Willow hummed under her breath as she booted up her computer. It had been a crazy week, two labs due and a big paper. At least things should calm down some between now and finals, she only had one or two other big things due before exam crunch time started.

She clicked her mail icon. She probably had tons of e-mail to catch up on, it had been a few days since she’d had time to even glance at her inbox. A flick of her wrist and the mouse danced as she sorted through various listservs, campus announcements, something from her mom, she’d skip that one, and wait . . . tmcclay@uoregon.edu. T. McClay. Tara.

Willow felt her heart give a little skip. Tara. She hadn’t seen Tara since they finished boarding school and she’d headed back to the States. She clicked on the message.

Willow swallowed hard. Tara . . . wanted to see her? Wanted to have coffee see her, or more than that? She re-read the e-mail. Okay, it could really be taken either way. Willow turned off the computer quickly and started to pace, wringing her hands. For just a minute she indulged in memories of Tara, her first, her only steady girlfriend.

In fact, though she’d played the field in her first few years of college and gained a lot of experience, she’d really only had two serious relationships, Tara and Xander. Willow let out a little yip. Xander. She was supposed to have dinner with him tonight and she was going to be late to meet him. She grabbed her keys and headed out the door.

_____________________________________________

Buffy tripped up the stairs happily. Who’d have ever guessed that she’d be looking forward to math tutoring? She giggled out loud. Well, okay, that wasn’t exactly what she was looking forward to, but she knew Spike was going to be proud of her when she showed him the test she’d finally gotten back in class today. She’d made the second highest grade in her section. Plus, she’d brought the leopard print nightie that she knew was going to drive him crazy. Maybe they could play Tarzan and Jane later.

She puttered around for a few minutes, picking up laundry, straightening a few books, aware on some level that she was really starting to think of his place as home. Or maybe it wasn’t so much this place as him that was becoming home to her. She opened his desk drawer and looked at the envelopes she knew he didn’t think she knew about, her heart swelling a little. Spike was so gifted, even though he’d never talk about it. When he was hanging out with their friends, rambling about mundane stuff, he seemed like such an ordinary guy. But she’d taken to chatting with Professor Link in the evenings when he was working on his roses, before Spike made it back from his lab, and she’d learned some things she’d never known about her boyfriend. Like that the research project he’d done under Link’s supervision was pretty ground-breaking stuff, even if it was only on lab rats. Not her thing at all, and Link had lost her a few times with his ramblings about the science behind it, unlike Spike when he’d explained it, but she’d gleaned enough to understand Spike was going places. She glanced at the early acceptance letters again. The question was where? He had his choice of med schools, some scholarship offers, probably would get more in the future.

But right now, they were all very far away. As in three thousand miles away. She really didn’t know how she was going to handle that when the time came. She certainly wasn’t going to tonight. He didn’t seem to have made a decision yet and until he did, worrying would do her no good. For all she knew, he’d want to end things once he graduated and that’s why he hadn’t talked about it. She felt a little twinge at that thought. Or maybe she’d wanted to move on before the end of the year was over, he didn’t have to be the only one ready to end things. After all, who really stayed with their first love?

Or maybe he’d want her to come with him? She swallowed hard and slammed the drawer, her thoughts spinning.

_____________________________________________

Spike opened the mailbox at the post office and sorted through the various credit card offers which plague college students the world over, a few fliers, something from the career services office, and then he stopped. An ordinary letter shaped envelope with a return address from the UCLA School of Medicine Admissions Office lay in his trembling hand.

He laid the other mail gently on the ground and stared at the envelope, his heart sinking. Small envelopes were never good. Small envelopes meant the kiss of death, the thank you but we can’t offer you a spot letter. And ever since the acceptance and scholarship offer from Duke had arrived, he’d known in his heart of hearts that he didn’t want to take it. He needed that spot at UCLA, needed to be close to her. It was like a whole new world had opened up to him when he’d found her at his apartment that night and he’d felt complete, felt truly loved for the first time. As much as he wanted the chance to go to a top school, he wasn’t sure he could stand being without her for months at a time anymore.

He knew she was still skittish, still scared about their relationship and he’d tried to keep the intensity of his feelings in check. Popping the question to her and hauling her off before she finished school would hurt them in the long run. Buffy needed to sort through this in her own way, he knew that in his head, but his heart screamed that time wouldn’t change anything. They were meant to be.

He turned his attention back to the letter. Somehow not opening it made it not real yet. Once it was open, he was left with two options he’d didn’t want to choose between. And he wasn’t sure what decision he’d make.

He threw the mail in his bag and stood up. Maybe he’d open it later. After he saw her tonight. Just one more night where he could pretend everything would work out.

He made it to the door of the campus post office, still in a daze, and nearly ran into Jonathan.

"Hey Spike, how are you doing?"

"Alright, how are you, man?"

Jonathan rolled his eyes. "Fine. I’d be better if they hadn’t had that snafu at UCLA. Man, I really thought they’d have had our letters out by now. Course you don’t have anything to worry about, you’re a shoo-in. But it’d be nice to know, for us borderline cases."

Spike cocked his head to the side and contemplated the short man. "What are you talking about?"

"Didn’t you get the letter? That computer virus, the one that shut down the systems here a few weeks back? It got into their system big time and some hacker added another virus on the UCLA campus that piggybacked into their system. Totally ate all their data, admissions applications, everything. Didn’t you get the letter?"

