Feel My Heartbeat

by Granny

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING APART FROM THE STORY SO DON'T SUE ME.
TIMELINE: Buffy Series 5/Angel series 2
SPOILERS: Crush/The Thin Dead Line or there abouts
CATEGORY: Angst/Buffy remembers/Angel becomes human
SYNOPSIS: Buffy goes to LA to save Angel from Darla
DISTRIBUTION: Sure. Just write me a quick E-Mail so that I can celebrate the fact that people actually want this. Thanks!
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I think this should happen.
FEEDBACK: Please do. RATING: 13 - contains mild swearing - no violence - no sex.


'You got burned with Angel, then Riley shows up. You shut down, Buffy. And you've been treating Riley like the rebound guy. When he's the one that comes along once in a lifetime.'

A single leaf, dry, brown, wispy, relinquished its fragile hold to the tree, and drifted slowly and hesitantly, as if in a melancholy dance, towards the ground below. As it fell, Buffy relived moments of her life with Riley. She frowned at their first meeting in the library, when she had caused a pile of books to come crashing down upon his head; she smiled bitterly at their first kiss, a moment of calm in a world of turbulent silence; she shivered at their first embrace, and the cold gleam of hate in Maggie's eyes as she watched them through a CCTV camera in her room; most of all, she remembered the look of sheer ecstasy she had seen in Riley's eyes when he had made himself vulnerable, willingly, in the arms of a vampire whore.

And a tear slipped silently down her cheek, a tear full of the desperation and fear she had felt when she knew that she had lost him, when she had known that she would face the loneliness of her destiny, once more, with no one beside her. As she saw the leaf arrive at its final destination upon the ground upon the others, still underneath the same tree off which it had fed just moments ago, she knew what it all meant.

Riley had been another mistake; another missed opportunity; another waste of the time which was so precious to her, as she never knew how much more of it she would be granted. The leaf would return to her, not as Riley, but as nutrients; strength with which to face the future, which, as always, cut out a bleak and foreboding profile.

And yet, out of the corner of her eye, she caught of sight of a glint of green amongst the brown skeletons that lay at the base of the tree. She came closer, curious, and upon approaching the vibrant speck of colour; she wondered at what she saw.

It was a single blossoming leaf, green, supple, and very much alive. Something which had ended, but had refused to die. Slowly, gently, she picked up the wonder and held it in her hands. The moment she touched it she felt something go through her, something warm and comforting, yet exhilarating at the same time; she wanted the feeling to last…

******

Buffy woke with a start. The room was extremely cold, and she could feel the window banging behind the curtains. A storm raged ferociously outside. The window must have been blown open.

She shivered as she crept out of bed and went to the window. She reached out for the truant pane, but paused as a familiar feeling crept over her. She knew it so well, and somehow found it comforting, but couldn't quite put her finger on it.

Her arm was getting wet, so she dismissed the strange feeling, and crawled back underneath her covers.

She couldn't sleep. Looking at the hand which had held the leaf in her dream, she tried to relive the feeling it had brought her; but it was gone. She longed to experience it again; somehow, it had made her forget her pain and uncertainty; it had made her feel safe.

If only she knew what it represented.

******

'So, it knocked you down unconscious, and when you woke up, both of them were gone?' Giles murmured, perplexed.

'Yeah, that was pretty much the deal. I mean, I should have seen it, but I was out cold. I'd taken one of them down, and by that I meant decapitation, blood, the green and oozy kind, smell - not pleasant. It was dead. DEAD. When I woke up, they were gone, both of them.'

'It could have just taken it to be buried. Sometimes demons do that. I mean, sometimes demons can have some surprisingly human qualities - a wish to mourn the dead, parting properly with loved ones…' Giles was cut short.

'Or maybe not.' Willow appeared holding a book. 'Did your demons look like this?'

'Yeah, he's our man - demon - whatever.'

'Uh. Oh. BIG oh.' Willow sank back onto the sofa.

'What is it?'

'Oh nothing, just the end of the world.'

'God you'd think that that record was broken by now.' Buffy was thoroughly annoyed. She had better things to do then to save the world from total destruction - again. 'Do these demons never give up?'

'Obviously not. OK, we really need to know what that demon did after you were out cold. It says here that the Siyara demon can 'bring life forth from death'. Whilst it performs this ritual, a vortex is created into the demon dimension. The soul of the one whose life is being restored comes through the vortex; and whilst the vortex is open, it seems like it's a free for all for any demon who wants to come into the mortal world. We need to know who it bought back in that vortex, and how to stop it.'

