started when she felt Xander’s arms around her.

“I’m sorry, Buffy,” he said. “I didn’t know that you were having such a hard time. I just don’t want you any more hurt and it pissed me off when I heard what happened.”

“He’s not perfect but he’s mine,” Buffy whispered, pushing Xander away. She wanted him to understand maybe just a little. “It’s not easy for either one of us right now but we’re going to hang in there. I’m not giving up on him and I’m asking you not to either.” She knew she had won when Xander nodded his head and she smiled at him. “Please let everyone else know because none of us need anymore hurt and anger, okay?”

Dawn joined the hug and she let them hold her. It wasn’t to comfort her, she knew. It was to comfort them. None of them understood the depth of her illness because they weren’t with her all the time. The only people who did, lived in this house, or had spent more than a few hours with her. Her children thought it was normal living with a woman who slipped in and out of reality like people walked in and out of rooms. Her housekeeper and friend just accepted whatever mood she was in and her husband got all the ugliness of her existence now. And she loved him even more for it.

~~~~~~~~

Buffy lay on the bed waiting for him. She was nude except for a pair of white cotton panties and the seductive innocence in her pose made his body yearn for her. She watched him as he moved around their room, picking up discarded clothes, straightening the dresser top before finally moving to the closet to undress. Spike was delaying the time as long as possible before he joined her in their bed because it might be the last time. He glanced out at her and wished he could change everything. But wishes could be cruel too and all he could hope for was that Buffy’s love was strong enough.

He had been sucker punched this afternoon by words that he wasn’t intended to hear. The pitiful desperation in his wife’s tone had made him want to scream and rant but instead he had let the door close again. He had done enough damage to the woman that he had sworn to love and protect forever. Spike had broken a promise. Once more he had failed her and embarrassed her in front of her family and friends. And this time the realization had broken something inside of him leaving him without any pride left. Maybe it was because she was breaking and there was nothing he could do about it except give her as much happiness as he could.

Still wearing his jeans, Spike grabbed the bottle of oil off the dresser and sat on the edge of the bed. He rubbed some oil between his hands to warm them but still she jumped a bit when he touched her. Slowly he massaged the oil into her stomach, feeling a surge of pride as he covered the bulge that his child lay beneath.

“I can’t wait until I can feel the baby move,” he whispered reverently.

“It’s really amazing. It’s still just flutters but to know that there is someone alive inside of me. It’s really just, wow.”

Spike smiled at her. His hand drifted upwards and gently coated her breasts. Tara had prepared the that oil was supposed to help with stretch marks and he did this every night for her. He enjoyed feeling and familiarizing himself with the changes that her body was going through; participating in this creation of life as much as he could. For someone who had taken the lives of so many, his guilt had hindered the thought of creating life but now that they had children and had made this baby in Buffy’s body, the joy was indescribable. Her breasts were heavier now, more like when she had been the slightly pudgy teenager he had first met, and the male in him was thankful for them.

“Are you putting oil on or just enjoying playing with my tits?” Buffy teased when he lingered a little longer on them than was necessary.

“Both, Love, both.”

She shifted to her side, rolling as far as she could onto her stomach so he could massage her lower back.

“Buffy, I heard part of the conversation between you and Xander this afternoon,” Spike slipped in as he worked out a kink along her hip.

“Which part?”

“The part where you said you didn’t have any choices.”

“Oh,” Buffy said her body stiffening as she glanced back at him.

“Relax, Baby, I’m not upset.”

She nodded and sank back into the pillows cradling her body.

“You do have choices, you know?” Spike said, watching her face for a reaction but she only nodded slightly. “If you decided that you couldn’t live with me anymore, I’d be the one to leave not you. This house is yours. And I’d never take the kids from you.”

“Do you want to leave?”

Her voice held a trace of panic and he hastened to reassure her.

“No, no, I don’t. I’m talking about you here. I…we never really talked about what happened. Then you forgave me and took me back and it was just dropped.” His hands moved to her shoulders, brushing her hair out of the way. “I just want you to know that what happens is up to you. If you can’t trust me enough to live with me then you’re still taken care of. I wouldn’t let you go into an institution. I’d hire nurses to live with you around the clock here at home. If you don’t want to share a bed with me anymore but still want me to take care of you, I’ll stay.”

Buffy sat up and reached for her nightshirt.

“It’s hard to have a serious conversation when you’re not wearing clothes.” After she was covered, she studied him for a moment. “Is that how you really feel?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.”

A part of him was terrified that she would tell him that she didn’t want him anymore. It was what he had been afraid for since the beginning. That one day she would realize that he wasn’t good enough for her. That she would remember that he was beneath her and only a stand in until she found the real thing.

“I love you, Spike. You. Not anyone else. You are the only part of my past that really matters, you fill up my present and I only hope that I will die an old woman in your arms. Understand that?”

He nodded, too overcome to utter a single word.

“I am angry and hurt by what you did. The thought that another woman would even be appealing to you makes me wonder why the fuck I’m not good enough,” Her hand covered his mouth when he went to protest. “No, let me finish. You wanted to talk this out so we are. Maybe then it will finally be over with. A part of me wants to punish you and make you hurt for doing it yet again. My emotions want to scream and rant and cry for everyone to hear and make you feel so much guilt for it.” Buffy stopped for a moment as she began to cry. “And sometimes I want to wear the badge of martyrdom for having to put up with you. Then I look in the mirror and I see that girl I was when I moved into your crypt. She was so broken and so desperately looking for a reason to live. And then I look at you and I see the man who saved me, the man who kept giving me the room to run until I ran out of options. And the man who welcomed me home when I realized I had none, save for him. And I pray everyday that one day you’ll run out of options, too and I’ll be here to welcome you home when you do.”

“Oh, God, Buffy, I’m so sorry,” His tearful apology was heartfelt as he buried his face in her lap. Her hand weaved its way through his hair as he cried. “I love you so much and I get so scared that you’ll finally see I’m not what you want.”

“You’ll always be what I want. And I’m going to say something else so just listen. Okay?”

He nodded.

“Max, I love the man to death. He’s been a friend to us in a lot of ways but he will never compare to you. He’s let me down twice now and not because there was nothing else that he could do but because he’s weak. And Angel,” Buffy laughed. “He was my first love. My guidance when everything was new and strange here in Sunnydale but now…how do I put this? It’s almost like I see him paternally. Yeah, I called him to protect me but not because I wanted to be close to him but because I know he takes his family ties seriously. He wouldn’t let anything happen to me because in a way I belong to him. Does that make sense?”

If she was a vampire, it would. Spike sat up as he contemplated her words. His fingers drifted over the scar that Angel had given him on Thanksgiving. Since then, he realized that was what they had been settling into. He hadn’t protested when she had called his Sire for protection. Before her illness he would have thrown a fit and had only said something when the anger had loosened his tongue. Even Angel was acting more territorial especially when it came to Max; a male that was threatening his position as alpha male. He shook his head. This family was a crazy mix of humans, slayers, demons and various other mystical beings. Of course, when one of them was threatened they would react toward type. That’s all it was.

“Yeah, that makes sense. I understand.”

