Chapter 17
Buffy didn’t talk about Lilea’s show with anyone, even with Giles she never commented on it. Willie’s wasn’t very happy with her and her watcher not paying for the ticket. But she hadn’t intended staying there so long.
After that Jessica Rabbit song Buffy could easily understand what Spike saw in her. God, the girl was sexy. But this wasn’t something she wanted to think about. The girl was sharing Spike’s life. Why did just the thought if this make her scream inside? She definitely wasn’t interested in the vampire anymore… Not at all. A world of no.
Buffy had to shake her head hard in order to concentrate again on what she was reading. She breathed deeply when, with an effort, she finished her chapter, closing her book. She turned her head toward her sleeping sister.
“You know, I hope you listened to me all this time, all the talking I did… every day. I’m not reproaching you, but... you can’t sleep so much, it’s your teenage years, you deserve it, you know.” She whispered, “Autumn is such a great season…with all these strange colors on the trees. I’m sure you’d like it. This year the leaves seem glued on to them. They are still on the branches and they don’t seem to have any intention of falling down.”
Buffy moved slowly across the room.
“Sis… I miss…” A strange noise from the machinery that monitored Dawn’s heartbeat.
The older sister ran toward the bed.
One hand held Dawn’s, the other was desperately pushing the alarm button, calling for help.
The sleeping girl held her sister’s hand in return, then her eyes flickered, then opened.
Buffy felt her own heart stop beating from the emotion, she wanted to hug her to her chest, cover her with kisses. It was some time before she was able to pronounce her name:
“Dawnie, Dawn.”
The little girl was confused and speaking was difficult for her. After a song silence, she stared at her sister and breathed, “Buffy… mom ... Saw her.”
“Shhh, don’t… Oh God, Dawn!” Buffy’s face was covered in tears, she burst into sobs and laughter simultaneously, kissing her sister’s hand. She had never felt so relieved in all her life.
When the doctors and nurses forced her to leave the room, in order to check their patient’s condition, the older Summers girl phoned everyone: her watcher, her friends, their father, even her principal, laughing and crying at the same time.
Dawn’s awakening brought a lot of chaos to the hospital floor, doctors came in and out of the room, making Buffy almost yell while she was on the phone with people. But during her first phone call to Giles, and she phoned him three or four times in less than an hour, she had the strange feeling of being observed. When she tried to look around she just heard the noise of a door closing hard. And even though she didn’t see the person leave through it, she just knew that Spike had already found out about Dawn.
Around four or five hours later Buffy found herself walking slowly toward home. She needed to fetch some stuff for Dawn, and her sister was completely overwhelmed by the scoobies’ attentions. They brought flowers and balloons and a lot of confusion, and strangely no one in the hospital complained.
She walked near the cemetery and then a thought hit her, something she had avoided thinking for a long time: Spike had paid for Dawn’s hospital treatment. Why? If she hadn’t casually overheard that conversation would she have ever found out about it? Was Spike trying to find a way to make her in debt to him?
She decided she couldn’t torture herself forever about this. Ok, she had just started it, but that was what she said to herself. She needed to talk with him. So she walked right in his crypt direction.
She needed to concentrate hard to stop herself from running toward Spike’s place. She wanted answers. Buffy needed to breath deeply in order to find the courage to knock, and then finally she found it.
“No one is in. Aren't you the little 'Miss Manners' today?You’re knocking.”
Buffy felt herself turned to ice by the voice.
“Hey you too, Spike.” The slayer turned and saw him, lying on a tombstone. He was looking toward her, but somehow she realized he was avoiding her eyes. And that was something he never used to do.
“How is the little bit?”
Buffy smiled even before she realised it. “She woke up earlier, no brain damage… She’s fine.”
“Good.”
“Yeah”
Embarrassed? This was the strange thing between them now? They were both motionless.
“So… why are you here? Do you need Lilea? She is with Navarre just now, she will be here in a few minutes. They needed some time alone…”
“Navarre?”
“The wolf.”
“Oh.”
Again silence between them, then Buffy added, “Actually I just wanted to let you know that Dawn was awake.”
Buffy saw the vampire’s eyes meet hers. “Thanks.” His head tilted to one side, full of wonder and some other feelings she couldn’t decipher.
“Spike, I thought I saw you at the hospital a few days ago…”
The blond guy’s face became suddenly serious. “You’re wrong.”
“Weren’t you there?”
“I said you’re wrong. The last time I went to the hospital was that night.” His voice was quite hard. He was keeping it cold on purpose, trying to seem completely uninterested.
“Are you sure it wasn’t you?”
“Slayer, it wasn’t me, ok?”
Buffy stared at him for a moment. He was nervous. Did he really not want any reward for paying for Dawn’s treatment?
“You evil wolfy thing! I’m going to beat you sooner or later, you know that…don’t you?” Lilea’s laughing voice made them turn. She was running just behind the animal, holding her stick in her hand without it touching the ground. She was following the wolf’s path instead. The demon jumped a little puddle and Lilea avoided it in just in the same way. They seemed perfectly synchronized. Then when she was close she looked at Spike and Buffy’s energy and she stopped abruptly, starting to walk, clearly embarrassed for having interrupted them.
“Hi Buffy…” She bit her lip, then gave a little smile in the slayer’s direction. She turned to look at her guide. “Come on Navarre... I’m really tired, it’s very, very late… Bed time. Bye.” Lilea, this was more than evident, tried to leave in the fastest time possible. Even her waves couldn’t have been quicker.
She vanished a few moments later into the crypt, closing the door carefully behind herself.
Buffy looked at the door after it closed and pointed. “She’s really very fast…”
“Yeah… but I’ll be faster when I kill her later.”
Buffy smiled lightly. They stayed silent for a while. “She can see me?”
The vampire nodded. “She’s pretty special even for a slayer… She can see magic, or mystical energy. She can see demons, like me, or good energy, like yours.” He didn’t even realize he was smiling while he was speaking about Lilea.
‘God, he’s completely in love with her’
He really has an obsession with slayers, and she was so young…well not as young as she had been when she was with Angel, but she seemed very young.
“It’s really late… I should go…” He nodded.
“Buffy, are you ok?” He couldn’t take his eyes off her, for a moment she seemed lost, in a way he couldn’t understand. Was she thinking about Dawn? Spike guessed she was, she had so suddenly changed her mood.
It took a few seconds for Buffy to realize he had asked a question. “I’m fine… I just need to go.” She started to walk away, than she stopped. “Spike?”
He turned to her. “What?”
She bit her lip for a moment, then mumbled, “Thanks.”
He opened his eyes wide. “And this is for?”
She began to walk away without looking at him. “You know why…”
* * *
The following weeks flew past. Dawn wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital until she was able to eat a meal and no longer needed to be hooked up to the IV but she had been told that she had to take at least another ten days off school. She wouldn’t be allowed back until she was able to stay awake all day. She needed the time anyway to catch up on all the schoolwork she had missed during those two months. But life in the Summers’ house was starting to return to normal.
Their father sent Dawn a big present and some money, even phoned a couple of times, but he didn’t visit her. He just sent them a picture of his new son. His first son. Both the sisters almost felt sick when they saw it. Poor baby.
All the scoobies were very useful. Anya found herself to be a wizard at cooking, a hidden talent everyone was really grateful for. Xander was good at cheering Dawn up. He made sure that she took all her medication at the right times and he was an irreplaceable help for Buffy, reassuring her that she shouldn’t feel guilty for what happened to her sister. Willow helped the younger girl with her schoolwork and helped the slayer so that she could start college again next semester.
Giles split his days between helping Dawn with English, and working with the two slayers. The Chosen Two usually alternated their patrol nights. Usually Buffy was alone or with Giles, while Lilea was always with Spike and her wolf. But sometimes the girls shared their training in the Magic Box, which was now open again.
One of those evenings, after patrolling and killing a couple of vampires, the two slayers, escorted by Navarre, ended their “panoramic tour of Sunnydale Cemetery” quite early. They didn’t speak a lot during the night.
“Since tonight it’s Giles’ night for staying with Dawn, I guess I’ll go to the Bronze.”
“Is that a local thing? What does it mean?”
“The Bronze?You mean you’ve been here for more than two months and Spike hasn’t taken you there? It’s the only decent place in the whole town!”
Lilea smiled a little. “He prefers to take me to some demon bar he knows.”