"Haven’t sorted my mail yet today. I’ll have to check."

"Yeah, you probably got one. Anyway, they’ve got the applications backed up somewhere, but the admissions decisions are gone. So they’re saying even the early acceptance candidates won’t find out until December at the earliest while they sort through it all again. So we’ve got to wait it out a few more weeks."

Spike stared at Jonathan for a long minute, then spontaneously hugged him. "Thanks, man, you just made my day."

Jonathan backed away slowly. That had been very non-Spike. Had he been drinking? "No problem. I’ll see you around." He turned and fled the post office.

Spike hastily tore through his bag and pulled out the letter, ripping the envelope in his haste to pull the letter free. He scanned the contents rapidly, then pumped his fist in the air. It was all there. The virus, the delay. The reason for the little envelope. He still had a chance.

Spike threw the letter back in his bag and started for home and Buffy.

_____________________________________________

Angel mounted the stairs and knocked on the door. No answer. He pulled out his keys and turned the lock.

Buffy put down the brush and cocked her head as she heard a noise. Good, he was home, even a little early. She took a deep breath, trying to recover the happiness she’d felt earlier as she readjusted the straps and checked her lipstick one last time before turning to the door. She turned and threw open the door, posing seductively in the entrance.

"Hello, lover," she announced, then froze with a small eep as she realized who was standing in front of her.

"Angel?" Her voice held confusion and shock. What was he doing here? And what was wrong with him? He looked like he’d been hit by a Mack truck.

"Angel, what’s the matter?"

"Buffy?" He looked at her blankly for a moment, almost as if unsure who she was. He didn’t even seem to notice her skimpy attire. Buffy looked at him hard again and made a decision. "Wait here."

She darted back into the bathroom and grabbed the matching short robe she’d left there, throwing it on. Not much, but it would do. She reentered the main room and guided Angel over to the couch.

"Okay, talk. What’s wrong? Is your mom okay?"

He looked at her bleakly. "Cordy’s pregnant."

Buffy frowned. Cordy? Cordy was dating that guy Wes, right? Why was Angel so down? And then the light bulb went off, her never confirmed suspicions about Cordelia and him gelling.

"It’s yours, isn’t it?"

Angel nodded. "Yeah, I think it is."

"Oh Angel, how is she?"

He leaned back, his head against the sofa and closed his eyes. "Upset. Confused. Moody as hell. Angry."

Buffy stared at him, a little bit of pity creeping into her heart. The thought had crossed her mind fleetingly now and then. What if the pill failed? What if she got pregnant? And while the prospect was a little scary, because she didn’t quite feel ready for motherhood, she couldn’t help feeling a little glowy at the thought of having Spike’s child. Someone special and unique and living proof of the way she felt for him. Contradictory much, Buffy? An hour ago she’d been thinking they might walk away from each other at the end of the year. But she knew that wouldn’t happen if she did get pregnant. She watched the pale face in front of her. Obviously not the case here.

"And Wes?"

Angel barely changed expression. "Wes was being quite the stand-up guy, offered to marry Cordy, make an honest woman of her when he thought it was his. Didn’t take it so well when she told him it was mine." He shrugged. "They were on the rocks anyway. What we did, to you and him, wasn’t right. So I guess we’re paying now."

He opened his eyes and stared straight into hers and for a moment she remembered the awe she’d felt when she first saw him, tall, strong, everything her little girl’s heart had wanted. And then she blinked and saw the tired, jaded man he’d become and all she could feel was pity. She patted him on the shoulder.

"Angel, is Cordy keeping the baby?"

"I don’t know." And then to her surprise he started to cry and so she hugged him, letting him get it out.

Then the door opened. Spike was home.

_____________________________________________

He stared for a moment, a dizzying flash of deja vu rushing over him as the euphoria from the walk home evaporated in a heartbeat. Another day, another girl, the same opened door, her in the arms of another man. Him leaving, never really waiting for an explanation.

He came back to himself as he stared at Buffy on the sofa, wearing some sort of slinky scrap of silk that a corner of his mind told him was the gown she’d teased him about wearing so they could play Tarzan and Jane. And Angel, the big sod, was curled around her . . . wait. Was he crying?

Buffy met his eyes and frantically waved a free hand at him, motioning him over. And just like that he was okay. He didn’t know what the hell was going on here, but whatever it was, she was still his girl.

Spike seated himself on the other end of the couch and tapped Angel on the shoulder. "You okay, mate?"

Angel turned to Spike, trying to stop the tears now that the testosterone balance had shifted. Buffy handed him a tissue. "Spike, Angel came to talk to you about something serious. I think he’s looking for advice," she supplied. "I’ll let you guys talk, I’m gonna go change."

She slipped out of the room as Angel managed to get through the story again.

"Man, I know I shouldn’t even be here, but I really need your advice. You and Xander are the people I trust most, Spike. You’ll be straight with me. I don’t know what to do. Do I marry here? Do I tell her to get rid of it?"

Spike remained silent and Angel kept talking.

"I mean, it’s not like she’s some random chick I had a one-night stand with. It’s Cordy. We’re next-door neighbors. I’ve," he looked away, "I’ve been sleeping with her on and off for years, Spike. She’s probably the closest to a steady I’ve ever had, though I don’t think either of us ever looked at it that way. More like friends with benefits you know? But I respect her. She’s, well she’s just Cordy."