When her face relaxed and she beamed at him, Spike knew he had said the right thing. The love he had been afraid of losing was burning deep in her eyes, warming the depths of his soul and he let go. Let go of the doubts and the fear that plagued him and her love filled all the spaces inside of him. And he was right; she consumed him, heart, body and soul and he didn’t mind it at all.

“I want to come home, Baby,” he whispered.

to be continued…

Chapter 35 - Upon a Midnight Clear

December 25, 2007 12:01 AM

Yes, Raven thought as the dusty remains of a slain vampire blew off into the wind. She turned to find out how Connor was doing and was horrified to see a vamp that hadn’t been seen in the confusion approaching him from behind. Taking off at a run, she flipped over a gravestone, and as her partner staked the vampire he was fighting, Raven landed on the before unseen demon and staked him. Unable to stop her momentum, she continued forward, landing on Connor as he turned to see what was happening. She slammed into him and they fell to the ground. They both grunted and took a moment to catch their breath.

Oh, my Gods, I’m on top of Connor. His hands were on her waist holding her steady and she realized with a blush that she was straddling him. And THAT was hard against her inner thigh. Every other time they had found themselves even close to this position, one of them had scurried away. This time she didn’t move. She should. She knew that much. But she didn’t want to. They were both panting and sweaty and her adrenaline was pumping. And there was something definitely thumping between her legs. It never felt like this with Sean and it was making her want something to happen, anything to happen just as long as it eased the need screaming in her blood. Why isn’t he pushing me away? Raven lifted her head and shifted so her face was above his. It was like an explosion when their eyes met and she knew he wanted her just as much. And it was more than a physical reaction. She swallowed and decided to go for it, lowering her head toward his and found herself on her ass on the ground.

“Not like this,” Connor said, holding a hand out to her so he could help her up.

She ignored it.

“Like what?” She asked, scrambling to stand with some dignity.

“Not without thinking. Not as a reaction to a situation. Besides I promised your mother,” he said and headed toward her house.

“You promised my mother what?” Raven asked in a tone that would have sent her brothers running. Okay, can’t get a response one way, I’ll get it another.

She stopped and hoped he would too. They were in the middle of the backyard and if he went inside then this conversation would never happen. He stopped, eyeing her warily.

“I promised your mother that I wouldn’t take advantage of you. And I intend to keep it.”

He stepped closer and she took a step back.

“You discussed my sex life with my mother.”

“You have a sex life? Something you haven’t told me?”

That pissed her off. First he rejected her and now he was teasing her.

“Maybe.”

Raven crossed her arms and leaned back on one foot. Her hair was tossed, oh so casually, over one shoulder and then it was her turn to be scared. Connor was only inches away and she could see his pupils dilate with anger.

“No one had better be touching you.”

“What difference does it make to you? You haven’t claimed me.”

“I haven’t claimed you because you are still a child that likes to tease and play games when you have no real clue what you’re doing.”

Why couldn’t she breathe? Why was the world spinning? Did that mean he did want to claim her?

“I’m not a child.”

Why did her voice come out in a squeak?

He laughed. His eyes running over her and letting her know that was exactly how he saw her. A little girl not to be taken seriously and it hurt.

“And what makes you think I’d want you to claim me,” Raven lashed out. “You’re just a silly boy that thinks he’s a man when you can’t even…oh, you can’t even keep a girl for more than a couple of weeks.”

She knew the words had hurt him and she was instantly sorry. She wanted to cry and forget these last few minutes but she wouldn’t do it in front of him but as she walked away he grabbed her arm.

“Why do you do this?” Connor asked. “Why does everything have to be a big production? I planned something and now it’s all…I shouldn’t have expected anything else.”

It took a moment for her to realize that he was walking toward the house.

“Connor wait, please?” Raven darted in front of him. “I’m sorry. I am. I just get all riled up and it has to go somewhere.” Taking his hand she led him to the steps. After they were settled, “Talk to me.”

Connor shrugged his shoulders and she squeezed his hand.

“I don’t want to be your Angel. I want to be your Spike.”

“Huh?”

He laughed as his eyes caressed her face with what could only be love in their depths and she felt a softer warmth move through her. It wasn’t the hot flash of need but a comfortable heat that you find from sunny days and wool blankets. She smiled at him and scooted closer. He didn’t object.

“I know my logic probably sucks but I listen.” Connor said. “I’ve listened to all the stories that this family tells and it’s like your mum. She and my Dad fell in love right away. And they got together right away. There wasn’t anything between them but that love and when things got bad and confusing the love alone wasn’t enough to get them through it and they fell apart. With Spike and Buffy, they knew each other for a long time. They fought all the time but at the same time, there was a level of trust there because they worked together. She knew what his strengths and weaknesses were and he knew the same about her. By the time they made a commitment, they had all these experiences together, memories between them, good and bad. So, when things are rocky, they have all those things connecting them and holding them together until they find their love again.”

“Oh.”

What could she say? Raven leaned forward, letting her long hair shield her for a moment while she tried to get her thoughts together. It made sense in a weird sort of way. She knew that there was no way her Dad would let her date Connor now. She didn’t want to sneak around. Even if she wanted it, she wasn’t really sure that she wanted to be having sex right now. Her whole life was still in the process of settling into this new life and into being a Slayer. And most importantly, she did need Connor patrolling with her more than she needed him to be a boyfriend. With tears in her eyes, she looked at him and nodded.

With a grin Connor reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box.

“For me?” Raven asked.

When he nodded she took it from him and opened it slowly. It was her first gift from him and her first Christmas present in this new life and she wanted to enjoy it. It was a charm necklace.

“I found it in this pawn shop. I know no one wears them anymore but…”

Her fingers separated the charms on it. There was a tiny cross, a heart and a small dog charm. It was perfect.

“Thank you. I love it.”

Impulsively she hugged him and his arms encircled her. Connor helped her put it on and she ran fingers over it lovingly. It was then that he took her hand and led her into the backyard again. The moon was full and they stood in its light.

“What’s going on?”

“There is something else,” Connor said, almost shyly. “I want us to have memories between us. Something to hold onto until the time is right. I talked to Buffy about it and she knows.”

His lips were on hers and she yelped, pulling away.

Where the hell did that come from?

“What are you doing? What happened to that big speech?” Raven asked. Every nerve in her body was on red alert. He was kissing you and you pulled away. Idiot.

Connor chuckled, his hands on her hips, drawing her closer.

“It’s your first Christmas in Sunnydale. It’s the first Christmas that we are going to share. And we are standing under the moon on Christmas morning and I want to remember our first kiss this way.”

Raven nodded.

This time she didn’t yelp, act surprised or pull away. Connor was only the second boy she had ever kissed. Well, the first man she had kissed. He knew what he was doing unlike the fumbling she’d shared with Sean. Her toes curled in her boots as his tongue danced along hers and she melted against him. It was okay because he was holding her, coaxing her along until she was bold enough to stroke his tongue with hers. One of them moaned and she hoped it wasn’t her because she was lost in the sensations and didn’t want it to stop because she was being stupid again.

Raven wasn’t sure how long they kissed but she knew her life was never going to be the same again. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face against his neck when it was over. She was home. She never had to be scared of being alone again. Her lips curved into a faint smile and she knew that even if it took them years to be together it was going to be worth the wait.