“This doesn’t entirely make sense. It might be better to have her say something like, “Slayers can’t hang out at demon bars only!” You want to join us? I’m going with the scoobies.” Buffy didn’t like this girl very much, although she didn’t understand why. But from what Giles told her about this new slayer she know she spent the biggest part of her days training or patrolling with one of the English guys. And Lilea had just said that she had never heard of the Bronze
“Slayers can’t hang out only at demon bars! You want to join us? I’m going with the scoobies.” Buffy didn’t like this girl very much, although she didn’t understand why. But from what Giles told her about this new slayer she know she spent the biggest part of her days training or patrolling with one of the English guys. And Lilea she had never been to the Bronze.
The younger girl smiled. “I sure do! It’s been so long since I had any fun...”
“So you’ve had no fun with me…” An amused voice came from behind them.
For the first time Buffy heard her laugh loudly. “Can we go with her, Spike?”
The vampire lit his cigarette. “Your choice.”
Chapter 18
Less then twenty minutes later they were sitting in a corner of Bronze. They were quite early and the scoobies had yet to arrive. Lilea relaxed on the little couch.
An embarrassed silence fell between the girls while Spike went to get something to drink from the bar. Lilea smiled at her a couple of times, and for some time she looked at her wolf, cuddled against her leg.
“Hey, puppy are you all right?” Lilea caressed him. “He has strange colors tonight… I don’t know what they mean. I’ve never seen them before.” She shrugged. “I guess I still have a lot to learn about this colors thing.” She smiled again, blushing a little. She gave a look towards Spike’s energy, still far enough away in order to add, “Buffy... thanks for letting Spike come with us. He said you don’t want him around… but I guess he needed it...”
“He explained why to you?”
Lilea’s smile faded slightly while she shook her head, even though she knew. “He’s a good man.”
“That’s not the way I’d describe him…” Buffy absently commented while Spike approached them with a beer for Buffy and a Coke for Lilea.
“Hey… I can drink, you know? I’m old enough. You know that, don’t you?”
“Then next time double bourbon, grandma,” he joked, drinking from his glass.
“I hate you, sometimes.” But both were grinning.
Buffy looked at them. They seemed happy and flirting, and right, they seemed so right together.
The blind girl moved her white stick so that Spike could sit between her and Buffy.
At exactly the same moment as the vampire sat down Buffy saw Lilea’s smile vanish, her eyes open wide and tears fill them. The girl had slowly moved to face the wolf.
“What?” she breathed.
“I didn’t say anything.” The vampire sat more comfortably on the couch.
“No… you can’t do that…” The girl stood up slowly. She was becoming paler and paler every second. She also seemed to be trembling.
Spike raised his head, brushing her wrist.
“Lilea, are you ok?” Even Buffy stood up, moving a step closer to the girl.
“No, you can’t… ” she said again, still staring at the wolf which was licking her hand.
“Lil, what’s happening?”
“It’s not fair…it’s not right!” Rage and anger and desperation were mixed in her voice.
The wolf just yelped.
And then, as if it was her last breath, she whispered. “How am I supposed to survive without you?”
“What in hell are you saying?” Now Spike’s voice was the angry one. He was worried for his friend, he had never seen that expression since the day he found her. She seemed completely afraid and alone.
The wolf started moving towards the door Lilea followed him, almost running, without even stopping to pick up her stick.
Spike yelled Navarre’s name and strode after them, he was almost out when Buffy grabbed his left arm, shaking her head.
“Navarre is leaving,” she guessed.
“How in hell do you know that?”
“What she just said… I said the same thing when Angel told me he was leaving.” She avoided Spike’s eyes while she spoke.
*
The vampire looked once more towards his friend: Lilea was kneeling, hugging the wolf, right in the middle of the alley. Her eyes were shut tightly. He stepped towards them but then he stayed motionless.
“God, it’s killing me seeing her suffer in this way. I can’t stand it!” His voice cracked and Buffy knew that he meant what he said.
“I don’t understand, Spike. How can she be so close to an animal?”
The guy smiled sadly, looking straight into her eyes. “She is in love with him.”
“But it’s a dog!” Buffy felt as if she was the only sane person in the world and at the same time the only one without a heart.
He shook his head. “A wolf.”
“It’s the same thing… it’s an animal! You can’t love an animal in that way...”
“Slayer, stop thinking that the world has to follow your rules... They were in love before. He was a demon, he was killed, then somehow he came back, as a wolf, to protect her.”
Buffy was silent, lost in the vampire’s eyes, then she stared at Lilea again. “Spike, look!”
He turned: a man was holding the girl.
“That’s incredible!”
“Buffy, even a demon in love can be worthy of something like that.” The vampire was staring at her again and the intensity of his look made her melt.
*
-------Evanescence - Even In death -----
“I thought you were going to stay with me, you made me think you would never leave again…” Her eyes were full of tears but she wasn’t crying. “Navarre, please, I know you can do this. Let me see you, for the last time, please... I need to look into your eyes, hear your voice, please.” The wolf didn’t move, he just yapped.
“Oh bloody hell, Navarre! You’ve been here for more than half a year, do you really think I don’t know that you can be visible for me if you want?” ”
The wolf yelped. Lilea hugged him. “I’m already missing you.” She breathed deeply. “Oh Goddess, I...” She closed her eyes and bent her head back “I know it’s hard for you too, I promise I’m not trying to make it harder, but...” Her words were sad and calm, but her voice was trembling. Lilea released her hug from the dog. She stared at the ground. “It’s time, isn’t it?”
No sound.
One hand helped her to stand up. Lilea raised her eyes. And she stared for what seemed like forever. She could see him clearly. He was the only thing she saw. No energy, nor color, just his eyes, dark and deep, full of love.
They held each other tightly.
A kiss.
Then the dark haired demon released her slowly. “Bloody hell? You’ve definitely stayed too long with our British friend.” Navarre laughed, Lilea simply smiled at him. “Bloody hell…” he repeated to himself.
He stared at her again for some time. “I’m not leaving you alone. They can be great friends.” He pointed towards the vampire and the slayer. Lilea nodded. “And Spike will take good care of you, he would probably do it even without his soul.”
“I know,” she whispered. “Why now? Why are you leaving?”
“You need a stronger guide than me, Lil, and you’ll have one. I did what I could but I’m not enough. She will help you. I know you don’t understand now, but you will.” He paused “I’m going now. I don’t want to vanish while I’m holding you.” Navarre stepped back. “You’re strong and brave, Slayer.” He smiled as he said the word, and she smiled back.
He bent slightly to kiss her again, holding her head between his hands as if to impress into his memory how it felt to touch her. Then he took another step. “Lilea, Lil…It’s forever.”
The demon took a couple of steps, meeting Spike’s look, silently asking for protection for the woman he loved. The vampire nodded to him, with a faint smile on his face, answering his silent plea.
Navarre stared again for a long while at Lilea. Then he turned, without looking back and walked away.
Before he vanished she was able to hear his voice say again, “Lil, forever.”
“Forever,” she breathed.
*
Buffy wiped a tear from her cheek. She remembered how painful this was. It had been years and still Angel’s departure hurt her. But she never thought that she could be so affected by something that was happening to someone who was almost a complete stranger. Instead Lilea’s pain moved her in a way that almost scared her. She could survive almost anything in the world. Except emotions. They scared her more. Especially after Dawn‘s accident she was feeling so… alive. And this couldn’t be a good thing. For if she wanted to live so badly, if staying alive was becoming her main priority, then how could she devote herself to being The Slayer in the way that she should? How would she be able to take the risks that she had to take every night, knowing that she might be leaving Dawn alone? Spike had told her that all Slayers had, deep down, a fascination with death, a need to know what death was like. One day the curiosity would get the better of them. And this was when a lucky vampire would take her. This curiosity, this fascination with death was what killed all Slayers in the end, according to Spike, but it also drove them on, made them the fighters that they were, that they had to be. How could she be The Slayer if she lost that fascination, that expertise, that familiarity with death? And how could she devote herself to the fight if she had a greater desire - the desire to live? Why was she thinking about that now? And deep in her heart she knew why. Her emotion-wish was scarier than any death-wish she had. And what she saw now made her realize just how alone she was.
She wasn’t able to take her eyes off Lilea.
The girl was standing, alone in the middle of the alley outside the Bronze, completely motionless. Her eyes were staring in the direction in which Navarre had vanished. She seemed like a marble statue: pale and expressionless.
Buffy saw Spike move towards his friend, slowly, silently as if he was afraid to scare her, stopping just a few inches from her. He called her name, but Lilea didn’t seem to notice.
