Stare Into the Abyss

by G

DISCLAIMER : I dont own these characters. Joss whedon, the wb and fox do.
SPOILERS : slight sanctuary


"So you're just going to walk away?" Angel's voice resonated in the mansion.

The night was dark, the only other sounds in the room the cackling flames of the fireplace. It dimmed the room, cloaking Angel and the lost Slayer in the shadows.

"Why not, you did once!" Buffy shot back in righteous fury. "I can't deal with this Angel. I can't deal with you, I can't deal with anything anymore. I do NOT need you in my life, especially now. We made a decision, we stay away from each other, remember?"

Her gaze never broke, the intensity of the Slayer shining in her hazel eyes. Her ability to reduce Angel to ashes with a glare... In 7 years, that never changed.

But it seemed everything else about her had. Gone was the youthful innocence, the light-hearted freedom of her past. Lost to the sands of time was her compassion, her spirit. That was lost when Giles had died, brutally tortured and dismembered to the likes of violence that Buffy had never encountered before.

The Slayer had seen death, seen gore beyond her years, but she had once still managed to show compassion for harmless creatures of the night. That Slayer died that cold October night, and from her ashes rose the new. Ruthless, brutal and deadly. A demon was a demon, it didn't matter what kind.

Except the one standing before her. Angel. The one demon she couldn't bring herself to slay.

Long moments passed as she regarded her once-love. He hadn't changed at all. A long black trench coat adorned broad, strong shoulders and a well muscled body. His hair was still dark, spiky. The only difference was in his eyes.

The lacked to coldness they held since the night they parted ways. The night he told her to go home, that she was no longer welcome in his city. That she had no place at his side.

The sound of his voice interrupted Buffy's thoughts of the past.

"A lots changed in 7 years, Buffy. We've both changed..." Angel trailed off, "But you know what hasn't?"

"What?" Buffy bit back, coldness reverberating in her voice.

Angel took a step forward, looking down on his lost love. Stroking her cheek, he whispered. "I still love you, Buffy. I never stopped," He took in a breath, "and I want us to be together..."

Tears streamed down Buffy's face, her emotions at war within herself. "Why?" she shouted, unwilling to let her rage go. "Why now? Nothings changed. You're still a vampire, I'm still a Slayer... And every minute I spend with you is a minute I'm NOT spending to dust you!"

Angel's eyes wavered in pain. "You don't mean that."

"You think I don't mean that? I'm a vampire slayer, or have you forgotten?" she spat out, taking out a stake from her sleeve. "I should, be slaying."

The vampire took no steps to defend himself. His voice harsh, he continued. "Don't... Don't do this, Buffy." Angel lowered his eyes, "Look at you, look at what's happened to you! Is this what you want? You think this will let you find peace?"

"Oh, and we all know you're all about finding peace, aren't you? 'Saving souls' wasn't it? Something I'm not apart of? I don't want your help, I don't need your help." Taking a few menacing steps forward, Buffy continued to lash out her anger.

"You want to be together? Well guess what? I don't," she spoke, waving the stake in his face. "I can't love a vampire, Angel. Not anymore."

"I heard about Giles," he started, his voice soft and full of compassion. "It wasn't your fault, there was nothing you could do."

At the mention of her watchers' name, Buffy begun to walk away.

"You really are going to walk away aren't you? What are you going to do, slay some innocent demons? Whistler, maybe?" he asked, raising his voice, "Giles wouldn't have wanted that."

Her back facing him, Buffy let out a strained reply.

"Well Giles is gone..."

Angel stepped up to her, gently grabbing her shoulders. "I love you, Buffy. Let me help you," he watched her turn around, "Don't let it end like this." he begged.

"Angel," she choked, barely above a murmur, "I'm sorry... I can't do this anymore. I can't - I can't..."

She struggled to continue. "Please," she pleaded, "Please, just say goodbye..."

He said nothing, only standing there, his vision clouded with unshed tears.

Time stopped, as Buffy kissed him on the cheek one last time.

"Goodbye, Angel," she whispered sadly, turning around to face the night. Closing her eyes, letting the emotions overcome her, she stood.

After an eternity, Buffy Summers stepped out of the mansion, out of her love's life forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wandering astray in the streets of Sunnydale, Buffy stopped at a small bench, breaking down in tears.

She couldn't take this anymore. Life, love... Remembering the words of another Slayer, Faith was right. Nothing did make sense, there was nothing but pain, and hate...

Nothing made sense anymore, even her own ruthlessness scared her. No longer did the things that go bump in the night frighten her. Yet Buffy was petrified. What was she turning into?

Someone once said if you stare into the abyss long enough, the abyss stares back at you... If you fight evil long enough, do you start becoming evil? The place in her heart that once held compassion was replaced by a growing hate... a bitter darkness...

*I'm a monster...* Buffy thought, unable to deny her greatest fears. In that moment, the Slayer lost herself to the darkness.

Clutching the stake with a new-found conviction, she pointed the stake towards herself. Looking up, into the moon, the stars one last time Buffy cried her final tears, the last screams leaving her voice as they mingled with the still night.

Finally, she was free.

The End

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