~~~~~~~~~

Spike was twitchy. And Angel was no different. They both kept fidgeting and every once in a while their knees or hands would collide. Face it. You could play the game, call it the holidays or pretend it was just a commercial thing but two demons sitting in a circle on Christmas morning celebrating HIS birth and souled or not they’d be ready to climb the walls. If it wasn’t for the love of the women flanking them or the love of their children they’d never do this. It was unnatural for vampires to embrace something holy.

He shook his head as he watched Raven open another present. The leather duster was already being worn over her pajamas. There was loot all over the living room, in piles behind each recipient. This circle thing was Raven’s idea and they had followed along to make her happy. She had already gathered forces in Sean and Connor when she presented it to the adults, so here they were sitting around the Christmas tree. Eli was free to play with his toys and only came back when another present was found for him. Even the dog was sitting on Connor’s lap enjoying the chew toy she had been given. Sean was the one passing the presents around and everybody waited in expectation as he pulled another one out.

“This is for Buffy.”

The box was put in front of her and she eyed it with a gleeful look. The presents under the tree were growing smaller and already his wife had accumulated a leather bound journal from Max, clothes and other little things she wanted. Even if no one else saw it, Spike could see the disappointment in her eyes when she saw it was from Angel and Cordelia. Buffy was hoping for something special from him and hadn’t received it yet and as there was less to open, she was becoming sadder. But she rose to the challenge and laughed and joked as she ripped the paper off the gift in front of her.

“A bread machine,” Buffy said. Her eyebrow arched up as she viewed it.

“Well, your becoming a lot more domesticated and home made bread smells really great,” Angel said.

In other words, there is no way I am giving you anything that might make Spike jealous. It was like the journal from Max, it was to record her life with her family. It was a safe present.

“Thank you. We’ll definitely use it around here.”

Spike picked it up and put it behind her. A box was put in front of him and he checked the tag. It was from Buffy and she was nervous as she watched him open it. There was nothing on the box to indicate what it was and he pried it open. His eyes flew open as he saw the leather bound volumes of books. Carefully he pulled one out. It was a first edition collection of Tennyson poetry. In total there were five books, all rare volumes of poetry from the time when he was human.

“Do you like them?” Buffy asked.

He turned stunned eyes to her. It was amazing that she would do this for him. These were books that he had loved and had read over and over. He remembered telling her about them one night and wondered how she could have memorized the titles. It clicked. Of course, she had his memories and every want and desire that he had ever had was locked in that brain of hers.

“Thank you,” he whispered. It was all he could manage through the lump in his throat. He kissed her cheek and hugged her tight.

“Angel found them for me,” Buffy said.

“Well, then,” Spike said, turning to his Sire. It started off as a joke as he kissed Angel’s cheek but as he wrapped his arm around the older vampire, something changed and it became a serious gesture of gratitude. The hug was returned before they realized what they were doing in front of everyone. They released each other reluctantly because they knew a barrier had been broken down and a new friendship was being born between them. Maybe there were miracles after all.

The rest of the presents were passed out, a negligee for Cordelia from Angel that made her and Connor blush, more toys for Elijah, and a body pillow that Spike had gotten for Buffy so she could sleep easier. As the last present was opened, his wife leaned against him and he squeezed her thigh. She was hurt that there wasn’t something more from him. Spike caught Raven’s eye and winked at her.

“Mum, you haven’t opened the presents in your stocking yet,” Raven declared, seizing it from the mantel and handing it to her mother.