“Luv?” He carefully moved closer to her, as if he was afraid to break her, as if she was a fragile doll.
She didn’t stir.
The vampire moved a lock of hair from her face and all the feelings that he felt for her become obvious in that simple gesture, and eventually she breathed, “It’s as if he died again.” Her voice was just a whisper.
He wanted so badly to say that everything was going to be all right, that the pain would go away. It would, but there was nothing he could say to her. “Lil, I’m so...”
“Don’t say it…” she interrupted. But again she didn’t move. She just closed her eyes, fighting back her tears.
“Lil, come on, I’ll walk you home.”
The girl shook her head as if in slow motion. “If… if I don’t move, if I don’t think, I can pretend I’m still telling him goodbye…if...when I walk away, he really will be gone.”
* * *
Buffy poured the water into a big cup, being careful to strain the flowers from it. She also added some sugar, even though Willow said that it would slightly lessen the effect. In cases like these, sugar is needed.
“Spike, the tisane is ready. Do you want to bring it to her?” she said, with an unusually soft tone.
Everything was so unusual at this moment. Being in his crypt, using his kitchen-space and being polite and nice with him. They hadn’t spoken much since they got back, but she was behaving very kindly to him, in contrast to the cold, embarrassed feeling she had had at the Bronze earlier, or all the other times she had seen him after his return.
When she looked at Spike she saw him so worried and in pain for another young woman. Even though she was confused after discovering the real nature of the wolf and the relationship between Lilea and Navarre, she knew how deep the blond vampire’s feelings were for the newest slayer. She could see it from the way her former lover looked at this stranger, and Buffy wasn’t able to destroy the strange sense of jealousy this was engendering deep inside her in spite of all the empathy she could feel for the girl’s pain.
“I wish I had words to thank you for coming here tonight.” Buffy shrugged, but the vampire emphasized his words, looking deep into her eyes. “No, I really mean it. She is not like you, she hasn’t a sister, friends, or a watcher. She has no one.” His voice was low and hoarse, it didn’t tremble but was so full of pain that Buffy wondered how it didn’t crack. He was sensitive, he always was, he could see things in people, emotions they were trying to hide. That may have been what made him such a great vampire, when he was bad. He could see weak points in people and manipulate them. But not now. He had in his face the same expression Buffy remembered seeing through the window of the E.R the night they took in Dawn there. Powerless.
And, probably without even realizing it, Buffy smiled at him in the sweetest way she could. “That’s not true, she’s not alone. She has you.”
Buffy felt butterflies in her stomach when the guy looked into her eyes again. Surprise and gratitude were obviously in his eyes. How could she even think that vampires can’t have feelings? Maybe he was soulless, but it was certain he loved that girl.
“Yeah, lucky girl, a vampire with a s…” he paused for a moment “…with a sodding chip.”
*
Spike sat on the corner of the bed, a steaming cup of tisane in his hands. “Luv, this will help you sleep. Drink it carefully, it’s hot.”
Lilea was sitting on the mattress. Her hands were holding her knees, huddled against her chest. Her eyes were staring into space, her face covered by long dark hair. Spike had covered her with a blanket earlier, and it was still on her shoulders, though she was making no effort to keep it there. She had probably stayed motionless all the time Spike had been away from her.
“Lil, did you hear me?” The vampire moved closer, speaking to her slowly.
“I don’t want it, I don’t wanna sleep, I don’t wanna do anything.”
“Sweetie…”
“I said I don’t want it!” She made a gesture with her hand as if she was trying to move him back but avoiding touching him. The cup flew to the ground, dashing itself into thousands of little pieces. Magically. She hadn’t even brushed it or him.
Spike swore when his hand was splashed by the hot water. It wasn’t a bad burn, but it was hurting a little.
She turned to Spike, horrified. “I didn’t mean… I didn’t…”
“It’s ok, luv, it’s ok”
“It’s not ok. You have to get away from me. I’m cursed. Every person or demon or whatever I love dies… I just cause pain. You have to run away from me. I *have* to run away from you.”
“Don’t even try.” He brushed her hand sweetly. Then his voice became more amused, though it was obviously a big effort. “And by the way…” he paused a moment for the suspense. “I’m immortal.”
This time it was her turn to make an effort to smile a little. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Me too, luv.” They stayed silent for some time. “Hey, I know it’s a bad time, and that your birthday is just next week. But I have a present for you.”
Lilea felt him stretch near her, and open a drawer in the other side of the bed, then he put a little box into her hands.
“What is it?” Her voice was barely audible.
Spike heard a noise on the stairs. Buffy was there, he could feel her even without seeing her. Probably the noise of the cup being smashed had made her worry.
“A music box.” He helped her to open it.
------ Ennio Morricone - The carillon’s theme --
The little thing, a little glass box, filled the entire crypt with its sweet melody.
Neither Buffy nor Spike missed the sad smile on the girl’s face.
“Do you like it?” He brushed her hair again, as if letting her know he was still there.
She nodded, whispering a “Thanks”.
The music was almost at an end, every note was slower and slower.
Slower and slower
Spike saw a tear roll down Lilea’s cheek.
Slower and slower.
She closed her eyes.
Last note.
And she burst into sobs, for the first time since Navarre left hours ago, holding herself against Spike’s chest, with the vampire’s arms tight around her.
Chapter 19
No one saw Lilea for days, and when eventually she left the crypt she was paler than Spike. Buffy went to check on her every night after patrolling and Giles also came to visit her a couple of times, but she wasn’t in the mood for speaking with anyone. Eventually the new slayer forced herself to communicate with Spike, just because she felt guilty for not answering his constant attempts to cheer her up.
Step by step in the sunlight she realized how strange it was walking without Navarre. This wasn’t the first time but she had never done it for so long before. And she certainly didn’t remember how wearisome it was to do it all day.
She simply walked without having anywhere to go, needing fresh air, needing the sun on her skin, but more than anything, needing to be away from Spike.
He was so worried for her. So worried that he even forgot his Buffy. He didn’t leave the crypt except to order to buy something for them to eat, he never went to check on his slayer patrolling or secretly look in on Buffy’s nocturnal cemetery tour as he usually did after the official slayer started patrolling again.
Lilea wondered how what had happened to her could have changed the way she felt about the world around her so much. She knew she was close to the Hellmouth but something was different now. It hadn’t started with Navarre’s death but now, walking down the street she realized that something had changed. Sometimes they changed suddenly in order to be back to normal in a few seconds.
Then again the colors around her mixed up and she felt as if she couldn’t breathe, as if something was taking her breath.
“Goddess! Navarre This isn’t you… what’s happening here?”
But no answer. Nothing. She found a wall and she slid down against it, one hand still holding her stuff. Her head rested on her knees.
“Miss, are you ok?” A worried, warm, male voice asked her.
Lilea raised her head toward the voice. “I think so…”
“Do you need anything?” She almost said no thanks, but she was so confused. She didn’t understand what was happening to her.
“I don’t know…”
“I’m Sunnydale High School’s principal, it’s just on the other side of the street. If you need help, I can call an ambulance”
“No! I can’t.” She bit her lip, a little embarrassed for the speed of her answer. “Sorry, I don’t like doctors at all.”
“Do you want me to call someone?”
The girl let the stick fall to the ground and put her head in her hands. She had no way to call Spike, and anyway it was the middle of the day, he couldn’t do anything but worry himself to death. So she raised her eyes, smiling, saying. “Thanks, I think I’m feeling better now.”
“If you agree I’ll offer you a cup of herbal tea at school.”
“How can I refuse such a kind offer?”
Lilea felt his hand on hers and the other behind her shoulder as he helped her stand up.
It was strange, it was as if she was a ship in a river, she let him almost push her, as if she hadn’t any will of her own. All the colors were changing around her, morphing into negative colors then back again into more normal ones.
This was happening four or five times a minute. And the negative colors were going through him. And every time this happened she felt danger and fear.
“You’re so pale…. Are you sure you’re alright?” The male voice was warm and kind but she barely listened to it.
She simply nodded.
Even in her confused state, with every step Lilea couldn’t avoid wondering who was the crazy person who had built a school right on the Hellmouth. The evil energy was everywhere, she wondered how this man could work there and it not effect him, as he seemed so kind. She was sure he was human, she couldn’t see any colors in him, so this made him probably human. But with all the mess around and inside her she couldn’t be sure.
The principal poured her a cup of herbal tea for himself and one for her.
She sipped.
“It tastes wonderful,” she whispered.