'How?'

'Oh I've got it!' Willow cried, enthusiastically. 'A memory restoration spell! It's easy, a few warts of toad and spider's webs, simple incantation, and you'll 'see what you did not see'. Then, all you've got to do, is to make physical contact with the demon, and you're done!'

'Great. I'll run and get the supplies.'
******

'I implore thee, the folds of time, part, so that she may be released into the realm of the all-seeing. Let that which has passed return to her mind. Let her see what she could not see. Open her eyes, I implore thee!'

As Willow sprinkled the ingredients onto Buffy, her eyes began to shine with a preternatural glow. She shivered as something passed through her.

When the moment had passed, Buffy stood up and grabbed her jacket.

'Wish me luck, guys. I'm going memory hunting.'

******

3 hours later.

'It didn't work?'

'In the nothing-happened way, but no biggies. I got the demons, both of them. They won't be restoring anybody else from now on.'

'There may be more of them. There's always a chance that…' Giles was once more interrupted.

'Nah. Siyara demons bring back demons using their life force. Once the restorer is dead, the rest are just sucked back into the demon dimension. You should've known.' Anya added.

'I was simply …' Giles retaliated, but did not finish his sentence.

'Hey, you're not the watcher of her!' Xander threatened. He and Anya exchanged a smile, which turned into a meaningful stare.

'We're gonna go and…'

'Have sex!' Anya chirped.

Giles threw his hands up in defeat.

'Ditto.' Buffy rose.

The others looked up at her in amazement. Since Riley left a month ago, Buffy had been detached and depressed. Surely she hadn't already found somebody new already?

Buffy saw their expressions and smiled cynically.

'Not the sex, just the going part.'

The whole room relaxed.

'Bye.'

The door banged as the slayer walked out of the room. It was followed by a shrill ring of the telephone.

'Hello, Giles speaking.'

'Giles, thank god, I must…'

'Wesley?'

'Yes yes, no time to explain…Is Buffy there?'

'Buffy? No; she just went out. What's going on?'

'It's Angel. He's disappeared. It's been 2 days. We know where he is. They've got him, you've got to…'

'Wait, who's got him?'

'It's them. Darla and Drusilla. They're back.'

******

Angel screamed in pain as another flesh-tearing lash of the metal-studded whip was brought across his bare chest. The cross upon which he was nailed, upside down, burnt his skin; like acid. The blood which was pouring out of his hands, sides, and feet was making him weak. He was beginning to hallucinate.

<<Must concentrate. Must think of a way to get out.>>

'I know what you're thinking, sweet. But you're not. You're never getting away. Daddy's been away for far too long. He mustn't leave us so soon.' Drusilla circled him languidly, staring up at him with a sinister pleasure as the pain gnawed away at him. He was not sure how much longer he could take this.

She knelt down, and put her finger nails on his chest. She stroked it slowly.

'You must be so bored, hanging here. Want to play?'

She inserted her finger nails into his chest, and a smile flickered on her face as he screamed in agony as her nails drew out thick blood.

'Dru, darling. I know you just want to have fun, but you must be careful not to kill him. Angelus was strong, I'm not so sure about this one. We need to torture him. We've got to leave him yearning for death - that's where the real fun begins.'

'I'm sorry grand mum. I guess I was just getting a little bit excited. I'll be careful.'

Darla walked up to Angel, knelt down, and leaned so close that their faces were almost touching. Angel closed his eyes.

'It doesn't have to be this way, you know. Your stubbornness is all that stands between you and peace. All you have to do is let me give you a moment of true happiness…'

'You never made me happy.' Angel gritted his teeth to keep from screaming at the pain, not just the physical pain, but the memories which Darla's comment had bought back to him. Buffy, sunlight, peace, a moment of true happiness.

'And she did? You know what, Angel? I don't believe you. I'm the one you love, you worshipped me. I made you happy; I can do it again.'

'You're wrong. I never loved you.'

'No, you loved her. That slayer. You loved her more than anything, but let me tell you something Angel, as if you haven't noticed - she's with someone else now; your love meant so much to her she was content to give herself the next gutless mortal with a pulse. She loved you that much.'

Angel closed his eyes, and tried not to listen to what Darla was saying. He knew she was trying to push him over the edge. He wasn't sure how much longer he could hold on. She had struck him where she knew it would hurt him most. Buffy.

'Listen to the truth Angel! She never loved you! You meant nothing to her! Don't you understand? You belong here, with us. We can give you the love you want, the love that she can never give you.'