“Later, maybe, I need to…”

“Open it, Babe,” Spike urged.

Buffy glanced at him, suspicion and disappointment warring in her eyes and dumped the stocking out. There was something stuck in the toe and she reached in to pull it out. Her eyes opened wide at the distinctive blue box. With fingers shaking she pulled the ribbon off and opened the box. Inside was the jeweler’s box and by now Buffy’s entire body was shaking. Spike smiled as she flipped the lid open and the tears were falling as she saw the diamond engagement ring for the first time. A princess cut in a tiffany setting on a platinum band to match her wedding ring. Buffy looked at him and it wasn’t happiness reflected in those emerald depths. It was sadness.

“What’s wrong?”

“Did you have Angel buy this for you?”

Spike tilted his head as he tried to figure out what she meant. Then he knew. She wanted to know if the ring was a salve for his guilty conscience.

“God, Buffy,” Spike exploded, but stopped at the hand on his knee and he calmed himself by taking a deep breath. “No, I bought it in when I was in New York. The Tiffany’s on Fifth Ave.”

He could show her the receipt. Cordelia could back him up because she was on the phone with him when he was looking over the selection. Even Raven could be an alibi because she had known for weeks and was the one who told him to put it in her stocking. But he wanted her to trust that he wouldn’t lie to her so he waited.

She believed him. Her eyes lit up the way he had imagined and her grin went from ear to ear.

“Well, are you going to put it on me?” She asked, holding her hand out. It fit like it was made for her. There was nothing better than the joy on her face as everyone admired her present. He settled back and watched his family in action. This was his life and after he had let go of his fears he realized he loved it with a ferociousness that made even the demon in him quake in fright.

~~~~~~~~~~

December 25, 2007 8:45 PM

It had been a day of gluttony and Buffy could barely move but she forced herself to put her feet on the coffee table and lay her head on the back of the couch. Cordelia was hardly moving herself on the other end and they were both in total contrast of the teenage girl sitting between them. Raven was on a high that wouldn’t stop and had wanted to talk to her for hours. This was the first moment of privacy that had been found all day. Elijah was sound asleep, Sean and Connor were on the computer and the three men were in the kitchen cleaning up.

“Okay, you two, if I spill you have to promise that you won’t tease me or let him know that I told you,” Raven declared.

Buffy and Cordelia shared a conspiratorial look behind Raven’s head as the girl looked from one to the other. They both gave a solemn nod to her request. With a squeal Raven drew her legs up and leaned back into the couch.

“He kissed me, oh my gods, it was great.”

“So, I take it ‘he’ is Connor?” Buffy asked with a smile, knowing perfectly well who ‘he’ was.

“And that you’re happy about it?” Cordelia asked.

“Of course and yes,” Raven replied.

It was good to have a moment of happy and Buffy settled down to listen to her daughter describe in minute detail everything that had happened during patrol last night. Every few seconds her eyes would wander to her hand and the diamond ring that shone on it. She still couldn’t believe that Spike had given it to her. It made her want to squeal like Raven was doing over Connor. She, Buffy Summers, had an engagement ring on her finger and it surpassed every dream she had once had of her perfect ring. If he hadn’t been back in her heart before Spike certainly was now.

“Mum,” Raven called, snapping her fingers in front of her face.

“Sorry,” Buffy said and smiled, “Got lost in my own ‘Oh, my God’, moment here.”

Cordelia and her daughter both smiled and they once again admired her Christmas present. A noise sounded from the kitchen and all three looked toward the door. The radio was on and someone was turning the volume up. And Angel was singing along. Then Spike joined in followed finally by Max.

“How much eggnog did they have?” Buffy asked.

Sometime in the afternoon Max had commandeered a jug of the drink and added a liberal amount of bourbon. The three men had been imbibing all afternoon but with the amount of food that Spike and Max had eaten it should have soaked up most of it. Maybe they were just trying to make Angel feel better since as usual he hadn’t eaten.

Cordelia shrugged and muted the television so they could listen better.

Happy people pass my way
Lookin’ in their eyes
I see a memory
I never realized
How happy you made me, oh, Mandy

“It’s Angel’s favorite song,” Cordy informed them.

“You’re kidding, right?” Buffy asked. “He never told me. And he used to make fun of me and my boy bands.”

Raven was giggling nonstop and as they sang the chorus, Buffy and Cordy joined her. The men were singing louder with every word.

The song ended and although the radio stayed on, there wasn’t anymore singing. A few minutes later the kitchen door flew open and Max came running in. He headed for his bag and the women watched as he pulled out jeans and sweatshirt.

“We’re going to play football and Angel needs something to play in,” Max explained on his way back to the kitchen.

“Football?” Buffy asked. “This I have got to see.”

Buffy followed by her daughter and Angel’s wife headed for the kitchen. Angel was pulling the sweatshirt over his head and his discarded clothes were on the floor.

“Honey, don’t you think you should have changed in the bathroom?”

“Had to show these wimps what a real man looks like,’ Angel said, shrugging.

“Uh huh,” Cordy responded.

Angel was in faded jeans and a sweatshirt, both were a little snug on his bigger frame but he looked almost human dressed like that. Buffy saw a glimpse of the man he could be and hoped he would continue to change like Spike had.

Raven wanted to play and it was her argument of her strength and agility that won her the right. Sean and Connor joined in and it became a free-for-all in the backyard. No one knew how to really play except for Max so it was more of a game of chase. Cordelia and Buffy sat on the steps and ignored the repeated requests for cheers.

“I know my age unlike some husband of mine,” Cordelia laughed.

“That’s not what you said last week when you were showing me those routines in the bedroom,” Angel teased.

“Angel, watch out,” Buffy called but she was too late.

Spike and Max had taken advantage of his distraction and had tackled him. Everyone laughed as the vampire was buried beneath bodies as the kids seized the opportunity and jumped onto the pile. It was a perfect ending to a day as the family broke down barriers of roles and learned to play together.