“Cherry, hibiscus, and orange,” he explained. “Well, it was a secret recipe. But I’m confident you won’t tell anyone.”
“I never tasted them together before.” Her voice was quite low. “Mr. …. Principal I don’t know what to say, I mean, people usually aren’t so kind.”
“I know, well I like being “kind” to people, then usually, they feel forced to behave in the same way.” He was speaking in a sort of casual way as if he was explaining the best way to run a school.
“I really am sorry for all this trouble I’ve caused. I think it’s better if I go.”
“If you agree I’d like it if you met our counselor. She’s not a doctor, but maybe she can help. She’s doing great things for our students.” Again that casual tone. Lilea started to think that together with being polite and kind this man was also stubborn and quite sure of himself.
“No one can help me.” Then Lilea realized that what she had just said sounded as though she really needed help. “I mean, I don’t need help.”
He grabbed the phone.
“It’s Wood. I need you in my office just now.” Lilea heard him hang up the phone again. “We were lucky she was still here.”
Lilea leaned against the back of her chair. “Now I remember why I hated my principal so much,” she said, with a faint smile on her face.
The man poured more herbal tea for them both.
They stayed silent for a while, but she could feel the principal's eyes on her and this made her very uncomfortable.
Knock knock
“Come in”
Lilea raised her head. Those colors, she knew them, not very common ones at all. She smiled at the coincidence.
“This is our counselor, Miss Summers.”
“Lilea!” The surprised voice didn’t hide any of her wonder.
“Hi Buffy!” She waved back.
The principal couldn’t avoid noticing how sad the girl’s eyes were even when she was smiling.
Buffy bent near the girl. “What are doing here? Are you OK? You look pale.” Her voice was low, almost whispered, worried .
Lilea realized that the slayer was worried about her. For the first time she didn’t see any feelings of regret in the older girl's colors.
“I’m feeling better now, your principal offered me a couple of herbal tea,” she explained, without have any intention of telling her more.
“Yeah, he always does. I suppose he do that with all the women.” Buffy was trying to joke even if from her voice she looked really quite worried for her youngest friend touched the girl’s hand. A familiar gesture that meant to Lilea more than Buffy could even guess.
“So you seem to know each other.” Principal Wood was stood leaning against his desk, his arms folded and a doubtful look on his face.
“We do.” Buffy didn't even bother to look at him. She knew he was quite vexed.
“Miss Summers, can I speak with you for a moment outside?”
Buffy closed her eyes, following him outside.
*
“Who is she?” His voice wasn’t very friendly. Was he mad just because Buffy knew Lilea?
“Lilea is a friend of a friend.”
“The girl’s not well. She was barely able to stand up earlier. Is she on drugs or something like that? I was going to call someone, doctors or police.” He was trying to be cold and emotionless, but Buffy saw an interest in him. He was a nice man. Too bad for him he was working just on the Hellmouth.
Buffy shook her head “It’s not necessary, she just lost someone a few days ago and she’s just still shaken.”
“Good. That it’s not drug related, I mean. She has such an innocent face.”
“She is innocent.”
* * *
“I’ll phone Giles or Xander so you can get a ride to Spike’s crypt.” Buffy noticed the girl expression at her words, and this didn’t calm her at all.
The other girl lowered her head. “I just needed some time alone… without Spike.” A guilty expression showed on the face of the younger woman
“Oh my, did Spike try to…” Buffy was trying to find the words but she simply couldn’t “Did he hurt you?”
Lilea's expression changed suddenly to one of amazement and then of shock. “Oh goddess no, he’s the best person I could hope to have at my side at this moment, no one ever acted with me in this way. Probably this is why Navarre left me. He knew I was not on my own, that Spike will never leave me. He’s so wonderful, he worries about me, he pays attention to me and tries to make me laugh.”
“And this isn’t helping.”
“Yeah, it isn’t, and I feel selfish and ungrateful. I mean when I left today he was baking a cake or something like that for my birthday. He’s so great, and I…”
“Spike cooking? Oh God, that'll be funny…” Buffy interrupted her. Picturing Spike in a kitchen making like Betty Crocker threatened to send her into fits of laughter. She knew he loved eating and made strange experiments with blood and spices or cookies - she had seen him do that a couple of times. But cooking for someone else was a completely different matter.
“Yeah, I’d pay to see him.”
Both the girls smirked, and then Buffy realized. “No, wait a moment - birthday… today?”
The younger girl shrugged.
“Happy birthday!” Buffy held her hand, but her voice didn't have a very cheerful tone. “Lil, I wish it could be a more happy one.”
“It’s ok, Buffy. It’s not like I don’t know that I had something other people usually don’t have.”
“A demon boyfriend?”
Lilea smiled, staying silent for a while.
“Buffy… Thanks, and promise you’ll thank the principal too.”
“I’ll do that.” The slayer thought for a moment. “What about a birthday party at my place? I promise Willow makes better cakes than Spike. No parties are great when I’m around…but at least we’re two Slayers… we can handle almost everything.”
“Believe me I really do appreciate what you’re trying to do… but I don’t feel exactly in a party mood.”
“It’s not going to be a big deal, just the scoobies, as Spike calls us. Nothing different from what we do every time we get together.”
“Maybe it’s not really appropriate…”
“I know how you're feeling. When Angel died I ran away from everyone and escaped to L.A. I still don’t know if I did the right thing. I needed to be alone. I ended up the hell... literally and that just made me feel more alone..... Lil, Don’t cut yourself off from people that love you.” Buffy found it a little strange calling this near-stranger with the same nickname Spike used, but it was nice so she did it anyway.
“It’s not just this... I have no one to escape from and Spike is all I have now and what I’m grateful for. I am completely afraid. And Navarre leaving is making this worse.”
“Afraid of what?”
The brunette took a deep breath. “I’m losing control, or I’m losing my mind or maybe both. It’s safer for people when I’m alone. But Buffy, if I’m really going crazy, promise me that you’ll let the council kill me, and that you’ll keep an eye on Spike for me.”
“What in hell are you talking about?” The slayer didn’t realize it but she said it exactly how Spike would have said it, in a tone that was sort of angry but mixed with wonder.
“About the crazy part or the council?”
“Both!”
“Lately I’m seeing stuff… that doesn't exist.”
“Seeing?”
“Yeah, well, sort of. I see colors around me change suddenly. It’s like everything around me changes… It’s as if I can see the negative of a photo and the color goes wild. And I can hardly control my powers. I never was a very powerful witch, you know, just some wiccan spells, like protection or similar. But now… Buffy promise that you won’t say anything to Spike about this! He’s already too worried about me.”
The older slayer bit her lower lip for a moment. She was trying to understand what Lilea had just said. “We need to talk to Giles. He always has a solution. Or at least he pretends to have one,” she joked.
“You’re lucky having him as watcher. He’s a nice person.”
“Yep, I know…What about yours? Giles never spoke about him with me.”
“I never had one. I found I was a slayer only on the same the night Dawn was hurt. I guess Spike is mine, or at least he said so to Giles.”
“William the Bloody as a watcher. It must be the end of the word.” Buffy commented absently.
Both the girls smiled “Come on, Lil, we have to warn *your watcher* about the party.”
“You’re not going to take 'no' for an answer, are you?”
“No way!”.
* * *
Willow had already taken the cake out of the oven, and everyone was being very nice to her, or appeared to be. Lilea could not see everyone in the house. But she could see the most.
Dawn’s colors changed a lot when Lilea and Buffy arrived together. And when Buffy said Spike was going to come too the little one’s became darker. She definitely didn’t want Spike around her sister anymore. The girl behaved in a polite way, but she wasn’t really very pleasant, she just tried somehow. Lilea guessed Buffy must be really proud of her. She was like her own sister.
The Red Witch, as Spike called her, was slowly improving, her pained colors were changing slightly and becoming more brilliant.
Anya’s instead were becoming more pale, as if she was worried about something, but Lilea wasn’t able to understand it deeper than that. Maybe with more training with demons’ colors she was going to become great at studying others’ moods.
The new Slayer wasn’t able to see Xander’s, but she felt a little sharpness. She understood quite well that Buffy had told him to be kind to her, but he wasn’t very happy about that. And from the way he was close to Dawn, she understood they made a common front against Spike’s arrival.
Chapter 20
Even if the vampire didn’t think it was a good idea for Lilea to go to a party at the Summers place he didn’t tell her anything. He simply said he would arrive there after sunset. But since he wasn’t very comfortable with visiting Buffy’s house again, he thought that bringing Clem with him could be less embarrassing for him. He had never before wanted so much to be somewhere else. But the official Slayer always seemed to like his puppy-shaped friend.