Spike gave him an appraising look. "Have you sat down and talked through this with Queen C?"

Angel shook his head. "No. I mean, she asked me to come by tonight. I didn’t know why, she’s been avoiding me because of Wes. He didn’t want her around me, I guess. But I’ve actually missed just talking to her, and I thought maybe we could patch things up, be friends again." He looked away. "She told me first thing, I threw up and then I just left."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Not the best move there, Ang."

Buffy reentered the room. "Sorry to eavesdrop Angel, but is Cordy by herself right now?"

Angel looked up at her. "I guess . . . she was by herself when I left."

Buffy gave Spike a pointed look. "Well, I don’t think this is a good time for her to be alone. I’m gonna go see her. Spike, can I borrow your car?"

He inwardly cringed at the thought of Buffy behind the wheel of his baby, but put on a brave face as he fished the keys out of his pocket. "I can drive you pet. I’m sure Angel can wait a minute."

"That’s okay, honey, I won’t hurt your car, promise."

Spike nodded, unconvinced. "Okay. You coming back tonight?"

"Mhmmm. I’ll be back later." Then she was gone, leaving Spike to counsel Angel.

_____________________________________________

As Buffy descended the stairs, she punched the speed dial setting for Willow. This was a situation where she thought Cordy might need the company of two old friends.

_____________________________________________

Willow looked across the table at Xander, her throat and mouth dry no matter how many swallows of water she seemed to be taking. Did she mention it to him, just a casual sort of comment, like, "You’ll never believe who I heard from today?"

Or should she just not answer the e-mail? Of course that was silly. After all, Tara didn’t mean anything to her anymore, did she? She was someone she’d loved once, but now she loved Xander.

Except it wasn’t that simple. Willow grabbed her water glass and gulped another swallow. Xander watched as his girlfriend shifted nervously and attempted to consume a river.

"Willow, did your papers not go well?"

"No, they were fine." She smiled at him. "Say, didn’t you say they were giving you a new project today?"

Xander nodded. He knew misdirection when he saw it, but clearly, whatever was bugging her wasn’t coming out. He decided to let it go. Whatever it was, Willow would probably blurt it out, given time. Not big with the secrets was his Willow, never had been good at keeping them. He launched in, "Yeah, well there’s this new . . ."

The chimes of a cell phone went off and Willow checked the caller ID. "Oh, it’s Buffy, mind if I take it?"

"Go ahead." Xander dug back into his fries as Willow answered the call. He watched as her face grew pale.

"Oh Buffy, I can’t believe it. Is she sure? Yeah, I’ll meet you. I’m with Xander. I’ll tell him, he may want to head to Spike’s." She closed the phone.

"Will, what happened?"

She filled him in quickly and they both sat for a minute contemplating what this meant for their friends.

"I’m going to meet Buffy. Angel’s at Spike’s, you ought to go by."

Xander nodded. "Yeah, I’ll do that."

They parted, each lost in thought at this turn of events.

_____________________________________________

Cordy looked up at the soft knock on her door, then decided to ignore it. She didn’t really want to see the smirks of her sisters as they patronizingly patted her on the back and offered advice. It was all a little raw yet for platitudes. The knock sounded again.

"Cordy, let us in. We know you’re in there," Buffy’s voice sounded through the door.

Cordelia looked up again. If Buffy was anything, it was stubborn. She’d probably camp out in the hallway if she didn’t let her in. She uncurled herself off the bed and unlocked the door before throwing herself back on the bed. She heard the door open and shut, then felt the bed creak as someone sat down beside her and laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Cordy, talk to us. Angel came by Spike’s, he told us."

Cordy rolled over. "What did he say?"

Buffy met her eyes. "That you’re pregnant, it’s his and he’s very confused."

Cordelia sighed. "At least he’s not trying to deny it’s his."

Willow chimed in from her perch at the end of the bed. "If you want to talk about it Cordy, we’re happy to just listen, or just be here if that’s what you want."

Cordelia sighed and sat up, leaning back against the headboard. "I don’t know what to do. I’ve been so under the weather lately. Wes and I were trying to work things out you know. But it’s never been quite the same since he found out about Angel and I, and what we did. He couldn’t seem to let it go, and I kept overcompensating, trying to be the perfect girlfriend, everything he wanted, to try to make it up to him. So I’ve been pretty stressed lately and I though maybe that was the problem. But then I threw up yesterday, and then again this morning, so I went to the clinic. Dr. Walsh ordered a pregnancy test and once I started counting back, I realized it has been more than two months since I had my last period."

Buffy looked at her directly. "And you were with Angel then."

The statement hung in the air and Cordelia flushed, looking away. "Yeah. Only him. Buffy, I’m sorry."

Buffy shook her head. "Cordy, don’t worry about it. You came clean, you helped me work through this thing with Spike, and I’m happy. I won’t say it didn’t hurt a little, but it’s in the past. I just want to help, okay? So no guilt here."

Cordelia nodded. "Anyway, I’ve already let Wes know, He was trying to do the right thing, but I put him out of his misery. He doesn’t need to be the daddy to someone else’s baby. He was sweet about it, but I think he was relieved. I don’t know that we would have been together much longer, even if this hadn’t happened."

"And Angel?"

"Puked his guts out in the trash can and left without a word. Guess that tells me all I need to know about where he stand on this."