~~~~~~~~~

Their bedroom was empty and a quick check revealed that Buffy wasn’t upstairs. Spike headed downstairs to search for his wife but she wasn’t in the kitchen. The study door was closed and he headed back into the living room. Max was stretched out on the couch but there was no sign of his wife.

“Have you seen Buffy?”

“A little while ago in the kitchen,” Max explained, “she was complaining because there wasn’t any milk left. I told her we’d get some in the morning.”

“She’s gone. I can’t find her.” Spike looked to see if her purse was on the hallway table. It was still there but her wallet was gone as well as her jacket. A quick glance to the alarm pad showed it hadn’t been set. “Damn it. She’s taken off.”

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry. It didn’t even occur to me that she’d go and get some. I didn’t hear the van start up.”

Opening the door revealed the minivan and the Desoto both still in the driveway.

“Not your fault. I forget to set the alarm before going upstairs. I’m going to go and look for her. She probably headed to the little store on the corner. I’ll call if I need help.”

Max nodded as Spike headed for his motorcycle. He remembered thinking that they needed to pick up some more milk before bedtime but he had forgotten. Buffy had gotten into a habit of drinking a glass every night before retiring. The roads were thankfully clear as he ran the stop sign on the corner and slid through a yellow light before pulling into the parking lot of the convenience store.

With relief he saw his wife standing at the pay phone and he pulled to a stop in front of her. In confusion he watched as she looked at him with frightened eyes. He walked toward her and she dropped the receiver and backed up. Her hands splayed on the wall when she ran out of room.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy whispered. “Please don’t hurt me.”

Spike stopped in his tracks. “I’m not going to hurt you. I was worried about you. Did you get the milk?”

Her eyes darted to the phone and he saw that there was a gallon sitting on the shelf.

“You’re not going to punish me?”

“No, Pet, I just want you to come home. Who were you calling?”

Buffy hesitated for a second while looking anywhere but at him. Finally her gaze stopped somewhere at his feet. “I was calling you. I was cold.”

Spike took in his wife’s appearance. She had to have been in the middle of changing for bed when she went downstairs because under her jacket she was wearing her sweater, pajama bottoms and fuzzy pink slippers that Sean had given her for a present.

“It’s a bit chilly out tonight, isn’t it? You ready to come home?”

He took a step toward her and she tried to disappear into the wall. Her eyes were still wide in fright and her tongue darted out to moisten her lips.

“Is he going to hurt me?”

“He who?”

“Angel.”

“Why would Angel hurt you?”

“I’ve been bad. I was told to stay at home and I went out. Please don’t be angry with me.”

Buffy looked for all the world like a little girl caught doing something reprehensible and who was waiting to be turned over someone’s knee and it was tearing him apart. He missed the girl who was so strong and independent. Even at times he wished she’d punch him in the nose just to show him who’s boss. But he also knew that this frail creature before him was also a part of who Buffy really was underneath of that tough girl. This frail creature was who she would have been if she didn’t have the Slayer persona to cover the hurt given to her by the men before him and life in general. He shook his head.

“No, I won’t let anyone hurt you. I promise.”

He reached a hand out to her and she contemplated it for a moment before taking it.

“I’m sorry for disobeying. The baby needed milk.”

Her free hand rubbed her stomach as he led her to the bike. Spike strapped the milk to the back before climbing on in front of Buffy.

“Hold on, Love.”

She wrapped her arms around him and scooted as close to him as possible. Her face was pressed against his back on the ride home. It was as they approached their street that he felt her tears soaking through his shirt.

“I don’t want to stop,” Buffy whispered as they pulled into the driveway. “I want to go on forever.”

Spike kissed her quickly and told her to stay put. He took the milk into the house and told Max they’d be back. Climbing back on the bike, he could feel his wife’s excitement as she held onto him again. Freedom was becoming something foreign to her as well as free choice and this was something that he could easily give her. The road was clear of traffic and time didn’t matter as they rode along the coastal highway becoming one with the night. Their problems were lost behind them somewhere in the wind and the sound of Buffy’s laughter was the sweetest thing that Spike had heard in a long time.

to be continued…

Chapter 36 - King Angel’s Court

December 27, 2007 2:12 PM

He was thoroughly and completely bored.

If this was what being human was all about, Angel thought, he was at the point of rethinking it. Angel leaned further into the chair and swung his feet onto the ottoman. He smiled at Spike’s frown. Revenge could be sweet. He knew that Spike and Max had spent the holiday trying to make him uncomfortable or embarrass him. Like getting him drunk and singing Mandy before talking him into playing football. So, taking over Spike’s favorite chair for the day was a deliberate act of irritating his Childe and getting back some of his own. Now, if he wasn’t ready to rip his own flesh off to relieve the boredom, he’d be fine.

Max had returned to Atlanta the day after Christmas which had been a relief. The other man was slowly being accepted but he still had to prove himself to Angel as being trustworthy. So, today he was in the company of Xander who had taken the week off to be with his family. This was one human he didn’t think he could ever be really comfortable with. Too much water under the bridge and although he was best friends with Spike and Buffy the past wasn’t something he was ready to let go of yet. But he figured Xander felt the same about him so they tolerated each other for the sake of everyone else.

Cordelia and Anya had taken Buffy out to lunch and to the salon for some much needed pampering. His Cordy could handle Buffy and didn’t seem to care when the Slayer started speaking in something resembling tongues. After all the things that his wife had been through a little insanity was a piece of cake. Anya was the same way. Centuries of dealing with human oddities and she’d point blank tell someone off if they tried to treat Buffy differently. It was getting Buffy out the door that had been dramatic. She didn’t want to leave Spike and since they had gotten her in the car was calling every chance she got to make sure he was still there. Angel had to admit Spike was handling it extremely well. He’d calmly talk to her, tell her he missed her and couldn’t wait for her to come home and then repeat it the next time she called.