He threw his cigarettes away before knocking at the door.
Time is relative, said Albert Einstein. And Spike, if he had thought of that at this moment, would agree. Those moments, until someone opened the front door, seemed endless. He was tempted to go back to his place but he didn’t just for Lilea’s sake.
He gulped vainly when the door began to open.
A couple of eyes stared at him. Coldly.
“Oh, it’s you.”
“Hey Little Bit, you’re fine I see.” Gosh, how difficult this was. Dawn was hating him. He could see that from the absolute lack of reaction to his appearance.
“Hey Clem. Good to see you.” She waved warmly to the other demon, without caring about the vampire at all.
Then the girl moved aside, walking toward the living room, taking Clem with her, without adding any more, the door open, the vampire still outside.
“Dawn, why have you left the door open?” Buffy cried from the kitchen. She strode toward it and looked outside.
The vampire was standing there. Just on the threshold, looking at the ground, again that guilty expression on his face.
“What you doing out, Spike?” The slayer seemed even pleased to see him. Or at least not bothered by the thought of having him in her house again.
“Dawn didn’t invite me in.” Again a question resounded in Buffy’s head, who was this man she had in front of her? Shy, in a sort of cute way, but still the same.
“Did you try entering?” Buffy asked as more casually she was able.
He simply shook his head.
“There is no barrier against you, Spike” Buffy had a strange smile on her face impossible to decipher .
“Didn’t you set it, again?” his voice didn’t even try hiding his wonder.
“No,” she whispered.
He tilted his head to one side. “Why?”
“I forgot,” she said after a long pause, and then she vanished into the dining room.
***
Not that being there was the most fun night in Lilea’s life, but it was a nice way to spend her birthday.
Spike, Clem, Xander and Dawn were playing cards. Cookies poker, as the teenager and the vampire used to do before Buffy came back from death.
With the demons busy teaching how her how to cheat the Slayers could easily speak with Giles and Willow about what was happening to Lilea’s sight and lack of control. They almost whispered so that Spike couldn’t hear.
“So, if this is the situation, is Lil in bigger trouble now?” Buffy asked.
“This is quite a huge problem.” The British man agreed.
“Can you help me to freeze this thing until we understand what’s happening?” Lilea was whispering. She breathed deeply before adding, “Days ago I almost made a cup of tea explode in Spike’s face. What if I do it again? What if I hurt someone?”
“Lilea.” The red haired witch spoke slowly, as if she wanted to find the right word in order to not attack the girl “When Tara, my girlfriend, died I acted crazy and I did stuff I really regret now... Very bad stuff, magic related, very black magic style… Are you sure you’re not doing the same?” Willow’s voice barely breathed, she was still haunted by guilt, and this was one of the biggest reasons she was still avoiding having anything to do with magic.
“Lil, we know you wouldn’t harm him.” Buffy held the girl’s hand. Strange how easily she could touch her. Buffy had never been a very tactile person. But probably due to Lilea’s inability to see her face she had to demonstrate what she was saying in this way. “But…”
A cry of victory came from the dining room. People in the kitchen fell silent for a moment in order to understand what was happening. Buffy opened her mouth again but when she tried she had to shut up as soon she heard a noise of heavy steps approaching. An almost feline walk with boots. Definitely not a silent one.
Spike had a bowl in one hand and a smile on his face, he seemed completely relaxed.
“Cookies?” he walked to Lilea’s side, cupping the girl’s face with his free hand, his thumb caressing her cheek. His face was just a few inches away from hers.
“Are you ok? You seem…” His voice was unusually, at least for the rest of people in the room, sweet and caring.
“Don’t say pale,” Lilea almost pleaded with him, with a tired smile.
“I wanted to say worried. By the way I was used to Dru... you never will be paler then she is.” The girl could hear his voice smile to her.
Lilea bent her head against his hand, almost caressing it with her check, smiling. “I’m fine, just a little fatigued maybe.”
And the three other persons in the room suddenly started feeling uncomfortable: the vampire and the newest slayer weren’t doing anything strange, just showing each other’s affection, not kissing or anything like that. But this sort of behaviour made them appear a real couple in love.
For the umpteenth times Buffy felt a deep but vague point of jealousy toward the girl, and pain somewhere inside herself: the brunette had this strong relationship with Navarrre, and even with him near her, in the wolfy-thing, let that Spike fell in love with her. How the vampire menage to be in love of her even when she was…
Wait... this is Spike. He’d always loved girls more than they loved him in return. Well ok, not Harmony, but Drusilla and also herself, so no wonder he was able to love Lilea. But, why this was this hurting? This was the real question she wasn’t able to find an answer for.
Giles and Willow hadn’t missed the sad, adoring look in Lilea’s eyes and the worried, caring look on the vampire’s face, and both noticed the strange expression on Buffy’s. They couldn’t name it. But they saw her staring at the couple and the quick movement as she looked away.
Xander’s serious face appeared at the door “Guys… you have to look this…”
When they went back into the dining room Dawn was sitting on the floor, her mouth covered with a hand, Clem was shifting his weight uncomfortably, clearly touched by the scenes on the screen, Anya simply had her eyes open wide, motionless.
Images flashed on the TV. “The train was derailed, we still don’t know the cause but some of the survivors said they saw a dragon. We could think this was caused by a sort of mass hysteria but we have some incredible images a cameraman gave us.”
“Jason, we have to interrupt you, London is trying to get in touch”. And again images of disaster filled the screen. There had been three accidents, every time people briefly saw for a monster. A dragon, an enormous snake and one monster people didn’t even know the name of. From the description people gave to the reporter Anya and Spike agreed it could be a sneaggle demon.
“I’ve never heard of it,” Giles admitted with some regret.
“It’s an extinct superior demon.” Spike realized people were staring him, so he gave an impertinent look to the watcher. “I do my homework, I’m her watcher, remember?”
“The snake make me think about the major” Xander pointed.
“Same kind, I guess,” the former Ripper agreed.
“Are we going to fly to London to check it out?” Dawn excited voice fade out at the man answer.
“No, we need to do some research and I’ll phone the council.”
“Anya, can you ask to some demons?”
The now blond again demon lowered her head. “I’ll try, but lately I’ve been having some problems with them. They’ve started arguing with me.”
“Why?” She stared for some time at Xander’s eyes, then she moved away. She never talked about that with him, or with anyone else either. “They aren’t pleased with how I’ve been doing my job. I haven’t killed anyone yet since I’ve been back.”
“Well, congratulations! That’s great!” Xander tried to touch her shoulder as a sign of appreciation, but she moved away.
“Not for a vengeance demon,” she simply said before vanishing.
* * * *
Anya appeared a couple of hours later. Everyone, except Dawn who still needed to rest, went to the Magic Box in order to consult the books, but without much result. All the volumes agreed that all the monsters became extinct thousands of years ago and the last reference they found to dragons was in the early Middle Ages.
So how could they appear and vanish so quickly? None of the books explained how they could have returned.
And Anya was right, her demon colleagues did tell her nothing. Her friend Halfrek said it was time to show what kind of demon she was, because it was the wrong moment for being so “human” but she didn’t add anything else. But she seemed quite freaked out.
Willow let her head rest on the table. “I need a coffee or a bed and a pillow.” A moment later a white cushion appeared under her head. The young witch stood up abruptly, knocking over the chairs with the sudden movement.
“I didn’t do it, I didn’t call for it.”
“Will…” Xander took her hand “It’s all right, we’re all tired. You wanted it, you got it.”
“You don’t understand. It happens all the time! I can’t control it anymore! It’s horrible! Do you remember last time it happened? I almost destroyed the world!” The Watcher and the Slayer approached the table.
“It’s as if the power is growing too fast for me to be able to control it. It’s like magic streaming from you like a river after a big storm. It only lasts a moment, it’s scary but over quickly. It’s not bad, it’s something good, and you can feel it, something you’re not ready for. It’s happening to me too… and I can’t control it either.” Lilea spoke with a calm smile on her face, her voice was calm and her gaze lost in the darkness.
“What’s happening to you too?” Spike didn’t catch all the Lilea’s confession but it was enough.
“Nothing, just feeling tired too.” The vampire moved closer to the girl.
“Lil, what are you hiding from me?”
The new Slayer rose from her chair. She smiled. He could see her moving closer, giving him a ghostly smile. She kissed his cheek. “I love you when you’re in such an overprotective mood, Spike,” she whispered. “Can we go home now?”