Willow looked at her. "So you want to have the baby?"

Tears welled up in Cordelia’s eyes. "Yes, no, I don’t know. It’s strange, it’s like the baby’s already someone to me, not just a thing. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know how my parents will react. My mom will probably be so ashamed of what all her country club friends will think. I don’t know if I can finish school and still have the baby. I don’t know how I’m gonna be a single mom. And yet I still want to have her and . . . I don’t want to give her away. I want her to be mine."

Buffy quirked an eyebrow. "Her?"

Cordy smiled for the first time. "Or him. I just already think the baby’s a her for some reason."

"Cordy, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I don’t think I’d write Angel off just yet. He was pretty upset over at Spike’s, he was even crying. I think he’s just really confused, but based on what I heard, I think he does care." She paused. "What would you want him to do? What role do you want him to play in the baby’s life?"

Cordelia shrugged. "I don’t know, Buffy. I don’t even know what I expected when I told him. Probably not quite the reaction that I got."

"Do you want him to marry you, or just give you child support, or what? And what if he wants you to get rid of it?" Willow asked.

Cordelia bit her lip. "I don’t know. If he doesn’t want to be a part of this, that’s fine. He can’t stop me from having the baby if I want to. Child support would probably help. I haven’t told my folks yet and since it doesn’t fit the Chase image my mom’s so big on for me to be an unwed mother, they’ll probably push for me to get married. But will we hate each other if we do that, even if he’s willing? I don’t want to end up like them, all smiley and happy to the world and throwing dishes behind closed doors. So I don’t know that I even want him to ask."

She got up off the bed and began to pace. "The baby will be due in June, so I’ll be fine this year. But how will I go to classes and stuff next year? And I obviously can’t live here anymore. And what if my parents cut off all the money and I can’t pay tuition?"

She flopped back down on the bed between her two friends. "What am I going to do? Is this stupid to even think about having this baby?" She nodded towards the nightstand. "I’m only about two months along. The pamphlets Dr. Walsh gave me say that if I want to have an abortion, it’s a lot easier right now. I can’t wait much longer."

Buffy shook her head. "Cordy, we can give you pros and cons all night, but you pretty much know them all. It’s something only you can decide. But we’re here and we’ll support you, whatever you want to do."

Cordelia burst into tears again and Willow and Buffy exchanged glances, unsure what to do until Cordelia pulled them both into a group hug. "Thank you guys so much. I really appreciate it." She wiped her eyes and blew her nose. "And don’t mind the tears, I’m just a little overemotional right now. Hormones, I guess."

"Tell you what, why don’t we just have a slumber party tonight? We’ll crash, you can give me a makeover again, like you did before we started seventh grade. We’ll just hang tonight."

Cordy nodded gratefully. "You guys really want to stay?" As the other girls readily agreed, she sighed. "That’d be good. I don’t really think I’m ready to alone with this quite as much as I thought I was."

Buffy pulled out her phone. "I just need to let Spike know."

Willow laughed. "Buffy, I know it’s usually the other way around, and I know it’s mutual, cause I saw Spike let you drive his car over here, but you are so whipped."

Buffy waved her off.

"Oh and can you tell Xan I’m staying too?"

Buffy laughed. "Sure, Ms. Independent."

_____________________________________________

Buffy pulled the car into the drive and set the parking brake, breathing a sigh of relief. She was pretty sure Spike loved her more than the car, but she didn’t really want to test that theory. She glanced at her watch. 7:30AM. He was probably still here. She opened the door and found him at his computer.

"Hey honey, I’m home." She dangled the keys. "Here you go, safe and sound." She crossed the room and draped herself over his shoulders as she planted kisses down the side of his neck. "So much for a night together, huh?"

He saved the paper he’d been working on and pulled her around to his lap. "Yep. Don’t think I don’t want to see that outfit again though, kitten. Course you nearly gave me heart failure when I came through the door and saw you and Angel."

She nuzzled against him, feeling the familiar contentment she always seemed to get when he held her, especially after the drama of the last night. "Yeah, I saw the look on your face, thanks for not making a scene."

"I trust you, luv, just brought back some bad memories. And reminded me that I need to get that key back from Angel. Man clearly has no idea of personal space and I don’t want him busting in here on you again like that."

Buffy giggled. "You know the funny thing? I don’t even think he noticed. I don’t know that I’ve ever seem him so out of it. How did things go? What did he decide?" She began to plant small kisses down the side of his neck again as she wiggled closer.

"Mmmm, I like that."

"Spike, talk, or I’ll stop."

He tried to focus on something besides the building lust she was creating with each brush of her lips and tongue along the sensitive skin of his neck. "Umm, right, yeah. I don’t know. He’s shook up and if it was anyone but Cordy, I think he’d probably figure out if it was really his, offer to pay for an abortion and walk away. But that’s the thing, he never once questioned that it was his, and he just kept saying he wished he hadn’t done this to her. A very non-Angelic reaction, ironic as that is."

He arched his neck further as she slid his hand under his shirt and lightly ran her nails over his abs. She stilled as he stopped talking and he hastened to continue. "So anyway, turns out he and Cordy go way back, been carrying on for years. Did you girls know about that?"

Buffy shook her head as she moved to tease his earlobe. He shuddered as she sucked lightly before nipping the soft flesh. "Neither did Xan and I. I suppose it must be all that history, but he’s clearly got a soft spot for Queen C and I’ll think he’ll come round. He just needs time for it to sink in. Enough about them. Golidlocks, I think we have better things to do right now."