That left the three of them sitting around the living room watching some movie with that Swedish guy while his two companions tried to out belch each other. Aidan and Elijah were playing in the dining room and Angel could hear their childish plans as they marked out who was going to play what role. Tuning out the other two he listened to the small boys. He loved the kids in the family even though being around them reminded him how much he had missed with Connor. But then that was maybe why he did love them so much.

“No, Queen Darla is mean. You can’t play her nice,” Elijah insisted.

Angel glanced at Xander and Spike but apparently they hadn’t heard. Without saying a word he made his way to the dining room trying to catch some more of the conversation.

“Prince William is a fool but he’s good, if you want to play someone nice,” Elijah explained.

“They all mean. They hurt de oders,” Aiden complained.

“Only cuz they gotta eat. You eat cows don’t ya?”

Angel shivered as he listened to the boys map out a game based on his and Spike’s life. His first thought was who had told them about those days and for what reason. He slipped into the room and sat beside them. Between them were action figures and two Barbie dolls that Elijah had gotten for Christmas. Buffy had insisted that she was giving her son equal opportunities and even in war there were woman now. And, of course, the word Slayer had been slipped in her defense somewhere. It was only now as he looked at them that he realized that one doll was blonde and one brunette. For Darla and Drusilla?

“What are you playing?” Angel asked.

“King Angel’s Court,” Elijah answered.

“I don’t like playing it. They mean,” Aidan said.

Elijah laughed, “You mean. King Angel is Great-grandpa.” His small hand patted Angel’s knee.

“He’s King Angel?” Aidan asked, his eyes growing bigger in fear. “You killed all dos people?”

The boy didn’t wait for an answer. He ran from the room as fast as he could. Angel watched him until he threw himself into his father’s arms.

“What’s going on?” Spike asked, sitting on the floor and scooping up Elijah who had joined Aidan in crying.

“I’m in trouble. Mummy told me not to play with anyone else. Please, don’t tell her.”

“Shh, calm down and tell me what’s going on,” Spike said, holding tighter as his son burrowed against him.

“Its okay, Eli,” Angel said. “You’re not going to be in trouble.”

Frightened gray eyes looked out at Angel from his father’s protective embrace. He smiled and ran his fingers through Eli’s hair trying to calm him down. Until the child felt safe he wasn’t going to get any answers. He glanced up at Spike who was looking as confused as he was.

“Did Mummy tell you that I was your great-grandpa?”

“Because Daddy’s mummy was made by you,” Eli explained with a nod.

“Mummy teach you to play this game?”

“We play all the time but she said it’s our secret. I wasn’t supposed to tell but I wanted to play and she wasn’t here.”

“I know,” Spike said. “You’re not in trouble for telling Daddy. Are there any more secrets that you and Mummy share? Things maybe I need to know.”

“Then they won’t be secrets.”

“Yeah, but you know that Mummy doesn’t feel well and maybe if I know these secrets then I can help her more.”

Anything Elijah might have been persuaded into telling them was lost as the door opened and the women returned. The boy wrapped his arms tighter around his father when Buffy appeared at the door.

“What’s going on?” Buffy asked.

~~~~~~~~~

Spike glanced at his Sire and without a word a mutual decision was made to drop the subject. It could be brought up again later when things were calmer. Elijah despite his fears had other ideas.

“I’m sorry, Mummy,” the boy cried. “I didn’t mean to tell.”

“Tell what?”

“The game. They know ‘bout the game.”

Buffy looked panicked for a moment but like a mask sliding over her features, her emotions were quickly hidden. She coolly stepped into the room and knelt by her son.

“Its okay, Eli, it’s just a silly game that’s all.”

Spike didn’t believe her. She was trying to get them to forget about it and it amazed him that she was able to be so conniving over it.

“Cordy,” Spike said, “Why don’t you and Anya take the boys outside to play for a little while?”

It took a little coaxing before Elijah would leave. He sidled past his mother with a look of trepidation in his eyes but once he was past her, he ran to his Uncle Xander. No one said anything until they heard the back door close. Xander returned and stood on the other side of Buffy. She was glancing at the three men who surrounded her with contempt.

“What is this gang up on Buffy day? Well, play by yourself; I’m going to take a nap.”

Spike reached for her hand. All he wanted to do was to talk to her but she started walking backwards.

“It’s okay, Pet, we’re not going to gang up on you. I just want to find out about this game you’re playing with Elijah, that’s all.”

“It’s just a game,” she defended, with a wave of her hand. “Fantasy situations, kings and queens, stuff like that.”

“Eli said it was called King Angel’s Court,” Angel said, “and the names are from my family.”

“So, they’re just names,” Buffy said, still inching backwards toward the stairs. “Leave me alone. What are you going to do beat some damn story out of me that will satisfy your morbid curiosity?”

“Buf, look,” Xander said, “I know maybe to you it’s just a game but it scared Aidan when he found out that the King Angel in the game was Deadboy over there. And I admit he’s going to find out about vampires and stuff sooner than most kids but I wasn’t quite ready for him to know that yet.”

“No, of course not,” Buffy hissed. “You should just wait until someone eats him up like the tender little snack he’d be.”

By this time she had reached the bottom of the stairs and with one last look of scorn, Buffy turned and marched upstairs. Xander looked like he was going to be sick as he stared in disbelief as his friend disappeared.

“Xander, I’m…” Spike started.

“No, don’t apologize for her, I understand, she’s ill and we did, whether we want to admit it or not, we did gang up on her.” Xander said. “It’s just that up till now I’ve managed to avoid that tongue of hers and I was kinda hoping I would.”

“I need to go and see to her.”

“Spike, man, don’t worry about it. Go and do what you need to do,” Xander replied. “I’m going to take my family and head on home. Give you all some room, okay?”

There wasn’t anything else to say so Spike just nodded. Their friendship was deep enough that sometimes words weren’t necessary and without saying anything else he went to find Buffy. She was sitting on the bed when he entered their room and gave him a cursory glance before looking away. Spike sighed, sitting beside her and rubbing his forehead as he tried to figure out how to talk to her without making things worse.

“Have you come to tell me how disappointed in me you are?” Buffy asked. “If you have I’m not really interested in hearing it.”

“Actually I came to make sure you were all right.”

“Really? You lead this interrogation against me. Embarrass me in front of our friends. See how bad my wife is. Send your children away. She’ll corrupt them.”

The shimmer of tears in her eyes told Spike how hurt she really was. He ran his fingers over the lock of hair that hung in her face before tucking it behind her ear. There was such a fine line for him to walk, protecting her and watching out for everyone else

“I’m sorry if you felt that I was trying to embarrass you. I wasn’t.” Spike covered her hand with his. “I was just trying to find out about this game that you play with Elijah. It caught us by surprise and,” he laughed, “Aidan was frightened when he found out that Angel was King Angel.”

“Like I said before,” Buffy said, snatching her hand away, “It’s just a silly game. Elijah hasn’t had a problem with it.”

“Buffy,” Spike said, cupping her face and tried to gentle his words. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for Eli to be playing games like that. It’s a little much for a five-year-old to understand even one that has his history and his abilities.”

“Fine, I’m wrong. If I’m so bad for our child, why don’t you go ahead and lock me away?”

Buffy pulled away from him and rolled over onto her side.

“Baby, I’ve told you before, I’m not going to put you away; no matter what happens.”

Spike massaged her hip hoping that she would stop being defensive and talk to him but she pushed his hand away.

“Leave me alone.”

There wasn’t anything else he could do. Spike left her alone.