'You're not capable of it.'

'Maybe not. But let me ask you a question, Angel: do you really think you are?'

Angel didn't reply.

'And, Angel? Maybe I should remind you: we're all you have left now. Your life as a do-gooder? Look where it left you. Where are your friends, your helpers? Those helpless souls you've strived to save? Where's that simpering blond - the only one who could make you happy?'

'Right about here - and that is, in a position to kick your ass.'

Darla turned around just in time to be hit across the face by an extremely angry Buffy.

'Buffy'. Angel whispered, unable to believe his eyes.

'Believe me when I say you're gonna pay for this. In a big way.' Buffy continued to pound Darla.

Drusilla pulls Buffy off Darla. Drusilla is about to kick Buffy when someone punches her from behind. She recovers, turns around, and sees Spike, looking pleased with himself.

'Hello, pet.'

'Spike, baby…' He hit her again.

'That'll teach you to cheat on me! That's right! The big bad is back with a vengeance!'

And the fight began.

Darla was now unconscious, lying on the ground. Buffy turned and stumbled towards Angel. She began hacking at the ropes which tied him to the cross.

'I'm gonna get you down from there. Hang on.'

For a moment her hand brushed his arm, and she was suddenly overcome by a wrenching headache. She groaned in pain, and sank to the floor, holding her head.

'Buffy? Buffy!' Angel tried to get down, but he was too weak, and still tied to the cross. He struggled, but could not get down.

Buffy sank to the ground. <<Sewers. Demon. Angel in sunlight. Kiss. Heartbeat. Kitchen table…happiness. End of the world. I'll never forget.>>

'I'll never forget' She whispered, half to herself. Then suddenly, she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen, and looked up to see Drusilla standing over her with a large knife clutched in her hand.

'Bye bye slayer.' Buffy closed her eyes and waited for the pain, it came, but was not as great as she had expected. When she opened her eyes, Drusilla was gone. The knife had fallen from her hands and cut her arm.

Out of the corner of his eye, Angel had seen what had happened. Spike had sent a stake flying through her heart. Spike.

Angel watched with sheer disbelief as Spike devotedly helped Buffy to her feet, and caught her when she almost collapsed again.

'Are you alright?' Spike asked, concerned.

'Yeah, I'm OK. Angel.' She staggered towards him, and let him down from the cross, catching his body before it fell to the ground. Angel winced in pain.

'Buffy. I thought…' he murmured.

'Shh. It's OK. You're fine. I'm here.' She was about to stroke his face, but held her hand back before it touched him. Angel noticed this, and his heart bled inwardly.

<<She doesn't want anything to do with me. She's moved on. Darla was right. She never loved me.>>

Spike looked down at her bitterly. It was plainly obvious to him. Buffy would never stop loving Angel. He had said it himself. He didn't see it before, because he didn't want to.

<< 'You'll be in love until it kills you both.'>> Spike's own words came back to him.

<<It doesn't matter. He's still not what she needs. I can give her things that he will never be able to. She'll come around.>> He tried to convince himself.

'I'm gonna help you up.' Angel cried out in pain as Buffy tried to get him to stand up.

Buffy suddenly remembered something. 'Where's Darla?'

The three of them looked around. Darla was gone.

'No matter. Her turn will come later.'

******

Angel leaned heavily on Buffy, trying not to hurt her, yet at the same time relishing her closeness. Spike followed them sulkily, as they entered the door.

'Hello? Is anybody here?'

Buffy gasped as Wesley, Cordelia, and some black guy she didn't know jumped out at them, pointing guns and cross-bows.

'Angel! Buffy! Thank God! We were so worried! What happened?' Wesley came running down the stairs.

'No time for talk now,' Buffy said as Angel passed out on her shoulder, 'We need to get him seen to.'

'What did they do to him?' Wesley was horrified.

'Hell knows. When I got there, they had him nailed upside down on a cross, like they were crucifying him or something.'

'And where are they now?'

'Dru's dust.'

'And Darla?'

'She got away.' Spike said as he entered behind Buffy.

'Spike?' Wesley and Cordelia cried in unison.

'Back fiend, back! Get out or I'll stake you this minute!' Wesley was thoroughly terrified.

Spike turned to Buffy, amused. 'So this is the welcoming committee you promised me. How sweet.'

'I mean it!' Wesley was still holding the cross at Spike.

'Wesley, it's alright. He's with me. He's the one that dusted Dru.'