Buffy laughed as he carried her back to the bed. "I thought you’d never get the hint."

_____________________________________________

Willow opened her e-mail again. It was still there. She’d shoved it aside during the time with Cordy, but here is was, staring at her in bold letters, demanding to be answered. She shut the computer down. She had to talk with Xander about this. If she just met Tara and he found out, he’d be hurt. Willow grabbed her bag. She’d tell him tonight. She just hoped he’d be cool with it. Maybe she could invite him to come as well. That could be a little awkward, but it definitely make sure that nothing happened with Tara. Or would it? Her mind suddenly went to a naughty place as she imagined Xander and Tara together with her. She locked the door and started down the hall. Within such thoughts lay badness and she wasn’t going to go there.

"Alright you two, it’s the final fitting, you don’t have to act like I’m asking you to cut out your hearts. We just want to make sure everything’s right for the ceremony. and things will be too hectic after Thanksgiving. So just suck it up and come with me. Buffy and I will be right next door if there are problems and I’m going to talk to Clement afterwards to make sure everything’s fine, so behave yourselves."

Giles and Spike nodded, identical expressions of dread on their face as they climbed out of Jenny’s Jeep Cherokee. It was the Saturday before Thanksgiving and Jenny had mandated that everyone reserve the day for completing the last details for the wedding. The ceremony was scheduled for a few days before Christmas, but Giles had to complete his course grades, Buffy and Spike had to endure finals and Jenny knew there would be a rush on the gallery in anticipation of the holidays in the next month.

Buffy rolled her eyes at their antics and followed Jenny into the women’s portion of Clem’s Wedding Shop, where their gowns were being altered. She had to thank Jenny for letting her pick out a cool dress, not bridesmaid-like at all. One-shouldered, it had a classic tunic look to it and was a deep emerald shade that fit with the warm tones Jenny had picked for her wedding colors.

She waited patiently as the seamstress double checked the length in the heels she’d be wearing and made a few corrections here and there with pins. Then she stepped down and removed the dress as she watched Jenny turn and twist to get the changes made in her gown. It was beautiful, simple, with little ornamentation, yet it was perfect. Buffy tried not to get teary-eyed, feeling oddly overwhelmed.

"Jenny, you look gorgeous, Giles won’t know what to do when he sees you."

Jenny turned and smiled radiantly. "You think so? I just want this to be perfect. And I think it’s all coming together. Thanks for all you’ve done Buffy. If you hadn’t been pitching in at the gallery the past few months, I don’t think I could have pulled this off. And if you and Spike hadn’t volunteered to oversee the gallery the few days before Christmas after we leave, there’s no way Giles and I could have gone on the honeymoon we planned."

She dismounted from the platform and hugged her maid of honor before they both redressed and got ready to leave to check on the guys. Jenny made the last few arrangements with the shop and they stepped through into the men’s section. Buffy peered around the corner and caught a glimpse of Giles and Spike ardently arguing some point of fashion with the proprietor.

"Looks like they’re not done yet, want to go grab a drink while we’re waiting?"

Jenny nodded and the two strolled the few steps down the sidewalk to the Expresso Pump. After grabbing their orders, they settled in at one of the tables closest to the street so they could watch for Giles and Spike.

"So, Buffy, I don’t want to pry, but being in on the neighborhood gossip, I had heard that something was up with Cordelia. You want to talk about it? I assume you know."

Buffy nodded gratefully. "Yeah. She won’t mind me talking to about it, in fact she’ll probably want to talk with you herself. She’s really worried about her parents and how they’re taking this. Have you talked with her mom?"

Jenny nodded. "In passing. I was sitting out on the porch when Cordelia came by to talk with her mom and saw her leave in tears. The rumors are that she’s pregnant. Is that true?"

"Yeah. It’s Angel’s."

Jenny sat her coffee cup firmly down. "Angel O’Conner? The Angel O’Conner recently dating you?"

"Yep. You can do the math. It’s done and over though, Jenny. Cordy knew she screwed up, though I guess she didn’t know how badly, no pun intended, and she tried to help me with him when he was being a jerk."

Jenny picked up her cup and took a slow sip of her coffee. "I don’t think Mrs. Chase knows that part yet. Well. The neighborhood should be getting more interesting I think."

"Uh-huh."

"Does she know what she’s going to do?"

Buffy shook her head slowly. "Not yet. Except she’s pretty convinced she wants the baby. She just doesn’t know how she’ll manage. And Angel’s still a big question mark. He’s freaked, but Spike convinced him the other night that he’s got to sit down and talk with her."

She stirred her drink absently for a minute. "Jenny, Willow and I were talking last night, about Cordy and next semester. We like living in Stevenson, and we like being roomies, but we were wondering if we might should move next semester."

"Move? Where?"

Buffy shrugged. "Well, that’s what we’re not sure about yet. But there’s a little house that Willow thinks is coming open in January. Some guy in one of her labs has been renting it. He’s graduating in December and Willow said he’s moving to New York. It’s cute, we went by on Thursday because she was dropping off some notes. Not very big - but it does have three bedrooms."

Jenny nodded but said nothing and Buffy continued.