Chapter 21
Lilea was walking, and she could see everything. She looked around herself without any need to take each step carefully.
Lilea was walking, alone, her eyes wide open with wonder. She looked around. There was no need for her stake here. Just looking around, she could see everything, not energy or magic colors, just usual, normal, wonderful common sight.
“So this must be Sunnydale. It’s a nice place. I thought it was darker.” The newest slayer spoke loudly.
A blond girl smiled at her, she was the only human Lilea could see in this desert town. The stranger made a gesture, inviting to follow her.
One step.
Two steps
Three steps.
The place changed suddenly and Lilea found herself in the middle of the desert. There was a big sun that dazzled her, so she needed some time before she could see properly again.
The girl was still there, she walked ahead but slowly enough so that Lilea never lost sight of her.
“Why am I here? Who are you?” the newest slayer asked.
“I’m your guide” The girl spoke but her lips never moved.
“It’s a dream, isn’t it?”
“It is”
The girl walked again.
Lilea looked around again. She saw only desert but then she saw another couple of people coming towards her. One of them looked exactly like the walking girl.
The second one was staring in Lilea’s direction.
* * *
“Tara! What’s this?” Buffy was almost running in order to keep up with Tara.
“Your future.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You will”
Then Buffy frowned. “Why is Lilea here too?”
“This is hers, too.”
“Her dream?”
Tara nodded with a smile.
Now both the couples met and the two Taras melted into each other becoming only one.
Another woman was staring at them from nearby. Buffy had no trouble recognizing her as the first slayer. But this time she was staying away.
“Tara… we miss you so much….” The slayer tried uselessly to speak with her friend, but the girl didn’t even seem to hear.
The spirit girl looked toward Lilea. “You’ll help her and she help you in return.”
The two slayers didn’t have time to register what she was saying.
“Look.” The girl pointed toward the sky. It was a cloudless blue sky, but from the horizon the color became darker as if suddenly the evening was arriving.
“The night is coming. There will no more dawn after that. No more days.”
“It’s the end of the world?”
“The end of the day. The end of the days,” Tara corrected her.
Lilea listened carefully staring the night coming. There weren’t stars, but the shadows moved, and some fires were burning in several points. Color of destruction and death.
Buffy gave only a glance, then she looked at Tara again. “Why are we here?”
“The slayers are needed”
“Why just us? Why isn’t Faith here too?”
“You, Faith and Lilea are different. Each of you is a different kind of slayer. A different part of the power. Faith is the violence. You are awareness, Lilea is the mystical. This time, what you already done before will not be enough. No hell, no heaven. Everyone will help with the heart, brain, arm, will, love, rage and pain. Everyone has something to give.”
*
One moment later Tara wasn’t there anymore, Buffy moved in order to looking for. She was standing above a rock not far from there. Her almost glowing white dress was moved by the wind and it looked like a pair of wings.
She was smiling. “What makes you special will be the hope. What makes you feel special will the salvation,” she said without speaking.
*
When Lilea looked toward Buffy the girl dressed in white vanished. She reappeared on a rock nearby.
Wind was blowing through her hair. Lilea could see the night coming closer and closer behind the girl.
“Love is your gift, pain will be your price again. But let it blossom. A small price for what you’ll have back. You are so soulfull, love, with all your soul”
“You can’t end the night. You can prevent the night from coming.”
*
The scene changed. Both Buffy and Lilea found themselves in the crypt they had dreamed about lately. There was a fight, as usual and again they had their own nightmares.
Buffy saw Spike sink his teeth into a tearful Lilea’s body.
Lilea saw the demon that killed Navarre shoot his arrow again at the girl she now recognized as Buffy, and the usual blond guy quickly moved to block the mortal danger with his body. And for the first time she realized that the guy she saw in her dreams was Spike.
Both the girls sat up in their beds gasping.
Chapter 22
Spike was leaning against his crypt kitchen-space wall waiting for the microwave to warm his cup of blood. Then he saw a figure move in the dark, slowly, in an almost ghostly way. He looked more closely.
“Lil, luv, what’s up?” The girl was shaking, walking toward him. The vampire moved quickly toward her and before he could try to embrace her she held him tightly. He felt her nails scratch his back, as she gripped him desperatly.
“Lil, what’s wrong?”
The scared girl stayed silent, hiding her face between his neck and his shoulder, still trembling. He could feel the warmth of her tears roll down against his skin.
“Pet, speak with me… tell me what I can do. Was it another nightmare?” The girl simply nodded, and he kissed her head as if she was a kid. “My little baby… still haunted by nightmares… We have to find a way to make them stop, haven’t we? They can’t be so bad. And this is past, luv, we, *you* survived. This is what it matters.”
She moved some inches back, her hand slowly moved toward his face.
“This is what it matter.”
Surviving, Spike’s survival. That’s why she had this nightmare. She had to stop this, she was still in time. Her friend was still there in her arms. She sniffed, breathing deeply a couple of times.
“You’re right.” But the girl still had the same sad expression she had the night Navarre left.
“Lil, tell me what’s wrong.” The girl shook her head.
“I need to go to Buffy’s, I have to speak with her,” she simply said.
Spike stared at her for a while, waiting for some additional explanations which never came. He caressed her hair speaking sweetly. “You have to get dressed, luv, before going or I wouldn’t blame any vampire for wanting to bite you, little bit.”
And at that moment Lilea realized she was barefoot wearing just a sloppy T-shirt.
“Oh.” The vampire saw her blush. “Well you seemed less warm then usual.” She joked in order to try to hide her embarrassment.
“I’m always *very* hot!” He pointed out shamelessly with an insolent grin on his face.
The girl tested Spike’s neck with her hand. “Definitely cold,” she lied.
“Grrr!” The vampire faked a growl. “I could kill you for this,” he added, pretending to be angry.
“Sure, be my guest… ah no… I have to speak with Buffy, maybe later.”
Someone cleared her throat.
By instinct Lilea moved away from Spike, almost pushing him away. “Sorry, I didn’t see you… I mean…” Lilea could see all the pain that Spike’s attention toward her gave the other girl standing a few feet from her. “Hi Buffy.”
“I would have knocked. I didn’t mean to interrupt…” The slayer was quite breathless from running toward the crypt, and soaked from the rain outside.
“You didn’t.” The younger slayer said, smiling.
SILENCE
How deafening silence can be sometimes.
Spike stared at Buffy briefly: her jeans and T-shirt were glued to her body, he could see her bra under her T-shirt. She shifted uncomfortably, covering herself with a gesture of her hand, moving it back and forth on her arms, in an un-Buffy-like gesture. She had definitely run from her place, she had even forgotten her jacket or an umbrella.
The vampire walked downstairs without saying anything and came back a few seconds later. The noise of his steps echoed in the silence as he walked slowly toward the official slayer.
Buffy met Spike’s eyes. She gulped when he was close to her.
The tension in the crypt was almost palpable.
The vampire handed her a towel. “You’re soaked, use this.” His tone was forcedly expressionless, trying to seem casual.
“Thanks,” she whispered. Their hands touched when she took it. It was like receiving a small electric shock. As if time had stopped. As if every emotion she felt inside herself was messed up.
Buffy moved her hand away abruptly. This feeling made her more confused, even more than she had felt earlier. Then again she looked into Spike’s eyes and she saw his regret, his shame, he couldn’t look her in the eyes in return
“Lil can lend you something dry,” he almost murmured in a confident tone that was clearly false but that revealed all his self-consciousness.
Buffy wondered how this soulless man in front of her had changed in the past few months. He was deepening his fists into his pockets, smiling at her, in a faint way. Something sad and sweet at the same time.
God, how was it possible that he was so attractive? Ok, last winter he had had quite a power over her, but he had never made her melt in this way. She realized her heartbeat was racing furiously. And she had the frightening feeling he could hear it.
Lilea didn’t understood what had happened. She saw the vampire’s energy coloring with pain and Buffy’s spin into a mess. This was going to be a very strange relationship.
* * *
“You can take whatever you want. I haven’t got much yet. Sometimes I envy Spike: a pair of jeans, a couple of shirts and that’s all.” The girl opened the closet smiling.
Buffy chose the burgundy shirt.
The girl bit her lips, thinking. “This is quite light... I’ll give you something of Spike’s to wear over it.”