'What?' Wesley cried in disbelief. 'Buffy - Spike doesn't have a soul - he's…'

'Different. Look, I'll explain later. Don't you think we oughta see to Angel first?'

'Yes yes, of course.'

******

Angel tossed and turned in his sleep as Buffy waited patiently by his bedside, wanting to touch him, yet knowing that in doing so she would be hurting them both. Death, pain, separation, she'd had enough of it.

<<I wonder what he's dreaming about.>>

In the depths of Angel's mind, he was reliving that perfect day. The feel of the sunlight on his face, and the warmth of Buffy in his arms; the pain of realisation that he had tasted the divine, and then been denied it. He tasted the salt of Buffy's tears as he held her for the last time.

'Buffy.' He whispered.

'Angel. I'm here. It's OK.' She couldn't hold back any longer. Slowly, she traced his profile with the tips of her fingers; so perfect. The face of an Angel.

He held on to her hand, refusing to let it go. He couldn't let her go again, not now. She let him. She lay down beside him on the bed, and watched as he struggled fitfully with his demons in his sleep. She wanted to be there for him. She closed her eyes, and fell asleep in the comfort of knowing that he was beside her.

******

'So, he's good now? He can't hurt anybody?'

'Hey! Don't talk about me as if I wasn't here. I may not be quite the big bad anymore but that doesn't mean I can sort you out…'

'Only demons. He's helped me a lot with the slaying.' Buffy said, ignoring Spike's outburst.

Cordelia didn't. 'Oh yeah? Then bite me!'

Buffy had to restrain Spike from doing his best to attack Cordelia.

'And to think. Three years ago he was after your life! And Angel's too, I might add.'

'Things change. Spike's changed. He'd never hurt me. Or Angel.'

'I wouldn't be so sure…' Spike was silenced by an angry glare from Buffy. 'You heard the girl.'

'You can trust him. I swear.'

'So who are you?' Gunn looked at the small blond girl with suspicion. She seemed to know a whole lot about Angel and their business. He didn't like it.

'I was about to ask you the same question.' Buffy stared at him icily. She resented the fact that Angel seemed to have built this whole new life in LA, a life of which this strange man was a part and she wasn't.

'Listen girly, I don't want no…' Gunn was determined to tell her to mind her own business.

'You call me girly again and I swear I'll pound your face to a pulp.'

Wesley stood between the two and separated them.

'Gunn this is Buffy. Buffy - Gunn. We're all in the same boat. Don't make things more complicated then they really are.'

'OK, OK. I'm sorry. Back to business. How did Darla come back? I thought Angel staked her?' Buffy backed off slightly.

'He did. But then these evil lawyers called Wolfram and Hart brought her back as a human, she tried to turn Angel bad by getting groiny with him but it didn't work, then she tried to get him to turn her back into a vampire but she had no luck with that either. They fought for a while, then somehow they became all friendly again but then Darla found out that she was actually dying. Angel went through this big trial thing to save her life where he was prepared to die for her, but then it didn't work because she had already been given her second chance. So, Darla made up her mind to die, and then Drusilla turns back and poof! She's evil bitch again.'

'A thrilling, and surprisingly accurate calendar of events. That's the story.'

'I haven't been here for a long time.' Buffy murmured slowly. 'There are so many things that I don't know. He...he never told me.'

<<I'm not a part of his life anymore.>>

'Whilst we're on the subject of being honest, honey, why don't you tell them that your G. I. Joe ran off and left you and now you're with me?' Spike was tired of having no attention. It had been a long time since he'd shocked, really shocked anyone. It was time to make up for it. He walked up to her and put an arm around her shoulder. She shook him off.

'You're with Spike?' Wesley and Cordelia were stupefied.

Before Buffy had time to defend herself Cordelia had angrily marched up to her.

'You've really got this deadboy thing going, haven't you? I suppose at least they never have smelly breath.' Cordelia was amused, but also angry on Angel's behalf. How could she move on through all of these guys and leave him burning in the pit of eternal longing?

'I…' Buffy couldn't get a word in.

'Or you're just really desperate. I wouldn't be surprised. What kind of a person are you? You know how much Angel loves you and you know how much you can hurt him with a single word, and you brushed him off the last time you were in town like he was nothing but dust on your precious shoulder. Why should you be too good for him? At least he's still got people who love him. You can't even keep a guy for 5 minutes before he finds out what a bitch you really are and leaves you for someone less self-centred and whiny.'