"So what we’re thinking was that maybe we could rent it - Willow and Cordy and I. Course we haven’t talked to Cordy yet, but Jenny, I don’t think she’s going to be able to stay at the sorority house after she starts showing. People are already being catty to her and saying things behind her back. And we can help her, you know?"

"Buffy, I think that’s very kind, but have you asked Cordelia if she wants that yet?"

"No, not really. It was just a thought." She met Jenny’s eyes. "I guess I just would want them to support me like that if it happened to me."

"I know sweetie, and I bet if you talk it out with her, Cordy will be grateful for your support. But don’t try to force it okay? She’s got to make the call." Jenny leaned forward. "And to segue in to the momish segment here, speaking of pregnancy, you and William are being careful, aren’t you?"

Buffy flushed. "Jenny! Of course we are. I’m on the pill."

Jenny leaned back. "Just checking. You do know he’ll be there for you if something happens?"

Buffy flushed even deeper. "I know." She stared into her cup. Jenny often seemed more like an older sister or favorite aunt, but even so, this was awkward. She met Jenny’s dark eyes again and waited.

"Buffy, William’s my baby. Probably the only one I’m going to have. I’m proud of him, of what he’s become and of who he’s chosen to be with." Jenny looked at her calmly. "He loves you. I know you know that. But I don’t think that you know how much. William would walk through fire for you. You’re the one for him. I think you understand what that means and I hope you feel the same. But Buffy, please keep that in mind, just how much he cares. There’s going to be some hard choices coming up for you and him. Don’t hurt him. If you have to let him go, do it gently."

Buffy nodded, shaken by the intensity of the expression and words. Jenny turned her head, distracted by the exit of Giles and Spike out of the wedding shop. "Oh, looks like they’re done. Shall we?"

As Buffy nodded again, still dazed, Jenny reached over and squeezed her hand. "Buffy, I didn’t mean to lecture you. I trust you. I do. I know you won’t hurt him. But I just wanted you to understand how serious this is for him, okay?"

"I know, Jenny. It’s . . . serious for me too."

"That’s what I thought."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike quickened his step as he saw Jenny and Buffy emerge from the coffee shop. The wedding planning stuff was done earlier than expected he thought, glancing at his watch, and Buffy had the rest of the afternoon off. Jenny had gotten one of her other employees to cover the shop for the day, so they had the luxury of a free Saturday together now. For once, everything seemed right with the world.

He slid up behind her and hoisted Buffy into his arms, whirling her around as she squealed from the mock attack.

"Spike, put me down!"

"Nope, not until I get a kiss. I think Rupes and I have earned a reward for what we just endured." He shuddered. "Tuxes should be illegal."

Buffy laughed. "Well, you look so good in one, it should be a crime."

"You think so luv?"

"Uh-huh. You remember what happened the last time you wore one, don’t you?"

Spike smirked at her as she gave him the requested toll, then lowered her to the sidewalk in the bright autumn sun, keeping her pulled tight against him.

"All right Jenny, are we done?"

"You are dear. Rupert is not so lucky."

Giles rolled his eyes in mock annoyance, but followed along willingly as she pulled him back towards their appointment with Clem.

"You two have fun this afternoon."

Spike turned back to Buffy, a huge smile gracing his face. Her breath caught a little as she watched the unconcealed display of happiness. Spike showed more than he realized on his face, but there was nearly always a guarded expression that tried to hide his emotions. But today, today everything seemed naked and exposed. Despite Jenny’s sobering comments about the future, she couldn’t help but smile back and catch his infectious mood for the moment.

"Well Goldy, where to? You want to catch a movie? Go shopping? Anything you want."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"You?"

His grin grew even broader and she shivered as he did that tongue thing that always got her hot. "Absolutely."

They strolled back the blocks to Revello where Spike had left his car, enjoying the crisp fall afternoon, the hint of chill in the air, and the knowledge of what was to come. As they drove to the apartment, exchanging smoldering looks and touches, Buffy slid closer across the seat to him, ignoring the need to buckle up in her desire to be closer, placing kisses and nibbles along his neck and causing him to drive a little faster.

But the urgency fueled by the anticipation seemed to dissipate as he closed and locked the door behind them when they reached the top of the stairs. Spike leaned against the door and just watched as Buffy turned back to see why he had stopped in her headlong rush for the bed.

"What’s wrong?"

"Not a thing." He pushed away from the door and caught her in his arms as he twirled her across the room until she was laughing and a little dizzy. He settled her on the edge of the bed as he knelt in front of her. And then, the mood shifted, just like that as he held her eyes. The carefree laughter of a moment before disappeared into a wave of tenderness for him.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me, Buffy?" He slowly traced the side of her face with his fingertip, tilting her chin as his lips brushed against hers softly. "You make my insides twist, I want you so much." His lips caressed her cheek as he slid to her ear and whispered softly. "You own me, sweetheart, body and soul."

Buffy trembled as she turned to capture his lips. She didn’t know how to tell him, wasn’t sure if she could say what he wanted to hear. There were things in her heart that wanted to come out, but they had chains of fear wrapped around them that she was still trying to unlock. Everyday with him made it a little easier to be open about her feelings, but she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to bare her soul like he did.

But the time for words had passed as the kiss between them deepened. As her eyes fluttered shut and her senses narrowed to the taste of his lips, the feel of his hair as she buried her fingers to pull him closer, the sparks of contact that arced between them with each caress, the kiss somehow became greater than the sum of its parts and she felt the power of his love enveloping her, wrapping around them like a tangible thing.