~~~~~~~~~~

Between them was a bottle of whiskey, two glasses and over a century of being family. And as much as they had hated each other, they loved each other just as much. Spike was just now coming to realize that but pride was funny when it came to such things. It could hurt you as much as help and he was at the point where his pride was going to have to take a backseat to the rest of his life. Those brown eyes studied him, those very eyes he had cursed when they were cruel or had cried out for when they were warm in passion. Friends, he had never called them that. There wasn’t really any word that covered their relationship except family. Because family was always there, in good times and bad times, whether you were down on your luck or on top of the world, and mostly when you were somewhere in between. And even when they were half a world apart, Angel was always with him.

“The day is going to come when you are going to have to make some decisions,” his sire said, his tone hesitant.

“I know,” Spike said and raised his glass, downing its contents, “but today isn’t the day.”

They both turned their heads at the soft cry emitted through the baby monitor on the desk. The other piece was sitting on the nightstand next to Buffy upstairs. Knowing he couldn’t be with her, the monitor was the next closest thing. His wife was never to be left alone. Only when the soft cry turned to a sigh and the sounds of rustling covers signaled Buffy changing positions did Spike relax. Brown eyes met with blue and looked away; still uncomfortable with the changes in their relationship.

“It hurts, Angel, I’m so scared that I am going to lose her forever,” Spike confessed. “She is the one that has held all of this together.” His hand gestured toward the house, encompassing his life and their family in that small hopeless movement. “I don’t know if I can.”

“You never have thought you were as strong as you are.” Angel said. “You’ll do what needs to be done like you always have. Hell, I made Dru and I couldn’t handle her like you could.”

It was Angel’s turn to take a drink as Spike watched. It was true. His sire didn’t have the patience to deal with Drusilla in her moods. Angelus had only wanted to play with her and receive her adoration but didn’t want to handle the madness that his Childe lived in. And if Spike was honest, Buffy’s problems also started with Angel. Her first disappointments and hurts received at his hand that had left her fragile and unable to cope with the biggest hurts that were laid at her feet. And again, Spike was left with the emotional damage caused by Angel.

“How is she?”

Guilt filtered over the brunette’s face at the question. For over a year now, by mutual decision and cowardice, Drusilla remained the prisoner of them both. Held in a chateau in France and guarded by well paid demons to keep her from the killing fields and to protect her from her ever increasing madness.

“She’s fine. She refuses to come to the phone and talk to me.” Angel looked up. “You should try.”

“No, we should let her go. Free her from this.”

“Spike, she doesn’t know what is going on. Merle says she lives in a world of her own creation now. There haven’t been any more rational moments.”

Neither one of them had gone to see her. It had been Wesley that had responded to the urgent plea from Drusilla for help. She had sent a message to Spike again and they had sent Wesley and Gunn to find her. They were the ones to set up her confinement because her only remaining family couldn’t deal with it. The two had blinded themselves to their responsibilities and locked her away when they should have ended it there.

“Send them back and have them take care of her.” Spike said.

“Isn’t that a bit cruel? For strangers to…”

“Are you suggesting that we go and do it? Or have her shipped here? I could open my own asylum. The House of Refuge for Angel’s Cast Offs.”

“King Angel’s Court, come and see the merry mad maidens.”

Brutal truth made into jokes by two men lost in their own confusion and pain. Neither laughed and instead both wanted to cry.

“Angel, it needs to be done.”

“And if you can make one decision and follow it through then when the time comes again, it might be easier?”

“Don’t think I could ever let Buffy go. No matter how bad she gets. She doesn’t deserve this, Angel. She deserves death like a true warrior-or to live a long and healthy life with plenty of stories to tell her grandkids. Anything but this.”

“Like she had before or what she hoped to have.” Angel poured them both another shot. “To the women we have loved,” Angel toasted.

“To the women we have shared,” Spike completed.

The whiskey was downed and a smile was passed between them.

“I’ll start to make arrangements,” Angel said.