Buffy hadn't had the chance to speak. Even though most of what Cordelia said wasn't true, it had still been a hard hit, confirming all the fears and doubts that Buffy had had about herself since Riley's departure.

'Spike and I are not involved.' Buffy said at last.

There was silence.

'Oops.' Cordelia whispered.

'I'm gonna, ah, go.' Buffy had to get out before the tears started to flood. She didn't want to be defeated, but Cordelia's words had cut her to the core. The worst part was, she believed Cordelia was right, for wasn't what she said about herself true? Spike tried to follow her.

'No, Spike, stay. Protect them. I need to be alone.'

And with that she was gone.

Spike smirked, he had succeeded in shocking them all right; and in doing so, he had hurt the girl he loved. He didn't know whether to be pleased or angry with himself.

Wesley turned murderously to Cordelia.

'What? Well she didn't deny it!'

'You never gave her a chance to!'

'Well, she had it coming.'

'That doesn't mean you scare off the single person who has the power to protect Angel. And that was harsh Cordelia.'

'Oh stop already! She deserved it. You know how Angel's still so hung up over her! Personally, I don't care if she walks right into a car and breaks her neck if it wasn't for Angel…' Cordelia stopped when she felt someone very tall, and very angry standing behind her.

Angel's eyes were darkly on fire.

'Where is she?'

******
The evening was cold, and the skies were dark and foreboding. The chill evening air made Buffy shiver as she walked along the now almost deserted pier. She pulled her jacket tighter around herself, and walked on.

The beach was almost deserted now. A few people splashing in the water, a solitary couple kissing on the pier; most people had gone to avoid the storm that would certainly arrive later tonight. Buffy couldn't care less.

She needed to get away; she needed to go over what had happened today, and what it had meant.

She almost wished she hadn't come. When she had heard that Angel was in trouble, she didn't think of anything else apart from to get down here and help him as soon as possible - and now look where it had lead.

<<You'd think 'Angel' means something like 'pain' or 'heartache' in some language or other.>>

And what was that dream she had had when she had touched him?

<<It was more like a fantasy.>> She almost smiled.

But it couldn't have been real. Angel? Human? She had dreamed it a million times, this was just another such incidence.

Why was that? For hadn't she got over Angel a long time ago? Last time she had come to LA, she had told him that she wanted nothing more to do with him. Buffy winced as she remembered her cruel words to him at the police station, when she had known full well how much they would hurt him. Yet it was he who had chased her all the way back to Sunnydale, and got himself beaten up by her boyfriend, just to apologise, when really she had been the one who was out of line. Then he had given her his approval. He had sacrificed his own feelings to make her feel good about what she was doing.

<<The mistake I was making.>> Buffy added silently.

That's all he ever seemed to do; make sacrifices for her happiness, and yet, Buffy could never see that, she always had to use her big mouth to hurt him as much as possible, just because she was angry at him for doing what she thought was rejecting her, when all he wanted was for her to be happy.

Buffy remembered that night in the sewers, the night he had told her he was going away.

<<Buffy: I want my life to be with you.
Angel: I don't.
Buffy: You don't want to be with me?
(No answer)>>

How much those words had hurt her. Perhaps Cordelia was right. How can anyone love her? She was so self-centred, and, whiny. She expected things of people that were impossible. Like after she had saved Angel's life by making him drink from her, she had expected him to stay, because she had saved him. She didn't understand back then, that it had hurt him more to leave her than it had hurt her, watching him leave.

What a mess her life was? Was this the slayer's destiny? To be always alone?

<<No, it's my destiny. For being a bitch no one could ever love.>>

She couldn't stand it anymore. Sinking down next to the wooden fence, she cried.

She lost Angel, and now she had lost Riley as well. And it was all her fault.

She felt an arm around her , and shrugged it off. She looked up, and was shocked to see Angel standing above her, his eyes over flowing with loving concern.

'Angel?' She felt an unbelievable urge to be held in his arms. She had been strong for too long, she couldn't resist now. She stood up, and leaned against him. She felt him hesitate for a second, then the wonderful sensation of his arms around her as she sobbed into his chest.

'I'm sorry'. She spluttered.

'You don't need to be.'

'Don't I?'

She was silent for a moment, and then she looked up at him, pleading with her eyes.

'Is it really that hard to love me?'

Angel couldn't bear to see the pain in the eyes of the only person he had ever loved, or would ever love. To hear her asking that question…he didn't know how he could answer her in words, and so pulling her up to his face, he kissed her, with a passion he had not felt since the last time he had held her. She responded, willing him to see into her heart and soul through the kiss.