“Lil, you don’t have to. I think this will be enough.” Buffy felt herself blushing, the thought of wearing some of Spike’s clothes again made her feel butterflies in her stomach. She had worn Spike’s duster in hospital, but this time felt different. [Again - you contradict yourself! Don’t!] [[AGAIN I LOVE IT!!!!!]]
“Please, he really won’t mind”
The slayer smiled faintly. This “new girl” was so sweet. Even after all she had been through in the last few days. Then she stared at her.
Lilea leant against the closet absently, as if she was thinking. “Buffy,” she asked after a while, “Did you dream about the girl too?”
She nodded, then she realized. “Yeah.”
“Who is she?”
“Willow’s girlfriend. She died a few months ago. Have you any idea about the dream’s meaning?”
Lilea shook her head. “None at all”
“She said ‘Night coming, no more days’… I guess we have to pull Giles out of bed. He’s quite good at figuring things out.”
The new Slayer smiled, opening the doors of Spike’s closet and moved aside. “I guess you have to choose alone… I’m not so good with colors.” she added, smirking.
Buffy didn’t feeling very comfortable snooping in Spike’s closet, so she looked quite quickly. He didn’t really have any warm clothes. He didn’t need them. She chose one black shirt. It was quite similar to his duster, which she still had at home.
She looked at herself in the mirror.
Strange.
Perhaps she had been single for too long, or whatever, but she liked the idea of wearing his clothes. Could something of the man who tried to rape you make you feel protected?
Oh Damit! You have to stop to thinking about him!!!!
She stared herself into the mirror. A picture smiled her back.
Lilea and Spike’s portrait.
“It’s beautiful. The painting I mean”
“Spike’s friend made it for us. He wanted a photograph, but I wanted something where I can touch our faces together, so his friend made this for us…on the other side the lines are in a sort of relief.”
Lilea was silent for a little while, staring at the color’s of the girl in front of her.
“Is it all right Buffy?”
The slayer sighed deeply. “Yeah, come on, we need to speak with Giles.” She walked away but Lilea touched her arm.
“Buffy, how did your dream end?”
The slayer looked at the girl. She couldn’t tell her about Spike. How could she? He was Lilea’s only friend or love or whatever she could call the blond vampire. So Buffy thought for a moment more than usual.
“I don’t remember, how about yours?”
A scared look appeared in Lilea’s eyes for just a moment, then she forced herself to smile again. “I don’t remember either.” And for both of them it was extremely clear that the other was lying.
“Buffy… I’ll do whatever it takes in order to protect you, both of you. I want you to know this.”
“I believe you, I know you really mean that. But I want you to be careful… We don’t know what’s going to happen.” The chosen two were looking at each other closely. It was obvious they were both worried and that they were both trying to not scare the other.
“I will, and we both have Spike watching over us. We are quite safe.” Lilea forced herself to smile, because she knew she wasn’t lying. For the few things she knew from her dream, the only one going to die was Spike.
*
The vampire was cozily ensconced in an armchair and he rose when the girls arrived upstairs and announced they were going to go to Giles’.
“Are you going to escort us? Two slayers?” Lilea asked him in an incredulous voice.
“A well-bred 19th century vampire such as myself, would never let two girls walk around in the middle of the night,” he joked.
“Sexist.”
Buffy was staring at Lilea as she laughed, almost lost in that smile, but she didn’t realise that the vampire was staring at her in turn.
Why did Buffy so often have that sad smile on her face? She had got over coming back from heaven, she had taken her life back into her hands again, her studies, her job, sister, friends, and slaying. Why did she still seem so alone? She deserved someone, maybe even the wrong one like that idiot Riley. But someone. He knew he couldn’t be the one. Even with the soul. Not after what he had tried to do to her.
* * *
The girls walked under the same big umbrella, the vampire just walked in the rain, without caring too much about it, simply staring at them. And for a moment, a brief one, he was tempted to refer to them as ‘his’ girls but he was silent.
No one seemed very talkative in the long walk toward Giles’ residence room.
The watcher was sleeping very deeply when they arrived at his place, they had to knock repeatedly before he opened the door.
“We,” Buffy pointed to both of them, “had a dream!”
The watcher yawned while he answered. “Yeah, well thanks for sharing, but I was dreaming too. See you tomorrow.” He tried to close his door again but Buffy didn’t let him.
“Giles, you don’t understand, Lilea and I had the same dream.”
He looked at them as if he had just realized the real meaning of this nocturnal apparition. “Come in, I need just just a few minutes to wake myself up properly.”
“It’s your age… you’re not a young watcher anymore, Giles,” Spike pointed out.
“Look who’s talking, you are older then me” The British man wasn’t very ready for vampiric sarcasm at that time of night.
“Well, yeah, but I’m in better shape.”
* * *
The watchers and the slayers did research for a couple of hours. Lilea actually listed carefully everything that they said, while they quickly looked at almost every book in Giles’ room. His bedroom was almost filled with volumes and part of the other room, a dining/living-room/kitchen space and still they found nothing about the dream, neither in prophecies or legends. Nothing.
The vampire looked out of the window. The sky was still dark but the color was starting to change slightly. Spike moved closer toward his quite-sleepy friend. “Lil, I have to go, are you coming too?”
She nodded. “Sure.”
Giles was making some tea, since they had run out of coffee hours earlier. Buffy was sleeping peacefully on the table, sitting on a chair, her hand folded under her head for a pillow.
Spike moved closer to her. “Buffy? Luv, it’s bed time.”
She mumbled something that sounded like “Five minutes.”
A smile came over the vampire’s face but he tried to hide it.
“Come on Buffy, you can sleep into my bed.” Giles walked toward her in the purpose of wake her up.
But before the Watcher had finished speaking she was already in Spike’s arms.
“Open the door,” he simply said.
*
Rupert watched the vampire take the sleeping girl into his bedroom. For the first time in age Buffy seemed like a little child again. In her peaceful nap all the adult-ness seemed to have vanished and she seemed someone who needed to be protected. How could her father let her go through all she had gone through in the last two years and still not even think to help her?
Did she need to be protected by Spike? Giles looked at him again. The rudeness in the vampire’s voice conflicted with the careful way he was carrying her. And again this was something that kept amazing him. The almost childish and crazy crush Spike had for the slayer seemed to have vanished and been replaced by a more mature kind of love.
Could a demon like him grow up?
“They are so cute together, aren’t they?” Lilea whispered, with a sweet, dreamy yet still sad voice.
Giles smiled at the new slayer, even though she couldn’t see it.
“Mr Giles, do you think they will be able to be a couple?” Was there hope in her voice? She really wanted them to be a couple?
“Honestly, I don’t know”
Her voice was absent when she added, “He deserves that, and she deserves that too.”
”What about you?”
Now the only thing her voice showed was pain. ”I had Navarre. That’s enough for one life.”
Giles moved closer to her, feeling again very fatherly. “Lilea, that’s not fair for you…”
She abruptly turned toward his voice. “Fair? Look at me! I can’t even go out and be sure that I’ll come back alive. I can’t share that with anyone.”
“Lilea, every slayer goes through this.”
“Slayers fight against the demons. I have to hide from the Initiative, from the Council…. How can I have a normal life? Normal for what a slayer’s can be. I born for being an musical actress, Mr. Giles, not a slayer.”
The man caressed her head and she shut her eyes tightly at his touch.
“Mr. Giles, I cant’ ask Spike to baby-sit me all his life. Sooner or later I will have to do that myself, having a life.” She whispered
“I’ll take care of the council and they will take care of the Initiative. Spike and I talked about this. We just wanted you to be trained enough. And I think the moment is right, don’t you agree?”
She nodded.
“Tell Spike you both need to stay here for a while. You’re not going to leave before dawn, by the way.” He paused. “How is your magic, now?”
“Better. I mean stronger, but I seem able to control it, I didn’t make anything explode in the last few hours… so it’s an improvement. It’s more difficult when I see colors spinning."
“You should work with Willow, on both research and magic. I’ll ask her.”
Lilea smiled.
Chapter 23
Buffy probably didn’t realize that she was trying to find a better position in his arms in their brief journey. And how much this was affecting him.
Spike carefully bent over the bed, letting her slip slowly onto it. Buffy stirred as soon as his hand moved away from her body. Then he slowly moved a little away from her. He stayed motionless for a short while, then he couldn’t resist: his hand trembled as he caressed her face, her lips. He breathed in deeply before covering the sleeping girl with a blanket.
The light in the room was quite feeble. She was so beautiful. The calm expression on her face was transfixing him. Oh God, if only he could stay like this for ever, just near her, guarding her sleep. If only he hadn't broken any trace of the little trust she had in him that night, maybe now she could…. No, it could never happen. Not now.