As they broke apart, drawing in needed air, Buffy rested her forehead against his, her eyes still closed, absorbing the energy that still seemed to crackle around them. The kisses spiraled again, and after what seemed like hours, when she was sure her lips must be swollen, Spike slid her sweater over her head and reverently unfastened her bra,. sliding it down her arms. She thought she saw him mouth "beautiful," but the golden silence remained unbroken as she slid his shirt off as well and pulled him onto the bed with her.

But he was unwilling to be rushed, treating her to more of the mind-numbing kisses as she relished the slide of skin against skin. She felt like every nerve ending was sensitized and attuned to him and thought she might explode by the time their jeans found their way to the floor.

Spike moved over her, his blue eyes shining as he intertwined his hands with her and slowly slid home. She couldn’t stifle the involuntary moan that broke the quiet of the room as her eyes fluttered closed at the utter rightness of the moment, the feeling of completion he brought her. But she needed to see him and she opened her eyes to meet his as they began to move slowly together. Somehow the lack of words, the absence of murmurings and comments he usually made in the heat of the moment seemed to only make this more powerful as she lost herself in the pools of his eyes.

She wasn’t sure how long they moved together, their bodies seeming to be in perfect synchronization as he pushed her higher and higher. She could feel him so deep within her that it seemed they had almost become one body, two parts to a whole that were merging perfectly with one another. His eyes burned her, caressed her, told her how much he loved her and she hoped he could see the same in her depths. She thought maybe he could, for when she finally fell over the edge, falling apart completely as the tremors rippled through her body, he held her even closer, burying his face in her neck as he reached completion.

Buffy faintly heard the first patters of rain on the skylight above her head as she drifted back to reality. She felt Spike shift a little and held him tighter, not yet willing to break the connection or to face his naked gaze in the aftermath of the wordless thing that had just passed between them. He seemed to acquiesce to her unspoken demand, rolling slightly and tucking her against him as they curled back together. As they settled once again, she felt him drop a soft kiss on her forehead and murmur, "Love you," before they both drifted off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike opened his eyes, watching the rain pelt the clear window above his head. The sunny day was gone for good now. He glanced over at the clock on his nightstand. Later than he’d expected, they’d been asleep for nearly two hours.

Buffy snuffled and snuggled closer, so he pulled her in, tucking the blanket over them both carefully before returning to his contemplation of the sky. What had happened between them was beyond anything he’d ever experienced with a woman before.

And he knew it was something he’d only find with her. He wondered if baring himself to her so completely was wise. He didn’t fear her like he had Dru, didn’t think she’d hurt him with someone else. But he could scare her off if he was too intense, cause her to run again, afraid of what could be between them.

He thought he understood her fears, understood that they weren’t personal, but ghosts from her past she had to live with. If he’d watched what she had for years, maybe he’d be afraid too. But he had his own issues to deal with, chief among them being left by the people he loved most.

He knew, logically, that his dad’s accident and his mom’s illness had been beyond their control. They would never have left him voluntarily, he was the product of the love they’d shared and extended to him. But it didn’t make his need to hold on to those in his life even tighter, in hopes he could prevent someone else from slipping away. That he could keep her from slipping away, for always.

What his parents had together must have been something amazing, something so special they’d thrown caution to the wind and married after only a few weeks of knowing one another. He liked to imagine that was the kind of lasting passion he had with Buffy. And wondered if he had the guts to repeat history and not waste precious time.

He thought about the ring that he’d retrieved yesterday from the safe deposit box, his mother’s engagement ring, that was now locked in his lower desk drawer. He let his mind drift for a minute, playing the fantasy game where Buffy wanted to come with him, marry him right after he graduated, set up a little house somewhere, maybe start on a family.

He grimaced. He was such a wanker. She was only twenty, didn’t even have her degree yet, had her own dreams and goals, and all he could think about was her as the little missus, barefoot and pregnant. This woman sleeping so peacefully in his arms, covered in a cheap blanket, was an heiress and would have more money in a few years than he’d ever see in his lifetime. She could go anywhere, do anything, probably be with anyone she chose.

She’d been sheltered in a way, but she’d be coming into her own soon. Did he really have any right to try to tie her down, take advantage of the bloom of new love to convince her they were soulmates? What if he was wrong? What if what was between them wasn’t as mutual as he hoped? What if she was miserable and grew to hate him for limiting her potential?

He’d been raised by strong independent women, first his mom and then Jenny, and it was one of the things he admired most about Buffy, her determination and focus. He played with the strands of her hair as they lay across his chest and sighed. He wasn’t going to hold her back or tie her down. The ring wasn’t going anywhere and it had been a fit of whimsy to even get it out. He’d take it back on Monday.

He didn’t know how they would work this out, but there had to be a way. He prayed they’d just have a few hours distance between them next year, but even if it was a continent, he’d meant what he’d said earlier. He was hers, body and soul, and distance wouldn’t change that for him. He just had to be patient and give her time to see if she was well and truly his.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy stretched and yawned. The pitter-patter of raindrops continued and she was snuggled deep in Spike’s comfy blanket, curled against his warm flesh. Ummm. Spike flesh. Her fingers stroked his chest as he broke his contemplation of the gray sky and smiled down at her.

"Hey, luv, you awake?"