They were oblivious to the rain that had started to fall around them.

After a while, they came up for breath. He looked at her through the rain, which was now coming down heavily. He wiped her eyes, wet now not from her tears, but from the rain, and stroked her hair. He kissed her on the forehead, and held her close.

For the first time in months, the slayer felt safe. Here, in the comfort and warmth of Angel's arms, she forgot about the monsters and demons with whom she was destined to battle, the insecurities that had plagued her since Riley left, and the loneliness that had clutched at her for so long. For once, she rejoiced in the certainty of the present, with Angels arms around her, feeling warm in the profession of his love, instead of the pain of the past and the uncertainty of the future.

<<If only this could last.>>

It wasn't long before she was asleep.

******

Buffy was dreaming again; the same dream that had nearly cost her her life earlier in the day. Her lips curled up in a half smile.

The sunlight was so warm, and the taste of Angel's kiss sent sparks flying through her whole body. It must be heaven.

Later, the kitchen table, chocolate and peanut butter, and a heartbeat. It seemed so real, and at the same time so impossible.

Then, the end, the clock, the desperation in his eyes. Her promise, 'I'll never forget.'

Buffy opened her eyes with a start. She looked around her, and smiled when she realised she was in Angel's bedroom and that he had fallen asleep on the chair next to the bed on which she was lying.

He was sleeping peacefully. Of course, there was no steady rising and falling of his chest, but he was beautiful none the less. Buffy crawled silently up to him, and held her face very close to his. She hovered above his lips, his perfect lips that could make her feel so alive. She was about to kiss him, when at that moment he awoke.

Angel was dreaming a dream of his own. He was dreaming that Buffy remembered, that the lost day had come back to her. The dream had been so real, Buffy's face above his as he slept, how she had teased him with her kisses. He had woken up and realised that the last part was not a dream.

His first instinct was to kiss her, hold her, protect her, and never let her go, but before he allowed himself to do this, his mind had told him that nothing had changed. She didn't remember, and there was still no way they could be together.

He couldn't become a monster. Not with Darla still here. Not ever again.

He pushed her away gently, and got up. He tried not to see the hurt look in her eyes, wanting to explain, yet not knowing how to.

'Buffy, I'm sor…'

'It's OK. I understand.'

'No, you don't. It's because…'

At that moment someone rapped loudly on the door.

'Come in.'

Cordelia entered, throwing Buffy a cold look.

'Hey Angel, sorry to disturb your little get together and all but the PTB want an interview, now.'

'I'll be back.' Angel looked at Buffy, apologetically, wanting to stay, but knowing that the Powers That Be did not take easily to excuses.

******

An hour later.

Angel came crashing through the door.

'Where's Buffy?' The group were shocked by his appearance. He looked quite savage.

'Angel? You're not…Omigod did you do it with Buffy again?' Cordelia demanded.

'Where is she?' Angel ignored her.

'You know I want her dead as much as the next girl but if you think I'm helping…'

'I'm not bad Cordelia! Just tell me where Buffy is! She's in danger!'

'What happened?' Wesley asked.

'The powers said that the time for Shanshu had come. It's tonight.'

'That's great news! Wha…'

'There's more. I'm not just going to be human. I'm going to be the slayer.'

'What? That's impossible…'

'They said I will be called tonight. At the moment of the slayer's death.'

The whole room was silent.

'Now tell me where she is.'

'She went after Darla. She sent a note…' Wesley handed it to Angel.

The note was a map of LA, with a red mark on building. The writing underneath said.
'I'll be waiting.'

Angel turned and headed for the door.

'Wait I'm going with you!' Spike shouted.

'Spike, get help.' Both men stood still. 'Now.'

Without another word, he left the building.

******

Buffy shivered as she reached the top of the building. It was evening now and everyone had gone home. The elevators weren't working and she had had to climb the 36 storeys to the deserted car park on the top of the building. She looked around, but saw no one.

'Well I guess she made a mistake about the 'waiting' part.' She murmured to herself.

Suddenly she was hit over the head with a heavy object. Buffy fell, unconscious, to the floor.

'Wrong. Looks like I'm just in time.' Darla smiled.

******

Angel pushed desperately through the evening crowd towards the building in the centre of the square. Buffy was near, he could feel her. She was in pain. He needed to get to her.

He ran through the door and pressed the elevator button frenziedly, and realised it wasn't working. With a sigh of exasperation he charged through the door to the stairs and climbed without pausing to the 36th storey.