Spike nodded. Drusilla would finally be freed from her madness and he would carry one less load of guilt and burden of responsibility. He didn’t even realize he was sobbing until Angel pulled him into his arms. And for what seemed the first time he felt the father’s love from his Sire.

~~~~~~~~~~

The house was quiet. Buffy was reading while curled on the couch in Spike’s study while he played on the computer. The woman that controlled his world had been a little more closed off since the day the game had been discovered. It hadn’t been brought up again by either of them. However, Elijah had been consoled by both of them and Buffy had reassured him that he wasn’t in trouble. Spike cast a glance at his wife as she shifted positions and once assured that she was all right, he turned his attention back to his monitor. His mind kept wandering as he tried to put together the puzzle in his mind. The vampire references were getting to be eerie and with the game added onto it, there was something screaming at him but he couldn’t quite hear it. Angel was as clueless as he was.

So, lost in his thoughts, Spike jumped when the phone shrilly broke the silence.

“Hello,” he answered.

“Hey, it’s me,” Max said. “Listen, I don’t have much time.”

“Okay.”

Spike gave a quick, reassuring smile to Buffy when she looked over to see who was on the phone. She smiled back and not really interested anymore, she returned to her magazine.

“Nikki came back from her vacation this morning. Someone broke into her apartment while she was gone.”

“What does this have to do with me?”

“It has to do with you. A lot to do with you from the way it looks. Nothing was stolen but whoever it was vandalized the place. Her lingerie was shredded and left on the bed. One of her pictures had the eyes gouged out. And,” Max hesitated. “Someone wrote on the wall in the bedroom, ‘He’s Mine’ in blood. Human blood.”

“Was it the stalker?” Spike asked. His voice was casual almost as if he was disinterested but everything inside of him was fearful of what he would hear next. Buffy looked at him intently. There was no mistaking the tension on her face or the stiffness of her body and Spike turned away from her and lowered his voice. “Was there a body? Or do they know where…the blood came from?”

“No, no body has been linked to it yet but they’re running the blood against the DNA from all the murders in the past few weeks to find a link. Listen, I’m not allowed to work the case because of my association with you.”

“What does that have to do with anything? You know the situation with the stalker more than anyone.”

“That’s the thing. Not only is she a suspect but so is Buffy.”

“Buffy? That’s ridiculous. There is no way she could be involved. You told them that it was impossible, didn’t you? She’s never alone much less able to fly to Jacksonville to do this.”

“They have the copies of everything about the stalker case including Buffy’s condition but it’s not going to clear her. Actually because of her deteriorating mental condition they think it’s more likely that she was behind it. They think she may have hired someone to do it for her.”

“That’s ludicrous,” Spike exclaimed.

“Is it?”

All it would take was one phone call. One moment of freedom and Buffy could do it. Spike studied his wife for a moment. She returned his gaze waiting for him to explain the call and his gut tightened. He didn’t think she had done it but there was the opportunity and the motive. And the opportunity came with witnesses that he couldn’t refute. The clerk that sold her the milk along with the surveillance camera and well, the motive was too simple to ignore. And that’s all it would take for them to arrest his wife. Arrest her and put her away where he couldn’t protect her anymore.

“They are going to a judge tonight to get the warrant to pull your bank accounts. I have to go.”

The phone clicked in his ear. Max was gone. He had dropped this bombshell and disappeared. It took a moment for Spike to realize what had happened. Max was going against orders to fill him in. He was risking his career to give them time to make sure that Buffy was safe. He hung up the phone and clicked on his bank’s website.

“What’s going on, Spike?”

“Give me just a second, Love, to check on something.”

Buffy returned to her magazine while he went over their bank records. And after a quick search, he found the final damning evidence. Two checks with large amounts made out to cash from the household account. What the hell was he going to do? The answer was simple. He would do whatever he had to do to keep her with him. But first he had to find out what truth he could and then take it from there. He sat on the table in front of her, taking her hands in his and letting his thumbs caress her flesh.

“Buffy, you wrote two checks from the household account. One was for $2,500 and the other for $3,000. Do you remember what they were for?”

Her brows furrowed together. “The one for $2,500 was for your Christmas present. I don’t know about the other one.”

“Sweetheart, you wrote the check. Don’t you remember?”

“It had to be for Christmas. Why is this important?”

Because your life depends on it, he thought with a sigh. “I need you to try to remember what it was for. It’s a pretty large amount and I haven’t seen anything new around here that would cost that much.”

Spike hated pushing her but he couldn’t take care of her if he didn’t know what he had to hide. And when her face crumpled in defeat, he wanted to hurt something, anything to take that look away. Buffy wrapped her arms around him, clutching at him in desperation as she hid her face against his neck. It was heartbreaking as he moved onto the couch, bringing her with him so that she was on his lap.

“I don’t remember, Spike. If you say I wrote the check I believe you but I don’t remember what I did with it.” Buffy played with a button on his shirt and her voice dropped to a bare whisper. “I lied.”

“What did you lie about?”

“I lied about the game. I know I play with Elijah and I remember bits and pieces of the game but I don’t remember teaching him about the four of you. I keep losing larger and larger pieces of my days and it seems like I’m living in a fog or I just don’t remember.”

“It’s okay,” Spike reassured her. “We’re not going to worry about things that we can’t do anything about and only take care of what we can.”

It wouldn’t do any good to question her about what had happened. All he could do was make sure she had strong alibis. With as much patience as he could, Spike spent the next few minutes calming her down before sending her to find the kids. As soon as the door closed behind her, he called Angel. His Sire picked the phone up on the second ring.

“Angel, hey, something has come up and I am going to need copies of those receipts,” Spike said without preamble.

“Uh, okay, sure.”

Spike relayed the details of his conversation with Max. “Yeah, so, I’m going to need copies of those so when they ask any questions, I can show them what Buffy used the money for.”

“No problem. I can fax them to you.”

“That would be great,” Spike answered and then in rusty Fyarl just in case someone was listening, “I need one for $2,500 and one for $3,000 and they need to be verifiable.”

Angel promised to have them to him by the next day and relief flooded Spike’s system. It was going to be all right. He wasn’t alone and Buffy was going to be safe. It was later that night when he was holding his wife tight that he felt it. The adrenaline rush of taking care of things was gone when it overwhelmed him. It rushed through his system like lightening, tearing at his gut and twisting his bowels, and breathing was something he had to remind himself to do as the guilt for what he had done slammed into him. This was his fault. He had been weak and because of it Buffy and his family were now vulnerable. Angry and ashamed, he buried his face in her hair and tried to deal with the feelings flooding through him.

to be continued…

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