SIDE NOTE : HAPPY BIRTHDAY Shirlz!!
DISCLAIMER : I don't own Joss I don't have any money, but I have many secret identities so if you sue me I can flee! Ill Flee dammit! But for the record, please don't sue.
AUTHORS NOTE : This is kind of a badfic, but I'm really proud of it, its in response to this challenge posted by Shirlz. I did all but three of them, whew!
THE CHALLENGE: Must include 4 or more of the following: (if you're really crazy you can use them all!!) Jheira and Kate fighting over Angel (one or both can die - know which I'd prefer!)
Lilac Corncob finding out about Buffy & Angel in an unusual manner (the weirder the better!)
A main character (who normally doesn't) drinking blood
The Oracles
Chains
Leather
A bull whip
Madonna's song 'Crazy For You'
A one night truce between the vamps and the Slayer's team (any reason you like!)
A love letter left in an unexpected place
A spork
Champagne, strawberries and cream
A black Ferrari Testarossa
Members of the BA Fluff/RKHU/Sporks lists
A G I Joe doll
Joss Whedon (with or without Acid/Crack!)
Bessie the Cow

"I'm going to kill you, and your little dog too!" Riley screamed.

"We need a deadly transfiguration spell, now Giles. Lets turn him into a rat, a cow....ANYTHING!" Xander said, his teeth and fist clenched in a homicidal manner. Glancing at a leather bull whip in Giles weapons closet and briefly thinking about using it on Fishboy, he was disrupted by the TA's bastardious screaming.

"And I thought normal Riley was bad.... I swear...."

"Xander," Giles started as he popped another bottle of aspirin to drown out the pounding drums in his skull, "We...we have to remain clear headed in all of this. The remains of a Vergona demons psychological influence will be hard to vanquish. So we shall have to bear with...this...din, for now."

In midst of Riley's incessant mind numbing babbling, Buffy, who had been relatively quiet through the ordeal, spoke, her teeth also clenched. "Giles....Giles, please. Explain how the Vergona's possessing powers work. I mean, I killed it already!" Suddenly, the chosen one stood from her place on the couch. Searching frantically around the room, her eyes fell on the watchers TV. In a fit of rage, she grabbed it and threw it out the window.

"Augh! I don't know how much more of this I can take!" she growled in full on slayer fight mode.

Backing away slowly, Giles looked at his crazed Slayer, then the chains that were holding Riley down, then at the blanket covering the tranquilizer gun. Shooting a silent look at Xander, his eyes warned him that if Buffy went off the deep end the two men would have to use it on her.

"Bu-ffy! My dear! My dear princess!" Riley screeched in a singsong voice, "I'd have to say, sleeping with you has been such a new experience! I mean, my first time sleeping with an actual woman that is. Bessie couldn't hold a candle to you!"

"That's it! Xander! Get me a f*cking stake!" Buffy screamed as she threw her boyfriends GI Joe doll across the room.

Giving her Mr. Pointy, Xander cautiously reminded the chosen one, "But Buffy, Rileys still a human, not a vampire..."

Growling, Buffy's eyes took on a murderous red color, "Well...You'd Be Surprised How Many Things A Stake'll Kill!"

"Die Die Die!" she shouted as the plunged the stake into her demon possessed TA's heart.

Covered in blood, she threw the stake on the floor. "Oh and by the way! Size does matter, it doesn't happen to every guy, and it is a big deal!" she yelled at the stabbed body.

Suddenly, though stabbed, a bloody Riley stood up, a hurt look on his face.

"Well I'm sorry for not being as...well endowed as some, but that's no reason to get nasty!" Riley said, as he took his last breath and fell on the floor.

Rolling her eyes, a fiery eyed Buffy replied, "Its not how much you got, its how you use it! And BY THE WAY, I'd take a sip of champagne, and some strawberries and cream with a good book over another wasted 5 minutes of screwing you!"

Pausing for a moment, the Slayer continued to let out all of her repressed anger.