As he burst through the door. He saw Darla, standing over a body on the floor. She turned around, and he could see the blood smeared around her lips. He looked down, and there was blood on the floor.

Buffy's blood.

'Looks like you missed out on quite a feast, doesn't it Angelus?' Darla walked towards him slowly. He grabbed her throat, trying to choke her, knowing it would do no good.

And all Darla did was to smile, teasing him.

'She's not dead, but very nearly. It's too late to move her. She will die tonight, that is certain; but what she becomes afterwards - that is up to you.

If you won't have me, then you can't have her either. If I can't make you happy - she won't.'

'You're just doing this out of jealousy'.

'Maybe I am. What does it matter if your love is eternal? You always thought it was, didn't you Angelus? Then you have nothing to worry about.'

'You'll never get away with this.' Angel's voice was choked with fear.

'You're wrong. I will. She won't though.'

There was a pause. Angel let Darla go, knowing it would do no good. Darla circled him purposefully.

'She has a choice, you know, between life and death. You have to make it for her. You can save her.'

'I can damn her, like you damned me. I can't do it to her. I'd never do that.'

'Fine, if you want to watch her die. I watched my lover die when the gypsies restored your soul. Now it's your turn, only this time, there's no second chance.'

Angel was silent.

'She's got an hour, max. You're not stupid enough to try and take her to a hospital. Think carefully before you make up your mind.'

'I'd rather she died then she lived without a soul.'

'As I say. It's up to you.'

Darla brushed past Angel as she walked away. Angel turned slowly to where Buffy was lying still on the ground, not wanting to see, and not wanting to believe. He staggered over to where she lay, and lifted her up slightly so that she was leaning against his chest.

Slowly, her eyelids fluttered open.

'Angel?'

'It's OK Buffy, I'm here.'

'I wanted to see you before I died. I wanted to see you…'

'I know. Buffy please…'

'I never thought it would end like this. I never thought it would be her.'

Buffy paused to gather strength.

'But I always knew I'd die in your arms, one way or another.'

'Buffy…'Angel was crying.

'Sh. I want to tell you something. I had a dream. It was a wonderful dream. You were human. We made love. I was happy.'

Angel couldn't believe what he was hearing. She remembered, and she was dying.

'It wasn't a dream, Buffy. It was real. The oracles…they said you would die if I remained human. I asked them to take back the day. You weren't supposed to remember.'

'And now I am dying anyway. Isn't fate ironic?' She joked, trying to ease his pain, but coughed up some blood instead.

Angel cradled her against his chest, and let his tears fall into her hair.

'I can still hear: your heartbeat. I remember.'

She was silent for a moment.

'I love you Angel. You were the only person who ever made me happy.'

'As were you.'

'Do you forgive me?'

'For what?'

'For being selfish and cruel. For hurting you?'

Angel could barely get his words out.

'I forgive you.'

'I knew you would. I couldn't die knowing that you hated me.'

'I could never hate you Buffy.'

'It doesn't matter. You know Angel? I'm almost glad. I'm glad because I don't have to live knowing we could never be together. I'm happy for me. But you…'

Angel kissed her head desperately.

'Promise me something?'

'Anything.'

'Promise me to be happy?'

Angel could not bear it any longer. He turned her face up to him and kissed her as if for the last time. He knew that he was draining her of her energy, but also that it didn't matter anymore.

'It's too late.' She whispered, when he let her go.

'No. It's not.' The couple turned to look at the person from whom the familiar voice originated.

Faith walked towards them with a purpose in her step.

'Faith? How did you…'

'Spike and Wesley came looking for me. Look Angel, there's a cure.'

'A cure?'

'Blood. The slayer's blood. If she regains what she's lost, she's cured.'

'You would do that?' Buffy asked incredulously, for wasn't this the girl who had tried to kill her just 6 months ago?

'Sure! Why not. A life of obscurity in prison, or the chance to be your hero. I know which one you would choose. C'mon, Wesley said that it won't kill me. I trust him.'

Buffy looked at Angel, and he looked back at her. He could see her uncertainty; but he trusted Faith. She had changed, and she wanted to make amends. His eyes told her to trust her also. Buffy drew comfort from them.

'I guess it's the only choice I have.'

Slowly, Faith drew out a knife from her sleeve, and cut open one of her wrists. The blood oozed out, thick and pungent. She held it up to Buffy, inviting her.

'Go on B. What have you got to lose?'

Buffy took the proffered wrist, and drank.