"Um-hum." She stretched again, feeling very catlike as she crawled up him, kneading him as she made for her target of his lips for a wake-up kiss. Finally satisfied, she flopped down atop him as he stroked random patterns on her back and she inhaled his unique scent while she nuzzled his neck.

What had happened earlier had turned her world on its axis a little, and at some point, when she was alone and had time to think, she needed to work through what that level of passion and desire meant for them. She was slipping over the edge, over into that place where he would become the center of her world, and it seemed far less frightening than she’d thought it would be. But for now, she didn’t want to think, she wanted to play, and if what she was feeling was any indication, so did he.

She slowly sat up on his chest, shaking out her long hair as she did so, loving the way his eyes followed the golden strands as they settled across her chest. He traced a few strands downward, following their trajectory to where they hid her breasts and brushing aside the silk to reach the treasure underneath. He had her gasping within minutes as he sat up and pulled her more firmly onto his lap, his teeth and tongue working her still sensitive nipples as she reached between them to stroke his rapidly hardening erection.

Whatever he’d been thinking about so seriously before seemed to have disappeared as she guided him to her entry and sank down, shuddering as the exquisite sensation of his body joining with hers. She smiled devilishly as she managed to wring a few gasps from him as she exercised her internal muscles and increased her pace.

He smirked and flipped her over, setting a faster pace and sending her over the edge rapidly as he caressed her in time with the deep strokes she was receiving. Their lips tangled as they playfully rolled again and she regained her position on top, slowing things down until she could tell he was approaching the end, then pushing them both into one final powerful orgasm. She collapsed against his chest, exhausted and giggled as she heard him murmur a "Bloody hell."

"What, you didn’t like that?"

"Oh I liked it, you little wench. You’re just possibly going to give me a heart attack and then who would pleasure you for hours on end?"

Buffy mock gasped as she tickled his ribs. "Did I wear you out, baby? I though you swimmers were supposed to have stamina."

She giggled again as he rolled her over and began to tickle her unmercifully, trying unsuccessfully to stop his attacks until she finally captured his lips and effectively distracted him. She pulled him into a fierce hug.

"I love you, Spike. You know that, don’t you?"

He rubbed his cheek against hers as he held her tightly. "I do Buffy. I do."

She pulled back slowly, loathe to break the mood, but feeling the time was right. She was tired of turning this over and over in her head, and tired of wondering if the other shoe was going to drop and the happy bubble would burst as soon as May rolled around. If her heart was going to get this entangled, she needed to know just where he’d be taking it.

"Spike, what’s going to happen? Next year, I mean. When you graduate."

He looked down at her as she stared up at him. He wished he could read what answer she was looking for, what she hoped to hear.

Should he take this as a sign, grab the ring and propose? Course it would be a bit ludicrous with his bits dangling and such as he dropped to his knees, but if he thought she’d actually say yes, he’d do it in a heart beat.

He licked his lips, suddenly nervous, then decided to go with something a little less extreme. There’d be time for the big romantic proposals later, if he was lucky.

"What would you like to see happen, pet?" There, that was safe as houses.

Buffy wrinkled her nose. "I asked you, Spike."

Or maybe not so safe.

"Buffy, sweetheart, I want us to still be together. I’m, well, I’m hoping to go to UCLA, but I haven’t heard from them yet. Computer bug or some such nonsense, but I should know in a few weeks. It’s not that far and we could see each other on the weekends. I’ll come home, or you can come up and see me."

Buffy nodded. "So you don’t want to break up?"

He shook his head vehemently. "Buffy, no. Why would you even think that?"

She turned her head for a minute. "Because, I don’t know. You’re moving on. A whole different world and big time important stuff. I didn’t know if I’d still have a place in your life."

Her eyes seemed so open, so vulnerable. What was she trying to tell him? That she wanted a permanent place? The ring seemed to call to him even louder. He swallowed hard.

"Buffy, you will always, always have a place. I never want to lose you, to lose what we have."

She nodded. "So what if you don’t get into UCLA?"

Spike could feel the pounding starting behind his eyes. There had been a reason he had wanted to delay this conversation until after he knew his options for sure. "Well, I’ll probably be going to Duke."

"So it’ll be like when I went away to England?"

"No, sweetheart, no, it won’t be like that at all. We didn’t have an understanding then, we didn’t have a relationship, not like we have now. We won’t be able to see each other as often as we do now, but that doesn’t mean anything changes between us."

He watched her face start to shut down. Alright, something in there hadn’t come out right, but he wasn’t sure what. This was starting to spiral out of his control.

"So what if you meet someone else Spike? All the way on the other side of the country, all lonely? It’s not like you don’t know you’re a very attractive man. I’m sure there will be plenty of little coeds who want to get to know you and take my place." She slid out from under his arm and rolled to the edge of the bed. He reached for her arm, stopping her.

"Buffy, it won’t be like that, not at all. I don’t want anyone else but you. I could care less about other girls. And I don’t mind being alone if I know you’re waiting for me."

The dark cloud that crossed her face made his heart sink. He’d royally screwed things up now, and he had no idea how. Wasn’t he saying the right things?

"So you expect me to just sit around and wait on you, Spike?"

"Buffy, no, it’s not like. . ."

And she was gone, off the bed and into the bathroom where he heard the distinctive click of the lock being turned. Spike flopped back on the bed. What the hell had just happened?

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