He felt completely stupid when he said to a sleeping Buffy, “Sleep well, luv.” He turned and moved toward the door, deepening his fists into his pockets, in a shy posture quite untypical of him.
He heard the girl breathe deeply before she whispered, “That’s the first time you’ve said that.”
She wasn’t looking toward him when the blond guy turned back.
“You were supposed to be sleepy.”
“I know”.
“I'll let you rest.” He stepped back without taking his eyes off the girl, who was staring at the window.
“Spike… I’m glad you’re back.” Then she moved her head and their eyes met.
SILENCE
His eyes opened wide, his guilty face morphed into an expression of wonder, was this hope? Was he still in love with her? He had never apologized for that night. Or at least he never did with words. But every single moment they had shared after that, he acted with guilt. It was so hard to figure out what he had in his mind, and everything about his relationship with Lilea was confusing her. Exactly like his eyes were doing just now.
“I’ll let you sleep now.” He moved toward the door.
“Spike,” she whispered. “Thanks for taking me to bed…” Then she realized the double meaning of what she just said.
Spike saw her blushing furiously even in the darkness of the room.
“I mean… I don’t mean…”
His eyes were shining with amusement.
“I know what you mean.” Then he stopped for a second, even now he couldn’t stop himself from saying, “My pleasure, Buffy.” He was amazed when she smiled.
Only one step and he would have left the room.
“Spike,” she breathed again. They stared for a long moment before she found the courage to ask, “Why did you come back?” Her voice was barely audible.
He deepened his fists in his pockets again.
*THE* question he knew sooner or later she would ask and he wasn’t ready for.
“The easy answer is because of Lilea. I knew you….and Giles too, would help me to keep her safe. Even though she’s a friend of mine.”
Buffy bit her lips. “So she’s why you’re back”.
He suddenly strode towards her bed, stopping just one foot from it. Buffy couldn’t stop herself from wincing.
“God, Buffy, you know why I’m here! There’s only one person who brings me to Sunnydale, every time. Only you. You, always you. It’s always about you. You know that!”
And now? He said that, he was just a couple of paces away. Speaking to her in a way she never thought could happen.
She could see he was sincere and that he was forcing himself not to get too close to her, as he had always done since he came back. Never physically close if it wasn’t necessary. Nevertheless she was afraid. Afraid of something she didn’t even understand.
“Listen.” He bent over the bed in order to make eye-contact. “Buffy, I can’t tell you I’m sorry, I can’t apologize. There aren’t words for that. They could never be enough.”
Buffy wanted to say something, but she couldn’t find enough breath to speak.
“All I can say is I’m here to help. You, Lilea…whatever. It’s the only way I can stop from killing myself for what I did.”
Who was the person in front of her? It couldn’t be the same one who tried to rape her just a few months ago. Everything was so confusing.
She stared at him for a long time.
“I hated you, Spike.” He closed his eyes and breathed deeply as if she was going to dust him. The pain from being dusted, he was sure, couldn’t be worse.
“If you want I can leave Sunnydale, I understand, and I’ll do it right now. I know you and the scoobies can take care of Lilea.”
“She needs you, and you know it.”
“God Buffy! How is it you don’t understand! I can’t stay here if it hurts you! I’d prefer being tortured by two thousand demons in hell than do that to you again!”
He probably didn’t realize he was yelling. Looking at Buffy sitting on that big bed, her knees against her chest in a defensive, un-Buffy-like position was killing him.
“I hated you,” she repeated. “But I - ” She was whispering now. “I missed you.”
Ok, you stupid vampire! Does this seem like the right moment for daydreaming? No, wait. She just said…
“Wh... What?!”
She gave a half-smile before answering. “I’m not going to say it again and I’m gonna deny I ever said that.” Then her face become seriously again. “I’ not saying I…”
“I know…” he answered before she could end her statement.
“Good,” she breathed. “You know how much I love the gang and Giles. But sometimes I’m afraid of disappointing them. I know they love me too, but what if I do or say something that hurts them and they leave? I know Giles will go, as soon he’s sure Willow is really under control. And it hurts because they are all I have. But you were different. I showed you the worst side of me, and yet you were there for me. I said horrible things to you that evening behind the Bronze, using what you told me to hurt you. Or later when I cursed you outside my home. Or the way I beat you up the night I thought I’d killed Katrina, because I was afraid of what I could become…”
“Buffy…”
She turned to stare at him again.
“But you were always here. For me, for Dawn, every time you were needed. Like that night in the porch, both of them.” She smiled. “When mom went into hospital and you came to my place with a shotgun, and you sat there… just letting me know you were there, even though you knew I didn’t *exactly* like you. Riley wasn’t so understanding. He thought I didn’t need backing up just because I wasn’t able to ask him.”
“He was an idiot!”
“But then you left, exactly like everyone else. And you even didn’t tell me you were leaving.”
“I couldn’t! Buffy I couldn’t even look at you again, not after…” He paused. “Not after that.”
“When I stopped you, before you ran away, I saw your face, I was mad and all the rest, but the way you looked at me haunted me for so long.”
“I didn’t know what I was doing. I don’t know how to explain… I never mean to hurt you…” He stopped for a moment. “That’s not true. I wanted to hurt you billions of times, but never in that way.”
“I know.”
SILENCE
“This doesn’t mean that you’re forgiven or that I’m going to forget everything.”
“I know, but we are talking and you haven’t a clue what this means for me.” He paused again. “It’s late. I’ll let you sleep now.”
He took a couple of steps towards the door.
“Spike?” She paused. “What are you hiding from us?” Her voice was barely audible.
He turned toward her. “How do you…” He smiled sadly and whispered, “You’re right. I have a secret, but shame on me, I’m not gonna share it. I’m not ready to. Now, and this is an order, SLEEP!”
Slowly he walked out of the room.
“Lil? Lilea? Watcher?” He saw a little note on the table.
“Hi, we decided we were hungry so we went out for breakfast, we’ll bring you two something to eat. We wanted to ask you but you both seemed very busy. By the way it’s too late for you for go out! See you later. Lil & Giles”
The watcher’s handwriting clashed with Lilea’s cheerful tone. The vampire looked around the room. There was an awful light. Too much light and it was increasing.
“Oh bloody hell!!!” He ran into Buffy’s darker room. “Sorry.” He said between the smoke.
The girl was still in the same position she had been in when he left. The only difference was the smirk she was trying to hide.
“Don’t make fun of me!” The pretence of anger in his voice made her burst out laughing. He wagged his index finger at her in what was supposed to be a threatening manner.
He was amazed by her laughter.
“Do you mind if I…?” He gestured towards the room.
“It’s ok.” Buffy’s look was killing him and he didn’t know why. There was surprise in her eyes, and also a sort of curiosity, but strangely there wasn’t any sign of anger toward him. She wasn’t afraid of him at all. And this made Spike feel even more remorseful.
He looked around, trying to find a place where crush, there were books everywhere. There was a chair with a jacket on it, but it didn’t seem a very comfortable place. So he moved some book from the wall and sat, his back against the now empty space, and inevitably he looked at her.
She was staring at him again, or maybe she had been doing all that time. He looked at a book he had just moved, opened it without paying it much attention. And he closed it a second later.
“Was it that bad?” Was she smiling? From his position he couldn’t see her mouth but her tone of voice sounded as if she might be.
The vampire met Buffy’s gaze, “Worse! It was poetry!”
She was silent for a moment studying his reaction. “I thought you liked it.”
“I did in London when I was alive, but I stopped reading and writing it the day Dru sired me, and I haven’t any intention of starting again.”
The blond girl looked at him silently for a while.
“What were you like? I mean, the William-you.”
Alarm suddenly transformed his face. “You don’t really want to know this.”
“I do… I wouldn’t ask other wise.” Her voice showed a little irritation. Gosh, it was already difficult asking, without him being so evasive with his answers. She needed to understand.
The guy on the floor thought the answer through carefully. “Shy, virgin, honest, deceptive, bad poet, good person.”
She gave him a light smile, looking in the other direction before speaking again. “Spike? You’re not going to harm Lilea, are you?”
“Of course not!” He sounded almost hurt. “I never could! Never!! God, Buffy, I know I told you the same but, Buffy, it’s different, *I* am different!”
She stayed silent for a long time. “I believe you…”She stopped, looking at him once more. “I just don’t know what you’ve changed into.”