As Faith's blood entered her body, she could feel its power, surging through her veins. She felt herself growing stronger, as she drank in Faith's life force.

The blood of a slayer.

She felt her need grow, and she moaned as she pulled Faith closer. She winced. Buffy didn't want to hurt her, but the craving was so strong…

Buffy threw Faith off her with a gasp. She had had enough. Panting, she looked at Faith, paler now.

Slowly, she stood up.

'Score's even, B.'

'What?'

'What I took from you? I gave it back. I don't owe you any more.'

'No. You don't. You saved my life.'

'As I said, score's even.'

As she spoke, she began to inch towards the edge of the building.

'I guess I've finished my business here.'

'Faith, what are you doing?'

'I did what I had to do. I don't need to be here anymore; and I don't want to be. Have a nice life B, you deserve it. Check you out in heaven, maybe.'

'Faith, you don't need…'

'You're right. I don't. But you're forgetting, I want to. Thanks for what you've done for me. Both of you.'

She looked at Buffy, a hint of regret in her eyes. 'We're friends?'

'Always.' Buffy replied, with tears in her eyes. She didn't want to lost Faith, but she understood. Faith would never have wanted to spend the rest of her life in prison. She knew now, this was the reason she had held on for this long; to save her life.

Faith smiled at them both. And in an instant, she was gone.

For a moment, they both stood, silent.

And suddenly Angel was seized by a tearing pain in his chest. He fell to the ground, clutching his heart.

'Angel!' Buffy ran to him.

And just as suddenly, the pain was gone. Angel began to breathe heavily.

His eyes opened wide in shock. In a moment, Buffy knew too. They looked at each other. Then Buffy took his shirt purposefully in her hands, and ripped it apart. She bent down and pressed her ear to his chest.

Yes. It was there. Loud and clear; thud thud, thud thud…

'Angel, you're…'

'I'm alive.'

And before they had time for any more words, Angel and taken Buffy in his arms and they were now wrapped around each other in the most ecstatic kiss. It was a kiss of joy and grief, and Buffy wept as she felt his mouth on hers and his heart beating next to hers. The emotion was overwhelming. She didn't care how it had happened, or why. All that mattered was that now, they could finally be together.

It was a dream. No more days of emptiness and grief, no more nights of loneliness and longing. Angel; alive.

And she knew she had waited long enough.

******

Angel looked down on Buffy's sleeping form as a deep happiness welled up inside him. Slowly, ever so carefully, he stroked her hair. He remembered the last time he had done this; a week before the Prom, when he had told her that they could no longer be together. He remembered the pain in her eyes when he had forced himself to tell her that he didn't want to be with her, when that was what he wanted, more than mortality itself. And no matter how many times he had told her he loved her, to her, his actions had spoken otherwise. Angel winced inwardly; how much he had hurt her.

'Yes, you did.' Angel was astonished as Buffy's eyes opened to look at him.

He looked at her questioningly. How could she have read his thoughts?

'What?'

'Yes. You hurt me.'

Angel looked down, trying to hide his hurt and anguish.

'But for all the times you've broken my heart, I would not have it otherwise.'

She reached up and kissed him slowly on the mouth. When she pulled away, she could see the emotion glistening in his eyes. She moved to lean her head against his chest; he put his arms around her. She could think of no words to say to the man she loved on this the happiest moment of her life. For minutes they lay, just holding each other, relishing each other's closeness.

'I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop.' Angel whispered, as the closeness of the past brought tears to his eyes.

'Me too. I can't help it. But now I won't have to.' Buffy breathed back.

They both smiled. Nothing could hurt them now; not Darla, not the past, not the future battles they would doubtlessly have to face. At last, they were together.

And, listening to the beat of each other's heart, they fell asleep.

******

It was the dream again. Buffy remembered.

The tree of her life, surrounded and fed by her past.

There was something different. Buffy walked closer.

And then she saw it.

Another tree had begun to grow by the roots of the other. It was only small, young still, and had all the tenderness and beauty of new life.

It began to grow before her eyes, reaching up, higher and higher towards the sun. It's branches began to cling to the trunk of the other tree as it grew bigger and bigger, until it was the same size.

Her tree, too, began to change. It's branches twisted to receive the embrace of the other, until the too trees were entwined irrevocably around each other. It was clear that they could never be separated again.

Buffy smiled, as she felt a familiar hand in hers. She looked up at Angel, and thanked the powers for the miracle which was to change her life forever.

And she finally understood what it all meant.

The End

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