DISCLAIMER: Not mine. All hail the wonderful Joss-man for his creation of these characters. I just play with them for a while.
SUMMARY: Angel's letter to Buffy on her wedding night
RATING: PG-13 - for a bit of language
SPOILERS: None. I dare you to prove otherwise!
DISTRIBUTION: ask
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is a direct sequel to "The Absence of You" which I just sent out so you should get it. This is B/A, again, and yes, I do disgust myself. Um, I don't know *where* any of my beta readers went so any errors in this story is all my fault for not being patient. Serena, I know that you're one of them, and I know I didn't send it to you, but it's so I could do this next part
DEDICATION: For Serena :) *hugs*

Everything seemed unreal that night.

The wedding was set to take place two hours after sunset. The moon was bright - near full, but not quite, seeing as they didn't want Oz attacking the guests. The white lilies perfumed Buffy's backyard and adorned her bouquet. Her Matrons were suited in Italian silk with white roses woven through their hair. As for Buffy, she wore a crown of daisies and a pitiful smile that stared back at her mockingly from the mirror.

She didn't know what she was doing.

It was ten minutes until Spike was scheduled to knock on her door and lead her to the back. It was ten minutes until he and Giles would walk her down the red carpet towards her future husband. Ten minutes until the priest turned to her and gave her words to recite in order to belong to Riley Finn forever.

There is always hope/ she brooded, remembering lines from his letter. Her dress rustled enchantingly as she moved, swinging with her every motion. Every sound it made succeeded in breaking Buffy's heart a little bit more. Suddenly, her 'cold feet' became more than that. Her 'cold feet' became a dawning of thought which brought her step-by-step to her decision.

The guest were outside. The cake had been ordered and paid for, thanks to daddy and her future daddy-in-law. The decorations had been set, the candles lit, and the band was playing their song. And she could not be more terrified.

Inside the confines of the room, the Slayer began to pace. Outside was Riley. She had promised him that she would marry him, be his wife, raise his kids, follow him and everything else a loyal wife did. They were going to be saying their sacred _vows_ in...

"Eight minutes," Buffy mumbled. Blood began to roar in her ears. She was very, very scared.

Her eyes fell to the letter, which had fluttered to the ground even before she had read the final words. The shock of Angel, of knowing he had been there, that he was possibly still in Sunnydale and could have, at any moment, stopped her from making what could possibly be the biggest mistake of her life, paralyzed her. And broke her heart, too.

But no, she couldn't let that cloud her judgment. She had to sit, think rationally and weigh out the pros and cons which determined whether or not she would climb out the window right now, searching for Angel and letting him carry her off into the moonlight. For the next seven minutes.

Beginning with the pros, Buffy quickly began to list them all. One, Riley really loved her. That was nice. Every girl liked that in a future husband. Two, Riley respected her. That was neat too. Three, he would never desert her. Security was a good thing. Four... there was no four. She already had run out of reasons.

But, what stopped her from jumping out the window and driving away right now? Well, for one, everything had already been paid for. It was four hundred dollars a head. If she ran out now, her dad would not be pleased. Two, not wanting to _marry_ Riley didn't mean not caring about him, either. She hated the thought of hurting him by just letting him stand there, thinking she was just running a little late. What about when time stretched and two minutes became four? Then eight? Then fifteen? Then twenty? Then finally the priest would whisper discreetly to Riley, "I don't think she's coming," and his heart would break. It wasn't fair to him.

Six minutes.

Buffy glanced back at her reflection in the mirror and for the first time saw the turmoil she fought within. Did she really want to marry Riley because he was good for her and they loved each other, or did... did she want something - someone - else?

Dammit, it wasn't fair. The part of her still scarred by Angel's rejection was angry. How dare he! What right did he have sending her such a disarming letter - making her realize she had never _not_ loved him - on the night of her wedding? It wasn't fucking _fair_.

She knew that. In her mind, she knew it was just a strategic move on Angel's part. He wanted her to find the letter, he wanted her to walk down the aisle knowing he was lurking in the shadows watching. She _knew_ he sent the letter at what would be her weakest emotional point to try and talk some sense into her, to hopefully convince her to call off the wedding and run into his arms. But what right did he have in doing so? She was sure if he magically appeared in the very room she was in, asking if she would go through with the wedding or not and she said, 'No, Angel. I want to be with you,' he would fix his sad gaze on her and tell her, not for the first time, she needed to be with the one she loved. A mortal.

And he damn well knew that it was impossible for her to love anyone - mortal, demon, vampire - that wasn't him.

Collapsing on the chair provided for her, Buffy felt her resolve weaken and the tears she had suppressed throughout her time without him suddenly rise, unbidden, like bile in her throat. She couldn't even make her list against the marriage to Riley. She didn't need to.

Four minutes.

What could she do? How would she face her family and friends after leaving Riley at the altar? What - would she just run to Los Angeles and wait patiently in Angel's apartment until he returned? What then? Rejection she thought bitterly, raising her small hand to rub gentlythe scar he'd left, marking her.

But somehow, the thought of being rejected by Angel made her happier than vowing to belong to Riley forever.

She glanced at the small clock resting almost innocently on the dresser. Three minutes left. What would her decision be?

Her gaze dropped to the bottom of the light yellow curtains, allowing her eyes to trail up and see the window, the tree outside, and what would be her escape if she chose it. She cared for Riley deeply, she didn't want to hurt him, or disappoint her father, or let down the guests. He loved and respected her, and needed her so much he would never leave her side until they day they died. What was left? Wasn't that enough?

The actual question should have been _why_ it wasn't enough.

Suddenly the choice became very, very simple as Buffy carried her skirt, walking to the window and forcing it open. She looked down, the full realization of what she was doing finally hitting her. She was choosing. For the first time, the decision was finally hers. And she knew it was right.

Quietly, as stealthy as a thieving goddess in the night, Buffy slipped out her window, reached for the tree and, without looking back, jumped, landing on the grass with a quiet thud and rush of satin and silk. With a whole minute to spare.

And as she ran, the hem of her gown brushing up against the cool grass, she ran straight into the arms of the only thing and the only reason and the only love she ever knew. Nearly sobbing with relief, she drew her arms around him and hugged him tight, whispering her thanks to him for never giving up on her. "I love you so much," she breathed. His arms circled her waist and he planted a sound kiss on her forehead.

"I can't believe you left," he told her amazedly. "Why?"

She laughed, and he smiled, comforted by the way it danced down the streets. "You. Because on one side there were all these reasons, and then on the other side there was just you. And that was enough. It was everything and all I needed." He released his arms from her and instead cupped her beautiful face in his hands, kissing her. It was light, and soft, and so full of love she melted into his arms, trying to keep herself from breaking.

When their kiss ended, he pressed his forehead against hers and chortled. "I love you." Her smile grew even wider as his words reached her, as she remembered the letter.

"I love you," she answered back, pressing her lips against his in a gentle caress. She stood on her toes, looking over his shoulder and finally realized that they were standing in the streets, just outside her house, a few yards from her backyard where Riley was waiting for her. "We should go." Her voice was urgent, and he understood her concerns. Beaming, he took her into his arms, lifting her and carrying her to where his car was.

Everything _was_ unreal that night. And for the rest of the nights and days they spent together. Because everything was wonderful, perfect, ethereal, matchless, and everything else in between as they rode into the moonlight. And for the rest of eternity after that.

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