"Oh and I forgot to tell you. My last boyfriend was a vampire, 220 years older than you, recovered homicidal killer and I'd fuck him over fucking you any day of the week!"

Suddenly, Buffy realized that her ranting had gone into a little too many personal details than she had intended, and she looked around the room, embarrassed. Her eyes grew wide in relief when she saw that Giles and Xander had left the room during her rantage.

But her eyes bulged when she realized who had entered the room during her little speech.

"Angel?" Buffy's voice squeaked, hoping he hadn't heard too much of what she had said.

What are you doing here?" she continued, lowering her voice to a normal pitch, blushing furiously.

In shock, his eyes also bulging, Angel replied, "Uh...um..th...the Oracles sent Doyle a...a...vison. I came to see what was up. But I see you're fine..."

Blushing furiously, Buffy just stuttered meaningless words, not yet recovered from the shock of realizing what he had heard.

Looking into her eyes, not paying any heed to her embarrassment, Angel looked longingly at Buffy, feeling the stirrings of love that he had long since buried.

"I..I'd better go," he said, knowing if he stayed there any longer he would have to take her in his arms.

Before she had a chance to reply, he had gone. But not before she saw him leave an envelope in the mailbox.

Rushing to it, she took out a scented package with Angel's artistic old style writing on it. It was addressed to her, she saw as she took in its fragrant scent.

Opening it, she saw more than a dozen letters written to her, one for every day since he had left her.

"Angel," she whispered in awe to the empty hallway, tears filling her eyes.

As she was about to open the first letter, dated one day after Graduation Day, she was interrupted by sounds of violent fighting outside.

Sighing, deciding to put her duty as the Slayer above her own personal wants for 5 minutes, she stepped outside to the road to see what was up.

She was shocked when she saw one anorexic looking scale woman with purple eyes fighting a pudgy looking blonde with blood dripping from her mouth.

The blonde screamed, "You don't stand a chance now that I've drank this special blood Jhierra. You Bitch! Angel belongs to me!"

Taking out a prong looking thing and smiling evilly, the Kate continued, "I also found out what kills you. Be prepared to die!"

Taking out a gun and shooting the scaly girl in the leg, she took the prongs and snapped her spine, glowering over her as she triumphantly looked at her opponents now withered body on the road. But unbeknownst to the bitchy cop, a Mack truck came from behind her and crushed even her pudgy body to a pulp.

From a distance, an indifferent Buffy frowned quizzically.

"Well, that was weird."

Still staring at the road, Buffy saw a black Ferrari Testarossa pull up to the apartment. Her slayer hearing picking up sounds of a struggle, she ran over to the Ferrari to see what was the matter.

Suddenly the car door opened to reveal the love of her life, Angel, being strangled by a man...

He was a man she knew to be Joss Whedon, but Buffy didn't know why she knew him, or how, but she just did.

"Joss get off of him now!" the Slayer screamed, grabbing the acid craving executive producer by the collar. Throwing him onto the road, Buffy smiled as she saw him lose consciousness.

But as she saw her traumatized shaking Angel, her smile turned into a concerned frown.

"Baby, are you OK?" she asked, hopefully hoping that Joss hadn't done anything evil to him.

"H...h...he" Angel started, "He said that he was going to make you fall in love with Spike, then he was going to make me fall in love with some slutty actress." Still shaking slightly, Angel looked seriously into her eyes. "I'll never leave you again. I'm here to stay this time, no matter what he writes in the scripts OK?"

Tears filling her eyes, she grabbed his arm and pulled him into the car, her tear filled eyes taking on a mischievous glint.

In the car, the two made love because they missed each other so much after months of being apart.

And in the distance, G, Serena, April, Cynamin, Felicity, Shirlz and the rest of the members of BA_FLuff stood there, smug smiles on their faces. Walking over to the unconscious body of Joss, they gripped their sporks triumphantly, their smiles growing eviller and wider.

Their work was not yet done.

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